Authors: Kracken
“What’s wrong with outside?” Burton wanted to know.
“They don’t shop for books outside,” Donny pointed out.
Burton nodded in agreement. “All right, but everything you’ve suggested takes money. I can’t pay the bills I have now.”
“There aren’t any assets that you can sell or use as collateral?”
Burton winced. “I do have some antiques and a few bonds. I was saving them as a last resort.”
Donny was sympathetic but he didn’t pull his punches. “If you want this place to stay open, then you have to make those sacrifices.”
Burton sighed. “All right, I’ll sell them. Everything you’ve suggested makes good business sense.”
Donny felt a weight settle on his shoulders. He had just convinced a man to sell his last assets, and change his business, on his advice. If the business failed, then it would be his fault entirely.
Burton said, seeing Donny’s sudden tense expression, “Don’t worry. I’ve tried enough things that have failed all on my own. In the end, it’s still my decision whether to take your advice or not.”
Donny nodded, feeling a little better, but not much. He knew that he would still blame himself if Burton’s book store failed.
The door jingled. They both looked up to see Peter Parker coming through the door dressed in his uniform and holding a bouquet of yellow roses.
“We’re closed,” Burton grumbled.
“It’s not a customer,” Donny told him, feeling a chill of trepidation.
Burton eyed him, “Trouble?”
“I don’t know,” Donny replied honestly.
Burton looked at him as if he were an idiot. “Unless the police department has decided to deliver flowers before an arrest, I won’t assume that he is here to arrest you. I only want to know if you want him here.”
“I do,” Donny replied, “But… I wanted to wait.”
Burton looked Peter up and down as he stood in the doorway uncertainly. “I’m not into men, but even I have to wonder,
wait for what
?”
“It’s hard to remember why at the moment,” Donny admitted and stepped forward to meet Peter.
“I’ll just… go into the office for a bit,” Burton said behind him.
“Thanks.”
Peter looked down at the flowers in his hands nervously and then held them out to Donny. Donny took them uncertainly. “Dan gave me your photo,” Peter explained. “I suddenly had to see you.”
He had walked out on Peter, leaving him cold and probably thinking that, once again, he had failed to be the kind of man someone could love. “Do you understand why I left?”
Peter’s jaw clenched and he met Donny’s eyes with doubt in his own. “It made sense that you wouldn’t want to have to rely on me, but not speaking to me at all… I wondered if it wasn’t just an excuse. Dan tells me I cling, that I’m needy for affection and validation. He warns me not to smother people.”
Donny put aside the flowers on a table stacked with books and then regretted it when it left him with hands that only want to take hold of Peter and comfort him. “Dan makes it sound as if you’re to blame for driving people away from you. There’s nothing wrong with caring and with wanting to love someone.”
Peter blinked blue eyes in shock and then asked carefully, “Is that what this is between us? Love?”
Donny grimaced. Perhaps Dan did have a point about Peter rushing into the meat of a relationship? He could imagine shocked lovers running in every direction at being told the ‘L’ word so soon after meeting Peter.
“I guess not,” Peter said in acute disappointment, answering his own question. He ran a hand over his blond crew cut as if in frustration and then began turning away. “Look… I’m sorry I bothered you. If you want to call me…”
“We hardly know each other,” Donny said as he reached out and tentatively took hold of Peter’s sleeve. Peter half turned back to him and looked as if he expected Donny to take a punch at him. Donny patted the sleeve lightly and let go. “We need to go slow.”
Peter smiled hopefully. “The flowers… they were too much, too soon?”
Donny chuckled. “The flowers were a nice touch.” He sobered in the next instant, wanting Peter to understand. “I’m not going to forget about you. Something happened while I was staying with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s strong and a bit frightening. I don’t want to get confused, wondering if that feeling is because I care about you or because I need you.”
“I understand that, but waiting and wondering if…” he struggled to express emotions, his blue eyes troubled. “You might find someone else, someone who’s-”
“Don’t say better than you,” Donny growled.
Peter suddenly reached out and cupped a big hand to Donny’s cheek. He leaned forward and said seriously, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone, either. It happened as soon as I saw you.”
Donny grimaced. “You mean when you woke me up, passed out outside a bar, after I’d let some old guy screw me?”
Peter’s hand tightened and he swallowed hard. “That was a-”
“Mistake?” Donny finished for him. “It was my M.O., Officer Parker. Not out of the ordinary. So, when you talk about someone who doesn’t measure up, I think we should be talking about me.”
Peter took a deep breath as if to deny it and then let it out.
“Right,” Donny said as if that one exhaled breath had said volumes. “I’m toxic. I’m cleaning myself up, but you shouldn’t be around for that. When I’m done-“
“You’re wrong,” Peter objected. He lowered his hand and clenched it into a fist to control his emotions. “I can’t stay away. I have to at least see you, even if we just talk.”
Donny wasn’t sure. He jammed hands intp his pockets and hunched in on himself. “I don’t know if that’s smart.”
“It might be stupid, but that’s how I feel,” Peter insisted.
“I don’t want to lose focus,” Donny argued, but it was a faint argument. He wanted to see Peter as much as Peter wanted to see him.
“I won’t intrude, I swear,” Peter begged.
Donny thought it over, mind whirling as if he was in a trap and he needed to find a way to escape. The answer to his dilemma was solved by Burton sticking his head out of the office and saying, “Have him show up for breakfast, you idiot! Coffee, donuts, and the morning paper, just like the rest of the customers, and then he can be on his way, after!”
Donny gave Burton an exasperated look but he was smiling at the same time. When he faced Peter again, the man was looking even more hopeful.
“I’ll feel like a stereotype, but I could swing by for coffee and donuts on my way to work?” Peter suggested.
“It’s not on your way,” Donny pointed out.
“I’ll change my route,” Peter replied. “Please say yes.”
Donny didn’t reply right away, but that was just to convince himself that he had thought it through. In reality, he didn’t think he could say no even if it was a very bad idea. Dan was going to kick his ass.
“Okay,” Donny agreed, “You’ll stop by for breakfast and then you’ll go to work.”
“I accept your parameters,” Peter intoned seriously and then laughed as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He leaned a little forward, as if he wanted to kiss Donny, but Donny stepped back.
“Not yet,” Donny said, “because I won’t be able to stop at a kiss.”
Peter went red around the ears, but he nodded. “I feel the same way. I should go.” He almost turned to go, but then asked hesitantly. “Exactly what is the benchmark that needs to be reached before we can really see each other?”
“I need to feel like I’m independent, that I’m doing something with my life,” Donny explained. “I’m hoping that doesn’t take a long time.”
“Me too,” Peter said, with his heart in his voice. “I’ll come again, in the morning. Bye, Don.”
“Bye, Pete,” Donny returned without thought and they both started at the nickname. Peter smiled, nodded, and then he was gone.
Donny sighed, the room feeling empty without Peter in it.
“Again with the waiting,” Burton said at his elbow and Donny started with a glare. “You know son, if you wait too long, you’ll have to call it fear, not being prudent.”
“I’m confused,” Donny admitted. “I wish I had met him when everything was clear and I had my life sorted out.”
“If you’re waiting until that happens, you’ll be waiting forever,” Burton told him. “Nobody is ever clear or really certain about their lives. It’s always in flux. You seem like a good man to me. You work hard and you’re conscientious. If you had bad habits before meeting me, I don’t think they defined the rest of your life.”
“I’ve been tempted,” Donny told him.
Burton shrugged. “People are tempted all of the time. Don’t you think I’m tempted to take that Lady Shark’s check? It would buy me a nice retirement home in the Cayman Islands. Your choices make you who you are.”
“It’s easier to know what to do when it’s just my life I’ll be screwing up,” Donny explained. “Screwing up his life, too, is terrifying.”
“
Maybe
screwing it up,” Burton corrected him. “Remember the
maybe
, because everything is a maybe in life.”
“Fatherly advice,” Donny snorted.
“Take it or leave it,” Burton replied. “See you in the morning.”
“I’ll be here,” Donny replied. “Think about my suggestions about the shop. If you aren’t going to sell then we need to work on getting this place to make more money.”
“Will do,” Burton agreed, but then he paused and said, almost as if he were afraid. “Maybe what I’ve been lacking is a younger partner; somebody with new ideas and energy?”
“Know anyone like that?” Donny replied, faking innocence.
Burton sighed, “Of course you wouldn’t be interested. You’re probably setting your sights on much bigger things.”
“I don’t know what I want,” Donny admitted, “But I do know that you shouldn’t try to offer part of your business to someone you hardly know.”
Just as Peter shouldn’t use the word,
love
, when he hardly knew him, Donny thought. It confirmed that he had been right to slow the man down. However much they both wanted it, they needed more time to get to know one another. They needed to make sure that what they were feeling was real.
Burton waved a hand and said, as he went out the door, “I’ll take my foolishness home, then, but I’ll leave the offer open. When you get my age, eccentric behavior is expected.”
The man needed protecting from himself, Donny thought in exasperation, even while it felt good to have the man trust him that much.
Sleep wasn’t going to come easily, knowing that Peter was going to be there in the morning. Donny considered going out, rather than sitting in his room and counting the minutes until dawn. Besides, he had money in his pocket, now, and it had been too long since he had really enjoyed himself. The thought of visiting old haunts though, wasn’t appealing. He instinctively knew that visiting the places where he had failed to have any personal standards might weaken his resolve to do better. He wasn’t sure what he would say if he met any of his old cronies there. They had loved the partying son of the mayor, but he doubted they would give the time of day to a bookseller’s gay assistant.
Still, Donny thought, as he went up to his room, chose some dark clothing, and put on black eyeliner, there might be tamer fun to be had right where he was living now. Having a drink and seeing what the locals considered a
night on the town
, might not be a bad thing.
Raking fingers through his dark hair to make it spike, Donny mentally set himself ground rules. No getting drunk. No hookups. No fighting. Definitely, no drugs. He was just going to meet the neighborhood for a few hours and then go back home, sober, safe, and ready to have breakfast with Peter.
The wave of anxiety that last thought caused, convinced Donny that he was doing the right thing.
Chapter Ten
“You’re new,” a slim waiter said offhandedly as he put Donny’s drink on the small club table. He had a shock of bleached white hair, black mascara, and a black stretch outfit that reminded Donny of a mime costume.
“I work at the book store.” Donny offered a hand. The man shook it firmly as he balanced a small tray with his other hand. “My name’s Donny.”
“Clark,” The man returned and then, “Burton’s bookstore?”
“Yes,” Donny replied, smiling a little, because there was only one book store.
“Did he need help?” A dark eyebrow rose in concern, but it seemed skeptical as well.
It made Donny pause to think about it. “Yes,” he replied. “He needed some stronger muscle.”
“Ah,” the man said and then glanced over at a table where a couple, who looked like hippies left over from the sixties, were sitting down. “Welcome to the neighborhood, Donny,” he said and went to take the couple’s order.
Donny wasn’t certain if he was in a dance club, a bar, or a bistro. Most of the clientele were sitting and talking, most of them looking eccentric and varied in style. Goths, Bohemians, retro, punks, and just plain odd mingled freely. Drinks ranged from liquor to black coffee and a limited menu of deserts and greasy fried food could be had for a few dollars a basket. Sharing appeared common. The décor was dark, candles and hanging lights dim enough to make everything intimate and somewhat secretive, yet a few flashing colored lights, and a bad sound system playing a deep bass, encouraging one or two people to dance. Someone had painted the floor and walls with designs that might have startled even a hardcore Cubist.
“Burton’s new sidekick?” a man asked as he plopped down at Donny’s table opposite him, as if there couldn’t possibly be an objection. He was heavy set with scruffy black hair and a thin black goatee. He wore a red turtle neck sweater, brown pants, and a small pill hat that was brown as well. Donny found himself staring at the hat, not certain how anyone could think that fashion statement was a good idea. “Dr. Who,” the man said knowingly as he touched it with a fat finger. “I look good in a fez.”
Donny didn’t get it, but didn’t say so. He saluted the man with his drink and said, “I’m Donny.”
“Marius,” the man replied. “I own the anime shop six doors down from Burton’s.”
Donny tried to remember the shop and couldn’t. The man seemed to understand his puzzled frown.