Sweet Renegade (19 page)

*Lizette*

Dennis
and I finally get to the hospital after the longest five hours of my life. Between the plane ride and the driving, I am ready to freak the hell out if we take any longer to get there. Racing down the hall toward his room, I can see his mother, brother, and sister all standing just outside his door, talking quietly. Kaden is the first one to notice me, and the look he gives me is less than pleasant. I completely understand his hostility toward me because I hurt his brother. If some woman hurt my brother like that, I’d be pissed at that chick, too.

“What the hell are
you
doing here?” Kaden barks nastily.

I flinch and glance at Regina, who speaks up. “I called her, Kaden,” she says gently.

He swings his head around to glare at his mother. “What for? She broke up with him, so why the hell would she care now?”

“Kaden, please, don’t do this here,” his mother pleads.

I fight back tears, the impact of what I did and who I hurt hitting me square in the face. I will make it up to Beau. I will apologize until I’m blue in the face if that’s what it takes. Kaden grits his teeth and turns back to me.

“Just warning you, he doesn’t want to see you,” he says to me before turning and walking down the hallway in the opposite direction.

I swallow back my emotions and turn to Regina. “This is my brother, Dennis. Dennis this is Regina and Leila, Beau’s mom and sister.”

Dennis gives them a tight smile and shakes both of their hands.

“Beau has told us about you, Dennis. It’s nice to finally put a face with a name,” Regina says with a warm smile.

Dennis smiles and nods. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Can we see him?” I ask hesitantly.

Regina nods. “Sure, sweetie, go on in.”

Dennis and I enter Beau’s room. I gasp when I see him, totally unprepared for how beat up and damaged he is. He is hardly recognizable. The left side of his face is completely swollen and bruised. His left eye is swollen shut and the skin looks like it could burst open any second. His nose is packed and has a splint over the bridge. His top lip is also swollen and has a line of black stitches starting from just under his nose and disappears into his mouth. His right eye is shut and has a black bruise under it, most likely from his nose being broken.

Dennis bites out a vicious curse and rakes a hand through his hair. Beau cracks open his right eye, which immediately locks on Dennis.

“Dennis, what are you doing here?” He croaks in shock, his lips barely moving.

“I heard what happened, I had to come,” Dennis replies, stopping next to the bed, reaching out to pat his thigh.

“Is Lizette here?” Beau asks.

“I’m right here,” I answer, stepping up beside Dennis.

Beau stares at me for a moment before saying, “You need to leave.”

I blink, not sure if I heard him right. “What?” I breathe.

“I don’t want you here,” he grounds out.

“Beau…” I start, but he cuts me off.

“I. Don’t. Want. You. Here,” he bites out every word, glaring at me angrily as best as he can with one eye.

“Please, Beau, can’t we just talk?” I choke, tears rolling freely down my face.

“No! I’m in enough pain as it is, I don’t need you adding to it!” he snaps and then groans in pain, putting a hand up to his battered lip.

Dennis turns to me, holding my shoulders. “Just go, I’ll talk to him,” he whispers to me.

I roll my lips in and sniff. I glance at Beau one more time before I nod and head for the door. Before I am out the door, I hear Dennis murmur to Beau, “You know, she does love you, Beau.”

“Fuck her, I don’t want to see her face again, Dennis,” he rasps and I can hear the agony in his voice that I doubt has anything to do with his injuries.

“Alright, man, alright,” Dennis soothes.

I choke back a sob as I leave the room and immediately start down the hall in the direction we came.

“Lizette?” Regina calls after me, but I ignore her, needing to get away before I completely break down.

I’ve hurt him so badly. It kills me to know what I did to him. My heart is shattering into a million pieces as I walk back out to the rental car and get in. As soon as I shut the door, I lose it, bawling my eyes out. Hating myself for what I did to him, the love of my life. How could I have been so cruel? How could I have destroyed the best thing in my life? I’ll never get him back if what he said to Dennis is any indication of how he feels about me now. I don’t deserve him, anyway. Why did I even come here? Did I think he was going to be happy to see me? God, I’m so stupid.

*Beau*

I close
my good eye after Lizette leaves. Just seeing her face and knowing that she flew down here to see me has me feeling raw and exposed…again. It’s been two weeks since she broke up with me and I feel just as broken and devastated as I did when it first happened. Time is not healing this wound. I can’t even count how many times I’ve broken down in the past two weeks, or how many nights I’ve went without sleeping.

“She was frantic to get here,” Dennis murmurs softly.

I crack open my eye again and look at my friend. “I don’t want to hear it, Dennis. I will never forgive her for what she did to me,” I whisper.

Dennis nods. “I understand. I haven’t been speaking to her much since it happened, but I saw the fear in her eyes today, and I know that she’s been beating herself up over what she’s done. I really think she knows that she made a big mistake. She does love you and cares deeply for you.”

I shake my head slightly. “I don’t care,” I rasp, knowing it’s a complete lie. But I’m hoping that if I keep telling myself that I don’t care, then maybe one day I actually won’t.

Dennis sighs heavily. “Okay,” he says, letting it go. “Wanna tell me what the hell happened?” he asks, nodding at my battered face.

“I wasn’t payin’ attention to where I was standin’, got too close to Willow’s backside, and she bucked. Her hoof caught me square in the face,” I drawl. I still can’t believe I did that. Stupid ass.

“Did it knock you out?” Dennis asks.

“Fuck yeah. Ma found me when she came looking for me because I didn’t show up for dinner,” I reply.

“Shit, how long were you out for?”

“At least an hour.”

“Jesus, you’re lucky you aren’t in worse condition,” Dennis mutters, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I know,” I agree.

Just then, there is a knock at the door. When it opens, Roland, Dean, Ace, and Everett walk in. All of their eyes go wide as they rush over to my bed, all of them talking at the same time. My head starts to pound.

“Guys, guys, can y’all please stop talking. Y’all are making my head hurt,” I moan, touching my forehead.

“Damn, sorry, Beau,” Dean mutters.

“Wow, man, you look like fucking shit,” says Ace.

“Thanks, Ace,” I scoff.

“Hey, man, what’s your name?” Roland says to Dennis while holding out his hand.

“I’m Dennis Parrish, Lizette’s brother,” he answers, shaking Roland’s hand.

“Oh, is she here?” Roland asks neutrally, but I can see the hostility in his eyes.

Dennis shakes his head. “Ah, not at the moment. she was, but Beau asked her to leave.”

“As he fucking should,” Dean sneers.

“Hey, she’s still our manager, and what happened is between her and Beau, so don’t talk shit,” Ace says.

“I don’t know how you’re not mad at her,” Dean says.

“I never said I wasn’t mad at her.” Ace frowns.

“Can we not talk about her?” I mumble.

The guys mutter apologies and change the subject. I barely listen to whatever they are talking about, stuck thinking about Lizette and her beautiful face. She looked so hurt when I told her to leave. I had to do it, though; the pain in my heart is still unbearable. God, how I miss her - everything about her. I would give anything to have her back in my arms, but there is no way in hell that I will ever put myself in the position to be hurt by her again. She can apologize, she can beg and plead, but I am completely done with her, no matter how much it pains me to say that.

Dennis interrupts my thoughts by placing a hand on my shoulder. I glance up at him.

“I gotta go find Lizette. I’ll come by tomorrow, okay?” he asks.

I nod. “Okay, Denny, thanks for being here,” I say.

Dennis gives me a small smile. “I got your back.”

I nod as we shake hands before Dennis heads out to find his sister.

*Lizette*

The next afternoon
, I sit at Regina Kennedy’s kitchen table, holding a now cold cup of coffee between my hands. I just stare at it, wishing that things were different, wishing that I hadn’t been so stupid and fucked everything up. Regina has been nice enough to let Dennis and me stay here while we are in town. I have no idea how long we are going to be staying, probably only a couple of days. Regina, Kaden, Leila, and Dennis went to the hospital a few hours ago. Regina wanted me to come, but I refused. Beau hates me and doesn’t want to see me, so why bother?

I hear the front door open. Figuring that it’s just everyone coming back, I don’t bother looking up. I can hear voices murmuring and footsteps coming into the kitchen. I just continue to stare at me coffee. I’ve barely even touched it.

“Lizzie, have you been sitting here this whole time?” Dennis asks, his tone holding a tinge of concern.

I just shrug.

“Leila, can you get me a glass of water? I need to take some more pain meds,” Beau’s voice says, making my head shoot up. What the hell is he doing out of the hospital?

I whip my head toward the kitchen doorway to see Beau slowing making his way into the kitchen, his hand on the wall for support. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you still be in the hospital?” I blurt.

Beau sends me what I assume is a dirty look, but it’s hard to tell with his face so swollen and bruised. “Shouldn’t you be in New York, living your life without me?” He snarls.

I flinch as if slapped across the face. Ouch. I blink at him a few times before I push back from the table and start toward Beau. I have something that I need to say to him and I want to say it to his face. Dennis steps in front of me at one point, holding his hands out to stop me.

“Now is not the time, Lizzie,” he says evenly, hoping to stop me.

“Get out of my way, Dennis,” I growl. I will not be shut down before I even get the chance to say anything.

Dennis hesitates but eventually moves. Beau is standing next to the island counter. I stop in front of him, looking up into his battered face. His right eye, the only one that he can see out of is watching me closely, warily. I’m sure he’s wondering what I am going to say.

“I’m sorry, Beau,” I croak, not caring who is watching. I might never get the chance to apologize again, especially if he refuses to see me. “At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you go, thinking that you deserved someone who would treat you better than I could. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong and there isn’t enough “I’m sorry’s” to make what I did any better. I do love you and I do want to be with you. I know you hate me now, so I just hope that one day you can forgive me, at the very least.”

Beau continues to stare down at me, his mouth a thin line. I can’t tell if he’s angry or upset. I realize that he’s not going to respond, so I just nod and turn to Dennis.

“You can stay if you want. I’m going to head home since I’m obviously not wanted here,” I say in resignation before hanging my head and starting for the stairs to get my stuff.

“Lizette! You don’t have to go!” Regina calls after me.

I stop just before starting up the stairs and look at Beau’s mom. “It’s fine, Regina. I can’t force him to want to see me. I said what I wanted to say and now I’ll go and leave him alone,” I say in defeat.

I go upstairs to the room I am staying in and start gathering my things. I left the door open, so I’m not surprised when I see Dennis standing in the doorway, his hands shoved into his front pockets. He is frowning slightly as he watches me.

“What, Dennis?” I mutter.

“I’ll go with you,” he says.

“You don’t have to. I know that you and Beau are good friends, so if you want to stay with him, you can,” I say dismissively.

“But you’re my sister, Lizzie. If you’re going to leave, then so am I,” Dennis replies.

I laugh bitterly and send him a dirty look. “Could have fooled me. You’ve barely spoken to me in two weeks.”

“Because I am mad at you. That doesn’t mean I love you any less,” he frowns.

I shake my head. “Whatever, Dennis. Do whatever you want, I really don’t care anymore.”

Dennis sighs heavily before he disappears from the doorway. Once I’m finished grabbing my things, I head back downstairs. I say a quick goodbye to Regina before going out to the rental car. As I’m putting my bags in the trunk, Dennis comes out of the house with his stuff. Beau steps out onto the porch with him. They exchange a few words and hug before my brother starts toward me. I leave the trunk open and walk to the driver’s side. I open the door and pause to look back at Beau one more time.

He’s standing there, feet braced apart, arms crossed over his broad chest. I’m surprised to see him watching me. I can’t read him, though, so I have no idea what he’s thinking. I just hope that he can see the sorrow and regret in my eyes. I break eye contact when Dennis shuts the trunk. We both get into the car and I start it up, unable to stop the tears that roll down my face as I drive away.