She walked slowly to the door. It was over. Hopefully Jena was pregnant, but even if she wasn't, Tarius decided she could not do this to herself again. Either way she'd made up her mind, Jena would just have to do without
it.
She would move Jena to the Kartik, and in time Jena would learn to love her, if she could ever forgive her. She walked in the room closing the door behind her and went and crawled into bed. She wrapped herself around Jena, and Jena cringed. She realized Jena was crying, and not just a little.
"Honey . . . What's wrong?" Tarius asked.
"Tarius . . . You hurt me."
"I what?" Tarius exclaimed.
"You hurt me," Jena said again.
Tarius's first instinct was to get out of bed find Tragon and kill him, but she realized that wouldn't help Jena now. Right now Jena was hurt and scared and she thought Tarius had done this to her.
"I'm so sorry," Tarius said. "I won't do it again. See? That's why I didn't want to do it. Men are like animals when they get aroused. I don't need it, Jena, and I'll never do it again." In fact, if Jena wasn't so upset Tarius might have celebrated the fact that Jena didn't want
it.
"I'm sorry, Tarius," Jena cried.
"What are you sorry for? I'm the worst sort of brute, and you would be right to hate me. I hate myself. I never wanted to make you cry." Tarius started to cry herself. "I told you, Jena, remember in the beginning? I told you I had secrets. Secrets I couldn't tell you. That I'm dark and awful."
Jena turned and held Tarius close. "No you're not. It's me. There's something wrong with me. I tried, but I just don't like it."
Tarius kissed the tears away from Jena's cheeks. "There is nothing wrong with you, my love. Only me, only me. I'm what's wrong. Now sleep."
* * *
Tragon was still riding high from the night before. He was setting up the arena for the day's exercises. He was early today. He hadn't slept much. He had laid awake most of the night wondering just how toxic the potion was and whether Hellibolt would give it to him without Tarius.
Tarius ran into the arena, screamed and threw herself on him. She tackled him to the ground and started to beat his face in with her fists. "I ought to kill you! You bastard!"
When Tragon looked at his attacker, the Katabull's eyes looked back at him. Tragon tried to fight back, but finally wound up just holding up his arms to protect his head. "What . . . What did I do?"
"You hurt her!" Tarius stood up and pulled Tragon to his feet. She punched him hard in the stomach, and then slammed a fist into his face so that he landed on the ground in a pile. She looked down at him with utter contempt. "You hurt her, and she thinks that I did it."
"I'm . . . I'm sorry, Tarius. I didn't mean to. Please believe me, Tarius, my passion for her got the better of me," Tragon said gulping for air.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Tarius moved forward to attack him again but stopped as if he just wasn't worth the trouble. "You rutting pig. I saved your worthless life, I asked you to do a favor for me, and you just couldn't control yourself. I wish I'd run off and let you die that day. I'm only going to let you live because of our former partnership, what we once meant to each other, and the fact that you tried to help me. But if you ever go near her, or even
look
at her again, I will rip your belly open and suck your guts out with my teeth. Do I make myself clear?"
"Very," Tragon said. He watched Tarius go, feeling lucky to be alive and wanting very much to find a way to get rid of the beast girl once and for all.
* * *
"Want to tell me what that was all about, or need I ask?" Arvon asked as he fell in behind Tarius who was walking at a fast clip across the courtyard. Tarius glared at him. "So you got Tragon to do the deed and then beat him for his troubles."
"He hurt her," Tarius said in a whisper.
"
You
hurt her, Tarius. You did it with your lies."
"I know that! Don't you think I know that!" Tarius cried. "I hate myself. I hate what I have become. She hated it! But of course she was afraid to tell me because she didn't want to make me mad. I swear if I live to be a hundred, I will never understand your country women and their subjectivity to men."
"Did it ever dawn on you that maybe Jena didn't like it because she doesn't like boys?" Arvon asked.
"She said she wanted
it
, Arvon. She kept begging me for
it
," Tarius said. "I couldn't do it, so I found someone who could—which practically killed me!—and she hated it! I don't know what I think anymore."
"Jena's naive about sex. She doesn't know what she wants. She wants to please you because she loves you," Arvon said.
"Or she knew. Part of her knew that she was being tricked. That something wasn't right," Tarius said. "I just hope she's pregnant."
"Oh, don't even tell me that you are still bent on your insane plan to rip your wife from her homeland by making her believe the country is unsafe for children!" Arvon gasped in disbelief.
"The land is not safe. You know that as well as I do," Tarius said. "Whether she's pregnant or not I will not stay in this accursed country another year, and I will not leave without Jena."
Arvon shook his head. He stopped and made her stop as well by putting a hand on her shoulder. "My dear friend. I tell you this from the love that I have for you. You are destroying no one as fast as you are destroying yourself. Tell this woman who you are, then she'll understand why you want so badly to go away. If she loves you as much as I think she does, she will forgive you even for putting a man in her bed . . . eventually. You are heading for a disaster that no one can stop."
"Now you sound like Hellibolt," Tarius said.
"Perhaps you had better heed his words."
Jena had waited till she was absolutely sure. She was sure now. Tarius crawled in beside her and took her in his arms. He kissed her gently.
"Tarius . . . I have good news," Jena started. She could feel Tarius stiffen. "I'm with child."
"Does it make you happy?" Tarius asked carefully.
Jena laughed and slapped him playfully in the shoulder. "Of course it makes me happy."
If for no other reason than it means we don't have to do that again until we want another baby
. "Doesn't it make you happy, Tarius? I mean you didn't just do it because I wanted a baby, did you?"
"No, I want a child. You will be a good mother."
"And you, Tarius, will be a great father." She lay down with her head on his chest and looked up at the ceiling. Tarius wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. "Guess I'll have to stop fighting for awhile."
"I guess so," Tarius said. "Jena, with the baby coming I think we seriously need to consider our move to Kartik . . . ."
And so it all began.
* * *
Tragon did not take the news of the pregnancy well. At first he ignored it and pretended it wasn't happening, but as Jena started to show, he became obsessed with the idea of having her and the child for his own.
One night three months into her pregnancy, he rode into town and got falling down drunk. He fell off his horse three times on the way back to the academy. He stopped in front of Darian's house and fell off the horse again. He finally stumbled to his feet.
"Tarius!" he screamed. "Tarius you fake! You great phony! Come out here. You have something that belongs to me. In fact, everything you have belongs to me!"
Tarius ran from the house barefooted, but her sword was on her back. She grabbed him by the collar and pushed him back fifteen feet, pushing and dragging him till she popped him against the wall of the academy.
Jena stood in the doorway. "Go back inside," Tarius ordered her. She started to protest, but Darian came and took her elbow gently and brought her back inside closing the door.
"What the hell are you doing, fool?" Tarius asked with venom.
"I've come to take what is mine. The woman and the child; both mine. You took her, but I'm damned if you'll take the child."
She banged his head against the rock wall hard. "Listen to me, you drunken idiot. I saved your worthless life. All I'm asking you to do is keep my secrets. You know—a secret—like the one you've been keeping about your leg. Don't look so shocked. Harris walks with a limp. A real limp doesn't come and go. Perhaps you'd like to explain that to your father the great war hero."
"I'll tell them all what you are, Tarius. You think she'll love you then? She'll be glad to have me when she finds out the truth about you," Tragon said.
"Do you think I won't kill you, Tragon? Because you are dead wrong. Hear me! Dead wrong!" Tarius said. "I warn you, Tragon, and I beg you for all of our sakes . . . Do not play out this game, it can only end in disaster for us all. We had a friendship once, Tragon, we were like brothers, and we were partners. Please . . . Let this go."
Tragon cried in his drunkenness. "How can I let it go when I see her? When I see the child within her?"
"By leaving. Leave in the morning. The first garrison is finished. I'll put you up for commission there. The king will listen to my plea. It's a safe position. Mostly training, no fighting there."
"Don't do me any favors," Tragon said.
"Ride towards the garrison in the morning, Tragon. I will take care of you there, make sure you have everything you could want. If you are not gone by morning, then it will be the last sunrise you will see. I will kill you without guilt, and secure myself and my secrets," Tarius said.
Tragon nodded and started stumbling towards his quarters in the academy building. Along the way he saw the window he had climbed in to be with Jena. He smiled, Tarius only thought that she had won.
* * *
In the morning Tragon was gone, and Tarius started to write up a letter to the king.
"You never did say what was wrong with Tragon last night," Jena said rubbing her belly and looking at the light streaming in the window.
"You mean besides being filthy drunk? I'm sending him to work at the new garrison, and he's not happy," Tarius said simply.
Darian walked in holding a cup of steaming hot tea. "Tragon's left already. Must have gotten up with the first cock's crow."
"I'm afraid I was a little rough on him last night. He's changed . . . He isn't the same person that he was," Tarius said, putting the finishing touches on the letter.
Jena was glad to see the end of Tragon. He made her uncomfortable, and she had enough to worry about with her husband insisting on whisking her and their unborn child off to a different country. Tarius was obsessed with the idea that the Amalites were going to come back and that they wouldn't be able to stop them from taking over the country this time.
Jena didn't want to move from her homeland. She didn't want to leave her father, but Tarius's feelings on this matter were strong, too. He didn't want to live in a foreign country anymore. He didn't care about the title and prestige he had earned here. He wanted to take her to a place where he thought they would all be safe, and who could blame him for that?
He wanted to move now. Now before the baby was born. He wanted the baby to be born in Kartik.
Jena was torn, and she was glad with all the decisions she had to make she wouldn't have to deal with Tragon's prying eyes every time she walked out of the house.
* * *
"Tarius is what!" Persius screamed.
"I know. I couldn't believe it myself at first, but had to believe the witness of my own eyes," Tragon said.
"Tell me again how you came to learn this?" Persius said in disbelief. The story the man told was absurd.
"Tarius said he was hurt after the war . . . You know, that he couldn't . . . Well, you know take care of business, and his wife of course badly wanted a child. Tarius, having no brothers, asked me to stand in for him, which is our custom. The only thing Tarius asked that was strange was that I should pretend to be him so that she wouldn't know."
"And, Sire, I must again remind you that poor Jena has no idea what Tarius is. The poor girl has been duped along with the rest of us," Tragon said. "Anyway, I snuck in a window as Tarius snuck out. It was dark, and Jena never knew it was I that took her husband's place. I felt I owed Tarius this as he—
It
—saved my life. Last night as I came home quite late, I saw Tarius crawling out the window. I thought this odd, so I stopped and watched. He undressed before my eyes, and I saw that Tarius is not a man at all, but a woman. Then to my amazement, he . . . she . . . It . . .
changed
into the Katabull."
Persius seemed pensive. It sounded an outrageous lie, but what could this man gain by telling such a hateful untruth? If he was lying, he would easily be found out.
"Where is Hellibolt?" Persius asked.
"Gone to visit his sister for the day, Sire," the herald said. "Should I fetch his apprentice?"
"Yes, do so at once. I want to get to the bottom of this, this very day," Persius said. He glared at Tragon. "If you are lying, I shall see you hanged, drawn and quartered myself."
* * *
The night was shattered by the sound of Jena's screams as two big men grabbed a sleeping Tarius from the bed. The lights were quickly lit. Tarius was still. Her hands had been slapped in metal cuffs, and she was being held between two huge guards. She knew immediately that she should have killed Tragon last night. She realized from the fog in her head that someone had put a spell on her to make sure she didn't wake before they had their hands on her.
"What is all this?" Jena asked fumbling with her robe to get it tied.
The king walked in then, closely followed by Tragon. Tarius looked at Tragon with utter contempt. "What the hell have you done?" Tarius demanded.
"I'm sorry," Tragon said looking at his feet. He might fool everyone else, but he didn't fool Tarius.
"No you're not," Tarius looked at Persius. "This man is angry. Angry because he has been faking an injury he doesn't have, and he doesn't want to be sent to the garrison. Walk away from this, Persius. Walk away, because the truth you seek will only hurt everyone. The truth will serve none of us well."