Tagan's Child (61 page)

“Go through,”
he said finally, gesturing towards the kitchen.

If I’d had any
romantic notion about him welcoming me with open arms it certainly
wasn’t being played out. Feeling completely awkward and wishing for
the umpteenth time I hadn’t come, I did as he directed and made my
way into the kitchen.

“Take a seat,”
he said, motioning to one of the stools at the breakfast bar.
“Would you like a drink?” He was being all polite and formal and
weird and I just wanted the Ahran I knew and loved back.

“Um, yes
please.”

“What would you
like?”

“Oh whatever
you’re having.” I opted for being undemanding.

He nodded and I
watched him as he busied himself opening a bottle of wine. He moved
about the kitchen in that Ahran way, easy and confident. There was
no doubt his physical attractiveness was off the scale but the way
he carried himself was just as alluring.

He poured two
glasses and placed one in front of me. I gave him an uncertain
smile. “Thanks.”

He nodded,
unmoved. We looked at each other. The muscle in his jaw twitched.
“I’m just going to get cleaned up. Make yourself comfortable,” he
said after a few moments.

“Okay, thanks.”
I seriously doubted any chance of that in my current frame of
mind.

He disappeared
upstairs and left me sitting at the breakfast bar thinking I would
be needing that ride back to the palace after all. I looked around
the kitchen and breakfast room. Apart from the stools and a few
bits of kitchen paraphernalia on the surfaces, the room was as
empty as when I had been here last. It looked like he was camping
rather than living here.

I took a sip of
my wine. Okay, so far, not so good. Ahran was being horribly
distant and I began to feel desperate and miserable. I
absentmindedly rubbed my chest to ease the ache that was starting
to throb there. Perhaps I would just apologise and tell him I no
longer harboured any hard feelings. Once I had said my piece, I
would leave and try to do what I could to rebuild my life, as
impossible as that seemed now. The thought of a future without him
was just too painfully bleak.

No. I had made
it here, I had to give it my best shot and so I waited with my
heart in my throat and after what seemed an interminable amount of
time he returned having showered. He looked and smelt divine. I
groaned inwardly. I’m not sure I can do this. I contemplated making
a dash for the door.

“Shall we go
into the sitting room? It’s more comfortable in there,” he
suggested.

“Yes, okay.” I
picked up my wine glass and followed him in. He was barefoot and
wore a pair of worn jeans that hung on his hips and a white t-shirt
that clung to his muscular frame. How I wanted to reach out and
touch him.

“Please, sit
down.”

He may as well
have been talking to his bank manager. I felt like screaming. ‘It’s
me, Sophie. You loved me once, remember?’ I placed my wine glass on
the coffee table and tried to ignore the slight shake of my hands.
I didn’t dare sit on the sofa with him, being too close scrambled
my brain so I chose the armchair across from him which earned me a
raised eyebrow.

“Are you warm
enough?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” I
perched on the edge of the seat with my hands in my lap hardly
knowing how to begin.

He sat there
looking more relaxed than I felt and remained silent whilst he
waited for me to say something.

I took a deep
breath. “Look, I’m not sure why I even came here tonight…I…I
suppose you left this afternoon before we’d had a chance to finish
our conversation and I just wanted the chance to say…” I wrung my
hands in my lap and tried again. “I mean, I just wanted to say… I’m
sorry,” I said quickly. I looked him in the eyes and wished he’d
give me something, anything that would make me feel less awkward
and more hopeful that I wasn’t putting myself through this for
nothing.

All he did was
frown.

I ploughed on.
“I shouldn’t have just run off like I did that night, but I
honestly couldn’t think straight after what Talina told me and then
you didn’t deny it and after the trauma of Toby’s rescue, it was
just like…” I struggled to find the words, “like some horrible
nightmare and I just felt I needed to get away from Ramia.” I
looked at him pleadingly, willing him to understand and not able to
stop the tears that had started to stream down my cheeks. This was
not going at all well, I wasn’t expressing myself clearly and now I
was crying. I put the heels of my hands over my eyes. “Ah, I’m
sorry, I didn’t want to get upset,” I said, frustrated with
myself.

“Hey.” Suddenly
his voice was right by my ear and before I knew it his arms were
around me. I turned and sobbed into his chest desperate for the
comfort he offered.

“It’s me who
should be apologising. I should have told you about Katie.” I felt
his chest rise as he drew in a deep breath. “I tried so often to
tell you but every time I pictured the conversation in my head it
ended with you walking away from me and I just couldn’t bring
myself to do it.” He started to stroke my hair. “The night you left
I hated myself for being such a coward. I wish I’d had the courage
to do it before because everything I had feared, happened that
night, except that it was infinitely worse and I didn’t know how to
put it right.”

I pulled away
and saw the tortured expression on his face.

“So please,
don’t apologise. I’m the one in the wrong,” he said.

Leylana’s words
that had pricked my conscience a few weeks ago came back to me. “If
I had been in your position, I’m not sure I could have confessed.
Katie’s death wasn’t your fault, you were just in the wrong place
at the wrong time, I know that now, and I’m sorry if I’ve made you
suffer more than you already have. I want you to know I don’t blame
you.”

“You don’t know
what it means to hear you say that.”

“I think we’ve
both suffered enough in our lives, it’s about time we put our pasts
behind us and got on with the job of living,” I said, bracing
myself for what I was about to say next. “I understand if you never
want to see me again after the way I treated you but I just wanted
to make my peace.”

He looked
surprised. “Is that what you think? That I don’t want to see you
again?”

“You seemed so
angry at the palace this afternoon. I thought it was because you
couldn’t stand the sight of me,” I said defensively.

He laughed a
self-mocking laugh. “I wasn’t angry with you, I was angry with
myself for not being able to say what I wanted to say. You appeared
out of nowhere and I was totally unprepared. I didn’t want you to
feel any obligation to explain yourself and it didn’t seem the
right time or place for me to selfishly unburden myself by pouring
my heart out to you. I wanted to give you the time you needed and
hoped that one day you would learn to forgive me and come back. I
love you Sophie. That will never change.”

“You do?”

“Yes of course
I love you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

It was like
music to my ears. “Oh God, I love you too,” I said, wrapping my
arms around his neck. All the tension, pain and suffering of the
last five weeks were washed away by his words.

He pulled me
onto his lap. “It’s been hell,” he said into my hair, his strong
arms holding me tightly.

I sat there in
his embrace and bathed in the feel of him. I realised this was
where I belonged.

“I felt so lost
without you,” he said, the emotion heavy in his words.

I reached up
and touched his cheek. Maybe I could have put an end to both our
suffering sooner but I had felt as lost as he had. I’d had to reach
rock bottom to realise I couldn’t live without him and that the
future wasn’t something to be feared.

He touched his
lips to mine. It was the sweetest, most tender kiss, and it took my
breath away.

“Please don’t
leave again. I don’t think I could take it,” he implored.

I felt giddy
with happiness. I locked eyes with his. “I’ve no intention of
leaving.” I kissed him back marvelling at the fact that I was
actually here and he was telling me he loved me.

Our kiss
deepened and I felt the need to connect with him on a more intimate
level. “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” My attempt at seductive
humour was ruined by my self-conscious giggle that followed it.

I think he was
surprised by my forwardness, but I was rewarded with a cheeky grin
and a suggestively raised eyebrow. “Is that what you want?” He was
so sexy.

I nodded and
laughed. “It’s a cheesy line from a film back home, but yes, it’s
what I want.”

He scooped me
up into his arms. “Then, I mustn’t disappoint the lady.”

He carried me
upstairs and into one of the guest rooms, which was obviously where
he had been sleeping judging by the unmade bed. I smiled inwardly,
years of rigorous military routine had obviously had little impact
on him.

“Why aren’t you
in the master bedroom?”

“That’s where
I’ve been sanding the floor. After I got back from the palace today
I needed to keep busy,” he said.

I understood
him perfectly and reached up and kissed him. He laid me on the bed
without breaking the contact and settled on top of me. “God Sophie,
I’ve dreamed about having you here again, lying in my bed. Tell me
you are really here,” he insisted, searching my eyes.

“I’m really
here,” I said softly. For the first time, I saw peace settle over
the contours of his face. Thinking back, I don’t think he had ever
been able to completely let go because of the fear of what the
truth about Katie might have done to us, but now that I had said
the words he had obviously needed to hear, he was able to lay it to
rest. I had been right, forgiveness had bought me my future.

*****

“You are
staring at me,” he said sleepily, his eyes still closed.

“I know,” I
said. “You are nice to look at.”

He wound his
arm around me and pulled me close to him. I revelled in the feel of
him.

“Oh my God!” I
shrieked.

His eyes flew
open. “What?”

“That poor man
has been outside in the car all night. I was supposed to send him
back if I stayed.” I scrambled to get out of bed. “Oh, I feel so
terrible.”

Ahran laughed.
“Don’t worry, I sent him on his way last night.”

I stopped my
search for my underwear and spun around in surprise. “Did you?
When?”

“When I had a
shower and you were in the kitchen. Come on get back into bed,” he
said, holding the covers back inviting me to return to bed.

I slid back
between the sheets, my mind flitting over the events of last night
and realising that had been before we had made up.

“But, we hadn’t
talked at that point,” I said nonplussed.

“I know,” he
replied with a mischievous grin. “You didn’t think I was going to
let you have an escape route, did you?”

“How did you
know I wanted to stay?”

“I didn’t, I
just wasn’t prepared to make it easy for you to leave.”

I punched him
playfully on the shoulder. “But you were cold and distant when I
arrived and I was scared stiff that you were going to tell me to go
to hell.”

“Sophie, you
really have no idea how I feel about you, do you?” he said, bemused
by my lack of perspicacity. “I thought you had come to tell me that
you could never forgive me and that it was over. I was prepared to
do whatever it took to make you think again.”

He had been
prepared to fight for me. I smiled and felt all warm inside. He
pulled me towards him and I settled in the crook of his arm. It
felt so good to be there.

“What would you
like to do today?” he asked.

“I’d like to
see Toby this afternoon and spend the morning in bed with you.”

“Excellent,” he
said as he pulled me on top of him. “But you need some breakfast
first. I don’t want you flaking out on me.” He kissed me on the
nose.

“Come to think
of it, I’m ravenous,” I confessed.

“Me too. How
about I make us some pancakes with bananas and maple syrup?”

“Excuse me, I
think I may have just stumbled into breakfast heaven.”

Ahran chuckled.
“I have a number of divine offerings in my breakfast
repertoire.”

“I knew there
was a reason I was attracted to you.”

“Just one?”

“I can maybe
think of one or two more.” I raised my left eyebrow
suggestively.

“I’m going
downstairs before I’m forced to prove to you what those are,” he
said, rolling out from underneath me. I laughed and sat up,
enjoying the view as he pulled on his boxers. He had the most
incredible body and now it was all mine. The thought sent a
delicious shiver down my spine.

“Give me five
minutes before you come down, I’ve got a surprise for you,” he said
like an excited schoolboy.

“Ooh, I love
surprises.”

“Five minutes
okay?” he warned.

I nodded and he
left and went downstairs leaving me wondering what sort of a
surprise he had in store.

I grabbed hold
of the pillow he had been sleeping on, it smelt of him and I hugged
it close to me sinking my nose into it. What a difference
twenty-four hours makes!

I slid out of
bed and went into the bathroom. I didn’t want to waste time having
a shower so I settled for cleaning my teeth with Ahran’s
toothbrush. I looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed. My eyes
were bright and sparkling and my face had lost that haunted look.
My cheeks were flushed and my hair looked like I’d been dragged
through a hedge backwards. I groaned as I spat out the toothpaste.
Why was it that I didn’t have that sexy, sleep-mussed look women
always had in films? Instead, I looked like some Neolithic cave
woman. I looked through Ahran’s wash bag and bathroom cupboard to
see if he had a comb but my search was fruitless. I went back into
the bedroom feeling my wrist for a hairband but for once there
wasn’t one there and I couldn’t find anything else that would serve
as a hair tie, so I gave up. I found the t-shirt he’d had on last
night and slipped it over my head, it doubled as a perfectly
adequate nightdress and smelt of him. I smoothed my hair down as
best as I could. It had to be five minutes by now.