Surrender To You (17 page)

“Did Stefan…?” I couldn’t even finish the question.

She nodded, her eyes going soft with sympathy. “He didn’t give specifics, he just said there was more to it. We understand everything. How anyone could be mad at you for that would be beyond my understanding!”

“Thanks, Penny. I’d like that. I’ll call you later okay?”

“Sure!” She gave me a hug before heading off in the other direction.

I just sighed in relief that I hadn’t run into Stefan instead and finished shopping.

However, as I pulled up in the driveway, I realize I’d spoken too soon. Stefan was sitting on the front porch and lifted his head from his hands as I got out and shut the car door.

“What did you plan to do, sit there all day until I got back?”

“If I had to, yes.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, standing a few feet away from him, scowling. Afraid he would touch me, afraid he wouldn’t. Still angry, still hurt yet desiring him so much it hurt. I wanted to hate him for hurting me as much as I wanted him to just take me in his arms. I fisted my hands, my nails biting into my skin in order to keep from touching him.

He looked like shit, his red eyes giving away the fact he probably hadn’t slept well in days. At least he knew how I felt, although I’d slept really well last night for the first time in a week.

I turned and went to my trunk, pulling out my groceries. Stefan showed up beside me and pulled out the rest before closing the lid.

“Uh, thanks.”

We were inside and heading to the kitchen before he spoke again. “I’m an idiot.”

“Duh.” I started putting the groceries away, making sure to avoid looking at him or being near him. He stood near the door, not really daring to come inside, his hands shoved in his jean pockets.

“I wasn’t sure you were getting my messages.”

Slam, slam, slam.

The cans of tomato sauce hit the counter as I put them down with more force than necessary. I heard him sigh and smiled to myself.

“How many times am I going to have to apologize, Ellie?”

At that I turned around, glaring at him. “As many times as it takes, Stefan, and then perhaps some more. What you and her did was inconsiderate. How
you
finally had to tell me was just fucking ridiculous. You should have told me
before
you were forced to!”

He flinched, his face reddening at my reprimand.

“You shouldn’t have come here. I’m not ready to even consider forgiving you, let alone talk with you like a civil person.”

His expression clouded as his jaw tensed. “What you meant to say is that you obviously can’t be that hurt since you already went on a date with what’s his name.”

“Considering you went and fucked
what’s her name
in no time after I left, you can’t really talk can you?”

He stormed toward me, his fists clenched. “You slept with him?”

I laughed at the incredulity in his voice. “His
name
is Simon and it’s none of your business!”

“In that case, her name is Grace and it’s not any of your business!”

With that, I slapped him.

As his hand flew up to his cheek and mine covered my mouth, he laughed.

Laughed.

“Feel better, honey?”

I pointed toward the door. “Get out.”

He put a hand on either side of me, trapping me against the counter. “Not a chance,” he whispered, our faces so close now that our noses nearly touched. “Do it again.”

What? He wanted me to hit him again?

He must have seen the question on my face, his smile growing wider. “Yep, do it. Hit me, if it will make you feel better, heal the hurt. I’m just warning you though, it won’t.”

My shoulders sagged as I sighed. “No, you’re right, it won’t. So please leave.”

“I can leave your house Ellie, but its kinda hard to just push me out of your heart isn’t it? Not so easy. And its not easy for me to just let you go. I don’t want to give up, or for you to give up. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you right away. We can’t work this out if you won’t talk to me.”

Refusing to cry, I closed my eyes and childish as it was, covered my ears with my hands. “Go away, damn you! Haven’t you done enough. Leave me alone!”

It only worked to muffle his words, not block them out completely.

“Ellie…you can block your ears to what I have to say, and you can close your eyes to avoid seeing me, but you can’t keep your heart from loving me. In one instant, I did something that forever changed my life, but how long will you punish me for it? I get it, you’re angry. You’re hurt. Be angry. Be hurt. Date that guy if you must. But you know where to find me honey and you can be damned sure I’ll be waiting for the moment you’re in my arms again. Because you will be. We belong together and you know it.”

I opened my eyes to glare at him, unblocking my ears to shove him away with my arms and he stepped back. “I’m not punishing you for what you did then. I’m not even punishing you now. You did this to yourself when you didn’t have the guts to tell me in private, before you took me to that hospital. Now get out.”

He didn’t say anything else, just leaned in and kissed my forehead before turning around and walking out.

~*~

“Do you think you’re punishing him for then or now? Or both?”

Simon and I were sitting on my love-seat, our knees touching as we faced each other. It had been near ten when he’d finally gotten off work and called me to see how I was. Embarrassed over the night before, I invited him over and he offered to bring food. Then, we’d talked about our day and now here we were, talking about Stefan.

I put the container of sweet and sour chicken down, sighing. “I admit, I’m hurt over the fact it was her. Out of everybody, he had a child with her. I don’t want to be angry about it. I have no right, but I am.”

He put his down as well and scooted over, putting his arm along the head of the sofa behind my head. “I don’t think you necessarily have
no right
. After all, she was your best friend and continued to act the same all these years, holding back vital information from you.”

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “True. I’ve yet to talk to her about all of this and I’m not sure I ever want to.”

“While Grace might deserve that, her daughter doesn’t. She knows you as her aunt, doesn’t she?”

“How do you know that?”

“At the hospital, she mentioned you. How she was having her party and she was finally going to meet her aunt Elizabeth in person. She went on and on about it, much to Grace’s embarrassment. I gathered that much.”

I groaned, covering my eyes with one arm. “I totally forgot about her party! They’ll both be there, I’m not sure I can handle it on my own.”

“What about bringing me? Or would that be too weird?”

I turned my heads toward him, my mouth falling open before I snapped it shut. “Are you serious? Bringing you is like…” I paused, searching for the right words. “They’re practically my family. It’d be like announcing that we’re dating to them.”

His free hand slid under the one on my lap, threading our fingers together as he leaned closer. “Hmm, dating.” He looked up at the ceiling for a moment before meeting my eyes with his. “Is that dating as in, going on dates but not actually being a couple, or is that the boyfriend and girlfriend type of dating?”

I knew the mischievous grin on his face meant he understood exactly what type I referred to, but he wanted me to say it.

His mouth was inches from mine and I wanted him to kiss me. I wouldn’t make the first move though. At least then, if we kissed, I could say I wasn’t the one who had initiated it. I still felt guilty for liking him so soon after things happened with Stefan and wasn’t sure where to go from here.

I licked my lips, his eyes darkening as they dropped down to gaze there. “It would be a serious declaration,” I whispered, my mouth suddenly dry. “You’ve no idea the kind of questioning you’d get from them.”

He laughed, the sound low and sexy, then lightly kissed my cheek. “Wanna play a game?”

“What kind of game?” We were both barely speaking now, the words spoken on a breath of air.

“Simon says.”

My eyes jerked up to his, even as the deliciously devilish grin spread across his face.

“The rules are, you do what I say, as long as I say ‘Simon says’ - I’m sure you remember this game, don’t you?”

“But—”

He put one finger over my mouth. “Simon says you aren’t allowed to talk unless I tell you to.”

I scowled at him but remained quiet, the idea of playing the game oddly appealing as it made my stomach clench.

“Now,” he said as he removed his finger. “Simon says to ask me to go with you to the party.”

I didn’t know whether to be amused or turned on at the way he commanded me with this game. Amused, I played along.

“Simon, will you go to this party with me?”

His eyes practically danced with amusement. “Yes, I would be honored.”

Removing his hand from mine, it skimmed up my leg and to my waist. His hand stopped there, resting lightly. “Now, Simon says you have to kiss me.” His hand tightened on my midsection as I opened my mouth to protest. “Ah ah, you know the rules. You have to do what Simon says. And I know you want to. But if you don’t kiss me, I can’t know that you actually like me.”

I gulped even as he just sat completely still, watching me.

“It’s just a kiss, Elle,” he reassured me. “You may think I kiss like a frog, but you can’t know if you don’t try.”

“I’m not sure…”

“Our lips are inches apart, you’ve only got to barely move forward—”

I brought my hands up to his shoulders, stopping him in mid-sentence and smiled as his eyes widened.

Then it dawned on me. Simon wasn’t sure I liked him romantically and didn’t want to be the first one to make a move.

“Simon didn’t say—”

“Simon should shut up,” I advised as I slid my arms around his neck and touched his lips with mine.

He smiled against my mouth, his arms circling my waist, enclosing my body inside of them.

My first thought was that it was entirely different than when Stefan and I were together.

With him, kissing and touching was explosive, like a passion neither of us could control. It started out as instant hotness, our bodies aching to be together as quick as possible. Our fervor matched his temper in its fierceness, it’s refusal to be denied no matter what lay between us.

The feeling with Simon was similar to turning the heat on and having it slowly warm up the room, or a blaze started in the fireplace that slowly builds up until the flames are so high they are licking the chimney. Soon, I knew I would be aching to touch that fire, no matter if it burned me because it was just that irresistible.

I wiggled to get closer and seeming to recognize what I wanted, he pulled me onto his lap so I straddled him. His hands didn’t stray from around my waist though and I sighed into his mouth as I pulled away enough to speak.

“Touch me.”

His arms tightened around me and I felt him flexing his hands, gripping the back of my shirt almost desperately.

“I can’t,” he ground out. “If I do that, I won’t be able to stop and I’m not that kind of man.”

I froze and looked him straight in the eye, lifting a brow. “Not the kind of man…to what? Have sex with the girl he ‘Simon said’ into becoming his girlfriend?”

He grinned even as his face reddened. “Uh…well,” he swallowed and I felt my mouth drop open. “Yes.”

“You aren’t saying what I think you’re saying are you?”

I’d give it to him, he was brave. His eyes never strayed from mine as he nodded.

Handsome, funny and kind Doctor Simon was a thirty-seven year old never married virgin.

Oh boy.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I started to get up off his lap, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

“No,” he objected, tugging me back down. “Please stay.”

“How—what—” I didn’t know what to say, or what to do with my hands. I finally decided to place them back on his shoulders, which seemed innocuous enough. I sat very still, almost statue-like.

“Relax, Elle,” he said soothingly, gliding his hands up and down my sides. “You can’t catch it.”

I tried to suppress a giggle and failed.

Then he started laughing and I let out a breath, my body softening. “Okay now that we have that awkwardness out of the way, I can explain if you want.”

Hearing the restraint in his voice, I could only guess at the depths of his self-control when it came to his obvious self-imposed virginity. Tilting my head to the side, I admired him with what I hoped was a calm demeanor. “Yes, I do.”

His mouth quirked in amusement at me, but he glanced away, as if suddenly lost in thought.

“My father was a horrible womanizer. My parents used to fight all the time and when I was ten, my mother got fed up and divorced him. I later found out that he’d pretty much cheated on her their whole marriage, and even beforehand. This was later though. He demonstrated his ways to me when I’d go visit him and it seemed like every other week, he’d have a new girlfriend over while it was his time with me.

“So many of them were just with him for his money, others actually started out thinking he was a great human being until he dumped them within weeks of meeting them. I was disgusted by his behavior but visiting seemed like the ‘right’ thing to do. Eventually though, I got to the age where I became so busy that I used school and other things as an excuse not to visit. I also became very determined not to become him.

“In order to keep my promise, I stayed single all through high school, then college although that was more because I was too busy preparing for med school. Got into medical school and wanted to do really well, plus not stress anyone else out with my schedule. By the time residency ended, I had hit thirty and started working.

“I finally started going on dates, but none of them ever went anywhere. One thing or another would prevent us from going out, or they’d find someone who could give them more of their time, etcetera. Then I moved here and until I met you, I’d only been on two dates, both with women who never called me again.”

He sucked in a breath as he looked back at me.