"Jena, you're awfully quiet," Darian said.
How very bright of you, Father. It's only taken you three days to realize that I'm not talking to either of you. You could make me marry him, but you can't make me love him. You can't even make me like him.
"Are you all right, Jena?" Tragon asked with a cultivated sound of concern in his voice.
"No, I'm not all right!" Jena screamed back. She looked at Tragon accusingly. "I've been thinking about the things you have said to me all along, and one thing becomes quite obvious. You knew from the very beginning what Tarius was. You knew and said nothing. Why would you do that? What were you getting from her, or maybe it's something you
weren't
getting—like killed."
She glared at her father then. "This man you insisted I marry is no less a liar to us than Tarius—and with less cause. At least her reasons were noble. Not so him. He wants to own and conquer me. He held his tongue only because he couldn't think of a way to get rid of her. When he did, he spoke. But he knew all along."
"How dare you speak like that of your husband!" Darian said. "He told you how he came to find out."
"He is a liar!" Jena screamed. "A liar and a coward just like Tarius said."
"You sound as if you'd rather be with that beast, that woman . . ."
"I'd rather be with
anyone
but him," Jena said.
"Hold your tongue, daughter! Chose your words carefully . . ."
"Or what? You'll have me tied to the back of a horse and dragged to death? Oh . . . But it's too bad they never found the body, isn't it, Father? Oh, yes. I've overheard the king's herald reporting to you."
"Harris is gone without a trace, Tragon. Where do you suppose he has gone?" Jena asked turning her attention to Tragon. "If Tarius is alive, and there is a good chance she is, she will come back and kill you. You know her, she is very much a believer in revenge. If she is alive, she'll come back and kill you, and I hope to the gods she does. If she doesn't, I just might do it myself."
"Jena!" Darian screamed. "We'll hear no more of that talk. Tragon is the father of your unborn child. A little respect isn't too much to ask for. A little caring."
"He is not the father I choose for my child," Jena said. "Yes, it was dark, but I saw Tarius's face that night. It was some sort of glamour."
"You talk nonsense, daughter," Darian said. "Where would Tragon get such a thing?"
Tragon couldn't, but Tarius has a friend in the wizard. She could have easily acquired it. No sense in implicating Hellibolt. No sense in this conversation at all. I'm stuck here with no way out. Tarius ruined my life, and I should hate her. Instead I hate Tragon even more than before. I blame him because I was happy in my ignorance, and he wouldn't let me remain ignorant
.
She pushed away from the table and went to her room, locking the door behind her to make sure Tragon couldn't join her. She lay down on the bed and cried. If it weren't for the baby she'd kill herself. But the child gave her hope. It was someone she could love who would love her back.
I had that with Tarius, but it's gone now. It was all a lie anyway. All a lie, except her love. That was real. But could I love her? Would I have loved her had I known she was a woman?
She was confused and lonely and filled with hurt. In a few short weeks her life had gone from a dream to a nightmare.
* * *
It took them three weeks to reach the coastline. Tarius could barely walk or ride, and she didn't seem to be getting any better. She ran high fevers almost every day and woke with night terrors every night.
He helped her walk along the docks. They were looking for a Kartik vessel, any Kartik vessel headed for home. They finally found one at the end of the dock. Harris had seen ships in pictures, but nothing he had seen had done them justice. They were huge beasts of wood and rope, cloth and metal. And the ocean! It was so big! He had never seen such a huge body of water.
"Sister," a sailor said in the Kartik tongue, holding his hand up in the traditional Kartik greeting. Tarius grasped his hand in the air and brought their elbows together.
"Brother," Tarius answered in Kartik.
"What can I do for you?" the sailor asked.
"I wish to talk to your captain about booking passage for myself, my young friend here, and two horses," Tarius said.
The man nodded and led them on board the ship and to the captain's quarters. The captain wasn't a big man, in fact none of the Kartik people Harris saw on the boat seemed to be carrying even one extra pound. They were tall—on average over six foot—but they were thin and well-muscled. The captain wore bright colors of red, orange and yellow, reminding Harris of Tarius's old gambeson.
The women Harris had seen on deck were beautiful—dark, and sultry and all wearing swords. Doing what in his country would have been considered men's work. Both the men and women were dressed in minimum clothing all just as bright as their captain's.
"What can I do for you, sister?" the man asked in Kartik.
Tarius had started teaching Harris Kartik as soon as they had decided to move. The last three weeks she had made him crazy refusing to speak to him in anything but Kartik. Now he was glad she had. It would be too weird to have people around you talking and not know what they were saying.
"I wish to book passage for myself, my friend, and two horses back to the Kartik," Tarius said.
"I'm afraid we are full up this trip," the captain reported. "You're hurt. Accident? Or are you in some sort of trouble?"
"I'm in trouble. I was fighting in the Jethrik army against our enemy the Amalites."
To Harris's shock and amusement, both the captain and Tarius stopped to spit on the floor before Tarius continued. "The King of the Jethriks found me out, and now he wants me dead. It was he who put the arrow in my side. My need is most urgent. I must get to the Springs of Montero, or I will die."
"Are you the Katabull?" the captain asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Aye," Tarius said.
"Then say no more. We'll make room for you," he said. He took her hand and shook it.
"I can't pay much, but I swear to you that if you will give us safe passage I will pay you the remainder of the fare after I find sword work," Tarius promised.
"Your word is good with me. Collect your horses and your gear; we sail with the tide."
As they left the ship to retrieve their belongings Harris asked, "What was all that about?"
"The Hot Springs of Montero have healing properties for everyone, but especially for the Katabull," Tarius said.
"I know that. You have told me about a hundred times. I mean why did he change his mind when you told him you were Katabull?"
Tarius smiled. "Because while the Amalites think we are bad luck, and the Jethrik barely tolerate us, the Kartik believe that the Katabull are blessed by the One Who Has No Name. They believe we bring them luck. Sometimes superstision can work in your favor."
* * *
Jena looked out the window just in time to see Arvon arrive. He hadn't been coming to help with the training of the recruits since Tarius had been found out. She ran through the house and to the door, hoping to catch him before he entered the academy. She flung the door open in his face, and they both jumped.
Jena shook her head. "I'm sorry, Arvon. I saw you ride up and wanted to talk to you before you went into the academy."
Arvon frowned hard and shook his head. "I have no business there. I came to see you. To talk to you. Are we alone?"
Jena shook her head no. "These days the servants make daily reports of my actions to my father. We could walk down to the creek."
Arvon was silent as they walked along. Finally, Jena could stand it no longer. "Is Tarius . . . Is he . . . she. Is she . . ."
"Dead?" Arvon asked, his voice filled with contempt. "Why do you assume I would know, and would you even care?"
"Yes, of course I would. I didn't want her hurt," Jena said.
Arvon stopped, deciding they were far enough away from the house and the academy. "This has been very hard for me, Jena, because the last words Tarius spoke to me were of you and your safety. She made me promise to keep you and your baby safe from harm, and to take care of you. I gave my word that I would. But the last time I spoke to you, you had only words of contempt for her. Such hate and such loathing that I don't really want to help you. Still I find myself in a position where I must."
"Then you knew all along, what he . . . she was?"
"Not all along but I've known for a long time."
Jena nodded then looked confused. "I was very angry and hurt, Arvon. How could I not be? In all truth I still am, but now my hatred has turned to Tragon and even to my father and the king." Jena walked on a little further down to the creek and sat down on a rock. She heard Arvon walk up behind her. "My mind wanders from chaos to madness and back again, it's as if I can't hold on to even the simplest thought. Every night I dream of her, Arvon. Of how gentle was her touch. Sometimes I dream that I make love to her as well. I dream that we are together. May the gods help me, Arvon, it is only those dreams and thoughts of my baby that keep me going these days. I miss her, I know I shouldn't, but I do. Tell me, Arvon, you're queer. Do you think that I am? Could I be?"
"Frankly, Jena, I always thought that you were. Tarius didn't look like a man. Ask yourself this; why did you choose Tarius? You're a beautiful woman. You could have had your pick of a hundred different gorgeous fighting men, and yet you chose Tarius. Why? Not only does she not look like a man, but she doesn't act like one, either. You may not have known it, but all of the things you found in Tarius that were missing from the men you knew were female traits. You fell in love with Tarius because she was a woman," Arvon said. "I couldn't convince her of this, and now she may be dead. She was afraid that you would react in exactly the way that you did."
"And, how else did you expect me to react, Arvon? I thought I had married a man and I was married to a woman, and not just any woman but a
Katabull
. She even put that bastard into our bed to impregnate me so that she could continue to hide her secret." She started to cry then. "Gods won't someone please tell me what I'm supposed to feel? She's not dead; I know she's not, she couldn't be . . . Oh Arvon . . . Please don't hate me; I'm so alone." She turned a tear-streaked face to look at him. "Tarius asked you to take care of me. Well, please do, Arvon, because I need someone to talk to. I need to figure out where my heart is. The wizard told me that Tarius wouldn't die. He told me to follow my heart, but I just don't know where it is anymore."
Arvon nodded and took her into his arms. He couldn't see her like this and stay mad at her. She couldn't be held accountable for what she had said that night. She needed him, and he had made a promise.
* * *
When they had first set sail, Harris had been filled with excitement. Then they had sailed out of the harbor and he realized there was still more to the ocean. He stood and gazed at it in astonishment—there was nothing but blue as far as the eye could see.
"How . . . how do we know which way to go?" Harris asked Tarius.
"It's that way," she said pointing. She was sitting on a barrel covered with a blanket fighting yet another fever. She wasn't really in the mood to talk.
"But how will they know when we're in the middle of it?" Harris asked, too excited to be concerned for the moment with his sick friend.
"Charts and stars," Tarius answered.
"Huh?" Harris said.
Tarius realized she wasn't going to get off the hook that easily, so she started a lengthy explanation about how star maps and charts and compasses worked. She was almost glad when he got seasick, because it meant he left her alone. The Kartik sailors all laughed at him, but when he had been good and sick for several hours they finally brought him their world famous hangover/seasickness remedy. It didn't work right away, and Harris asked one of the sailors to take care of Tarius.
The woman bathed Tarius's face with a wet rag. "Your fever is very high," she told Tarius.
Tarius was almost delirious. "I know."
"Can I look at the wound? I know a little about healing."
Tarius nodded silently. She didn't remember when they had last changed the dressing. The girl pulled the dressing off and made a face, so Tarius decided it had probably been awhile. She hadn't been coherent enough for long enough to mess with it, and it was only now that she realized she had been remiss in not teaching Harris anything about first aid.
The woman began cleaning the wound. "Well, there's part of your problem. You didn't take the stitches out and a couple are infected." She took her dagger and gently and skillfully cut the stitches and pulled them.
"You're pretty good at that," Tarius said.
"Thanks," she said. "A salt water poultice might be a good idea."
"There are stitches in the back, too." Tarius leaned forward and the woman removed the stitches and cleaned the wound. Then she put a saltwater poultice on it, wrapping it to Tarius's body.
"It burns," Tarius said.
"That's good, means it working. Here . . ." She handed Tarius a canteen. "Drink this."
Tarius took a long drink. "So, what's your name?"
"Elise," she said.
Tarius smiled a sickly smile. "My foster mother's name was Elise. Thank you very much." She handed the canteen back to the woman.
"What's your name?" Elise asked.
"Tarius," she answered.
The girl looked startled. "Tarius, like Tarius the Black?"
"Aye . . . One and the same," Tarius said.
"You're a woman? In town we heard stories about you, but they said you were a man," Ellis said. "You are a very great warrior."
"Thank you," Tarius said.
Elise stood and yelled out. "Hey everyone! This is Tarius the Black! The savior of the Jethrik is a Kartik woman."
They all laughed and whooped and hollered, apparently very happy to be in the presence of such a warrior, and thrilled with the irony that a country that didn't allow women to fight in their army had been saved by a woman warrior. They gathered around her and wanted to know which stories they had heard were true.