nineteen
Salty air, heavy with the threat of an early evening thunderstorm, blew across Seth’s face. Honor strolled on the beach beside him, her expression faraway and solemn. Years ago, she would have told him what was on her mind. Dealing with secrets had been part of her job, but when it came to sharing herself with Seth, she’d been totally open. He, on the other hand, had shared as little as he could get away with.
The dinner with Honor’s mother had been enjoyable. The pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and corn bread had been out-of-this-world incredible. What had surprised Seth was how much Honor had eaten. When she’d seen him gawking at her second helping of mashed potatoes and gravy, she’d laughed. “I’ll be overloaded with carb guilt tomorrow, but somehow I can’t make myself care about that right now.”
Beverly Stone apparently thought she’d made her point with the bedroom because she had treated Seth like an honored guest during dinner. Her questions and comments had been related only to current news events. Not once had she asked about the case he and Honor were working on together or said anything about breaking her daughter’s heart.
Watching Honor and her mother together had given Seth a rare insight into Honor’s life. The love and respect were obvious, as was the ease they had with each other. In a way, it reminded him of the big, boisterous Cavanaugh gatherings of the past. Though the noise quotient was often at decibels above what the human ear could handle, the enjoyment they had in one another’s company more than made up for the pain. Seth could document to the day when that atmosphere had changed forever.
Pulling to a stop, Honor faced him and asked quietly, “Want to talk about it?”
In the past, he would have come up with something glib or tried to take her mind in a different direction by kissing her. Not that he didn’t want to kiss her right now, but not having to hide behind a façade anymore felt damned good.
“I was thinking about my family … comparing mine to yours.”
“In what way?”
“About how easy you and your mom are with each other. We used to be like that.”
“What changed it?”
He shrugged and looked out at the ebbing tide of the ocean, his mind on a past he couldn’t change. “The setup for my undercover job … the accusation of taking bribes. There was no way to prepare my family for that. No way to assure them that I really wasn’t the dirty cop the press was portraying me as. My dad probably took it the worst. He’d been so proud of me, becoming the first policeman in the family.”
“Did your family believe you when you told them you didn’t take the bribes?”
“Yes. I knew they would, but the rumors hurt.” He shrugged. “We’d always been so damn lucky. No major catastrophes or illnesses. Hell, even my great-grandmother was still alive then. We sailed through life without the typical angst of divorces, teenage pregnancies, drugs, infidelities. All of those things that tear families apart didn’t exist for us.”
Her expression gently understanding, she said, “You think you started it all, don’t you?”
“Hard not to think that. A month or so after the accusations, I quit the force, as planned. Broke my family’s heart, because to them it looked like an admission of guilt.
“When I opened the restaurant, things settled down and the family was excited about my new venture. But still, the atmosphere at family gatherings was different.” He shrugged again. “Like we’d lost something … maybe an innocence. Not long after that, my great-grandmother died. She was elderly and it wasn’t unexpected, but it’s like I started the ball rolling and it hasn’t stopped since.”
“Other than Kelli’s disappearance, what else has happened?”
“Let’s see. Two divorces, one affair, a DUI, and one shoplifting charge. And that’s just the stuff I know about.”
“You can’t seriously believe you’re responsible for these things.”
“I know I’m not responsible for other people’s bad decisions. I just hate being the first one to tarnish the Cavanaugh name.”
“For a damn good reason, too.”
Seth couldn’t help but grab her and hug her tight. Of all the people who had a reason to defend him, Honor should be the least likely. But again, Honor Stone was not an average, ordinary human being. He’d known that the moment he’d met her. There was something pure and bright about Honor. An untouchable goodness.
Burying his face in her hair, Seth breathed in a subtle fragrance he’d always associated with Honor. He’d never been able to identify it and she’d sworn she never used anything special. Nevertheless, it was a scent he’d never been able to forget.
She tightened her arms around his waist and flattened her body against him. Arousal surged hot and urgent. She groaned and rubbed against him like a cat seeking warmth. Cupping her butt with his hands, he pressed into her softness, loving the sound of her increased breathing in his ear.
“We’re not exactly alone,” she whispered.
Yeah, he’d known that, but hadn’t really cared. Getting Honor in his arms made everything else secondary, including having an audience.
“Don’t suppose we could go back to your mom’s house and send her to the movies, could we?”
She pulled away from him, laughing. “My mom has heard every excuse from my brother and me. She’s never fallen for one yet.”
“Can we go someplace? To be alone?”
“Where are we going with this, Seth?”
Dropping his arms, he stepped back. Hell, that was a question he hadn’t wanted but one she had every right to ask. Where was this going after they found Kelli? The sex between them was as hot as ever, but so much had changed. He wasn’t the person he used to be. A washed-out ex-cop with a run-down beach house, a fishing boat, and absolutely no future.
“You’re right.” Ignoring her searching eyes, he gazed over her shoulder at the seemingly endless ocean. “I’ll see you back at the house. I’m going to take a walk.”
He turned away and didn’t look back.
Honor wrapped her arms around herself as she watched Seth’s long strides take him farther down the beach. She could stop him, tell him she didn’t want promises. Tell him whatever he needed to hear just so he’d hold her close, kiss her, and make love to her. She could tell herself that she could have sex just for the pleasure, but lying to herself had never been her thing. As she’d told him yesterday, sex with Seth could never be meaningless.
And there was another issue she hadn’t yet faced. One he’d asked about earlier and she had purposely avoided answering. She hadn’t forgiven him for what he had done to them. Yes, she could understand his reasons, but that was a long way from forgiving. He had deliberately misled her. Not only that, he’d gotten involved with her knowing full well it wouldn’t last. For a woman who’d been making life decisions for herself well before the norm, having Seth arbitrarily decide her future not only infuriated her, it insulted her.
Her mother’s words returned to taunt her self-righteous anger:
You weren’t an FBI agent to him. You were the woman he loved
.
The buzzing cellphone in her pocket was a welcome distraction. Torturing herself over the past was her least favorite pastime.
She checked the screen: Aidan. When she and Seth had left Tampa, he’d been headed to Pennsylvania to get information about the college student who had been found dead. There was no real reason to suspect that the abductions were related, but everyone wanted to be sure.
Holding the phone to her ear, she began walking back toward her mother’s house. “Are you in Bellefonte?”
“Just landed. Had to fly commercial, so it took longer.”
“What’s up?”
“Just something that came to mind I wanted to ask Seth. He’s not picking up his cellphone. I thought you might be able to reach him.”
Honor jerked around, looking where Seth had headed. Reception on the beach was often spotty. “What do you need? I can ask him for you or get him to call you.”
“You and Seth are taking some downtime together?”
The gentle amusement in his voice would have stirred her ire if it was anyone else. Not with Aidan. From the moment they’d met, they’d teased and joked with each other like a brother and sister would. Considering that Aidan looked liked a sun god dropped from the sky and could be as charming as he could be deadly, not being attracted to him seemed ludicrous. But there it was.
“We’re staying with my mom.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Now, don’t get your bloomers in a bunch. I figured there’d been something between you two. Neither one of you is very good at hiding those heated, furtive looks.”
She snorted. “Did you really have a question to ask Seth or did you just call to needle me?”
She could almost see his grin as he said, “A little bit of both.”
“Then what’s your question.”
“I wanted to ask him if he’d looked beyond last year for any similar disappearances.”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask him, but I would think the Bureau would have done that.”
“Probably did, but since they don’t even think the most recent disappearances are related, why would they think others were?”
He had a point there. “Okay. Let me see if I can find Seth. I’ll call you back.”
“Did you lose him?”
Honor closed the phone without answering, but her answer would have been yes. She’d lost him a long time ago.
Seth looked down at the folders they’d spread out on the dining room table. He’d met Honor on the way back; she’d been looking for him. He hadn’t even realized his cellphone wasn’t working. That had been a reminder he shouldn’t have needed. Going over mistakes he had or hadn’t made wouldn’t do a damn bit of good. Finding Kelli and the other girls had to remain front and center. Yeah, the downtime had been a nice change of pace from the breakneck speed of the last few days, but now he needed to get his head back to where it should be.
“Noah’s checking missing persons records going back ten years.” Honor stood on the other side of the table from him.
Seth shook his head. “I can’t believe I didn’t search further than last year.”
“You were focused on finding Kelli, not looking for a multitude of abductions.”
“Aidan say how he came up with the idea that there could be more?”
Forgetting that it was after one in the morning, Honor pressed a button on her cellphone. “Let’s find out.”
Aidan answered on the first ring. “What’s up?”
“Hey, I’ve got Seth here. We were wondering why you thought there could be more related cases.”
“No real reason other than if no one even thinks these cases are related, how many more of them could there be? What if the guy didn’t just start this last year?”
“Noah’s checking back over the last ten years,” Honor said.
“That should give us something … if there are any. I just got to my hotel room. I have an appointment with the detective in charge of the case tomorrow morning. I’ll call you after that with an update.”
“Okay, thanks.” Honor closed the phone and looked at Seth. “So, seems like it’s more just a supposition than anything else.”
“The man’s got good instincts.” And because he couldn’t leave well enough alone, he said, “Something going on between you two?”
“Yes, I’m sleeping with you and him, too.” Bright jewels of golden-green fire seared him. “Why would you even ask that?”
Well, hell. He used to be better at keeping his stupid thoughts to himself.
“You have an affectionate rapport with him.” He shrugged. “Sorry. None of my business.”
Hurt dimmed the brightness of her eyes. Again, he’d said the wrong thing. Hell, he needed to get some rest before she kicked his ass out on the street. “I’m running on no sleep,” he added.
Looking like she wanted to say something but wouldn’t, she glanced at her watch. “It’s almost two. Let’s get some sleep and then hit it hard again tomorrow. If Noah does get some leads, we’ll head back to Tampa.”
Gathering the folders, he stacked them together and turned away, then turned back and picked them up again. One more review couldn’t hurt. Yeah, he knew them almost by heart, but in the mass of notes, police reports, and theories, there damn well had to be something they were missing.
Honor watched Seth as he preceded her up the stairs. The folders in his hand told her that sleep wasn’t exactly on his mind tonight, either. The man needed rest. His question about her and Aidan had infuriated and hurt her until she’d noticed his glazed, bloodshot eyes. He was running on adrenaline and nothing more. She knew how that was. You said and did stupid things.
So, after she’d followed him up the stairs, she stopped in front of his room and, blaming it on her own exhaustion, said softly, “Sleep with me tonight.”
Whirling around, he stared at her. “What?”
“If you go in there, you’ll stay up all night, reading those files. You need to get some rest.”
Sensuality and arousal erasing the exhaustion from his face, he advanced toward her. “So sleeping with me is really for my health?”
Okay, so that hadn’t been the best come-on line in the world. Hell, what was the use in pretending? Why not just lay it all out and if he couldn’t accept it, that would be the end of it. “Fine. I want you, but I don’t know that I’ll ever forgive you.”
Stopping inches from her, his mouth hovering so close that she felt his breath on her face, he asked quietly, “And if I told you I want you more than my next breath but sex is all I have left to give you … what would you say?”
The warning bells in her head went on shutdown. “That for now … tonight, I don’t need any more than that.”
Seth settled his mouth against hers. Groaning, Honor wrapped her arms around him and let the world fall away. Regrets would come later—acknowledgment of her weakness, maybe even a promise never to let this happen again. But for right now, in Seth’s arms, she didn’t care about any of that.
His mouth lifted slightly. “Your bedroom or mine?”
“Mine,” she whispered. “Yours is directly over my mom’s.”
Surprising her, Seth lifted her into his arms and in five long strides was at her bedroom, carrying her over the threshold.
He dropped her feet to the floor and then closed the door behind them. The click of the lock was a signal to both of them. Here, inside this room, it was only them, only the present. Neither the past nor questions of the future existed. Only need consumed by desire would give them peace. Peace she’d only ever been able to find in this man’s arms.