Tantric Orgasm for Women (16 page)

Conventional Sex Creates Emotionality

Another source of emotionality lies hidden in conventional sex. When energy moves downward, as it does in conventional sex with its conventional discharge, tension and anxiety are by-products.
¹
This is why arguments and dissatisfactions easily follow. Sexual tensions eventually create an overcharge in woman, a subtle false-positive charge, and these accumulating tensions have to be discharged in some fashion. More often than not this happens through some kind of fighting, and often the tensions show up in premenstrual syndromes. When emotions are in the air they easily spawn excitement, which gives rise to the famous fucking-after-a-fight syndrome, a strategy commonly used to heal a rift between lovers. In reality, trying to patch up things like this is a vicious cycle, because through that same fuck women acquire more charge, which can flare up into emotion at any moment. This explains why, even in the absence of an argument, after a so-called good fuck a fight can start so easily.

Because of our emotional patterns, as women we can tend to get a bit high on emotions and begin to believe that this intensity is a part of love, that a good throwing around of china is an expression of our love. I have heard Barry Long say in a public gathering that all anger is, in reality, the result of sexual frustration. This certainly gives food for thought—and if you look at all the wars around us, and how little satisfying sex is being
enjoyed on Earth, it appears that he speaks the truth. Women have difficulties
and frustrations with conventional orgasm, so they are quite likely to have anger about this lurking within. Many women feel deep rage toward men for their abusive behavior, a rage that extends beyond the personal to the collective level.

Expressing Feelings in the Here and Now

In addition to (a) attempting to keep the past in the past by recognizing when emotion steps in, and (b) experimenting with relaxing into sex to avoid adding emotions to the store you already have, the art now becomes one of (c) staying in touch with your feelings, beginning to
feel what you are feeling
. To keep love fresh and free of emotion, it is essential to express feelings
as
they arise! Do not hang on to your feelings for an instant, unless you
are in a hopelessly inappropriate situation. Move with the rising feeling and don’t let your mind talk you out of it. Allow the tears to flow, the laughter to erupt, the roar to express itself, jump up and down,
do
something fast! Above all, do not repress feelings and in so doing form fresh emotions, which happens very quickly. Equally as quickly, any sadness, pain, anger, or frustration, if
fully
lived
as it is happening,
will have a life span of about eight seconds or so in intensity, after which it is all over.

When you practice consciously expressing anger there are a few hard and fast rules that come with it, and these are not to be broken under
any
circumstances. If you feel anger, do
not
direct it onto your partner, even if on the surface your emotions are convincing you that he is at fault. Do not touch him or do anything physically to hurt him—do not even face him. Turn to face in the opposite direction, showing him your back; then let a deep roar emerge from your belly.

The first time I allowed my anger to flow it was an unforgettable experience. In the very instant that I felt the rising anger for being blamed for something I did not do, I contacted a deep, roaring sound in my belly, that was so powerful it shot me up into the air to virtually touch the ceiling (which was higher than most ceilings are). By the time gravity pulled me back to terra firma a second or two later, it was all over. I felt no anger, no
emotion, no resentment—nothing. I stepped back into the moment without hesitation, ready and willing to continue communicating.

When anger arises, welcome it knowing that it is an old tension existing within you and it can be transformed. By expressing it for yourself you are released from its restrictive grip. Contacting feelings is a cleansing experience—energy that was locked suddenly becomes available. When you express a feeling or transform an emotion you feel lighter, expanded and fresh, connected to your partner, open and soft, clear and radiant, even loving. Emotions bring the experience of quite opposite qualities: darkness and gloom, despair and collapse. The whole range of positive experiences is what shows up when you share your feelings.

Woman Needs to Make Love for Her Continuing Health

Just as tension is the by-product of energy moving downward (as in conventional sex), silence is the outcome of energy moving upward (as in tantric sex or meditation).
²
Relaxing into sex brings you into a state of being that is quite apart from the whole range of emotions. Through relaxing and reaching the orgasmic state, we reach a rare peace and fulfillment, a state in which our energy is regenerated and we become filled with love, not only for the beloved but for any person around us. As energy moves upward through the centers (chakras) it cleanses them, purifies them, and makes them dynamic and alive.

However, at present women suffer extreme menstrual syndromes with hormonal ups and downs and lack of self-value alongside fears of aging, menopausal anxieties, and disappointment and often disinterest in sex. At a certain point sex is considered by many women to be too much hard work with very little reward, and for this reason they give it up. I heard a research statistic mentioned by a U.S. television show host recently revealing that 45 percent of happily married couples did not have sex in the last six months!

For men, too, the situation is dire. Until given the chance to enjoy the flowering of sex through direct experience, man cannot imagine it. And since excitement and ejaculation are the only tricks he knows, he is not giving much thought to trying something different. These tricks, however,
are only superficially satisfying, while in the depths a bubbling sexual pool remains untapped. A man’s inability to channel his real life force leads to frustration, aggression, anger, restlessness, obsessive fantasizing about sex—in sex and out of sex—and all manner of sexual perversions. When the tantric
energy circulates freely through him he feels himself, finally, as more of a
man. At the end of a workshop recently I overheard a man saying to Raja, my partner, “This is the first time in my life of fifty-four years that I have been given any insights or guidance on what it means to be a man.” And that was not the first time I’ve heard this.

When a woman knows it is possible to use her sexual energy rightfully, allowing it to circulate throughout the body orgasmically, her sense of self changes and she
wants
to make love. Sex becomes less to do with the other or with getting something and becomes more a way of valuing and loving oneself, of being with oneself. With insight into her body mechanisms she is able to direct her sexual energy and so be more in command of her life. The process of the body getting older and perhaps less attractive becomes of no real concern, in the sense that she knows how to attract the male principle when a man is in her presence, how to draw and drink from him, through understanding the deeper layers of sexual energy. It has nothing to do with how she looks or how old she is. She bypasses the superficiality of sex and steps directly into the female element, which is passive, relaxed, receptive, sweet, serene, open. Such an ambience in itself stimulates man to respond to woman in a way quite different from how he usually responds.

Perhaps only a woman can really and truly break the cycle of unconsciousness in sex. When sex is balanced and in accord with her female design, a woman has some leverage, some authority in sex, and a new confidence in herself. Her man will be in wonder and even a bit awestruck to learn how the same elements—the penis and the vagina—can produce two such vastly different experiences.

The Emotion of Jealousy

Jealousy is perhaps the most debilitating and excruciating of emotions, more frequently experienced by women than by men. Jealousy is concerned
with possessing and controlling another person; it is not an expression of love
for that person. Jealousy has its roots in comparison, and we are taught to
compare ourselves in all kinds of ways, particularly in the sexual sphere.
Easily and instantly we can have overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and feel threatened by another woman giving or receiving attentions from the man we love. In the conventional picture, a new and fresh pretty, tilted face represents a bit of excitement to a man, excitement being his main stimulus for sex at present. However, when a woman steps away from excitement as the basis of the sexual experience, she finds a real rootedness in her deeper self; then she is not so easily knocked off center.

Comparison is a useless activity because each individual is unique and
incomparable, and once this understanding settles in you, it is possible for
jealousy to disappear. Sex certainly creates jealousy, but jealousy is a secondary thing. So it is not a question of how to drop jealousy. Jealousy cannot easily be dropped while we are trapped in conventional sex. The question therefore is how to transform sex into love. And in this love, jealousy disappears.

Don’t repress it, express it. Sit in your room, close the doors, bring your jealousy into focus. Watch it, see it, let it take as strong a flame as po
s
sible. Let it become a strong flame, burn into it and see what it is
. And don’t from the very beginning say that this is ugly, because tha
t very idea that this is ugly will repress the jealousy, will not allow it total expression. No opinions. Just try to see the existential effect o
f what jealousy is, the existential fact. No interpretations, no ideologies
. Just let the jealousy be there. Look into it, look deeply into it and so d
o with anger, so do with sadness, hatred, possessiveness. And by and b
y you will see that just by seeing through things you start getting a tra
nscendental feeling that you are just a witness; the identity is broken
. The identity is broken only when you encounter something within you
.

O
SHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
T
AO
: T
HE
P
ATHLESS
P
ATH

Divesting Interest in Peak Orgasm and Ejaculation

We know that many a man is obsessed with producing a peak orgasm for a woman because it validates him as a lover. And we understand that this attitude has grave consequences, for both men and women—that peak orgasms leave a residue of tension that become a source of emotions in woman (and man), and that, in trying to produce excitement and orgasm in woman, man easily ejaculates, which is against a woman’s long-term interests.

But some women are equally identified with their lover’s ejaculation. They say quite clearly that, for them, their man’s orgasm is an essential part of the sexual act. A woman of this persuasion feels that in the very moment of releasing his semen he gives himself utterly to her, he shares something of his essence that he can do with no one else. In reality, each ejaculation is an enormous disempowerment of man, for it represents an incalculable amount of energy in sperm life—approximately two hundred
million
to five hundred
million
sperms, or potential human beings, per ejaculation. Huge amounts of creativity are lost by the male species through habitual and uncontrollable ejaculation! Ejaculation has become the norm, and woman can easily get into supporting man in this.

Yet with her capacity to influence the sex act by discovering the source of
her orgasm in her breasts, any woman can begin reconfiguring her sexual reality to guarantee a life of love and a love free of emotion. The fragrance of a woman settled in her essence exerts an attractive force on man that alters the whole nature of the sexual act—it is a dimensional shift.

The stakes are enormous. Until a woman approaches sexuality in a truly feminine manner it is difficult or impossible for a man to change. Until man can manage to satisfy one woman utterly and completely, he will never feel himself to be a true man, in spite of any other achievements and successes. The need for man to feel himself as masculine, for woman to feel herself as feminine, and for both to have orgasmic experiences through each other is a burning need for humanity today. Without this spiritual sexual expression the human race will slowly die from starvation and become extinct through a dire shortage of love.

The Division between Sex and Heart’s Love

Perhaps most women have at times (if not all the time) experienced a drastic and dramatic split between the experience of sex and the feelings of love. Sex can so easily feel dirty and animal and uncaring while love is something sweet and pure and beautiful. A majority of women have had countless experiences of loveless sex, and as a result many women choose a sexless life, at the same time attempting to love a man very dearly. Or instead, they choose to be alone.

But this solution of abandoning sex because it is not deeply moving comes at some cost to woman herself. As mentioned, lack of love and loving in woman results in all kinds of ill health, psychological disturbances, and emotional problems. For a woman, sex itself is not a dire need while love is an absolute need, and always remains one to the end of her life. The effort lies in bringing these two seemingly conflicting worlds into synchronicity. The route to that state is to connect sex with the heart (and love)
through
sex, not by avoiding it. Sex with any level of awareness creates love naturally, as a by-product; it follows simply and sweetly. Awareness is alchemical. Combining these two poles in her own body—sex and love, the earthly and the otherworldly—is the optimum for health and continued happiness for women.

Many women report that sometimes the heart feels like it is being touched internally, penetrated and opened by the penis, particularly when the penetration is deep and prolonged as suggested in chapter 6. When physical love reaches to this level of exchange through polarity, love is generated
as a tangible reality between a man and a woman. In being so profoundly touched, woman connects with her love and in overflow showers love on man, thereby completing the circuit of love and joy. Remember this again and again:
any
level of awareness in sex will create love—it is the awareness itself that transforms sex into love. To repeat a common phrase: it is not what we do but how we do it. Woman is love, this is the quintessence
of her very soul; thus, to her love is as essential as food. She requires the opportunity to relax into her feminine nature and receive the contentment and regeneration of orgasmic experiences to sustain her life. The
sincerity and willingness of a man is clearly a contributing factor to woman’s orgasmic experiences, but the responsibility—even for this—lies in woman’s hands. Through sex woman can regain her original power as female.