Surrender To You (13 page)

“Why would Stefan care? Wouldn’t he be happy that his brother is happy?”

“He’s…” she licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Evan isn’t ready to tell his brother yet. I told him we should, but he insists that he will when he’s ready.”

“Oh, I see.” I really didn’t. I just couldn’t think of anything else to say. “How long has this been going on?”

Her face filled with color even as she looked down at her hands. “How long? Uh…well, about two years now.”

I jerked my head back in shock. “What? You’ve been keeping it a secret for
two years?
”

Grace’s lip quivered and I knew she was about to burst out crying. “Yes. Please, you can’t say anything.”

“Why the hell not? Why would Stefan care? You haven’t answered me.”

“We’re just not ready to tell anyone. Please?”

She continued to beg me, avoiding my questions. Confused and quite frankly hurt, I nodded even though I didn’t want to agree. I stood up. “I’ll pass on the tea. I’ve gotta go,” I said as I turned toward the door.

“Okay. Thanks,” she whispered behind me. I didn’t look back.

As I got into my car, I couldn’t do anything except shake my head and wonder what the hell had just happened.

According to Stefan, him and Grace weren’t even close. Perhaps that had something to do with it? Did they have a fight or something that he didn’t think was important to tell me about?

Putting it in my things to discuss with Stefan later, I drove home to put the groceries away before making the visit to my mother that filled me with dread.

~*~

“Hello darling! Come in!”

My mother’s cheery greeting at the door made me suspicious. I didn’t let on though, choosing to smile and walk past her.

“Hi mother. I hope all is well with you.”

Ugh, I hated myself at that moment. I sounded all proper and more like a friend than her only daughter.

She just smiled at me and took my arm, leading me toward the living room. “How was the trip?”

As she sat on the couch, I took a seat in a chair across from her. “It was fine.”

She nodded, not saying anything else as her leg shook nervously.

I knew the feeling. I took a deep breath and leaned forward, using my knees as a rest for my elbows as I put my head in my hands.

My mother sniffled. I jerked my head up to find tears streaming down her face.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

Her eyes, so like my own, were the saddest I’d seen them since my father had left. And they were focused on me.

“You know,” I stated. “But who…?”

I didn’t even need to finish the question. I knew that Richard, Stefan’s father, had told her.

“Can’t I do anything on my own without people divulging my personal stuff before I get the chance to?”

She shook her head before glaring at me through her tears. “Why wouldn’t you tell
me
, Elizabeth? What made you refuse to confide in me, when I’ve always been there for you?” Her voice quivered, the pain at my unintended rejection of her never more clear than in that moment. A pain I’d heard over the years and had willfully ignored. “I’d have been right by your side!”

At the sting of tears in my own eyes, I stood up and walked to the couch, sitting next to her.

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was just so ashamed…”

She cut me off. “Oh shush! You have
nothing
to be ashamed of!”

And for the first time since my teen years, my mother hugged me and I let her. Wrapping my arms around her, we cried together.

~*~

After a bout of crying and many tissues later, we made our way into the kitchen to have lunch. As my mother made some food, I sat at the table and enjoyed seeing the smile on her face.

I still didn’t know how I would tell Stefan. Figuring my mom might have some insight, I decided to ask her. “You knew Stefan was coming to get me, didn’t you?”

“The whole town knew where he was going honey,” she replied, grinning. “How did it go?”

I knew my face was flushed. Even though I knew I was an adult, admitting to my mother that Stefan and I had jumped each others bones within two hours of him arriving seemed embarrassing. “You mean besides the fact he tricked me into a road trip?”

She threw her head back, laughing. The joy in it had my heart squeezing with guilt again. “It is kind of funny,
now.
But I was pretty ticked.”

“Well, I’m on his side.” Mom brought the salad and sandwiches over to the table and sat down. “It was long past time for you to come home. I just wish I’d done it myself.”

Seeing she was getting teary eyed again, I patted her hand. “I’m here now. That’s all that matters, right?”

She nodded and began eating. It was quite for a few moments until I spoke again. “He doesn’t know. I…I’m supposed to tell him tonight.”

“Just tell him straight up, Elizabeth. He’s a good man and he loves you. How you could have ever thought otherwise is beyond me, especially since he hounded me for years to give him your number.”

I shook my head. “I never thought
he
didn’t love me. I just didn’t love myself after that.”

“In that case, always love yourself darling, even if it hurts. As long as you believe in yourself, what others believe won’t matter as much, if at all.”

I was the one with the watery smile then. “Thanks mom. I know he deserves the truth. He always did.”

She sighed then, putting her sandwich down and covering my hand with hers. “Just remember, it’s been five years and you’ve both probably done things that you perhaps regret or wish were different. Be open and honest. Let him be that too and be kind to yourself and to him, okay? Not everybody gets a second chance with love.”

Somehow, I got the feeling there was a warning about Stefan in what she was saying. I also figured that it was all she was going to say by the fact she started eating again. Nodding, I followed suit and ate my lunch. The rest of the time passed with a comfortable silence that had me wishing I’d done this years ago.

And wondering what I’d been so afraid of. Perhaps telling Stefan wouldn’t be so bad after all.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The television blaring, I jumped up with a yelp as a hand landed on my shoulder. Jerking my head around, Stefan stared back at me, the grim look on his face illuminated by the overhead light.

It had gotten so late that I hadn’t expected his arrival. Looking at the clock, I glared at him as I turned the television off and took a calming breath. “You scared the crap out of me! It’s ten p.m. Couldn’t you have at least sent me a text to let me know you were coming over?”

Not saying a word, he loosened his tie and sighed. He looked yummy. I’d never seen him dressed up in a suit before -
 
must be something he’d picked up when he’d became a business owner - and I wanted to do nothing else but jump his bones. Pulling the tie off, he dropped it onto the couch and shrugged out of his jacket. Then, he picked up my phone, which was sitting on the side table, and handed it to me.

“I texted you about ten minutes ago,” he finally responded, starting to unbutton his shirt. “It’s not my fault you had the TV up so high you couldn’t hear anything else.”

I held up a hand, not even bothering to look at my phone. “Wait. Why are you undressing right here?”

He grimaced and removed his shirt. “I hate these suits. I’d rather be naked.”

Resolving not to stare at his chest, I scowled and looked down. “What, you think you’re staying the night?”

“Yes.”

“How presumptuous of you.”

“Really, Ellie? Are we back to that?” I could hear the weariness in his voice and suddenly felt guilty for giving him crap. “I have no reason to come here since my place is closer to town. I could have not come to see you. Would you have preferred that?”

I shook my head and he walked around the sofa. Gathering me in his arms, he sat down on the sofa and placed me so I faced him, straddling his lap.

“You promised we would talk tonight so…let’s talk.”

I gulped and lick my lips as my stomach knotted. “It-it’s late, we could always wait until tomorrow.”

His hands slid up my bare legs before gripping my thighs gently. “No, Ellie. It’s time and I’m wide awake now.”

Placing my hands flat against his chest, I avoided his eyes by closing mine.

This is it, Ellie. Do it.

“I…I didn’t just get hit in the head,” I finally said as his hands rubbed up and down my legs in what I assumed was supposed to be a soothing manner. “There was more.”

His whole body tensed under mine as if he knew what came next, but I forged ahead before he could say anything.

“I didn’t remember anything other than getting hit - I still don’t. Everybody…” I took a deep breath to steady myself and keep from crying. “Nobody saw anything out of the ordinary so…I didn’t get anything else but my head checked out.”

“Ellie…” He lifted a hand to grip my chin and I jerked my head up to find tears filling his eyes. “You were—?”

I cut him off and jerked away, standing up. “Yes! I never meant to hurt you, dammit! Your mother, she begged and begged me to tell you when you got home, but I just couldn’t do it!” I knew I was shouting now, but I didn’t care. “I didn’t want to face you and tell you I only knew I’d been raped because I got pregnant!”

He sucked in a breath, his eyes going wide as he spoke. “Why not? You didn’t trust me?”

“No!” I shouted. “Don’t you see that it never had anything to do with you, for fucks sake? I was ashamed! Somebody had done something to me while I was knocked out and I had no idea! Then to find out I was pregnant and knowing I couldn’t keep—that I couldn’t handle—” I couldn’t even finish my sentence, the words practically choking me now.

At that he stood up and stalked toward me, grabbing my upper arms in his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut and as I saw the tear roll down his cheek, I started sobbing even harder.

“You should have told me, honey,” he whispered, dragging me into his arms and hugging me tightly. “I never,
ever
would have left you if I’d known. I swear.”

“I-I t-tried, I did!”

I really had. I’d started so many times only to end up deflecting with something that had ended up pissing him off.

He stroked my hair. “I know you did. I should have been more patient.”

“Please…don’t blame yourself. You…you couldn’t have known.”

This whole thing had my energy sapped, making me tired and weary. My head lay against his chest as he took a deep breath and sniffled.

I’d only ever seen him get emotional like this once and it had been the day he’d finally left me.

Lifting my head, I brought my hands up to wrap around his neck.

“I’m exhausted.”

He didn’t even say anything. And I didn’t need to say another word. He picked me up and carried me to bed.

Something told me that we were gonna be all right and as I lay next to him snuggled in his arms, I slept more sound than I had in ages.

~*~

The next morning I woke up rather early.

Still wrapped in Stefan’s arms, I lifted my head to look at the clock across the room.

Six thirty a.m. on the dot. On a Saturday. I wasn’t shocked though because my body had gotten used to waking up this early for work these past five years.
 

I tried to figure out a way to slip out of his grasp without waking him. He’d thrown his leg over one of mine, with one arm around my waist and the other under my neck. It was almost our signature sleep position and amazingly, we always woke up the way we fell asleep. Well, except me, since I’d go from lying on my right side to waking up on my back.

Turning my head, I examined him. His breathing was deep and even, his mouth slightly open. I knew that if he was to wake up right now, his already dark blue eyes would be nearly black from sleep. A slow grin would make its way across his face as his hands would begin to roam my body, ready for a morning session of lovemaking that would leave me breathless.

I tried to lift his arm off my waist and it wouldn’t budge. Stretching, I rolled toward him with the hope he would release me and his arms tightened instead.

Drat.

His low chuckle gave away the fact he wasn’t asleep although his eyes were still closed.

“You can’t leave. I’ve gotten used to cuddling you again while I sleep,” he murmured. “Besides, you’re all warm.”

Using his one hand to lift my leg while inserting his leg between mine, the other grasped the back of my neck and brought my head toward his. I closed my eyes as his lips met mine before I could reply.

The kisses were slow and sleepy, making my toes curl. Other than the hand holding my leg, he wasn’t touching any other part of me, my body turned on to the point of pain. His mouth made quiet love to mine, the pad of his thumb stroking my cheek lazily.

He withdrew slowly, capturing my eyes as a corner of his mouth quirked up. I was unable to look away, held hostage by the naughty glint in his. Here I laid next to him, vulnerable and exposed in a way I’d never been before. The fight I had put up hadn’t been enough and he barged right back in, slowly claiming the spot in my heart that he’d always had, and more.

“What are you staring at?”

My attempt to be defensive seemed to amuse him as his smile grew wider.

“You think too much honey,” he laughed. “I can practically hear your brain going.”

My face heated. He slid closer to me, bringing our bodies flush against the other and resting his head on my shoulder. The soft kiss on my shoulder made me shiver. My body desired him and my heart wanted give in to him, but my head still warred with both. I knew why I fought it and I kept it to myself. I knew that surrendering to him with all of me only left me open to be hurt again. I didn’t know if I could bear it.

“Stop struggling, Ellie.” His voice demanded in my ear before nibbling on the lobe. “You don’t have to be moving physically for me to know how you feel. I
know
you and I know how your brain works. Why are you so afraid of what we had, of what we could have now?”

He was an amazing man. I hadn’t said a word, sighing in his arms as he did sweet things to me with his mouth, and yet he knew what was going on inside my head. Licking my lips, I forced myself to respond.