Sweet Contradiction (22 page)

was finishing off a bowl of apple jacks when Jen walked into the kitchen the next morning. She was all dressed for church in a pale blue floral dress and white cardigan. She sat her purse and Bible down on the kitchen table and grabbed a fruit bowl from the fridge.

“Maybe I should stay home with you today,” she said. She looked torn, but I knew she went to church every Sunday, I knew Matt did too, and I didn’t want to be the person to hold any of my friends back from being true to their own faith, their own selves.

“No you shouldn’t,” I answered sternly. “I am a grown woman and I don’t need you here.” She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off. “I won’t allow it, Jen. I’m fine and I’m so very glad Matt wasn’t hurt worse yesterday. I think I’m going to go and do some thinking alone today anyway. I need to think.” Jen searched my face and sighed.

“I’ll be home right after and then we can talk.” I nodded at her and reached over to squeeze her arm as I went to wash my bowl. I stood at the sink and gazed out over Jen’s backyard. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I knew just where I needed to be that morning.

After Jen left half an hour later, I dressed quickly and hopped into my old truck and made my way out to the river where we’d been the day before. I was surprised that I didn’t feel any anxiousness as I walked over to our picnic area and then to the spot where I’d been when the little boy, Billy, had fallen into the water.

I kicked off my flip flops, pulled the hem of my sundress up to my knees, and sat down on the grassy embankment where I had been sunbathing the day before. I let my feet dip into the cool water, leaned back on my hands, and let my head fall back until the sun shone down directly on my face. I breathed in as I closed my eyes. The water rushing by at my feet, the birds singing their tunes in the trees, and the scent of nature on the light summer breeze calmed me like nothing else could. Out here I felt more in my element, more spiritual and at peace than I did anywhere else. I cleared my throat and sat up. I ran my fingers along the water, loving the coolness against my skin.

“I’m going to feel like such an idiot for doing this,” I muttered beneath by breath. I glanced around nervously before laughing at myself for being such a goon. “So I’m just going to throw this out there,” I said softly as I watched the water rushing by. “I’m not here to make peace. I’m not here because I really believe in anything in particular.” I snorted. “I really have no idea what I’m doing or what I believe. I just felt like this was something I needed to do.” I shrugged and continued on. “It’s just that yesterday when I thought that Matt was going to ….”

I stopped and took a deep breath as those moments replayed themselves with eerie clarity in my mind. “When I thought he was going to die, some things became very clear to me. First of all that I have been focusing all my hate into one thing, and that was God and religion. I realize now that I don’t hate you. It’s not your fault my dad is a twisted idiot who uses religion as an excuse to terrorize and manipulate. For me to lump all Christians and all religions into one heap because of my experiences isn’t fair. It isn’t fair for me to judge a whole group of people just because of one man. But more importantly, it isn’t fair for me to allow this cloud of impending doom to hang over the relationship I have with Matt because he believes in you. It’s okay with me that he believes in you. I know that Matt isn’t my father and what makes him amazing isn’t the fact that he believes any certain thing or that he lives any certain way. What make him so amazing is who he is deep within his soul. And my soul recognizes his on a level I don’t even fully understand, and I don’t want to screw up what I have with him because of my fears and prejudices.” I watched as a bird swooped up onto a branch close by and eyed me suspiciously. I grinned, poor bird probably thought I’d gone a bit loopy.

“Anyway, I’m not saying you’ll see me in church or buying a Bible any time in the near future or … well,
ever
. But, I’m willing to lay aside my differences and keep an open mind if it means I can be more at peace with Matt’s spirituality,” I whispered. A voice didn’t ring from the heavens, lighting didn’t strike me down, and I didn’t start an apocalypse, so I figured I’d take that as a good sign. I kicked my feet in the water and sat there listening to nature’s melodies with my heart feeling just a little lighter. A long while later, I slipped my flip flops back on and climbed into my beat up pick up and made my way slowly back home with my window down and the wind whipping through my hair.

When I pulled up to the house, the sun was already starting to set. I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten and Matt’s truck was sitting in front of the house. I jumped out of my truck and hurried to the house. I swung the door open and found Jen, Matt, and Hunter all standing in the living room. Matt was still dressed in black slacks, black boots, and a white button up shirt from church that morning. His sleeves were rolled back and a few buttons were undone at his collar. He rushed over to me and grabbed me by both arms.

“What’s going on? What’s happened?” I asked, my eyes searching the stressed faces around me. Hunter groaned.

“I told you, Matt. I told you she wouldn’t just leave without saying anything.” Jen sat down tiredly on the sofa. I met Matt’s gaze and frowned.

“You thought I’d skipped town?” I asked. Matt’s eyes were wide, his mouth in a thin line. He’d been worried I’d just up and left him … even after the day before. I put a hand on his cheek and sighed deeply. I pushed the hair away from the stitched gash on his temple. His hands still held me in a tight grip. “I’d never do that to you, babe,” I murmured softly. A vibration went through him as he relaxed. He pulled me roughly to him and kissed the top of my head.

“I’ve never been so afraid of losing someone,” he grumbled. I looked up into his worried gaze.

“You’ll never have to worry about me getting scared off again,” I said from my heart. The truth of it echoed in my words. “How could I leave behind something I love so much?” I whispered. He sucked in a breath, his eyes wide in wonder. His smile warmed me straight through and his lips showed me exactly how much hearing those words meant to him. When we pulled apart, Jen and Hunter were looking anywhere but at us. I blushed.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d leave town before we heard about ….” I flung a hand towards Jen and her eyes widened and she shook her head in a quick, jerky movement. I clamped my mouth shut. Hunter narrowed his eyes and glance between Matt, me, and Jen, his narrowing into dangerous slits.

“Before you heard about what?” he asked in a low, dangerous tone.

“Nothing,” Jen said quickly. “It’s not important.” Matt cleared his throat and shuffled uncomfortably. He didn’t like to keep things from his brother.

“How about a cold coke?” I asked the room.

“Sounds good, I’ll go with you to get them,” Matt answered. As I left the room I mouthed
I’m sorry
to Jen from behind Hunter’s back. She waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Tell me what’s going on Jennifer.” I heard Hunter growl as I walked to the back of the house. Awe crap, this wasn’t going to end well.

“Where
did
you go today then?” Matt asked as he pulled two cold cokes out of the fridge and popped the caps off on the edge of the counter. I leaned up against the counter and took one from him.

“I went back to the river,” I answered softly. Mat’s brow rose and he came over to stand in front of me.

“What made you do that?” he asked softly. I shrugged lightly and took a sip of my coke.

“I just needed to be alone and the river seemed like the perfect place to be. Had a little heart to heart while I was out there, too.” His eyes sparkled as he put his coke down and then placed both his hands on my hips. I sucked in a breath and put my coke down next to his.

“Did you now?” he murmured against my ear. I nodded as a shiver raced up my spine and heat pooled in my stomach. His hand skimmed up my arm and then hooked gently into my hair. He buried his nose into my hair, caressed my jaw line, and then the sensitive skin behind my ear. His teeth nibbled on my earlobe and the next thing I knew he had lifted me onto the counter and fitted himself between my legs.

“Tell me again why you wouldn’t leave me,” he whispered huskily against my neck. I groaned and smiled saucily at him through my lashes when I answered.

“Because I love you, Matthew Wright.” Matt growled and captured my lips with his and I melted into him. Matt pulled away reluctantly when we heard the front door slam. He kissed me once more on the lips before grabbing me and swinging be down from the counter top.

“I love you too, Elizabeth Michaels,” he whispered. “Now, I better go and get my hot headed little brother to calm down.” I nodded. I’d need to check on Jen too. We walked together back into the living room. Jen was still sitting on the couch, her eyes riveted on the carpet. “I’ll see you both later,” Matt muttered. He kissed me quickly before heading out the front door. I came around and sat next to Jen on the couch. She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Jen, it was a stupid thing to do.” Jen shook her head.

“It’s not your fault. I should have told him before, I just don’t want people to worry in case it’s nothing.” She cleared her throat. “And if it is something, I don’t want to be treated like I’m dying,” she said fiercely.

“You’re not dying, Jen,” I said gently. “You’ll see when we get the test results. You’ll see,” I repeated. Jen sighed sadly.

“I’ve been so tired lately,” she whispered so softly that I barely heard. “I thought it was just all the stress of the funeral and stuff, but, it’s getting worse, not better. When my mom ….” I made a sound of distress. “One of the first things she went through was extreme fatigue,” she breathed.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” I said gently. “It could be anything.”

“You’re right, and we’ll find out either way tomorrow, so there’s no need in worrying over it.” She exhaled.

“Exactly. So, let’s take this coke and turn it into an ice cream float,” I said, yanking her off the couch with me. Jen grumbled as I pulled her through the house.

“I swear I’m going to gain a hundred pounds with you living here.” I laughed and swatted her butt. She squealed.

“You could use a few more pounds anyway. Now, get the ice cream out and I’ll grab the glasses.

“Aye-aye, capt’n.” Jen saluted.

Ice cream was an effective distraction from all the worries that were plaguing us—a welcome one.