Taming Crow (Hells Saints Motorcycle Club) (24 page)

“God. That was great. Look at this.” Melissa held up her wrinkled fingertips for Crow to see. “All pruned-up from the water. Can’t remember the last time this happened. As a kid I used to stay in the water until my lips were blue and my teeth were chattering. My dad used to have to drag me out.” Melissa sighed smiling slightly at the memory. “Now I have to drag Jett out in the same way. It’s really nice to have this time to relax and stay in as long as I like without worrying about him giving me a heart attack by swimming too far out.”

She grabbed the towel Crow offered to her and dried herself off. Then she laid it out, plopped down next to him, sat back on her elbows and looked out into the tide.

  He looked at her somewhat hesitantly, then blurted out, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay.” Melissa turned and smiled slightly at Crow, but stopped when she saw the expression on his face.

Crow paused, not really sure how to begin. He was not the kind of guy who typically took the time to weigh his words. But he knew that if he wanted to get the answers he needed from Melissa it was going to take something he knew very little of…and that was finesse.

“While I was away, I got a text from Jett.” He thought that was a good place to start.

Melissa looked surprised. “Really? Why?”

“He said you were crying and he was worried.” Crow watched her.

“Oh.” Melissa’s face gave away nothing.

“He said that Tommy came to the house.” Crow went for it. “You want to tell me about it?”

Melissa shook her head even as the secrets she held darkened her eyes. Crow saw her body stiffen and the pulse in her neck begin to do jumping jacks.

“I…uh…uh…” Melissa stumbled over the words.

She sat up fully now and automatically reached for the wedding ring around her neck.

Crow watched on as Melissa’s expression twisted into one of horror.

Because it was not there.

She began to claw at her neck like she couldn’t breathe. Like she had just discovered that thing that caused her heart to beat was missing.

“Oh, my god. My ring. Crow. It’s gone. My ring is gone.” Melissa got up and began spinning around in the sand. “Did you see it? Do you see it?”

She was looking furiously on the ground, kicking up sand with her feet. Her wild eyes searched everywhere. She ran to the surf and frantically began diving in and out of the water. Crow hadn’t even had time to register the panic that filled her.

Jesus. Melissa had lost her mind. What in the world did she hope to accomplish?

Crow ran to the surf and jumped in after her. The next time she broke water, he was ready. He grabbed her firmly around the waist and began to pull her out of the tide. She struggled against him and he was reminded again how small and fragile she was. Melissa’s will was so fierce at times, she was so stubborn and closed off and determined that sometimes Crow forgot she was only half his size.

She twisted and railed against him. “Let me go. I have to find it.
I have to find it.”

Melissa was out of her mind with despair.

“Stop.” Crow’s arms were steel bands around her heaving body. “Melissa stop!”

She writhed in his arms as he dragged her out of the pounding surf and onto the sand, where she pulled herself roughly out of his embrace. A look of panicked confusion and pain crossed her face.

“It’s gone Crow.” She made a strangled noise. “And it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” he assured her.

“It is
. It is.
I should have known better. I should have been more careful. I should have taken it off before I went swimming.
I should have taken it off
.” Her voice broke.

“You were hot and tired and you forgot. Jesus,” Crow sighed.

“But I shouldn’t have.
I shouldn’t have
.” Melissa looked helplessly at him.

“People forget, Melissa. They let themselves forget.” His voice filled with barely controlled anger.

She whipped around at him then. “Do you think that was what this was? Do you think I wanted this to happen? That I lost it because I wanted to forget?”

“I didn’t say that.” Crow narrowed his eyes at her.

“But that’s what you meant isn’t it?
Isn’t it?
Is that what you think I should do? Forget?
Forget?
” Melissa shouted at him, her whole body tensed with angry frustration.

Crow glared at her, tightened his fist, clenched his jaw and hoped Melissa was ready for it.

“Yeah. As a matter of fact I fucking do!” He shouted back at her. “That’s exactly what I think you should do!”

“What?!” She pushed the wet hair out of her face in one hard sweep and continued to shout.
“What?
”

“You heard me.” Crow fired back. “Get. The fuck. Over. It.”

Melissa gasped, “Did you just …?”

But Crow wasn’t going to be interrupted.

“How long are you going to hold on? How fucking long, Melissa, is this going to go on? And what exactly are you holding on to? Guilt? Goddamn it. I am so fucking sick of seeing that
I don’t deserve to be happy
look come over your face,” he finished with a snarl.

“You? You’re sick of it? Try living it. No wait. That would be impossible for you.” Melissa screamed at him.

“Yeah? And why is that?” he roared back.

“When was the last time you felt the least bit guilty about anything?
Anything?
” She quieted her voice, but paused when he didn’t answer right away. Then she flung her hand up in an exaggerated motion. “Yeah. That’s just what I thought. But you know what, Crow? You don’t have to worry about making yourself sick over looking at me and all my guilt. Because you’re off the goddamn hook.”

“I’m off the fucking
what?
”

“Off. The. Hook. You don’t think I know what this was? You sweep into town and take pity on poor little pathetic
me.
The tenant
? Isn’t that what
she
called me?” Melissa’s voice had started to break.

“I don’t give a fuck what
she
called you because
she
is gone. She’s gone because I sent her
away.” Crow pointed at Melissa. “And you don’t make this about her, because you know it’s not. It’s about you and me. You think I don’t know about guilt? Take your head out of your ass, Melissa. I know all about guilt. I feel it every time I look at you. Every single time I think about stripping you naked and stretching you under me and pushing up inside you until that’s all you have room for in your body and your mind and your heart is
me
. I feel guilty about wanting you because the goddamn ring around your neck makes me feel that way. So you know what? The only thing I’m sorry about that ring being gone is that I didn’t tear it off your neck myself. Glad? Baby, I’m fucking ecstatic. And you should be too.”

Then before the shock had a chance to settle and register on her face, he said, “You didn’t kill him, Melissa. He’s gone, but you blaming yourself because of a stupid argument… Jesus baby…
you didn’t kill him.
” Crow’s voice softened.

“What did you say?” Melissa’s eyes rounded in her pale face.

“Melissa…” Crow began.

“What. Did. You. Say?” Melissa punched out each word.

“The migraine…on those meds…you said some things…” Crow began.

“What things?” Melissa shook her head.

“Honestly, a lot of it wasn’t clear,” Crow said gently.

“What things,
Crow? What do you know? What did I say?” Melissa’s whole body was rigid with anxiety.

Crow ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“I know Jesse took another tour even though he told you he wouldn’t. I know you wanted him home and he left you. I know you were scared and lonely and he took off anyway. I know you said some shit. And that he said some shit back. But most of all  I know if it was me…”

“Stop.” Melissa put her hand up like she was warding off an evil spell. “Stop!”

“…
I know that if it was me,
” Crow continued on loud and determined as if he hadn’t heard her, “I wouldn’t have left you. Wild fucking horses couldn’t have dragged me away from you and my kid. If you were mine, I never would have been able to walk out that door and away from what we had …”

“Crow…please…stop,” Melissa whimpered.

But Crow wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop.

“Jesus, Melissa, even right now just hearing you say my name makes me crazy. I think about you all the time.
All the fucking time.
It takes all I have every single goddamn night not to bang down that fucking door of yours and show you what it means to be my woman. There is not a thing that I don’t want from you. Not a thing that I wouldn’t do for you. And I know you want that too.
I know you do
. But you’ve got to give
me
a chance. Give
us
a fucking chance. You’ve got to let him go, Melissa. Let him rest in damn peace and move on because there sure as hell isn’t room for three in my bed.”

Melissa stood stock still. Her mouth formed a startled
O
and her eyes went wide. She looked at him without blinking.

“That surprises you?” Crow was incredulous. “Christ. You’re gonna sit there and tell me you’re fucking
surprised
at what I just said? Tell me, baby, that you did not miss the signs that I have been throwing your way for goddamn months now. Please tell me that you did not miss my goddamn fucking intent, because right now you look like you just saw a damn ghost.”

“Poor choice of words,” she whispered to him.

“What?” He leaned back.

“The ghost reference. Poor choice of words… considering…” A small hysterical gasp of giggle rose up from her heaving chest.

“Seriously, Melissa? Did you just make a joke? Don’t even tell me that I just laid it all out for you like some lovesick Romeo and you made a
joke
?”

At his words the small rise of hysteria passed and Melissa sobered up quickly. The haunted look came back, blazed hot across her face and just about broke Crow’s damn heart.

“Melissa, listen to me. Tell me what it is that keeps you all twisted up. This thing that’s tearing you apart… I want to understand. Make me understand.” Crow’s eyes were glued to hers, but when he took a step forward, she would take no comfort in his arms.

She stood resolutely apart from him, clouded and caged and trapped in her own misery.

“There’s a chance it will wash back onshore. There’s a chance, isn’t there?” Melissa whispered.

“The tide’s is going out, Melissa.” Crow took a step back from her then.

“Then it’s gone. It’s gone isn’t it?” Melissa asked dejectedly.

Then.

“Will you take me home now? It’s time for me to go home.”

Crow scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed as he realized he was doing it again. Wanting a woman that he could never have.

And suddenly he was done.

“Yeah, Melissa. I’ll take you home. But you and this guilt trip? This is a ride you’re gonna be taking alone from here on out. So you need to do whatever you have to do to get your head straight or keep living alone in your fucked up world, because I can’t do this anymore. You see it a different way then you know where I am. But don’t you come knocking on that goddamn door until your head is where it needs to be to get us where we need to go. And one more thing…”

“There’s more?” Melissa managed to squeak out.

“I ain’t gonna wait forever,” he said to her. Then he walked to the bike and never once looked back to make sure she was following him.

By midnight Melissa had been sitting at the kitchen table for hours thinking about
everything.
She wasn’t surprised that after their argument Crow had packed a bedroll on his bike and left. She had been filled with the deep fear that this time he might have gone for good. But this afternoon, just as Melissa had finished putting Jett on the camp van for the end of the summer excursion, Crow had pulled in to the driveway. An overwhelming sense of relief and happiness at seeing him back home had filled her so completely a part of her had wanted to run straight into his arms. But the rest of her knew that wouldn’t solve a thing.

The past is gone. Let it stay gone.

She wished with all her heart that she could take her papa’s advice.

But how could she do that when there was still a piece of the past left behind waiting for her?

She was so confused.

When the chiming of the cell made her jump up from her seat, Melissa felt the hot tea spill over and scald her fingers. A wave of terror passed through her. For a mother whose child is away, there is nothing more terrifying than the sound of a phone ringing in the dead of night.

He’s having trouble breathing, or he’s lost, or he’s hurt or he’s…

“Melissa.”

A wave of relief automatically swept through her mother’s heart. But just as quickly that relief was replaced by a different fear.

“Dad? What’s wrong?”

“It’s your Papa, honey. He had a small procedure done last week. Didn’t want to worry you, but now he’s developed an infection.” His voice quieted. “It’s gotten into his bloodstream. It’s sepsis, Melissa. He’s gone into shock. We’re here at the hospital now.”

Melissa fought through the panic. “I’m coming up. Jett’s at camp. I will get him first thing in the morning and drive straight through.”

“Honey…” Her father paused. “Take a plane.”

Melissa hung up and immediately began to check several websites for plane tickets to Boston. The nearest airport had two flights out. She had already missed the first one and the next flight was booked solid. The closest airport after that had room on their one and only morning flight but it was about a hundred and eighty miles away. And that meant that Melissa would have to pack quickly, roust Jett up from camp in the middle of the night and drive to the airport. She still wasn’t sure she would even make it on time.

Melissa paced through the house trying to gather her thoughts.

She had put Jett on the bus this morning but hadn’t thought to ask exactly where the camping ground was…she remembered the general area though. Where the pamphlet they had sent home…Where was the camp master’s number…Where…?

“Melissa!” Crow’s voice came booming through the back door.

She had barely unhooked the chain and twisted the lock before he barged in.

“What’s wrong?” He looked her over from head to toe.

“How did you know …?”

“Every damn light in the house came on in the last five minutes.” He answered running a hand through his hair. He was also slightly out of breath. “They call from the camp?”

“No. It’s not Jett. It’s my grandfather. An infection. He’s in septic shock. My father said I should take a plane…” Melissa fought the rising hysteria. “I can’t get a flight out from the local airport. They’re booked up”

“How about BTL? It’s a distance away but still doable. Have you checked with them?” Crow asked.

Melissa glanced at the clock. “Yeah, there’s a few seats left on their morning flight but I’m not sure there’s time. I need to pack and then go get Jett. I can just throw a few things in a backpack that’s not a big deal. But getting him from camp is the problem. I’ll have to go wake up the chaperones…I’m not even sure where the damn campsite is.”

“It’s okay. I’ll drive you to the airport and take care of Jett if you’re not back. When is he coming home?”

“He’ll be back Monday early. We’re supposed to be at the community hall to wait for the bus by seven a. m.”

“That’s not a problem.” Crow answered.

“Really, you’ll do that?”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I?” Crow sounded genuinely surprised.

“Well, I guess I thought...” Melissa let out a long breath. “You know, after what happened at the beach… ”

“Melissa, what happened at the beach does not mean shit right now.” Crow’s tone left no doubt that he meant what he said.

He was there for her.

Melissa’s shoulders slumped with relief.

And gratitude.

Crow was here and she would not have to face this alone
.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t try to pick up Jett? Maybe I should bring him with me in case…” Melissa couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

“No time. You go now. Later on, you want Jett there? I’ll get him there,” he assured her. “Grab what you need. I’ll book your flight and print out the ticket so you won’t have to waste time with check-in.”

Melissa was halfway up the stairs before Crow was finished talking.

***

When Melissa arrived at Logan airport, she was met by her father’s cousin. Niko was a distinguished looking man with a full head of salt and pepper hair, a closet full of perfectly starched, white button-down shirts, and a drawer full of gold cufflinks. Melissa had learned her third grade math facts while scouring betting sheets with him at the kitchen table. And it was because of Niko that Melissa knew the basics of statistics and probability before she could fully pronounce the terms.

Cousin Niko had always been one her favorites and she was glad to see him now.

On the ride over to Mass General he explained to Melissa that her grandfather had been placed in ICU. Gio was on a respirator and was being fed massive doses of antibiotics intravenously in an effort to prevent further spread of the infection and stop it from causing vital organs to shut down.

“Dad told me to come right away. Do you think…? Melissa twisted her hands in her lap.

“I give him two to one.” Niko answered the unspoken question in the only way he knew how.

And that response gave Melissa a spark of hope. Because even though betting on life or death may seem callous or even cruel in some families, Melissa knew that Niko had meant those words to comfort her.

“So you think he has a chance of beating this?”

“Damn right I do.” He reached over and patted her knee. “And I think you being here just raised the odds.”

***

Now Melissa looked with a bleary eye at the large wall clock. It had been close to three days since she had seen the inside of a shower, pulled a brush through her hair or had had more than a cup of coffee or the occasional donut. But looking around the large family waiting room, nobody else seemed to be doing much better.

There was a puzzle table set up in the corner where two middle-aged sisters spoke together in hushed tones. Melissa noticed that the older one kept picking up and putting down the same jagged piece over and over again. A woman in her early forties with red-rimmed eyes and rumpled clothing was perpetually knitting in the corner chair and kept glancing at the clock. Two small boys and their mother stared numbly at the television set. A teenage girl took a nap on one of the couches opposite her. Once in a while someone attempted to make small talk, but mostly it was eerily quiet.

A family liaison worker sat behind a large walnut desk with a patient smile and a sign printed on the wall over her head that said “Ask me.” Whenever the phone on her desk rang, everyone jumped.

Melissa had not left the hospital since her plane had touched down almost seventy-two hours before. She had texted Crow once telling him that she had landed safely and sent him all the basic information, but had not thought to update him again. There really was not much to tell, and all her energy was focused on her grandfather’s condition. The doctors were being cautiously optimistic now, but Gio was an elderly man and his ability to recover depended largely on how well his body responded to the antibiotics. Her grandfather had been sedated most of the time but once every few hours he would open his eyes. Melissa wanted to make sure that when he did, she was there for him to see her. She prayed it gave him comfort to know that he was not fighting this battle of life and death alone.

Thanks to the hospital’s liberal visiting policy, as long as Bruno and Melissa stayed out of the way of the staff, they were welcome to stay with Gio as long as they liked, except of course while he was being examined, which was the case at the moment. Her father had opted to sit outside of Gio’s room and wait, but Melissa had taken the opportunity to grab a cup of coffee from the perpetual pot on the sideboard of the family room.

She had just finished her last sip of the strong brew and was fighting off the lightheadedness that comes with too much caffeine and too little sleep when her father pushed through the double doors.

“Dad?” Melissa rose somewhat unsteadily to her feet.

“I just spoke to the doctor. He’s responding to the antibiotics, honey. Your papa is going to be fine.” Bruno’s eyes shone bright with relief. “They’ve taken him off the respirator, he’s groggy but awake. He’s asking for you.”

Melissa hurried across the hall to the ICU unit and her papa’s room.

“Papa Gio?” Melissa leaned in and whispered to him, “I’m here.”

“Ahh…of course you are. Your father…I told him not to call you…” Gio’s voice was frail. “You have enough without bothering about an old papa.”

“Uh-huh.” Melissa smiled indulgently at her grandfather and kissed him on the forehead. “I see you
are
feeling better now. Tell me Papa, tell me what I should do, now that I do not have to bother about my grandfather any longer.”

“Ah that is easy,
bambina
. You should worry less, smile more and fall in love,” Gio said, then he reached over and patted his granddaughter’s hand before he fell into a deep restorative sleep.

***

Melissa knew that once her grandfather was moved out of the ICU, the parade of well-wishers would begin. With the danger behind them, her father insisted that she should go home to Jett. Amidst assurances that Bruno would keep her closely updated on Gio’s condition, Melissa agreed. She longed for the comfort of her own bed, a steaming bubble bath and a full night of dreamless sleep. If she could get out on the next flight she would still have a couple of days to rest up and recoup before Jett was due home. She wanted to be one hundred percent for her little guy’s return.

After stopping by her father’s house to shower, change and grab a bite to eat, Melissa booked herself on the next flight. She was able to fly right into the airport closest to Havengate this time, which made for a much easier trip. On the way home Melissa thought about how Crow had charged in to help her and save the day. The fact that he had been able to put their argument and issues aside and be there for her when she needed him most?

That was no small thing.

And it wasn’t the first time that he had done that for her either. Not the first time he had given her strength, and courage and someone to lean on.

And that was no small thing either.

You should worry less, smile mor
e
…

And fall in love.

Could it really be that simple?

And suddenly, finally there it was.

Melissa
was
in love.

Irrevocably, completely and frighteningly totally crazy in love with Crow Mathison.

And after that conversation on the beach she was sure now that he loved her back.

What was she going to do with that?

What was she going to do with that?

She really had absolutely no idea but she knew it was not a question that she could answer all on her own. When Melissa felt the thump of the plane landing on the runway she was filled with the kind of certainty that she had not felt in a long time.

It was the same feeling of surety that had made her decide to pack up all their worldly belongings and hit the road south with Jett. She supposed it was time to finish the journey that she had started then. So despite the lateness of the hour and before she lost her nerve, she got into a cab and with resolve headed home to Havengate and to Crow.

***

Melissa stumbled twice in the dark, moonless, night as she made her way up the gravel driveway. Something howled in the distance as lightening split the sky. She jumped when the flash of light was followed by a loud clap of thunder. The wind picked up and an owl hooted in the distance.

Melissa lifted her hand and rapped lightly against the hard oak door.

Crow opened the door before Melissa finished knocking.

His half naked body cast a welcome shadow in the threshold of the door, but he didn’t return her tentative smile and when Melissa made a move towards him, Crow took a deliberate step back and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

He moved away from her?

“Crow …I…” Melissa looked helplessly at him then. Her heart was beating wildly and she felt weak at the knees. Maybe she was too late…maybe this was a bad idea…maybe he had time to think and he decided he didn’t want her anymore.