Taming Crow (Hells Saints Motorcycle Club) (25 page)

He had changed his mind.

Maybe he had changed his mind.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “My grandfather is okay. Everything is okay now. I came home…I wanted to come home to…” When his face remained closed and expressionless, Melissa sighed deeply and she stretched out her hands, low and palms up in a motion of surrender.

Then she waited.

Finally, and after what seemed like forever, he spoke to her.

“Melissa, yo
u’
ve gotta know that if you take on step closer to me then I am going to take that as a sign that you are damn sure this is where you want to be. That
with me
is where you
want to be
.
If you do that, then no matter what comes after it, I’m not letting you go.” He unlocked his arms from across his chest and stood before her not moving.

Melissa let out a small sigh of relief and took one big step toward Crow. Before her foot hit the floor, he snaked his arm around her waist and lifted her inside. The palm of his hand cupped the back of her head and Crow pulled Melissa’s hair free. His mouth burned down on hers and his tongue began to explore her mouth.

“Crow, we do need to talk...” Melissa managed to breathe out.

Crow’s big, rough hands slid over her thin blouse, up her sides and cupped her breasts. His thumbs teased her nipples through the cotton and lace until they were hard peaks. He nuzzled her neck and murmured “You in this with me, Babe?”

Melissa hesitated slightly then sank against him. “Yes.”

Crow heard that hesitation.

“You sure?” He stopped his hands and his eyes sought hers. “Because if you are not one hundred percent…”

“I’m sure.” She interrupted him quickly and pressed a finger against his lips. “A thousand per- cent, a million percent, a damn trillion percent.
I’m in
.”

“About fucking time.” he murmured before kissing her again.

Without warning he suddenly wrenched his mouth from hers and pulled her fast to his bedroom. Crow let go of the tight, possessive hold that he had on Melissa just long enough to push her on the bed and strip himself of his own clothing. Then Crow was back on the bed and his hands were all over her. Melissa gasped as he grabbed her blouse and roughly tugged at it, tearing the fabric apart and scattering the buttons all over the floor. He reached behind her and suddenly her breasts bounced free as ripped lace followed the path of the scattered buttons to the floor. Crow reached down and with one hand lifted Melissa’s hips off the bed and with the other yanked her jeans down in one swift move. Those too sailed through air frantically and landed somewhere on the floor. When he had her down to her panties he came to a dead stop.

Heaving he stood up off the bed and looked down at her.

“Don’t move.” His voice was deep with emotion. “Don’t fucking move, Melissa. Not a muscle.”

Then he simply looked at her lying in his bed with something like wonder in his eyes.

And Melissa stayed still and looked right back at him and knew her eyes reflected that same wonder.

Because clothed Crow was one really unbelievably hot looking guy.

But naked…he was…beautiful.

He was bronzed. And big. And scarred. And covered in muscles and black ink.

And he was hers.

“This is the end of it you know.” He whispered to her as his green eyes melted into hers.

“The end of what?” Her voice trembled.

She felt the weight of him on the mattress as he laid down next to her, pulled her close to him and whispered into her ear. “Life as we knew it.”

He held her close for a long minute letting that truth settle down gently between them.

Then Crow began his slow delicious assault on Melissa’s willing body.

With gentle hands he teased the soft silk panties down Melissa’s thighs one inch at a time, stopping to press kisses along the smooth skin of her inner thighs. His fingers left light trails along her heated skin until she moaned and writhed under his touch.

When the panties had joined the rest of the clothes on the floor, Crow straddled Melissa. He braced his elbows on either side of her head and looked down at her flushed face. Melissa tilted her head back and closed her eyes in a moment of complete surrender when she felt his hips settle against hers and rock with slow, persistent, pressure. She parted her legs wide and then wrapped them around his hips and pulled him closer. When Crow abruptly moved off of her and shifted Melissa to his side, she left out a soft pleading sound of frustration. She instinctively grabbed his hand to bring it between her thighs.

Crow murmured soft reassuring words to her as his fingers began to stroke the soft skin of her stomach before it moved slowly down to the moist intimate folds.

“Is this where it aches, baby?”

Melissa gasped against his neck, as the rough pad of his thumb found her swollen, sensitive nub and began to tease slow lazy circles against it. The silky skin of her legs pressed against his corded forearms when she felt his long, strong fingers slide deep inside of her. Over and over again his fingers slid over the wet lips. Gliding and pulling and stroking and bringing Melissa to the edge and back again until she pleaded with him for release. Suddenly, wonderfully he shifted again and moved on top of her.

The with one quick motion Crow swept Melissa’s legs wide apart, thrust himself hard and deep inside of her and began to make love to her completely, powerfully and possessively.

And time stood still.

Melissa felt herself stretch and flood to adjust to the fullness in her body. She grabbed onto his thick shoulders when she felt his rough hands on her hips begin to move her.

He murmured softly against her hair as he plunged deep and hard and fast inside of her Then deeper and harder and faster and deeper and harder… until...

“ Crow!”
She couldn’t stop from crying out his name as orgasm after orgasm washed over her and she felt the throbbing hot stream of release surge through Crow’s body.

Crow stayed buried deep in her for a long moment and when he eased himself out of her, Melissa felt empty. She automatically reached for him and snuggled her body against his.

“I’m never gonna let you go.” His voice broke slightly over the words.

“You better not.” Melissa’s voice broke too.

He pulled her even closer and nuzzled her neck. Contentment washed over her like a warm blanket.

Then Crow darted up straight in the bed like someone had shot him.

“Crow? What’s wrong?” Startled, Melissa sat up too.

“Jesus. Jett? Aren’t we suppose to be there to pick him up this morning?” Crow reached to check the time on his phone.

Melissa looked confused for a minute. “Oh, no. That’s not until tomorrow. Remember?”

Crow rubbed his hand over his face and leaned back hard against the headboard. “This father shit is gonna kill me,” he muttered to himself.

Melissa pulled the sheet around her and leaned back too.  She couldn’t help release a small smile as Crow draped his arm around her. “Do you think I would just leave my son waiting at the community center while we…while we..?

“No, Babe. Of course not. But I am willing to bet that when you started walking your pretty ass over here you weren’t thinking that I’d be buried deep in you for hours either.” He grinned ruefully.

“Don’t be so sure.” She grinned back.

He looked stunned at her for a minute until he saw the dancing light in her eyes that he loved. Then Crow released Melissa from under his arm and moved her away from him so he could see her more fully, but didn’t let go of her hand.

“Just in case I happened to leave any room for fucking doubt, I got to tell you that I am totally crazy in love with you, Melissa.”

“I love you too, Crow.” Melissa smiled and met his eyes. Then she snuggled closer to him before she added with a small hesitation. “Not sure you counted on a package deal, though.”

“Seriously? Best part of the whole gig is that the little warrior comes with.” Crow grinned. “And maybe we’ll add a couple more just like him if you’re down with that.”

“Really?” Melissa pulled back and said teasingly, “Thought this father stuff was going to kill you?”

“Just might.” Crow laughed then. “At least Jett’s older and I don’t have to deal with diapers and shit…not sure how I’d handle that.”

“Well, you just might get a chance to find out sooner than you think.”

Crow gave her a puzzled look that drew a full-on smile and deep blush from Melissa. “We didn’t …you didn’t…”

Crow rubbed his hand through his hair and gave her a sly, amused look. “No. I didn’t. This time in I wanted to
feel you
. I wanted
you to feel me
. If something comes of that, I’m good. Figured you would be too. I don’t do shit by accident, baby.”

“You’re that sure?” Melissa asked warmed by the thought.

“I am.” Crow held her eyes. “But you and Jesse? That’s done, Melissa. It’s over. The grief, the guilt, the past. It’s done. I need to know that it’s over between you.”

“He’s gone, Crow. How can it not be over?” Melissa frowned.

Crow reached and held her hand in his. His thumb made slow circles against her skin. Her paused for a moment as if searching for the right words. “There’s a million ways to grieve, Melissa, some are healthy and some aren’t. You might have started out with the healthy kind, but you sure as hell wound up knee-deep in the twisted kind. I got an idea of how you got there, but I need to hear from you that it’s done, because you thinking any other way is gonna kill any chance we have of making this work.
”

Melissa sighed.

“You’re right. I know you’re right and I want to tell you. I do…”

“But?” Crow stiffened slightly.

Melissa gave him a shy reassuring smile, “But I’m wonderfully sore in all the right places, slightly sweaty and very naked in your bed. Do you think we could have this talk after a shower and a cup of coffee?”

Melissa saw the tension ease from Crow’s body. His eyes softened. When he leaned in and kissed her she returned the kiss with an enthusiasm she absolutely felt.

“Yeah. I think that’d be okay,” he whispered to her.

Then he got out of bed and pulled her into the shower with him.

Melissa and Crow sat close to each other in the deep cushioned chairs out by the pond. Crow had started a small fire and they each had a fresh cup of hot coffee in their hands.

Melissa spoke first. “I’m not sure where to begin.”

Crow waited, but as the silence stretched out, he saw the misery grow deeper and deeper in Melissa’s face.

“Tell me about the ring,” he offered.

Melissa clutched at the phantom chain on her neck and her face twisted in pain. Then she began to talk and her voice calmed. “One morning while Jesse was away, I was fluffing out some blankets and the ring just sort of flew off my finger. I was in such a panicked state at the thought of losing it that it took me forever to find it. Finally I saw it, stuck in the floor boards in the corner by my bed. When I picked it up and held it in my hand, I was surprised to see how battered the ring looked. The shine had worn off the gold and it had these tiny scratches and dents in it that I had not noticed before. The ring seemed almost unrecognizable from the pretty, sparkling, delicate thing that Jesse had given me. And seeing it like that made me think that ring looked like what our marriage had become… dull, lifeless, and damaged.”

Melissa looked at Crow then. “We had been happy once. Really happy. But being over there…the things Jesse had seen, the things he had done… it changed him. And being without him had changed me too. I guess I wasn’t the stars-in-my-eyes, adoring teenage girl that Jesse had fallen in love with any more. Suddenly I realized that Jett and I had become our own little family. And the longer Jesse stayed away, I guess the easier it became to live without him. Does that make sense?”

Crow held her eyes and nodded slightly.

“It’s important to me that you know that despite the distance that had grown between Jesse and me, I loved him.” Melissa dropped her voice to a whisper.

“I know that,” Crow said in reassurance.

Melissa gave him a small nod and released a long sigh.

“The worse it got, the more determined I was to make it work. So I brought the ring to the jeweler’s. I had it buffed and shined and repaired. I wanted to have it ready for when Jesse came home. I was so excited. I guess I thought that fixing the ring would maybe fix the marriage.”

Melissa wrapped her hands tight around the mug.

“The day the ring was ready to be picked up was the same day that Jesse was due to come home. He surprised me by coming in early and I didn’t have time to pick up the ring. Strange thing was he didn’t even notice that I wasn’t wearing it. Jesse was preoccupied more than usual and he was more distant than I had ever seen him before. I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t know what. But I didn’t have to wait long to find out. Jesse wasn’t even home a full two days before he told me he had signed up for another tour. Devastated doesn’t even begin to cover how I felt.”

Melissa took a deep breath.

“We had agreed that the tour he was on would be his last. We had talked about having another baby, buying a home. I had spent months looking at real estate online and dreaming of the perfect little house with a swing set and a yard for Jett. And maybe even a nursery for another baby. Without even consulting me, he sent our plans up in smoke. Jesse and I didn’t just argue. We full-on fought. It was like all the disappointments and worry and loneliness came out all at once. Hysterical, I tried to hold on to something I knew was slipping away from me. I wouldn’t listen to anything he had to say
.
I told him if he was going to go he should just go. Then I told Jesse that I didn’t love him anymore.” Melissa’s voice broke on the last sentence.

“People say things in anger, Melissa,” Crow said. “They do and say things all the time.”

Melissa continued on like she hadn’t heard him.

“I think he finally realized the impact of what he had done. He tried to talk to me, to reason with me. But I was beyond listening. I wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt me. I just kept throwing those angry, ugly words at him right up until I guess he couldn’t stand to hear them anymore. Then he closed that door behind him. He went to stay with his parents for the rest of his leave. He called every day, but I wouldn’t answer the phone. He even showed up at the house a few times, but I wouldn’t answer the door. I was hurt and stupid and stubborn. So when his leave was up, he left. And the minute, the very minute that I knew for sure he was on his way back to the base, it finally sunk in what I had done. I tried to call him and I sent email after email, but I couldn’t reach him. I wanted him to know that no matter what I said that I loved him and that I would wait for him ….
that I still loved him
. I was frantic. I even called his commanding officer, but as soon as he had landed they sent him out on that mission. I never spoke to Jesse again. He died thinking he had lost Jett and me.”

She heaved a big sigh and her hands shook.

“Jesse was a good pilot, Crow. One of the best. I don’t know what happened out there, but I have to think that maybe if he had left with a clear mind, the accident never would have happened. For a long, long time after Jesse died I was a mess. I couldn’t get out of bed. If it wasn’t for Jett, I don’t know if I would have made it. My grandpa and dad took care of my son for me. Then Jett started to get sick. His asthma got really bad, and I knew that I had to get up out of that damn bed and be a mother to him again. I took Jett to a specialist in Boston where he was diagnosed with cough spasmodic croup asthma. The doctor put him on a rigid steroid regiment and inhaler plan. That scared me. Jett was so little and I didn’t want him on all that medication. When the doctor suggested that a different climate might help to relieve Jett’s symptoms, I jumped at the chance. I thought it would be a fresh start for us.”

She paused and then continued.

“Before I started out on the road, I picked up my wedding ring up from the jewelers. But by then I had lost so much weight that I couldn’t wear it on my finger anymore. I had them put it on a chain. Thinking about it now, I honestly don’t know if I wore it to feel closer to Jesse or to punish myself.” Melissa shrugged.

She gestured towards the little cottage and gave Crow a small smile.

“This place…the house. It helped. Fixing it up felt like I was fixing my life again. It was peaceful and remote enough so that I felt comfortable. And then you came…and all hell broke loose.” She smiled at him then.

Crow’s eyes hadn’t left hers.

“Tommy?” He nudged her on.

“Ahh…Tommy.” Melissa sighed and her eyes darkened. “I don’t think I have a childhood memory of the crazy kid stuff that Jesse and I did together that doesn’t include Tommy Hinks. Like I told you, he looked out for me when he came home on leave. But he didn’t only look out for me, he looked out for Jesse too. I know Jesse’s death devastated him. After that chance meeting at the carnival, Tommy came to visit me while you were gone. But he didn’t just come to visit. He came to bring me this.”

Melissa reached into her pocket and pulled out the battered worn envelope. When Crow raised an eyebrow, Melissa felt a shiver of anxiety rifle through her.

“Tommy almost died trying to save Jesse and I was so damn deep in my own selfish grief that I couldn’t make a phone call or send a card or show up with a damn bouquet of flowers while he lay in that military hospital. And because I couldn’t do that, Tommy couldn’t give me the last letter that Jesse wrote to me before he died. Because I was so damn fragile in my own grief no one would even tell him where I was. They were afraid seeing him and hearing what he had to say would send me over the edge again. So along with all the rest of the hell Tommy had to go through, he had the extra burden of carrying Jesse’s last words around for years.”

“Melissa…” Crow started.

But she held up her hand. “Let me finish, Crow. I want you to know…I need you to know all of it.”

Crow nodded and Melissa continued.

“When I saw Tommy, my first instinct was to run away. Not because I was shocked at seeing him. Sure there was that, but it was something else. Something much more self-serving. It was because I had had such a nice day. I had had such a normal fun time with you that I didn't want anything to interfere with that. I
resented him being there.
I resented it,
Crow. I just didn’t want to go back to that dark place anymore. And once Tommy and I started talking, I realized that he didn't want to relive any of it either. He had moved on from the pain and the darkness too. So we talked and laughed and joked like the old friends we were. But, of course, we couldn't leave it like that. Tommy couldn't leave it like that. So he came to the house and brought me this letter.” She looked at the worn envelope with sorrow.

“He said that Jesse had given it to him before they went on that last mission. It was a practice that they had started when they first joined up. Before the more dangerous missions, they would give each other a letter to deliver in case one of them didn’t make it back. When it was over they would light a cigar and burn the letters. It was kind of a ritual they had. Except for this time…well…you know the rest.”

Melissa sighed heavily and looked again at the envelope in her lap.

“What does it say?” Crow kept his voice even.

“I don't know.” Melissa answered, feeling every bit the coward that she thought herself to be. “That's the rest of it. I couldn't bring myself to read it, Crow. I'm afraid to read it. And now the thing has taken on a life of its own. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And until my grandfather got sick and tonight…with you… it's the only thing I’ve been able think about. I had finally come to terms with what happened between Jesse and me in the end. But to hear it from him. To hear what he must have thought of me screaming those ugly words at him. I just don’t know if I can handle that.”

Melissa looked at Crow with tears in her eyes, “So now you know that truth about me."

“Yeah? And what’s that?” Crow looked at her.

“I’m a coward. A selfish coward.”

“That’s not how I see it. And I don’t think that is how he saw it either, Melissa. Read the letter,” he told her.

“I can’t,” she whispered.

“You have to.”

Melissa slumped with the weight of his words and opened her mouth to protest and stall the inevitable, but instead she nodded her head in silent agreement.

It was time.

“You’ll stay here with me while I read it?”

He shook his head.

Melissa looked helplessly at him, “No?”

Crow got up and walked toward her. Then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her on the forehead. “No. I won’t do that. This is between you and Jesse. The
last
thing between you and him. So you read it, baby, and be done with it.”

Melissa felt the loss of Crow’s warm strong body the minute he moved away from her.

“Whatever is in that letter, we’ll deal with it together,” he told her. “I’ll be waiting at home for you when you’re done.”

Then he pulled her to him one more time and kissed her deeply.

“Yeah.” he looked into her eyes. “Come home to me when yo
u’
re done.”