Tantric Orgasm for Women (20 page)

The Focus of Sexual Exchange for Women

As far as women go, a tantric approach means shifting away from
an overfocused clitoral approach that encourages excitement and toward a style in which the breasts are loved and understood as the focal point of the female energy system. As explained in chapter 5, breasts are the source of the energy in a woman’s deepest orgasm; an orgasmic state can be experienced just through deeply loving the breasts. (A woman can lavish love on her own breasts as well, to arouse herself into an expanded state.) The energy of the breasts accumulates and spreads downward, resonating in the vagina. For this there is no necessity of penetration by a penis.

Instead of going for excitement and orgasm, a lover should treat the clitoris more gently and passively, so as to create a flow of energy backward into the vagina. In fact, she should treat the vagina itself gently. Any phallic substitutes will naturally lack the electromagnetic intelligence possessed by the penis in relation to the vagina. In particular, there is perhaps less perception and sensitivity in the upper vaginal region, which is significant in deep penetration by the penis for the accessing of ecstatic energies in women. A lifeless, phallic-shaped object cannot meaningfully communicate with the receptive feminine pole; however, mechanical vibrations
emanating from them can do something to awaken the more subtle energies. Fingers certainly have much more sensitivity than a vibrator but only when offered with a delicate, loving, conscious touch. There are beneficial therapeutic massage techniques that can help to release tensions that are held in the vagina and obscure its polarity. (These require personal instruction and are therefore beyond the scope of this book.) However, fingers will naturally lack the perception, finesse, and catalytic effect of the “magnetic” penis head (chapter 6). If simulating vaginal penetration, the guide-line would be to do so in a fashion that steers away from friction and excessive building of excitement (resulting in more tensions). Move toward relaxation and the sustained presence of the finger(s) (short nails!) as the receptive partner absorbs, while primarily focusing on the heart and breasts. The receptive partner may feel a circling downward to the vagina that returns upward to the heart via the inner “magnetic rod.” Or she can positively direct the imagination toward the inner circle of energy: breasts-vagina-breasts. In this way it is possible for a woman to experience an ecstatic state without necessarily involving a clitoral orgasm and an undue discharge of
energy, just as in the case of a heterosexual woman, who may have the additional help of the penis in the vagina to open the inner channels.

Homosexual Love and the Feminist Movement

For many feminists today, the clitoris has become a symbol of
woman’s sexual freedom because through it woman is able to reclaim her long lost
orgasm. This movement is certainly well motivated but perhaps a little misled in
that what has emerged is an intensified focus on the clitoris, with a
corresponding abandonment of the vagina and the receptive pole of feminine
energy. The clitoris, through a buildup of excitement, is used as a “positive
pole” for discharge, not as a link back into the vagina to connect with the
receptive energies. With the focus on the clitoris also comes talk of multiple
orgasms (which are indeed possible, and will always be a temptation); however, these are based primarily on excitement, with its consequences of tension and emotionality.

Because at present we see this major identification with the clitoris as
the center of female sexuality, some feminists may view the relative de-emphasizing of the clitoris in the tantric picture as a step backward for the feminist movement, and for women in general. It is also quite possible that women who are unfamiliar with (or inexperienced in) the intrinsic power of yielding or giving way through a more absorbent and receptive approach will strongly react to my tantric suggestions on the feminist level. They may feel a resistance to giving up the male approach, which they have used in freeing themselves sexually. However, with understanding of the connection between peak orgasm and distressing states of emotionality (see
chapter 10
), women may see that they need to explore themselves on a different level when together as lovers.

In tantric exploration, women should avoid the temptation to go for the so-called male approach because basically it is an imitation of man, who is at this time completely unconscious in his sexual expression and by no means a reflection of the qualities of true masculine force. Trying to be like a man only makes a woman hard and tough and inaccessible. To begin with, a woman should go for being feminine and as a consequence, her
real
inner man will awaken. Naturally within any two people (heterosexual or homosexual) a certain kind of polarity can develop—one may shift to become the more responsible, worldly, doing type (positive) while the other becomes the more encompassing, loving, being type (negative)—but in sexual love with one another, women should not really attempt to copy men. Rather, two women can find the feminine way to make love by reconfiguring the essential elements.

Recently I spoke with a good friend who has many gay and lesbian couples as close friends. She told me that this is what she observes: the gay couples tend toward being more womanlike while the lesbian couples tend to being more manlike.
Both
of the partners in each couple tend toward the equal and opposite that is lacking in their couple. This can be understood as a balancing of polarities, which for sure it is in a certain sense; but unfortunately, I repeat, for a woman to be like a man is not to her ultimate advantage.

Where homosexuals are at an automatic disadvantage is in not being able to “hang out” with genitals united and let sex happen by itself, the way
that heterosexual couples can. The tantric union of male and female elements
produces the current of sexual (life) energy, providing an ongoing focus for
awareness and a source of great pleasure. It is possible to sustain hours of
penetration without doing much at all. The correspondence of the genitals
encourages a “being” approach—in fact, sex presents the perfect circumstances for meditation.

In contrast, the homosexual lack of correspondence leads to a more “doing” approach, which easily turns to excitement and peak orgasm. Nevertheless the thrust should always be toward “being” even while a certain amount of “doing” may be required, and of course all kinds of doing can be radically modified by using awareness, as suggested earlier in the chapter. It is likely that female homosexuals, when they drop the orgasm-oriented style of sex, tend toward a meditative type of sexual expression more easily than male homosexuals, simply by virtue of their overall negative polarity.

I sent this chapter to a friend of mine who has had sexual experiences with both men and women, asking for her comments. I am most grateful to her for her response, which follows.

A woman shares her experience:
“So, I read your chapter and I’ll tell you a little of what my experience has been. Having known the tantric
way with men, it has always been a conflict for me to be with women, knowing that the advantages of opposite polarity are not possible. However, for many other reasons, I keep finding myself drawn to relationships with women over and over again.

“I’m still in the search of what can or can’t be done with a woman, and I’m trying to understand a little bit more what happens energetically when I am with a woman. I think it would take a lot more experience than what I have to give really conclusive answers, but I have had some experiences (one was very strong) that might give a little direction as to where to begin.

“Whether I was with a man or a woman, I had never liked being penetrated by anything other than a penis (fingers, vibrators, etc). When I had sex with a woman, I was limited to caressing, touching, and oral sex, which always led to orgasm because the clitoris was always involved.

“Then, with a female partner, I decided to try penetration with a finger with
the specific intention of not seeking excitement and orgasm. I asked her to
gently penetrate me and not move inside—a simulation of silent penetration with
a penis. I could feel the two pulses, my vagina’s and her finger’s. It was
delicious to just feel the pulsation there with no movement or stimulation. After a little while the pulses started synchronizing and it was a pretty delicious experience, with no need of excitement or orgasm at all. We did it several times and I started noticing a mini, mini, mini similarity to sensations I’ve had with men, very subtle energy flowing throughout the body.

“Then came the issue of still having memories in my body of having been raped
as a child. As I had mentioned to you when you were in the process of writing
about sexual abuse and its effects, the problem for most women in this situation
is that while the polarity created by a gentle penetration by the penis is a
great way to cleanse those memories from the vagina, most woman in severe trauma
will not get to that point. Often they fear intimacy or they can’t attract men
or they have turned to relationships with women or, as a means of repeating the
pattern, they end up attracting the wrong men who certainly can’t be very meditative about sex. For myself, once the memory was there it was simply impossible, for several of the above reasons, to get myself into such a healing situation with a man.

“Back to the silent penetration exercise with my female partner: Once again I asked her to penetrate me gently with a finger and to not move. When the pulses started synchronizing, I asked her to start applying a very soft pressure in different directions, first up, staying there for a while with both of us in silence. And sure enough, a lot of energy started moving. Then she applied pressure on the diagonal, then to the right, and so forth—slight pressure with the whole finger. Most of the time I experienced a very silent cleansing, just feeling and breathing, while a couple of times there was a little more, crying and strong emotions coming to the surface. It was pretty unbelievable to be dealing with my past trauma it in this way.

“After we did this several times, the energy in my vagina was clearly more open and the penetration without movement became more and
more pleasant. Once, I
did
have an experience that could be compared to a tantric
one with a man. How that happened without the opposing polarity of the penis and vagina, god knows. It just did. It was certainly not as intense or as obvious as my experiences with men, but then again, I haven’t delved into this that much.

“Clearly the first aspect of tantra, as you mention in the chapter, is the first opening for gay couples. About the second aspect and the polarity issue, the above is the only thing I can share for the moment. Maybe this approach could open a door for lesbian women. I really can’t say for sure.”

I have heard it suggested that in homosexual couples, the
polarity of one partner can energetically shift into its opposite, so that
same-sex couples will begin to internally balance each other on a polarity
level. This implies that in one lesbian partner the negative vagina would shift
to a positive phenomenon, and the breasts to a passive one. I am inclined to
doubt this, especially in view of the fact that when a woman has a breast or her
cervix removed, the magnetic phenomenon present in the physical tissues continues to exist on an energetic level.

In saying this I am aware that there is very little research done on homosexual experience, and research could perhaps prove me quite wrong. A friend recently told me that a lesbian she knows, who has been interested only in women from the beginning of her sexual life, feels that she has an “etheric penis.” Perhaps something of this nature is possible without an actual change occurring in the body energy. Certainly, if she is talking about an “inner penis,” which is the experience of a constantly alive magnetic rod, then I can relate to this feeling. With the current emphasis in sex being toward excitement, not toward meditation, we will need a major shift in consciousness for a reliable body of material on homosexual tantric experience to emerge in order to give substance to its practice.

Because this is a book for women, I am not saying much about gay men; however, the many principles of tantra will of course apply to them, in the sense that the energy is encouraged to stream inward and upward toward the heart (positive to negative) instead of being discharged from the positive. And not unlike the dildo/penis replacement, I do feel it is unlikely that the
highly erotic zone of the anus can successfully replace the electromagnetic cavity of the vagina. (This applies also to the case of heterosexuals who take part in anal sex, although the female internal connection via the anus may perhaps be different from that of the male). It is likely that the anal approach is seldom slow and easy—that is, tantric
style—but instead reflects the conventional style of going for stimulation, excitement, and ejaculation. Until the anus is not used for stimulation and eroticism, we will not know whether there is some internal, magical, electromagnetic connection to be made there.

Tantric Spiritual Background Is Heterosexual

From its origin tantra has been oriented toward heterosexuality. The subject of our study here, the so-called left hand path of tantra, uses the sexual current on a physical level for an outer union (man and woman), which leads to an inner union, which results in states of meditative ecstasy.*
¹

In India we find a multitude of temples that are now thousands of years old (the most famous ones being in Khajuraho)
containing statues of man and woman in sexual union. Usually these stone
partners are maintaining some acrobatic position in which, when viewed conventionally, one cannot imagine how they achieve any kind of sex at all. But with the advantage of tantric
eyes, knowing that the penetration of the vagina can be sustained for hours and
produce endless delight, one sees that these statues do represent reality, positions and all! The remarkable thing about many of these statues is that you can actually see the ecstasy alive in their faces and you feel it radiating as you look at them. The people who built those temples in ancient times, especially the sculptors of the statues, were not artisans but artists, living the very experience they were creating in stone. Their personal inner experience was embodied in stone; their ecstasy is still palpable thousands of years later.

The emphasis on heterosexuality in these spiritual practices is not due to a sexual prejudice but exists because tantric experiences arise with ease between the opposite forces of male and female. Tantric sex is the most direct and natural route to awaken the inner opposite force within oneself, the outer opposite being used to reach the inner opposite. Woman can use man to awaken her inner man. Without the genital correspondence, which in and of itself creates intense ecstatic moments, a sustained, meditative state of union for hours at a time becomes more difficult. But for sure it is not out of the question. To really explore the tantric frame as a homosexual requires deconditioning the stimulation-as-sexuality attitude and rediscovering sensitivity as a door to bliss—the same tasks required of heterosexuals.