Authors: C.S. Janey
“I guess I’m waiting.”
“Waiting for what honey? I’m here, you’re here. What else do you want?”
I sighed, tears clouding my vision. “A moment I suppose. Something that will let me know I’m doing the right thing, the good thing…for me.”
Silence followed my statement. I laid my hand on his arm, closing my eyes. A few seconds later, he wrapped me in his arms and squeezed tightly.
“One specific, profound moment isn’t what you are supposed to spend your life looking for Ellie. Your life should include a billion different instances; ones that include all the people who matter most to you and only you.”
He took a deep breath before continuing as a tear fell and slid down one of my cheeks.
“Those moments should be the ones you etch into your mind and think about - not the ones where things were bad or didn’t go the way you thought they should. The only moments that matter are those that you
give
importance too.”
I knew the words were true. I’d always told myself that the only thing that mattered was what I made matter to me, but I’d forgotten that. Even so, the part of me that still hung back in fear was my heart. Fragile, it made me hesitant because I didn’t know if it could handle another heartbreak, no matter the source.
“You’re important to me, Ellie. Hell, you are and always have been a very big part of my life. I’ve never loved anyone before you and if you left me for good, I’m not sure I’d love anybody after that either.”
I took a steadying breath, even as my eyes still released tear after tear. “How can you say that? I pushed you away, enough to make you leave me. Why didn’t you hate me for it?”
“I knew you were hurt. I didn’t know why honey, but I simply couldn’t watch you destroy yourself. And you wouldn’t let me help you.” He stroked my hair with one hand, the other still wrapped tightly around my waist. “Hating you isn’t possible for me, sweetie. You’re in my heart, in my head and I’m pretty sure at some point you bit me and put yourself in my blood, too.”
I laughed at that and he chuckled.
“There’s nobody else for me honey. And the sooner you realize that…” he trailed off with a smile.
“I know.”
And I did. Yet I still couldn’t say the words I knew he was aching to hear. I refused to unless I knew for sure that I meant them. When the phone rang, he answered it with a wink at me.
“What’s up?”
I couldn’t hear well enough to determine who the male voice belonged to, but figured it must be one of his brothers.
“Yeah, we will be there.” A pause, then, “Yep, see you then.”
He hung up and grinned. “Evan. Penny is inviting us over to brunch and I said we’d go. That cool?”
“Do I really have a choice?” I mock scowled at him as he chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, guess I better get dressed.”
I tried to get up, but he refused to let go. Holding my chin between two fingers, he brushed a kiss against my lips and my eyes fluttered shut as I sighed. He pulled away and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me.
“Look…we need to talk later.” Surprised at his statement, I frowned as my stomach twisted and he rushed ahead. “Don’t make that face. I…I want to enjoy brunch with you and my family before then, okay?”
Unsure of what to say, I nodded even as the anxiety over what he might want to talk about shot through my head and my heart, unbidden and unstoppable. Then, before I could really analyze anything, he rolled over and covered me head to toe with his own body and made me forget about everything else except him.
~*~
We arrived at Penny’s house, and I found myself pleasantly surprised. She lived a bit out of town, on a small road that boasted of big houses that were really far apart and each had lots of land. Last I knew, she had lived in an apartment in town.
“When did Penny move here?” I asked Stefan as we walked around the side of the brick house.
Apparently, the backyard housed the brunch - and therefore, all of Stefan’s siblings. I was nervous about spending an extended amount of time with his family. They hadn’t seen me since the funeral, when Yvette had accused me of putting myself in Liliana’s good graces for selfish purposes.
“About a year ago, actually. She got sick of renting and began searching for something she liked. Then, this house went up for sale and she fell in love.” He grinned at me and I smiled back, unable to help myself when it came to him. “So I helped her purchase it.”
The gate to the backyard opened, cutting off our conversation as Penny appeared and hugged Stefan.
Turning to me, she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed until I gasped for air.
“I’m so glad you’ve come home, Ellie! Now Stefan will quit whining!”
I laughed as Stefan groaned beside me.
“Come in!” She stepped back. “Everybody else is here!”
Stefan grabbed my hand and interlaced our fingers before walking through the gate. I caught Penny’s swiftly disguised look of surprise, replaced by a smile and a wink at me as she closed the gate and followed.
Perhaps this won’t be too bad,
I thought.
Then again, things always seemed to go downhill when around them, no matter my good intentions.
As we approached the picnic table, Evan sat in a lawn chair, while Yvette and Adrian sat on one bench. Jerome lay in the grass, staring up at the sky. Penny sat on the opposite bench as we both considered where to sit and patted the spot next to her.
“Sit here, you two,” she ordered. “There’s enough room for both of you.”
Yvette glared at me before looking away. Stefan and I took our seats, our hands still clasped together.
“Where’s brunch? I’m starving,” Stefan announced, rubbing his stomach in an exaggerated manner. “I burned off a lot of calories this morning already and my breakfast wasn’t big enough to make up for it.”
His siblings groaned as my face heated with embarrassment. I elbowed him in the side and he grunted.
“Just trying to lighten things up,” he whispered after leaning close to my ear. “They’re so quiet, it’s creepy.”
They were. Yvette’s refusal to look in my direction meant she stared away from the table in general, while Adrian looked down at his hands. Nothing new for him though as he’d always been rather anti-social. Jerome still lay on the ground not talking and Evan hadn’t even looked in my direction. No doubt Grace had told him I’d seen them together the other day.
“This is depressing,” I said out loud before realizing it. “Do we get music at least?”
Yvette’s eyes flew to mine just as Penny laughed nervously. “You’re always welcome to leave,” Yvette snapped. “Nobody made you come.”
I refused to let her attitude get me down. I replied with a smile, “Stefan made me actually. He tied me up until I agreed.”
Yvette’s eyes widened, shifting her gaze to her brother who just started chuckling.
“Knock it off, Yvette,” he warned. “I want her here.”
Her face flushed as she glared at me again before looking away once more.
“I’ll go get the food,” Penny announced, standing up abruptly and rushing away.
“Hey Evan! How’s it going?” I called out, hoping to draw him over to us.
However, even after he brought his head up to look at me, he didn’t really move all that much.
He shrugged. “I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep that well.”
Yeah, I bet he didn’t. He apparently spent his nights having sex with Grace followed by sneaking out of her house in the early morning.
“Why’s that? Got a girlfriend that won’t let you rest?” I knew that teasing him probably wasn’t a good idea but I couldn’t resist. I didn’t understand why they were hiding their relationship and was determined to find out.
He stiffened almost imperceptibly, his blue eyes that were so like Stefan’s flying to mine.
Next to me, Stefan snickered. “Evan hasn’t had a girlfriend in years. Been too busy working, he says. I don’t know what he’s talking about since he isn’t
that
busy and we work at the same damn company.”
The others laughed, with even Yvette joining in that time. Evan scowled and ducked his head. I almost felt guilty for the fact my comment caused his family to tease him. Almost. Something just wasn’t right and I couldn’t shake the feeling I was missing something important.
I tugged my hand from Stefan’s, needing to get away for a few moments.
“I’ll be right back. I need to…” I trailed off as Stefan nodded, knowing what I intended to say.
“Go through the back door and past the kitchen, it’s on your right side, first door.”
En route to the house, I stopped as Penny stepped out with a tray of cold cuts and cheese.
“Do you need any help?” I asked.
She shook her head and I smiled at her before stepping inside. Drying my hands on the towel a few minutes later, I exited the bathroom to head back outside. Jumping when a hand grabbed my arm as I entered the kitchen, I squealed in surprise.
“Shhhh,” Evan hissed. “It’s just me.”
I whirled around and glared at him. “Don’t fucking come up on me like that!”
His face paled even as he grimaced. “I’m sorry, I forgot.”
“Too worried about saving your own ass, I assume.”
He gulped and nodded. “So you do know. You won’t say anything, will you?”
“No!” I huffed. “I don’t get why you guys are being so weird, though. Grace says it’s because you don’t want to say anything. Why not?”
“You mean he hasn’t told you?” Now he was scowling. “What the fuck!”
Taken aback by his response, I lifted one brow. “Told me what exactly? He said they aren’t close. What am I missing?”
“He—”
Just then, Stefan burst through the kitchen door and looked straight at me.
“I’ve gotta go Ellie! Uh…” he saw Evan and smiled, but he couldn’t hide the worry on his face. “Can you take her home man? Emergency.”
Evan threw his hands up and stepped back. “No fucking way bro. I’m not touching this!”
He stalked past me and into the other room, leaving me feeling rather bewildered. Knowing that something important was going on, I forced myself to focus on Stefan and his sudden need to leave. I could get more answers later.
“What emergency?” I asked. “I’ll come with you.”
He rubbed his hand over his hair, letting out a deep breath before looking at me.
His phone rang again, interrupting whatever he’d been about to say. “What?”
I jumped at the bite in his tone as he answered it, but he wasn’t paying attention.
“I’m on my way dammit. I can only go so fast. How do you expect me to drive if you keep call—-”
The stormy look on his face on grew deeper as the person on the other end cut him off.
“You’ve got
no
room to talk right now,” he barked into the phone. “You knew all this time and you lied to me!”
He listened for another second. I stood there, totally confused at the conversation. Who had lied to him?
“Yeah she is.” Another pause then, “I said, I’m on my way. Bye!” He put his phone in his pocket and then waved at me. “All right, let’s go. I’ll explain on the way.”
I followed him as the anxiety from earlier this morning came back full force, making me feel nauseated.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The silence only lasted for a few minutes once we’d gotten into his car. Too curious to keep my mouth shut, I angled my body toward Stefan’s as much as the seat belt would allow and let my questions fly free.
“Where are we going?”
“Hospital,” he replied, his fingers gripping the wheel tightly. “It’s not far away.”
I rolled my eyes even as I took in his stiff form and clenched jaw. “I know where the hospital is. Who is hurt?”
He shifted, uncomfortable with my question but I knew he’d answer. He’d said he would and he did, unhappiness written all over his face and the tension in his body. “You remember the phone call you asked me about when I came to see you?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been afraid to tell you,” he sighed. “I…I wasn’t sure how you’d react and I wanted to get you back here before you found out. I’m still not sure, but I’ve got a feeling it will not be good, especially knowing what I know now.”
The anxiety from earlier rose in my throat.
“Okay, so you’d always planned to tell me then?”
He nodded. “I did. I had no intentions of hiding it. I just…I had an idea of what kind of mess this would create and there’s just no way to avoid it. Except I know it’s much worse than I could have imagined. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve…”
Now it was my turn to sigh. “Just spit it out, Stefan. You’ve already proved how irresistible you are to me. It can’t be that bad.”
He laughed, and I could hear the disbelief in it. “That’s the thing, honey. You are so damned unpredictable. I don’t know
how
bad you will think it is. You are going to feel betrayed. And I’m sorry.”
Ugh, now I really felt sick. Betrayed? Him saying sorry right off the bat? Fuck.
“Promise me something?” He placed a hand over mine. “Promise me you’ll let me explain before you freak out.”
Taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly, I nodded. “Okay.”
Squeezing and releasing the steering wheel with his other hand a few times, he finally blew out a breath and relaxed his grip. “I have a daughter.”
I snatched my hand away from his as if I’d been burned, staring at him, my eyes wide with shock. “Excuse me?” It came out as a whisper.
I wanted to jump out of the car right then. I wanted to scream and yell. But I didn’t, because I’d promised him I would listen.
“I have a daughter,” he repeated, the word less forceful this time. “She’s at the hospital right now. She hurt herself.”
“W-what…how…” I stared at him, utterly confused and yes, hurt. “Daughter? But…”
I didn’t even know what to say.
Stefan gave me a sad smile as he broke the silence.
“I told you on the trip here…I did some stupid shit. I drank, I partied, I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t sleep around though. This was…it was a one night stand. It’s not an excuse but we both got so wasted, she came on to me and I was so hurt that I didn’t care. I took her up on it.”
A low hum of anger filled my chest. I cried, unable to stop the tears sliding silently down my cheeks. He didn’t look at me, his face red with what was no doubt embarrassment at his confession. I didn’t understand his motivation right now, so I decided to ask.