Tagan's Child (60 page)

My eyes scanned
the area for Ahran but there was no sign of him. I felt the panic
begin to rise. Perhaps he had gone in to change.

I approached
Toby’s grandparents. “Where’s Ahran?” I asked.

“He had to go,
something about a delivery he had to get back for,” the King
answered. There was something about Leylana’s sympathetic look that
made me realise what I had begun to fear. He had left because of
me.

“Are you going
in the pool?” The King asked, oblivious to how this news had just
begun the slow and painful disintegration of my world.

“Um, yes,” I
faltered. This was a loud and clear message from Ahran that he
wasn’t prepared to entertain a reconciliation, let alone consider a
future with me and it left me feeling empty and crushed.

“Come on Auntie
Sophe, its lovely in here,” Toby shouted, treading water.

All I wanted to
do was run as fast as I could away from the palace but I took off
my sundress and dived into the pool instead. Despite all other
noises sounding muffled under the water, my despair roared
agonizingly in my ears. All I wanted to do was sink to the bottom
and let the weight of the water push me into oblivion. Eventually,
I surfaced but only when my head pounded and my lungs felt like
they were about to burst.

I swam a couple
of lengths to give me enough time to gather myself.

“Here, Auntie
Sophie. Catch.” Toby threw the ball in my direction.

I caught it and
we spent the next twenty minutes playing catch in the water whilst
I pretended that everything was okay.

“That’s me, I’m
done,” I said, pulling myself out of the water. I couldn’t pretend
any longer when all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and
implode.

I laid on one
of the sun loungers and closed my eyes whilst Toby resumed his
diving game.

Was that really
it? Ahran wasn’t even prepared to discuss what had happened between
us, he was just going to let it go, let us go without a fight? I
felt helpless and angry that he hadn’t given us more of a
chance.

Toby finally
emerged from the pool cold and wrinkly.

Leylana wrapped
a large towel around him and chivvied him indoors. He now had a
room of his own with a wardrobe full of clothes. I excused myself
saying I had a headache and retreated to the confines of my room. I
laid myself on the bed and cried myself to sleep.

*****

When I woke up
it was dusk. My head was still pounding and the horrible feeling of
complete desolation continued to bear down on me. But this time it
had descended as a result of something that was completely out of
my control. Before, it had been a self-enforced exile, but now I
felt like I was in the Ramian equivalent of deepest darkest Siberia
with no hope of ever escaping.

I went through
the motions of showering and getting dressed and joined the King,
Queen and Grammour for pre-dinner drinks.

“Ah, there you
are my dear. Would you like an aperitif?”

“Um, yes thank
you,” I said. I felt like snatching the decanter away from the
servant hovering next to him and downing the lot. Anything to dull
the pain.

“Are you
feeling better?” Grammour asked.

“Yes much
better, thank you,” I lied politely, although I knew I hadn’t
convinced the Queen who was eyeing me suspiciously.

“Where’s Toby?”
I asked, not only was I wondering why he wasn’t here with us but I
wanted to distract the Queen from her close scrutiny.

“Salom came
over to play this afternoon and they decided to have tea in the den
away from the grown-ups. I hope you don’t mind but I’ve agreed to
Salom staying for a sleep-over.”

“No, that’s
fine. I wouldn’t want to cramp my nephew’s style,” I said with a
weak smile. I remembered that Salom was a distant cousin of Toby’s
and that they’d hit it off the evening the King and Queen
introduced Toby to his subjects. It was the same night I’d fled
Ramia.

The Queen
nodded even though a frown clouded her features.

We sat and
drank our drinks and I listened to the King telling Grammour all
the latest about the horses. Which horse had won what race and
which fillies and colts appeared to be showing promise. They spoke
in English for my benefit but they could have been speaking Ramian
for all it mattered to me.

“Have you ever
ridden Sophie?” the Queen asked, trying to draw me into the
conversation.

“I’m
sorry?”

“Have you ever
ridden?” she repeated.

“Yes, when I
was a child. I used to go down to the local stables in our village
but I haven’t ridden for years.” All I wanted to do was return to
my room and lick my wounds but I didn’t want to appear rude, so I
did my best to be good company until the time came when I could
politely excuse myself. Unfortunately, we hadn’t even eaten
yet.

“Maybe you
would like to come out for a ride with me? We have a couple of
quiet horses you could ride.”

“Thank you,
that sounds fun,” I said. “I didn’t know you rode.”

“I take it a
little more sedately nowadays but I used to ride a lot when I was
younger.”

“The Queen is
being modest,” Halsan interrupted, after eavesdropping on our
conversation.

“What she has
neglected to tell you is that she was the Ramian Three Day Event
Champion for twelve years running at the Fifteen Districts,” the
King said proudly.

I had no idea
what this was but it was obviously a big deal. “That sounds
impressive.”

Leylana looked
embarrassed. “That was a long time ago, before I had Tagan.”

The King came
over and put his hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Don’t let her
downplay her achievements. No one has matched her success since.”
The Queen placed her hand over her husband’s and smiled up at
him.

They were so
sweet together. They were each other’s biggest fan and it was
heartening to see how much they loved one another. Unfortunately,
in my current state of mind, it only served to highlight my
aloneness and the prospect of the rest of my life without
Ahran.

I was forced to
look away.

“Horses are a
good leveller,” Grammour said. “They don’t stand any nonsense; they
can snout out a fool as soon as look at them. They also help to
keep old bones young. I ride as often as I can.” Somehow the
picture of the fearless Grammour sat astride a horse didn’t come as
any surprise. I had to admire her. I bet she didn’t let anything
grind her down.

“You must be
careful Grammour. If you should fall off…well, it doesn’t bear
thinking about,” Leylana said, frowning and shaking her head.

“Oh tush!” She
said defiantly. I haven’t fallen off for a hundred and forty years,
and I’m not about to.”

One of the
maids came in and announced that dinner was ready, cutting our
conversation short.

We took our
places at the dinner table. The thought of food turned my stomach
but I wasn’t sure how I was going to get away with not eating under
Leylana’s watchful eye.

Dinner was a
slow and arduous affair. I forced down as much I could even though
I had to stifle a gag at every mouthful. I allowed the conversation
to flow around me and did my best impression of someone who wasn’t
falling apart by laughing at the appropriate moments and answering
the questions that were directed at me. Just when I thought I’d got
away with it and could slink off to my room to suffer in silence,
Grammour intercepted. “Let’s sit down comfortably and have coffee,”
she said, as we all got up from the table. “Sophie, now tell me do
women still wear those awful shapeless dresses?”

I groaned
inwardly as she steered me into the drawing room. I was questioned
about all things from fashion to politics for the next hour until I
felt like screaming. I couldn’t take much more. Did this woman
never tire?

I could have
kissed the King when he challenged her to a game of chess. I sat
and stared into space for a moment, gathering the strength to say
my goodbyes.

Leylana came
and sat on the arm of my chair and leant towards me. “Go to him,”
she whispered.

I looked up at
her in surprise.

“Take one of
the cars and go to him,” she urged.

I didn’t even
pretend to not know what she was talking about. I closed my eyes
and shook my head. “He doesn’t want me,” I whispered back.

“He wants you.
He is just frightened to tell you in case you reject him.”

I looked up
into Leylana’s kind, sympathetic eyes. How could she possibly think
he wanted me when he couldn’t get away quick enough? “He can’t
stand the sight of me.”

“Now, stop it.
I watched him and he was barely able to take his eyes off you at
lunch, trust me. I’ll have a car waiting for you outside in ten
minutes.”

My heart felt
like it had just been jump-started. I hesitated. What if she was
wrong? “What about the King?” I said, looking over her shoulder at
the King and his mother.

“Leave him to
me. Now go,” she said, making a discreet shooing gesture.

I slipped out
of the drawing room without saying goodbye and went back to my
room. I didn’t have time to change, a white pair of jeans and a
long sleeved, pale blue chiffon blouse would have to do. I had
enough time to grab a wraparound cardigan before making my way to
the front of the palace. I had to question whether I had completely
lost my mind. There was nothing about how Ahran had behaved this
afternoon that made me think he still wanted me and yet I was going
to hand myself to him based on Leylana’s hunch. Surely it was
emotional suicide. By the time I got to the entrance hall I was
experiencing an acute case of cold feet and started to turn back to
my room. I couldn’t face the rejection again.

“Sophie!”
Leylana called from behind me. “Don’t even think about it,” she
said firmly but kindly. She had obviously come to make sure I
wasn’t about to chicken out.

I spun around
and looked at her pleadingly. “I can’t do it. What if you’re
wrong?” I said, unable to keep the anguish from my voice.

Leylana stopped
in front of me, her expression was kind and sympathetic. She pushed
a strand of hair out of my eyes like a mother does to her child. It
was an insignificant gesture but I was touched.

“I’ve known
Ahran all his life, I can read him, please trust me on this
one.”

I nodded
slowly. What reason had I to doubt her?

“Now go,” she
said softly.

I hesitated and
then gave her a hug, hoping to God she was right.

“One of the
bodyguards will accompany you, if you don’t intend to return
tonight, send him back,” she said with a meaningful smile.

I could feel my
cheeks colouring as I returned her smile. I kissed her on the
cheek. “Thank you.”

“Good luck
Sophie.”

She stood in
the doorway as I descended the steps outside the palace. I climbed
into the back of one of the royal cars hovering on the drive. I
recognised the man in the front seat as one of the King’s regular
bodyguards and said hello. He nodded his response and the car
pulled away smoothly.

I laid my head
back on the headrest and drew in a steadying breath. I had an hour
to think about what to say to Ahran. My heart was in my throat and
adrenaline pulsed through my veins. Deep breaths Sophe, deep
breaths.

What was I
going to say?

I put my face
in my hands not feeling at all ready for this and spent the journey
coming up with numerous explanations for suddenly arriving on
Ahran’s doorstep. Gradually I discarded them one by one. I nearly
asked the bodyguard to take me back to the palace on at least three
occasions but in what seemed like no time at all we were gliding
down the driveway to Ahran’s house.

“Oh God,” I
whispered. My stomach was in knots and I felt sick.

We pulled up at
the front door. I sat in the backseat unable to move, and was
beginning to seriously regret allowing Leylana to talk me into
coming. The door opened and the bodyguard stood waiting to help me
out of the car. I felt completely paralysed. He poked his head in
to see why I hadn’t moved. “Miss McAllister?”

“Okay, okay,
I’m getting out. Please don’t go anywhere,” I said, irritated and
flustered.

I walked up to
the front door my legs feeling like jelly and quickly rapped the
doorknocker before I gave into the urge to turn and flee. I closed
my eyes and waited, feeling like I was about to pass out. And I
waited. Great! He’s not even here. I took a step backwards. He had
to be here, there were lights on upstairs and I thought I’d heard
the distant sound of a power tool.

“I must be
insane,” I whispered to myself and banged the doorknocker more
loudly. After a minute or two the door opened and my breath caught
in my throat.

“Sophie?!”
Ahran looked at me as if I was some ghostly apparition.

“Can we talk?”
Of all the clever things I had planned to say, that’s what came
out.

We stood and
stared at each other. A pair of eye protectors were pushed up onto
his head, a dust mask hanging around his neck and he was covered in
sawdust. He looked like some hot male model about to do a photo
shoot for Dream Guys calendar. My heart faltered in my chest.

His initial
surprise faded and his face quickly became expressionless.

“Um, do you
think I could come in?”

He hesitated
and for one horrible moment I thought he was going to say no. He
stood back and opened the door wider. I stepped in and walked past
him.

“I hope I
haven’t interrupted you.”

“I was sanding
the floor in one of the bedrooms.” His voice was tight.

I hovered in
the hallway not quite sure what to do next. He just stood there
looking at me, his expression giving nothing away.