A
SHLEY STILL HAD AN HOUR BEFORE
the appointment at Sarah’s House.
This would be the perfect day to take Janessa by the Sunset Hills Adult Care Home. She hadn’t been by the old place in far too long. Only Burt and Helen remained from among the Alzheimer’s patients Ashley had once cared for at the four-bedroom assisted living home. Her favorite patient had been Irvel, a gentle woman who had cared very much for Ashley. It was Irvel who had commented so often about Ashley’s hair, how beautiful it was. Ashley smiled at the memory. The kind woman’s comments weren’t so much because Ashley’s hair was really all that beautiful. But because Irvel wanted something kind to say, and the comment about her hair always seemed to be the first thing that came to her mind. Five times an hour, most days.
The stop at Sunset Hills was just what Ashley needed. Burt was doing better than ever. He seemed to remember her, and Ashley introduced him to Janessa. She was shy around the older people, but she waved her fingers at Burt and he did the same in return, tears filling his eyes. Babies were a rarity at Sunset Hills.
Helen was awake too. She had a scowl on her face as Ashley entered the kitchen, and she was complaining about something swimming in her coffee. The girl working that morning gave Ashley a knowing look. Nothing was swimming in Helen’s coffee.
Ashley introduced herself, and the girl did the same. “Helen has her good days,” she told Ashley when they were in the next room. “She loves when her daughter stops by.”
“Her daughter?” Ashley’s heart leapt at the news. “She still remembers her?”
“Yes.” The girl smiled. “Her name’s Sue.”
“I know. I…I’ve met her several times.” There was no point rehashing the story of how Sue had come to see her mother for years, and how always Helen would yell at her to leave, not believing she was really Sue, and demanding to know what the middleaged woman had done with her real daughter.
Not until Ashley finally understood that Helen was expecting Sue to be a teenager still, were they able to gently, carefully bridge the gap between Helen’s memory and the reality. Ashley had been there the day the breakthrough happened, when Helen finally understood that her daughter Sue was, in fact, a middleaged woman now. That Helen still remembered Sue was enough to make Ashley’s day. She stopped in the kitchen before she left and bid Helen good-bye. Janessa did the same.
Helen shook her head, her face a mask of disgust. “Your baby’s pretty.” She jerked her thumb toward her coffee. “But there’s something swimming in my drink. No one will help me.”
“I’ll help you.” The girl on duty walked up with a fresh cup of coffee. She replaced the perfectly fine one and smiled at Helen. “There you go. Nothing swimming.”
Ashley was glad Cole wasn’t with them. Her son would’ve inevitably launched into a talk about his tadpoles, and how they were swimming in their fishbowl. That would’ve really put Helen over the edge. Ashley thanked the girl for letting her and Janessa stop in. She said a final farewell to Burt and the two of them were on their way.
She reached Sarah’s House well before the appointment. Janessa toddled around the waiting area while Ashley went over the notes in the schedule book. Brooke had written in the margins that she suspected an abortion was in order for the girl about to come in. She’d given her age as nineteen, and her name as Andi.
Whether that was her real name or not, Ashley couldn’t be sure. Many girls facing a crisis pregnancy were reluctant to share their real identity.
In the time left, she and Janessa sat at a table and colored. Janessa was just starting to like drawing, and her pictures were still faint and unrecognizable. But Ashley wondered whether her daughter might follow in her footsteps, maybe become an artist creating memorable designs on canvas someday.
They were still sitting together coloring a picture of a rainbow and a flower when the front door opened. Ashley stood, but before she could welcome the young woman standing out front, she felt her breath catch in her throat. She knew this girl. She’d seen her before—on the set of the movie filmed in Bloomington last year. This was the producer’s daughter, right?
“Andi?”
Fear iced the girl’s expression and she shook her head, taking a single step back. “I’m…I’m afraid I have the wrong…”
“Andi.” Ashley tried to still her pounding heart. The girl obviously recognized her too. “It’s okay. Our work here is confidential.”
Andi’s face had lost color. She looked like she might be sick, but she took a slow step forward and clutched her purse to her stomach. “You…you know Bailey Flanigan, right?”
“I do.” Ashley wasn’t sure how much to tell her. The less, the better. She racked her mind, trying to remember what she knew about the producer’s daughter. Her parents had been missionaries in Indonesia. That much she remembered. If the girl was pregnant now, then no wonder she looked terrified. “I met you on the movie set last summer.”
Andi nodded, and again she looked like she might pass out. Janessa jumped up from the table then and ran to the girl. The toddler stopped short and flashed her a grin, then she waved.
“Hi!”
“Hi.” Andi sat down primly on the edge of a waiting room chair.
“Mama!” Janessa turned suddenly shy and ran, giggling, into Ashley’s arms. Ashley lifted her up onto her hip. She pulled the pacifier from her diaper bag and handed it to Janessa. Her daughter stuck it in her mouth and instantly cradled her head against Ashley’s shoulder. “It’s almost naptime.” Ashley smiled at Andi. “She’ll be asleep in a few minutes.”
Andi didn’t look interested. She kept her eyes on her lap and nodded absently. “No one…” she lifted her eyes to Ashley. “No one knows about this. I don’t want anyone to know.”
“I understand.” She came slowly toward Andi and took the chair opposite her. Janessa stayed quiet, her head still on Ashley’s shoulder. “This is a crisis pregnancy center, Andi. Do you know what that is?”
“I read the ad.” She ran her tongue over her lower lip. Clearly she was scared to death. “You give free ultrasounds. I know that.”
“We’re a Christian center.” Ashley wanted to be kind, but she also wanted to be very clear. “Our goal is to show you the truth, that your unborn baby is a very real little person, a life. From there we pray that every frightened girl like yourself who comes through the door might make a decision to go through with her pregnancy. Whether she gives up her baby for adoption or chooses to raise the baby herself.”
Andi’s shoulders tensed up. She covered her face with one hand and waited a long time before she looked up again. “I…I’m not sure what to do.” A number of emotions flickered across her face—frustration and anger, and most of all, desperation. “Do you know my parents?”
“I met them briefly, but I don’t know them.” She handed Andi a clipboard. “Here. We need you to fill this out before the ultrasound, okay?”
The girl still looked like she might bolt. But she took the paperwork
and a pen and quietly filled out the form. There was so much Ashley wanted to say. She had her own story to share, her own personal understanding of the value of life. But right now Andi wouldn’t hear her anyway. She was too caught up in the nightmare happening to her. Ashley tried another tactic instead.
Andi handed the paperwork back, and Ashley looked it over. “Are you ready for the ultrasound?”
“Yes, please.” She looked like she might run out of the center at any moment. “I need to know how…how far along I am.”
Ashley knew what that might mean. Abortion clinics would want that information, and testing at other clinics wouldn’t be free. If Andi hadn’t planned on getting pregnant, she probably had no idea how many weeks pregnant she was. She stood and smiled at Andi, willing the girl to feel safe and protected. “Follow me. We’ll get started, okay?”
Ashley led her to a changing room and told her she could leave on her jeans as long as she unzipped them. “Put the gown on open in the front, and tie it loosely. I’ll meet you in the examination room.”
Andi was shaking, so scared she seemed barely able to move, let alone respond. Ashley was still holding Janessa, who had fallen asleep. There was a crib in the exam room, so she laid her daughter there and turned on the ultrasound machine. The whole time her heart broke for Andi and the decisions she was facing.
Dear God, this is why we opened the center. For girls like Andi. Please, Father, let Your Spirit fill this room. Let her feel Your supernatural peace so that she can truly grasp the reality of the life inside her, so she can hear the words You give me to say. I can’t do this, Lord. This is beyond me. Please spare this little one. Both the baby and the precious young mother.
You will not have to fight this battle, my daughter. Stand firm and see the deliverance I will give you.
Ashley felt the response soothe the wrinkles in her soul.
Thank You, God. I will stand firm. Help me stand firm.
She loved the picture the Lord had given her. Ashley was a fighter—she always had been. But in a time like this, the battle wasn’t hers. It was God’s alone. The reality eased her anxiety and helped her know that the Lord was in control.
Andi knocked on the door, and Ashley opened it. The machine was warmed up and ready. “Lie down on the table. Try to get comfortable.” Ashley remembered the music. A donor had given them a portable stereo system with six CDs of calming Christian songs, music by Jeremy Camp and Matthew West, Britt Nicole and Mandisa and NewSong. Music about life and peace and hope and grace. While Andi eased herself up onto the table, Ashley hit the Play button and adjusted the volume.
The gentle refrains of Mandisa’s song “Voice of a Savior” quietly filled the room.
Andi sniffed, and a single tear slid down the side of her face. “I love this song.”
“Me too.” Ashley smiled. She checked once more on Janessa asleep in the crib across the room. Then she returned to Andi’s side. Already the girl had pushed her jeans down and exposed her stomach. Ashley took a bottle of warm gel and dispensed enough across Andi’s belly for the machine to work. “This won’t take long.”
In the lobby, she heard the sound of the door opening again. A retired nurse worked the day shift at the front desk. The door to the examination room was still open. “Is that you, Betty?”
“It is. You’re working with the first appointment?”
Ashley turned compassionate eyes to the college girl on the table. “Yes. We’re just getting started.”
Betty appeared at the door with a clipboard. She wasn’t trained in ultrasounds, but she would register the results. She stood a few feet away and waited.
Ashley took the wand of the machine and began working
it slowly across Andi’s stomach. The machine made a series of sounds, and in no time she settled the probe over an area just beneath Andi’s belly button. At the same time, a rhythmic wooshing sound filled the room, pulsing in an unmistakable pattern.
Andi drew a soft gasp. “That’s…”
“The baby’s heartbeat.” Ashley never tired of this, catching the first sounds of new life. Tears gathered in her eyes, but she blinked them away, smiling. “Your baby’s heart sounds very healthy, Andi.”
The girl craned her neck forward, peering at the screen. “Can I see it?”
Ashley adjusted the probe a little more until a tiny pulsating picture could be seen at the center of the screen. “There it is.” She pointed to the image. “That’s your baby’s heart.” She moved her finger along a curved area adjacent to the baby’s beating heart. “That’s the spine. Can you see that?”
“Yes. I…I didn’t think it would be so clear.”
“It is. Your baby’s a little miracle. Already growing and becoming.” Ashley kept her tone kind and tender. The music added to the emotion of the moment and she thanked God again for the wonder of the ultrasound machine. Anyone could tell a pregnant woman her body contained nothing more than a mass of tissues. But ultrasounds were different. The pictures, the sounds…the images didn’t lie. A baby was growing inside Andi, no question.
“How far along am I?”
“Let’s see.” Ashley was new at this, but she captured a few pictures of the unborn baby and clicked a few buttons. The machine computed the age of the fetus. “Looks like you’re ten weeks. Maybe ten and a half.”
“Ten weeks?” Andi looked shocked at the news. Her face grew ashen again and she turned away from the images. “Can…I be done now?”
“Of course.”
Betty made a few notations on the clipboard, and she handed Andi a clean towel.
Ashley turned off the machine and wiped down the wand. “Go ahead and dry off, then you can get dressed in the changing room. Let’s meet back here in a few minutes.”
“Thank you.” Andi’s voice was almost inaudible. She pulled the gown tight around herself as she took the towel and left for the changing room.
When she was gone, Betty exchanged a sad look with Ashley. “She’s so scared.”
“I know.” They were whispering. “Pray, Betty.”
“I am.” Her eyes softened. “I have been the whole time.”
Betty caught the printout from the ultrasound and finished filling in the chart. She was back at her desk by the time Andi returned to the examination area. There was a sofa in the far corner, next to the crib where Janessa was sleeping. Ashley led Andi there, and they sat on opposite ends. Andi kept her eyes focused intently on her hands.
Give me the words, please God.
“I’ve been in your seat, Andi. People make mistakes.”
Andi kept her face downturned, but she lifted her eyes to Ashley’s. “You were pregnant before…when you weren’t married?”
“Yes.” Ashley felt a surge of joy. Andi was willing to listen. “I was in France, about your age. I’d left home and I wanted to make my own way. Live by my own rules.” Ashley didn’t know anything about Andi’s story, how she’d gotten into this situation or who the guy might be. But she could sense Andi listening a little more intently. “I began dating a famous painter, and after a few months I wound up pregnant.” She paused, still ashamed of the details. “He was a married man. He told me he wasn’t about to leave his wife, and he gave me the address of an abortion clinic in Paris.”
“You…had an abortion?” Andi crossed her arms tight across
her stomach. She looked small and frail, completely overwhelmed by her situation.