Sweet Nothing (29 page)

She shook her head.

“You don’t want to wait?” I asked, nearly allowing myself relief.

“There’s been talk at work,” she said, biting her lip.

“Talk? What kind of talk?”

“Michaels mentioned she saw you at Corner Hole the other night when you said you were at work. She didn’t say it to me. Deb overheard her telling someone else.”

I blinked. “I was.”

She looked up at me. “I texted you fifteen minutes before you got home. You said you were driving home from work.”

My mouth pulled to the side.
Fuck.
“I wasn’t trying to lie. I didn’t even think about it until now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going by the bar after work?”

I shrugged. “You’ve never needed me to before.”

She thought about that a moment. “Were you with a girl? A blonde?”

“No,” I said, inwardly cringing. Going to Corner Hole was stupid.

“Avery,” I said, squaring my feet, lowering my chin until she met my eyes. “I want to be with you, more than
anything
. There is no one else, I swear to God. There will never be anyone else but you. You’re just going to have to trust me.”

She hesitated, looking to the floor. I held my breath

“Is there something else?” I asked, a million horrible thoughts racking my brain.

“I hear you talking to her on the phone at night.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear over the hammering of my heart.

“What?” My head turned to the side to hear her more clearly, wondering if I’d dreamed it.

“I wasn’t trying to catch you or anything. I just woke up.”

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby.”

Disappointment shadowed her face. She watched me for a long time. “Is that your answer?”

“I don’t have an answer. You know I’ve been making wedding plans. I told you I’d take care of it, and I meant it. That’s the truth.”

“I’m going to bed,” she said, passing me for the bedroom.

“Baby.” I reached out to her, but missed. “Aren’t you hungry?” I called.

“I’m not hungry,” she said from the bathroom. She closed the door, the light forming a halo around the edges.

I walked into our dark bedroom, standing alone. Frames holding pictures of us that we’d taken over the last year were scattered around the room, on the nightstands, and the corner table where I kept my emergency stash. Avery’s apartment didn’t have room for the hutch, so I sold it. Now I wondered if I should have found a smaller, locking chest. Opening a drawer was too easy.

The shower turned on, and I sat on the bed. I was stuck between telling her the truth to shield her from her imagination, and ruining everything.

I opened the door, seeing her perfect, naked silhouette blurred by the glacier glass. She kept her head under the water, letting it cascade over the hands that covered her face.

I had to tell her.

“Avery,” I said, reaching for the door.

“Please don’t,” she said.

“We need to talk.”

“No. I just want to stand in my shower and process everything.”

“I can fix this.”

She was quiet for a moment, and then she yelled. “Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t want you to fix everything? Maybe I just want it to be right and good in the first place! Maybe I don’t want something that has to be fixed!”

I stood with my mouth open. She’d never yelled at me before.

“O … okay,” I stammered. “I’m sorry. I’ll, uh … I’ll leave you alone.”

“Great,” she snapped.

I backed out, closing the door, and then kicked off my shoes. The clock glowed in the dark bedroom. I had to be to work in five hours and had no fucking clue how I was going to sleep. I peeled off my shirt and jeans, crawling under the covers in my boxer briefs.

The shower turned off, and Avery went through her nightly routine. The door opened, and she fell into the bed, yanking on the covers and turning her back to me. Her wet hair slapped against the pillow, and she let out a long sigh.

We lay in silence for a while, and then I reached back for her, touching my fingertips to her hip. “I can’t leave. I’m afraid you’re going to change the locks tomorrow and have all my shit laying on the sidewalk.”

She didn’t respond.

“I swear to God, I’ve never cheated on you. I’ve never wanted to. Don’t you know how much I love you?”

She sniffed. “Something doesn’t feel right, Josh. I’ve felt this way for a while. I don’t know what it is. Don’t you feel it?”

“Sometimes,” I said, trailing off. I thought about the times when I had to stop and take in the reality around me. Sometimes, sitting with Quinn, it felt like talking to a stranger. Some days I felt like I was at work, but most of my time between moments with Avery were just a blur. “You loving me has always been … I dunno, a surreal thing to me. But that doesn’t mean it’s not right.”

She sucked in a breath through her nose. She was crying now. I turned over. “Avery,” I said, wrapping my arms around her body.

She pulled her knees against her chest. “Just don’t lie to me. Ever.”

“Can you think of anything that would warrant me risking the most important person in my life?”

“Stress does weird things to the best people. Look at Dr. Rosenberg.”

I pushed up on my elbow, looking down at her. Her cheeks were wet. “I used to want to be like him, but that was only because of the way you looked at him. I don’t wanna be anything like him, Avery. I’m going to cherish every second I have with you, and our kids, and our grandkids. We’re going to grow old together, and I’ll look back on all of this and know I honored what we had.”

She reached up to touch my cheek, still unsure. “Tell me I’m imagining things. Tell me Michaels is imagining things.”

I sighed. “I can’t. I did go to the bar. I was talking to a girl. I couldn’t tell you if she was blonde or not; I wasn’t paying that close attention. But we were just talking. I did tell you I was driving home from work instead of the bar. I do talk to people on the phone late at night. But I only want you. Please trust me.”

Avery’s bottom lip quivered, and then she pulled me down to her, locking her wrists around my neck. I dug my hands between her and the mattress, holding her as if she were anchoring me to the earth.

The morning sun poured in through the windows, filling the room with light. Avery groaned. She’d covered for Deb the night before and had just trudged in at three a.m.

I stood, closing the curtains.

“It’s no use,” she said. “I’m awake.”

I rushed back to lie beside her under the covers. “Try to go back to sleep. You must be exhausted.”

“I can’t. There are only ten days left of May.”

I squeezed her tight. “Then it’s June.”

She looked up at me with weary eyes and a sleepy smile. “Then it’s June.”

“Still nervous?”

“I just hope no one is disappointed. It’s just a tiny wedding, no reception.”

“Hey,” I said. “I suggested pizza.”

She tilted her head, tucking her chin. “I’d rather not feed anyone than offer pizza for a wedding dinner.”

I shrugged and smiled. “They are just going to be happy to be there, Avery. They want to share this day with us.”

“I just don’t want it to suck.”

“You really think our friends and family are going to judge us based on if we feed them shrimp cocktails and have an ice sculpture?”

“No, but someone might.”

“Who are these fictional assholes that you speak of and why would we invite them to our wedding?”

Her giggles filled the bedroom, and she finally relaxed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I can’t figure out what this thing is hanging over my head, so I’m making stuff up.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know,” she said, twirling her hair around her finger and looking out the window. “That thing.”

I wondered if she meant the same uncertain feeling that had been plaguing me. Clearly, neither of us was unsure about our relationship. It was something else, and she was feeling it too.

“How are you?” I asked, brushing her hair back from her face.

She smiled, amused. “I’m fine.”

“You know what I mean,” I said, nudging her. “How are you feeling?”

“Like the luckiest girl on Earth.” She grinned against my lips as she slipped her hands around the back of my neck and pulled me closer. Moving the blanket from between us, I slid my body over hers, still wanting her just as badly as the first night we’d made love. Settling my hips on hers, her thighs fell open wider, granting me access.

Reaching between us, she gripped my length, positioning me at her entrance, skin to skin. I glanced over my shoulder at the nightstand, but Avery pulled me down, planting a deep kiss on my mouth. “I want to feel you.” She bit her lip. “Just you.”

Lifting my head to look her in the eye, she nodded before I pushed forward, filling her slowly as she gasped at the new sensation. Her eyes fluttered closed, and I pressed my lips to each eyelid as we began to move together, her nails biting into the flesh of my back.

“It’s like you were made for me,” I rasped.

She sucked in a ragged breath, releasing it against the shell of my ear, causing a shiver to run the length of my spine.

Her hips rose and fell as her gasps grew louder, increasing in frequency as her release began to build. Rolling over, I pulled her on top of me as she kept her chest pressed to mine.

She sat up, raking her hair back, arching her back so I could appreciate her full form. “Christ, you’re beautiful,” I said, running my hands over her soft breasts and down her middle.

Her lip was between her teeth, pressing into the delicate flesh as she adjusted. The movement nearly caused me to finish, and I gripped her hips to give me time to refocus.

A piece of her golden hair fell into her eyes when she looked down at me. For the first time in a long time, she seemed confident, and that thought alone made my dick harden inside her.

I reached up, running my thumb over her mouth. She kept her eyes on mine, pressing a kiss to my skin, and then opened those beautiful lips, sliding them down over my index finger, gently sucking as she pulled away.

My breathing faltered. “For fuck’s sake, woman.”

She smiled. “You like that?” Her tongue ran up my finger again, something new flickering in her eyes. I didn’t dare question what, in case questions snuffed it out.

She pushed against my chest until she was sitting astride my hips, her nipples hardened into tight buds. My grip tightened on her hips as she slowly rose and fell, teasing me.

“I love you,” I confessed for the millionth time, but it felt like it would never be enough. Her movements grew less controlled as her inhibitions lowered. I began to move her with my own rhythm, pulling her hips forward and rolling them back like waves in sync with the pulsing of her body around me.

“I love you,” she whimpered as her hands ran down the ridges of my abs. “So much.”

“Show me.” With those words, she came undone in my arms, collapsing against me in the aftermath of our affection.