Tears on My Pillow (14 page)

January 10
th
2014

Friday

Qisha

     I am sitting on the floor in my sister’s living room bleeding all over her carpet. I see Jakari hurriedly putting his gym shorts back on. He runs up the hallway chasing behind Qia and falls from his drunkeness. I can’t believe I fucking did this shit. I have always been attracted to Jakari but never ever planned on acting on it. I should have listened to him when he said that it wasn’t right but when he called me cute it ignited something in me. I try to stand up and that is when I realize I have glass in the bottoms of my feet.
“OUCH!”
I yell as I fall back down on the carpet regretting that as glass stabs me in the ass.

     As painful as it is I manage to sit Indian style so that I can pry the glass out of my feet. I am crying and taking glass out of my foot when I hear Jakari come back in the house and slam the door. I look around on the floor and find a glass free spot and manage to stand up. I hobble over to the side of the couch and bend down to pick up my clothes and shoes. I am so embarrassed at my actions and the drama that I have just caused I can’t look Jakari in the face. I am afraid to turn around because I wouldn’t blame him if he punched me in my face as well.

     I turn around to go to the bathroom to put my clothes on and notice that Jakari is in the kitchen with his head down on the table. I can barely walk but I make slow steady steps towards the guest bathroom and realize that I am leaving a trail of bloody foot prints on the carpet.
“Argh as if my sister doesn’t already hate me enough. Now I am leaving blood all over her cream carpet.”
My tears continue to flow as I step in the bathroom and turn on the light. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t even recognize myself. My left eye has started to swell and my top and bottom lips are busted and bleeding. My blond hair is stained with blood and looks all wild and shit.

     All I can do is stand there and sob. I certainly did not picture this being my day when I got up this morning. How am I going to explain all of this to my mother? My sisters? My fucking man?! I scream
“NOOOOOO”
as I think about the whirl wind I have just caused in this family. I must have scared Jakari because he came running to the bathroom.

     He looks scared and drunk as hell.
“Ahhhh Qisss you is fuuucked up. You need to go to…ahhh…what’s that place… hos…hospital. Yup that’s it.”
After he manages to complete his slurred sentence he throws up all over the bathroom floor. I begin to cry harder as I realize how drunk he really is. He stands back up and wipes his mouth with his hand.

     “No.”
I shake my head and turn my back to him.

     “Fuh…Qisha have you….ah…seen your back? It is all cut up. Damn Qia… issss… pisssssed.”

     I can’t answer him because I am crying so hard. I lift my leg up to put on my panties when he says
“At least take a got damn shower to get the blood off of you.”
He stumbles over to the tub and turns on the water.
“Motherfucker”
he yells in a drunken rage because he damn near falls in the tub when he leans over. He gets his bearings and walks out of the bathroom. I take his advice and get in the shower. It stings like hell but I bite my tongue and endure the pain. I look down and I can see the blood running down the drain. I use my hands to splash water on my face and try to clear my head. I wash my hair with just plain water. There is some shampoo sitting in the corner of the shower but I know that shit will burn like hell if it gets in any of these open cuts. I stay in the shower until I no longer see any blood in the water swirling down the drain. I turn off the water and grab a towel off the shelf and dry myself off. I can’t rub because I seem to have cuts everywhere but I pat myself dry and then slowly ease my clothes back on.

     I step out of the bathroom and go back to the kitchen to get my keys. I had laid them on the counter when I was in there looking for my mother’s punch bowl. Jakari is sitting in there drinking what looks to be coffee. I assume trying to cure his inebriation.
“Jakari, I am so sorry.”

     “Qisha I hope I didn’t give you the impression that I give a fuck about how you feel because I don’t. Get the fuck out of here please.”
He doesn’t even look in my direction as he is speaking. I guess the coffee or whatever is in the glass is working but he is able to get that sentence out perfectly. I totally understand his anger in this moment so I grab my keys and leave. I don’t know what I am going to tell Darrin when I get home but I have to think of something because I sure can’t say Qia caught me and Jakari fucking and she threw me through a glass table and proceeded to beat my naked ass. I am shaking as I back out of the driveway.

     My thoughts go back to Qia when I notice the skids in the snow on the road and in their driveway. I know she was more than upset when she left but I hope she is driving carefully. The snow has accumulated a lot on the roads. I am going over possible speeches in my head as I take a left onto Harkness Avenue. I don’t know when my sister will be ready to talk to me, if ever, but when she does I want to be ready. I am stopped at the light when I an ambulance and two police cars fly by me. I hate the snow because it always causes so many accidents on the roads. I am so glad I am almost home. I take a left onto West Allen Ridge road. I take the second right into my driveway and breathe a sigh of pure relief when I see Darrin isn’t home. Maybe he will stay out all weekend which would be doing me a much needed favor this time.

January 10
th
2014

Friday

Jakari

     Nothing sobers you up quicker than your wife walking in and catching you fucking her sister. There is nothing I am going to be able to tell Qia now. I mean seriously the cliché I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing defense isn't going to cut it. I punch a hole in the kitchen wall as I become furious with myself. I am not even attracted to Qisha. Why the fuck would I allow her to even put me in this situation? I have always looked at her as Qia's ratchet little sister. She is a cute girl but for real I have never once even fantasized about being with her. I can't even imagine what her mother and sisters are going to say. I guess I won’t really have to worry too much about it because Qia has probably already filed the divorce papers.

     I just can’t fucking win for losing! I walk into the living room and stare at the glass, blood, and blue roses scattered all over the place. I have been praying for the past week that Qia is going to give me another chance and to my surprise that is what she has decided to do. The only thing I remember her saying is that she had come home to tell me that she loves me and wants to work everything out! She has forgiven me for walking in on that bullshit with me and Azia only to walk in on some more bullshit. I pick up the Johnnie Walker Blue bottle off the floor and fling it across the room. It strikes the wall and knocks a whole into as it to cracks into several large pieces and they fall onto the carpet.

     I can't even call Chandler and talk to him about this shit. I laugh a little as I realize that I have finally had some ass that I don't want to claim. This shit is actually embarrassing. I figure it is just a matter of time before this story has spread all through Qia's family and to Chan. She is a private person but at this point I don't think she will be able to hold this load all by herself.

     It’s been a couple of hours since Qia stormed out of here. I grab my phone off the floor in the living room surprised that it wasn't broken during the melee earlier. I dial Qia's cell phone like an ass hoping that she will answer. I don't know what I am going to say if she does pick up but I need to hear her voice even if it sounds angry. "Hello" I hear a male voice say on the other end of the line. I know another man did not just answer my wife's motherfucking phone!

     “Hello" I say just so I can make sure that I heard a man's voice a second ago because I know I am still a little drunk.

     "Yes. Who is this?" The male voice has the nerve to ask.

     "Okay you got this whole situation fucked up. WHO are YOU?" I am pacing back and forth ready to figure out where this nigga is at so I can put my hands on him. "Better yet where are you and my wife?"

     "Qia's your wife?" Now this MF want to act like he is deaf. Honestly right now he is the least of my worries. I just want my wife back. If I walk in on her right now down on her knees deep throating this dude I would take her by her hand and help her up so that we could come home together. I love her and after all I have put her through in the past I can't even pretend to be angry if she cheats on me. I would do and forgive anything to get my wife to come home to me.

     I sigh loudly "Yes she is. Please put her on the phone."

     "I wish I could." This mofo is really tripping! Why the fuck he wishing?!

     "What the fuck you mean you wish you could? Look you are really starting to irritate me. I am trying to keep control of myself and hold back from coming to where you are and snapping your fucking neck! Now put my got damn wife on the phone!" I walk into the kitchen trying to remain calm.

     "Sir I am going to have to ask you to quit cursing at me." This nigga sounding like a little bitch.

     "I will do that gladly when you put my wife on the PHONE!" I pound my fist on the kitchen table.

     "I can't do that sir. My name is..." This fool must be lonely because I don’t need to know a damn thing about him! The only thing that would interest me that concerns his ass is if he stops breathing!

       "Look I don't care what your name is! My wife and I had an argument so she is only using you to get back at me. STOP wasting my freaking time and put Qia on the phone!" I am now screaming at the top of my voice.

     "Sir I am a nurse here at BayState Medical Center and I can't put Qia on the phone because she has been in a terrible car accident." It takes me a second or two to process what he just said but when I do his words hit me like a ton of bricks. "Hello sir?!"

     "Is she okay?" I stand like a statue in the middle of the kitchen floor.

     "What is your name sir?"

      "Please just tell me she's okay." I say sitting down in the kitchen chair

     "Sir..."

     "My name is Jakari. Jakari Roberson. Is she alright?"

      "Can you come down to the hospital Mr. Roberson? We can't give out any information over the phone."

     "I'm on my way." I hang up before I can even get the nurses name. Qia has to be okay. She has to be. I can't imagine that she died knowing that the last moment we shared was with her watching me screw her baby sister. I race to the front door and then realize I don't have a shirt nor shoes on. I run to the bedroom and grab the first t-shirt and pair of sneakers I see in the closet.  I put my sneakers on with no socks and race back up the hallway struggling to pull my t-shirt over my head. I snatch my keys off the table by the door and open the front door. I am in shock when I see how much snow has fallen in the past few hours.  I unlock my car door and start the ignition. I turn the front and back defrost on high.  I reach in the backseat and grab my snow brush. I run around the car as fast as I can brushing the snow off the front and back windows.

     When I am done I throw the brush in the backseat. I sit down in the driver's seat and close the door as I back down the driveway. I feel like it is taking forever for me to get to BayState Medical Center but with the roads in such bad shape I don't have any choice but to drive carefully if I want to see my wife. I finally make a right onto Carew Street and I feel my heartbeat quicken when I see the hospital up ahead. I pull into the first parking spot I see and jump out the car. I run inside the emergency room and go straight up to the registration desk. "I'm Jakari Roberson. My wife Qia Roberson was brought here."

    “How do you spell your wife’s first name?” She asks and looks up at me waiting for my response.

     “Q…I…A.” I say quickly.

    The nurse starts typing on her keyboard before she says "I will page Dr. Watson to come and get you. Wait over there." She says as she points at two tan colored doors across the room. I hastily walk over to the doors and wait impatiently for the doctor. The doors finally open and a stocky ebony colored man in a white coat says
“Roberson.”

     “Right here”
I say stepping up in front of him.

     “I am Doctor Watson. I have been treating your wife since she was admitted into the ICU two hours ago.”

     “Can I see her? Is she okay? ICU?”
My questions come out so rapidly that I don’t leave room for the doctor to respond.

     After getting off the elevator, we stop outside of room 418.
“Yes, you can see her, but Mr. Roberson, I have to warn you that your wife was banged up pretty badly in the accident. She has a lot of tubes and visible injuries so I just want you to brace yourself for what you are about to see. To answer your question as to why she is in the ICU it is because she is in a coma.”

     “I am happy that she is alive but comatose.”
I say looking up towards the ceiling and shaking my head.
“What does this mean for her recovery? How long will she be like this?”

     “Now there is no way for me to tell how long she will be in this state but I will monitor her closely. I can tell you that she seems to have a very good chance of coming through this. I was able to test her and get a Glascow Coma Scale Score which is 14 and that is extremely good. While nothing is set in stone that type of score supports a full recovery. Some of the tubes you will see are going to be a feeding tube, and IV, a ventilator, and she also has a catheter. After you have visited with your wife, if you have any questions please feel free to ask me or one of my staff. I assure you we will work around the clock with you to provide your wife with the best treatment possible.”

     “Okay thank you. Can I go in now?”

     He nods his head yes and pushes the door open for me. I almost forget how to walk when I see my precious wife lying in that hospital bed. She must have hit her head during the impact because she has big knot on her forehead. She has a black eye and a busted lip. I walk over to her bedside and place my hand on top of hers. There are tubes everywhere just as the doctor warned me there would be. I begin to cry and pray silently. I don’t know what is going to happen when she wakes up. She may tell me to get out but I would rather that than anything going wrong and she not come out of this at all.

     I sit down in the chair next to her bed and lean my forehead on her hand.
“Qia I was sitting at home wondering what I could say to you to make you forgive me and I couldn’t come up with anything. The way I have acted is unforgiveable. I know this is probably a lot to ask but if you give me another chance I can be the husband that you need want and deserve. I also want to say that I am in no way attracted to your sister. I had said I wasn’t going to say this but it’s the truth. I was inebriated and didn’t make the best decision when your sister made a move on me. What’s really important though is the fact that I love you and I can’t be without you. I am going to sit here day and night until you wake up.”
The room falls silent and I can hear beeping coming from the machines and the ventilator breathing for my wife. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer as my tears begin to fall, again.