Taming Crow (Hells Saints Motorcycle Club) (26 page)

Melissa watched Crow's retreating back. She wanted to run after him, put her hand in his and walk back with him to the pretty house. Now that they had finally found each other she didn't want to let him go.

Her grip tightened on the envelope until her hand cramped and the paper was damp and crinkled. Melissa paced the edge of the pond. She took a deep breath and another hit of her now cold coffee. The sun was higher on the horizon now. Puffs of soft lavender and streaks of pale pink melted away and left nothing but clear blue sky.

The morning air was still cool and a few remaining droplets of fresh dew clung stubbornly to thick blades of grass. The dying fire sputtered and crackled a warning that soon it would be nothing more than embers. A bird called from somewhere in the distance as a slight wind rose up and sighed through the trees.

It was going to be a beautiful day.

Melissa’s gaze turned to the dying fire and then to the letter in her hand. She circled and circled the flames until the heat lulled her into an uneasy stupor.

She was terrified.

Certainly more frightened than she had ever been in her life. She sat for a while and stared at the sun as it rose higher and higher in the sky. When its bright rays had chased away all the shadows Melissa came to a decision.

She decided that she didn't want to know what was in the letter.

The risk that the words could set her spiraling back down that rabbit hole of despair was just too great.

“Read it? No my beautiful granddaughter, I don’t think you should read it. I think you should burn it.”

Her fingers tightened around the fragile paper and she held her hand out over the dying flames. She watched the heat darken the blue of the envelope until small patches of black began to form on the paper. Another few seconds and the whole thing would ignite.

And still her hands remained steady over the flames.

Melissa felt the heat singe the tiny hair on her outstretched arms. As if in a trance, she watched as a thin tail of smoke rose from the paper's now curled edges. The unmistakable smell of burning paper tickled her nose as she watched dry-eyed while the edge of the envelope suddenly ignited and began to burn.

A million flashbacks of her time with Jesse raced unbidden through her mind.

Memories of all the
firsts
the young couple shared came flooding back to Melissa in raging torrents.

The first time he smiled at her.

That first tentative, sweet kiss.

The first time they made love.

The look of pride on Jesse’s face when he put his cadet uniform on for the very first time.

The look of love in his eyes when he first held his newborn son.

For the first time in a very long time Melissa let herself think about how her story with Jesse began instead of how it ended. 

She thought about all the love.

Suddenly Melissa snatched her hand back and out of the fire. She stomped hard on the paper until all the flames were put out.

Because she had to know.

She had trusted in their love once. And now, for the last and maybe most important time, she had to trust in that just once more.

And so with shaking hands she began to slowly and carefully tear apart the scorched envelope that sheltered her husband’s last words.

***

Hey Beautiful,

If you're reading this, I guess you've already heard the news. I'm sorry, Mel, because you deserve so much more from me than a few words written on a piece of paper. But I guess it's going to have to do.

There are so many things that I want to say to you and I hope to God I get a chance to say them. I hope I get to burn this paper and light up a cigar with Tommy, then call you on the phone and spill my guts like I have done a dozen times before.

But if things don't go that way, there's just a few things that I want you to know.

I know that I wasn't always the easiest person to love. But I want you to know that you were. Loving you was the easiest thing that I've ever done.

And I’m sorry we had that messed up fight before I left. I’m really, really sorry, Mel. I’m sorry for the things I said and the things I made you say. I would give anything to take it all back.

I’m going nuts here because I know you and I know that you’re going to relive that last stupid, crazy argument over and over again in your mind.

Don’t do that.

Jesus, Mel, promise me you won’t do that.

Because you were right. I’m a stupid, selfish sonofabitch. Don’t blame yourself for trying to make me see that. I see that now. Heading back to the base and away from you and our son, I see that now. Thank you for being brave enough to fight for us. For saying and doing everything in your power to make me stay. Those messed-up words that we threw out at each other in a few minutes of anger doesn’t change any part of how much I love you. Forgive yourself for saying those things. Forgive me for making you say them.

I love you, Mel.

I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder. I’m sorry that I didn’t love you better. I'm sorry that I didn't hold on to you so tight that even time and distance and the will of God could not separate us.

But most of all, when you asked me to, I’m sorry that I didn’t stay. I hope that you can forgive me for that. For not staying.

I have to go now, Mel. I hope I get the chance to say all of this in person. But if I don't, know that I took my last breath loving you.

Forever yours,

Jess
e

Melissa’s cheeks were wet when she clasped the letter tight to her chest. She sat with it in her lap for a long time slowly folding and unfolding the bent creases imagining Jesse doing the same. Then she raised the worn paper up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss against each letter of his name and thanked him for all the gifts that life with him had given her.

And for all the happiness that they had shared.

Then she whispered a final goodbye to the first man that she had ever loved.

Melissa placed the letter in the dying embers and watched while it ignited a spark and burned under the dancing flames. She stayed there until there was nothing left but ashes flying in the sudden breeze.

Then Melissa turned her back on the past and walked down the path, through the small iron gate and across the driveway.

To Crow.

And to her future.

Nine months later.

The sun had just begun to rise when Crow sleepily moved to pull his wife closer. She had just come back from one of her frequent nightly trips to the bathroom and Crow was dimly aware that it seemed like this time she had been gone longer than usual.

“You okay, Babe?” he murmured drowsily against her hair.

“Yeah. I’m fine. But do you think you could go downstairs and grab the cell? I think we better call Angie. I put her number on the …”

Crow’s eyes flew open and he shot out of bed, “I know where the midwife’s number is. The baby’s coming?”

Melissa's small smile quickly turned to a grimace as put her hand on her tightening stomach,

“I’m not sure. But maybe. Yeah…I…”

Crow ran out of the room before Melissa could finish the sentence. He ran down the dimly lit hallway and swore loudly when his foot rammed into a roller blade that Jett had left on the floor. Then he bounded down the steps taking two at a time. After fumbling around for what felt like years, he found the light switch. Squinting against the bright light he scanned the cork board. Crow found the midwife's number written in red on the top of the list of emergency numbers. Then he grabbed the cell and ran back upstairs.

“Melissa?’ Crow halted at the door. A look of absolute horror crossed over his face when he saw his wife bent over double, clutching the headboard with a white-knuckled grip.

“The baby is definitely coming. My water just broke,” she straightened and gestured to the puddle of water now at her feet. “You mind getting some towels and helping me…ahhhhhh.” Melissa doubled over again in pain.

“You need to get back in bed? Tell me what you need.” Crow was at her side in an instant.

“Is she coming?” Melissa held on to Crow’s forearm like a vise grip.

“Who?” Crow looked at Melissa blankly.

“Angie! Did you call her?”

“No. Not yet.
”
Crow heard the panic in his own voice.

“Honey. Unless you plan on delivering this baby yourself I think you might want to dial that number.” Melissa looked pointedly at the phone.

Crow looked down at the cell and began to punch out the numbers furiously. When the midwife answered on the second ring, Crow wondered what had taken her so long. She assured Crow in a voice that he considered much too relaxed that she was on her way.

“You sure you don’t want to go to the hospital? You want me to go wake up Jett?”

"No. No, hospital. We've talked about this a million times, Crow. We're gonna have this baby here. And I think soon. Don't wake up Jett yet. He'll be up soon enough. I'm surprised Bruiser hasn't started barking, but then again that puppy can sleep through just about anything," Melissa grimaced and grabbed the bed frame again as another contraction shuddered through her body.

As if on cue, a small yapping sound could be heard down the hall.

“Want me to go let Jett know everything is okay?” Crow moved to the door.

“That would be great but...” Melissa’s voice rose in a barely contained giggle.

“But what?” Crow turned and frowned.

“This time, before you leave the room, you might want to put some clothes on first.” She smiled at him with dancing eyes.

When Crow looked down to see that he was still naked, he scrubbed a hand over his face and smirked back at her.

He grabbed his jeans off the floor. He barely had time to zip them up before they heard the creak of a door down the hall open. Next came the sound of four little paws hitting the floor followed by two small feet. And then the doorbell rang. Crow opened the door of the bedroom to divert Jett to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal and to welcome in the midwife.

Crow told himself to get his shit together. Melissa made sure that they had a plan.

He just couldn’t remember what it was.

“You gonna go let Angie in?” Jett had climbed onto the counter to reach for a cereal bowl while the puppy jumped up and tried to nip at his pajama bottoms. “Then you’re supposed to call Mrs. Brightwood and she’s supposed to come get me until Mom has the baby. After that you're supposed to call and bring me back home. Remember?"

“Yeah. Right. That’s it,” Crow threw his stepson a look of gratitude before he moved into the living room. There he stumbled headlong over the new baby swing and landed with a thud against the door.

“Hey Angie,” Crow, still slightly off balance, opened the door wide to greet the amused-looking midwife.

"You okay?" She put out a hand to steady him.

“Baby’s coming,” he choked out.

“That’s why I’m here. Melissa upstairs?”

Angie, a tall, willowy woman, spoke in soft reassuring tones and moved up the stairs with an air of efficiency. When Melissa saw her, she greeted the midwife with a look of relief, but sent Crow down to check on Jett, feed the dog and call the babysitter.

“The contractions are strong. And getting closer,” Melissa told her.

Angie looked at Melissa with experienced eyes. “A warm shower might relax you and alleviate a bit of the pain. Would you like that?”

“No, I just need to walk."

Melissa spent the next few minutes leaning on Angie has they walked circles around the bedroom. When Crow came back, he went to Melissa and ran his hands over her back, massaging it in long slow circles like they had practiced.

Angie prepared the bed with some towels and a waterproof sheet. When she had Melissa lie down on the bed to be examined, Crow stood at Melissa's head and tried not to freak out.

“You’re doing great, Melissa. The baby is coming soon,” Angie looked at Melissa knowingly. “You’ve been in labor a while.”

Melissa began to pant through the next contraction. “I had a backache all day, but I wasn't sure. It was so different with Jett. I just thought..."

Melissa gripped the edge of the bed as a very productive wave of pain caused her belly to roll and gyrate.

“Crow, it’s time to get behind Melissa and anchor her. Give her something to lean against as she pushes.”

The midwife was a study in calm, reassuring efficiency.

Crow, on the other hand, was close to passing out. Thank God Melissa wasn't screaming. But her body was hot and flushed from the effort of pushing, and that was bad enough.

The midwife’s voice came out from under the sheet that covered Melissa’s spread knees.

"Okay, Melissa. It's time. I want you to bear down with each contraction. Rest in between. It's going to go like this… push, rest, and push, rest. Okay?" Angie's voice carried a soft air of practiced authority.

Melissa let out a streak of cuss words that made the words she’d scolded Crow for sound tame in comparison. The contraction was long and harder and contorted Melissa’s belly in a strange kind of tight roll. Crow had never felt so helpless in his life.

“You’re doing great, Melissa. Just great. We’re almost there. I see the head. You’re going to give me one long push now. Crow, it’s time. Come down this end,” Angie commanded.

Crow hesitated at the thought of leaving Melissa even if it was just to go to the foot of the bed. Melissa turned a sweaty reddened face towards him and said through panting breaths. "I want your hands to be the first that our baby feels. I swear to God that I am ….AAAAAHHHH…not having this baby until you…AHHHHHHHH…"

At the sound of Melissa’s screams, Crow moved like lightening to the end of the bed, and not a minute too soon because there it was. A tiny head covered with what looked like dark wet fuzz was poised to come out of Melissa's body. He listened as Angie told him exactly what to do to prepare to catch the baby.

And suddenly out it came.

Sliding out of its mother’s body and into his father’s waiting hands.

Their baby.

Crow looked down at the perfect tiny body that lay wet and slippery in his arms.

And for a moment everything faded away until there was only Crow and the tiny miracle that he held in his big strong hands.

“Is the baby all right, Crow? Why isn't it crying?” Melissa's exhausted, worried voice split the air.

Crow glanced helplessly at her and then back to the newborn. Then Melissa and Crow both looked fearfully at Angie.

Angie frowned slightly and moved towards the small, still body in Crow's now trembling hands.

The room filled with a deadly, dark quiet.

And then suddenly, as if on cue, the infant screwed up its little face, opened its eyes wide, looked right at its father and let out a loud
I have arrived
howl.

Melissa began to laugh with relief at the sound and stretched out her arms to receive her child.

The new father held the baby tight to his chest before giving it over to its mother. Then Crow grinned at Melissa and said, “You haven’t asked what it is yet.”

Melissa answered him with that teasing smile of hers that he had come to love so much. “My best guess is that it’s a… baby?”

Crow laughed and brought the precious bundle over to Melissa.

Then he leaned over, kissed his wife full on the lips. “Say hello to Jett’s little brother.”

Melissa held out her arms to cradle the baby. Suddenly sunlight streamed through the beveled glass windows. Melissa and Crow gazed in awe as what seemed to be a million sunbeams filtered through the room and danced magically on the walls all around them. It seemed to Melissa as if that the whole universe had come together to shelter them in this perfect moment of time and space.

Melissa shifted herself high up on the bed as she suddenly remembered the majestic bird that had perched in the yard for days heralding Crow’s arrival.

According to some beliefs, the appearance of this species is meant to ensure that everything is positioned exactly in the right place at the right time. The bird’s visit is all about recovery, rebirth, and transitioning from the light to the darkness. Apparently, if you are lucky enough to get a visit from this creature, it means that magic is afoot.

“What do you think we should name him?” Crow whispered to her.

“Raven.” Melissa smiled. “I would like to name him Raven.”