Sweet Nothing (25 page)

I hung the gas nozzle back on the pump and pressed the heels of my hands against the top of the car. I needed a second to get my head right before climbing into the car next to the girl I was trying to marry.

“I just wanted to look good for your parents.”

Rubbing my palm against my stubbled jaw, I spoke without looking at her. “I know, baby. I’m just … a little stressed.”

“If you don’t want me to meet your parents—”

“It’s not that, Avery. It’s my mom. She’s going to make this weekend hell.”

“I can handle one weekend.” She touched my leg. “Nothing she can do will ever change the way I feel about you. You know that, right?”

I recoiled from Avery’s sympathetic frown. Her feeling sorry for me was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want her settling for the pathetic paramedic with a sad story instead of choosing Italian leather and a house in Alapocas. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, that fantasy sparkled in her eyes every time she looked at Doc Rose.

“Josh,” she prompted.

“I may have … downplayed Mom’s drinking problem. Last time I saw her, she could barely function.”

“Oh …” She fell silent.

“It’s okay, Avery. You didn’t know. I didn’t tell you how bad it was. I haven’t told anyone,” I said, sighing.

“Josh—”

“It’s not a big deal, Avery. I should have told you. It’s just a tough topic.”

“But it is … a big deal,” she said. “If you want to talk more about it, you can trust me.” She blinked her big green eyes, hopeful.

From the beginning, my past had been off limits. To Avery, talking things out made everything better. “Trust has nothing to do with it. I just don’t want to keep reliving it.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but saw me readjusting my grip on the steering wheel. I started the car and headed to the on-ramp of I-95.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.”

“I know you want to help, baby, but there isn’t much to say.”

“You’re stressed. I just thought that maybe talking about your mom would make you less worried about seeing her.”

Stepping on the gas, I hurried to get up to speed with the other drivers. I drifted in and out of the passing lane as my memory was assaulted by visions of my childhood.

“She never recovered from losing Kayla. Their marriage suffered because of it. Nothing was the same after that. It was bad, and then it got worse. A lot worse. She turned to vodka, and he turned to other women.”

Avery’s fingers pressed into my leg. “That’s awful.”

I tossed those words around in my mind.
Awful.
Was it?
She had checked out of our lives years ago. Not only had she withdrawn from me when we lost Kayla, but she had completely ignored my father. He was hurting too, and she had forced him to grieve alone. I didn’t blame him for seeking companionship from other women. He had suffered as much as she had, but he had been forgotten.

“He never blamed me. Not once.”

“Because you were a little boy, Josh.”

“They should have gotten a divorce a lot sooner than they did,” I said, picking at the steering wheel.

“Maybe they were afraid to lose anyone else.”

I glanced over at her, seeing a familiar, old hurt in her eyes. “Dad was finally able to make peace with the fact that his family could never be the same. That’s when he bought our first Mopar, a sixty-eight Dart GTS in Rallye Red with a 383 Magnum. We worked on it together every free moment we had. She was beautiful. When she was finished, Dad sold it and bought a sixty-nine Frost Green Road Runner with a big-block. We found comfort in restoring old cars. It was cheap therapy. I don’t know what I would have done without my dad.”

“Do you have to see your mom every time you visit your dad?”

“No, I guess not, but I feel like I should. She makes it harder than it has to be. She blames me, with every drink, every glare, every breath. Probably why I don’t come home as often as Dad would like.”

Avery covered her mouth and shook her head. “I am an asshole. I should have talked to you more before insisting we come here.”

I offered a small grin. “You were right, though. You need to know what you’re dealing with before you shack up with me.”

“That’s not why,” she said, shaking her head. “I just thought maybe … if I met them, somehow things would get better. That’s stupid, I know.” She became more flustered with every word.

I looked over at her, her cheeks pink, her eyes glossed over. I was complaining about having parents when she didn’t have any.

“Jesus, Avery.
I’m
the asshole.” I took her hand in mine, pulling it to my lips and pressing a kiss to her fingers.

“No, I get it.”

“You … you wanna …”

“Talk about it?” she asked with a knowing look. She raised an eyebrow. Damn it if she wasn’t rubbing off on me.

I shook my head and squeezed her hand. “I’m just nervous. You know that, right? I’m honestly not purposefully being a dick to you. If I didn’t think it was important, I wouldn’t be so worried.”

“You’re supposed to be trusting me,” she said, squeezing back.

I glanced over at her and then let my shoulders relax. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

She beamed, and I pressed my foot on the gas.

“I wasn’t sure you were really coming,” Mom said as we stepped inside the living room. I could tell she was as nervous as I was, and the smell of bourbon wafting in the air around her didn’t escape me.

The paint, carpet, and furniture still looked the way it had when I lived there.

“Mom, this is Avery. Avery, this is my mother, Mary.”

Mom grinned, pulling Avery in for a tight hug. “You are a pretty little thing,” she said as she pulled back, looking her over.

I could tell Mom was shocked that the
friend
I had brought home was female. I could have told her I was seeing someone, but I hadn’t called her since the accident.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Avery’s voice shook, but she kept a smile on her face. It occurred to me why she was nervous. She wasn’t judging me, or even my parents. She wanted this to be perfect because she loved me. Guilt panged in my gut from what a jerk I had been for most of the trip.

“I expected you earlier,” Mom said as she made her way toward the kitchen. I slid my fingers in Avery’s and gave her hand a gentle squeeze as we followed. Mom’s back was to us, but I could tell by the sound of glass clinking she was refreshing her drink.

“You didn’t know I was coming until a few hours ago.”

“It’s my fault. I made him stop at least a dozen times,” Avery said.

Mom smiled at Avery, but once she glanced in my direction, her lips pressed into a hard line.

“Well, at least you made it.” She shook her head in disapproval as she picked up a tea towel, folded it, and dropped it back on the table.

“Did we miss dinner?” I asked, rubbing my thumb over the back of Avery’s hand.

Mom laughed. “You know I don’t cook.”

“I’ll order something, then. We haven’t eaten. You have a menu for Wok n Roll?”

Mom pulled open a kitchen drawer, sifting through a few menus before holding one out to me. Avery’s eyes lit up at the thought of Japanese food.

“They don’t deliver anymore. You’ll have to pick it up,” Mom spoke as she swirled the amber liquid in her glass.

“No problem.”

“Are you hungry?” Avery asked, her voice almost shrill.

“Whatever,” Mom said, waving us away. “Just something, I’m not picky.”

I pulled Avery from the house, unable to walk fast enough. Once we sat in the car, Avery touched my knee.

“You okay?”

I nodded, pulling back my cheeks to form some sort of a smile.

“You don’t have to pretend for me. It’s okay. We can leave if you want.”

I looked down. “If you’re looking to marry into a new family, mine isn’t it, Avery. I shouldn’t try to cheat you out of that.”

“You’re my family, remember? And I’m yours.”

I kissed her knuckles and started the engine, pulling out of the drive and onto the road. “We should stop by Dad’s.”

“Is he close?” Avery asked.

I breathed out a laugh. “Just down the road.”

She smiled, and I made a detour to my father’s home. I hadn’t let him know I was coming. Part of me had been afraid that after Avery met my mom, she’d want to go home.

When I pulled off the main road onto the dirt path leading to his trailer, I felt like I had been gone too long. I grabbed Avery’s hand and squeezed.

“You look happy,” she observed with a surprised grin. “Thinking about dinner?”

I parked my car next to my dad’s flat-black Impala and turned off the engine. “But you’re getting ready to meet the best damn cook this side of the Mason-Dixon.”

My father stepped out onto his porch as we exited the vehicle, his grin widening as he recognized who had come to see him.

“My boy,” he called out proudly as he hurried toward me with open arms. I grunted as he pulled me in for a bear hug that knocked the air from my lungs.

“And who is this?” he asked as he pulled back from our embrace.

“Dad, this is Avery. Avery, this is Silas, my father.”

“Wow,” she said. “The resemblance is incredible.”

“Your name is Avery?” Dad asked, fighting a laugh. “You’ve got to be shittin’ me.”

“God has a sense of humor,” I said.

“He sure does. That’s how you got this ugly mug,” he shot back, winking at Avery.

The worry in her eyes had all but disappeared, and she seemed more like the girl I’d fallen in love with.

“We don’t look that much alike,” I said. “My hair isn’t gray.” I laughed as my father hit me lightly on the chest with the back of his hand.

“Watch it, boy. I can still kick your ass,” my father warned. He grabbed Avery in a playful hug, lifting her from the ground as she squealed.

“You wish, old man.”

With Avery’s feet firmly planted back on the grass, we fell silent as he took us in.

“It’s been too long, Josh.”

“I know.” I nodded in agreement as I looked over his old Impala.

“But I see you’ve been taking care of Mabeline.” He nodded his chin toward my car. “I must have taught you somethin’ right.”

“Avery, if he’s half as good to you as he is to that car, you’re one lucky lady.”

She looped her arm in mine and snuggled against my side, and I felt a little taller, seeing her so happy, and maybe even a little relieved to be around my dad.

“He’s a good man. He works hard. I’m very lucky. You should be very proud.”

“I am.” Dad’s smile wrinkled the skin around his eyes. “Did Josh ever tell you about the time he grabbed the neighbor’s horse fence and pissed himself?”

“We gotta get back to Mom’s,” I said, rubbing my hand roughly over my hair.

Avery struggled to keep a straight face.

“You’ll be back before you leave?” His question was more of a warning. I nodded, letting him pull me in for another hug.

Avery spoke up as he released me and embraced her. “I will make sure of it.”

“All right, old man. That’s enough. Let my girl go.”

Dad stepped back as he looked us over, nodding approvingly.

“You did good, son. You did real good.”

“Thanks, Dad, but I already knew that,” I said with a grin. I hooked my arm around Avery’s shoulders and walked with her back to the car.