Tempting Sydney (17 page)

“You were about to let two drunk women
drive
home. I hope to hell it hurt, and if I could make it hurt worse, I would.”

“I wasn’t about to drive, you asshole!” I shouted. “I know I had too much to drink. I was looking for my phone to call a cab.”

Surprise crossed Jax’s face, and then something that looked like relief. “Well, now I’m here. It will save you the cab fare.”

“We don’t need your help.” I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him. We’d had a rough couple of weeks, and I didn’t imagine spending any time together would make things better. And riding home with him when I was drunk and more likely to speak my mind was an even worse plan. No. That wasn’t happening. I looked around and noticed a few idling cabs at the front of the club that I hadn’t seen before. “Will you help me get Brynn, Collin?”

He stood up, moving his jaw back and forth. It would probably be sore, but it looked okay. Collin lifted Brynn out of She-Ra, and then I locked the car and set the alarm. I didn’t like leaving my car in a parking lot in the middle of town on a weekend, but I didn’t have another choice. We started walking toward the waiting cabs.

“Where are you going?” Jax asked, falling into step next to me. He still looked angry, but he seemed to be maintaining a semblance of control.

“To get a cab, you jerk.”

“I told you, I’m taking you home.”

We got to the cab and Collin opened the back door, helping Brynn inside. “And I told you I don’t need your help.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Going out to a club and getting drunk like a teenager was really mature.”

I laughed outright. “You’re the one who told me I needed to stop being so uptight. Remember?”

His expression went rigid. “I didn’t mean do something that could have gotten you killed.”

Lines formed across my forehead. “That’s kind of a worst case scenario, don’t you think? I didn’t drive. I just didn’t realize how much I had to drink until we got out of the club. When I did, I was going to call a cab until you came over and assaulted my friend.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line.

“What the hell is your problem?” I yelled. “You won’t open up to me, you haven’t contacted me in weeks, and you have a wife and a love-child! Why don’t you go be with them and leave me alone!”

His brow pinched in confusion. “Wife? Love-child? What in the world are you talking about?”

“The model and kid you were sitting with at the pizza place!” I yelled. “You didn’t even call to explain why you’d decided to use me to cheat on her, and at Red’s you refused to answer my question about her. You’re a douchebag of the highest order, Jackson West. And you can go to hell!”

I pushed Collin out of the way and got in the backseat of the cab. I was about to tell the cab driver our address, but Jax leaned down through the passenger seat window and told him instead, then handed him twenty bucks. He looked back at me, holding my gaze, his expression full of determination. “This isn’t over,” he said, then backed away and the cab took off.

I spent the next morning nursing a wicked hangover. The water trick hadn’t helped as much as I thought it would. Brynn, who was used to this kind of liquor consumption, recovered much better than me, and brought some special hangover cure potion to my bedroom. I nursed the unpleasant tasting drink for a couple of hours, but it did the trick. By mid-morning, my head and stomach were feeling significantly better; my heart was another issue entirely.

Jax had been at Ice. How did he even know I was going to be there? It seemed a pretty big coincidence for him to show up out of the blue at the same club as me. Maybe that’s all it was, though, a coincidence.

After my shower, I made my way down to the kitchen and found Brynn sitting at the table with her laptop and books. It was rare to see her actually doing homework. “There’s a mocha coffee from your favorite café . You might need to warm it up.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. I grabbed the coffee cup off the table and put it in the microwave. It came out piping hot and perfect. I sipped it as I crossed my legs under me in the chair across from Brynn. “Thanks for the coffee.” I was grateful one of us was capable of functioning this morning, and considering how much Brynn had to drink, it probably shouldn’t have been her. Then again, I wasn’t actually sure how much
I’d
had to drink.

“Don’t thank me,” Brynn said, highlighting something in her textbook. “Thank your boyfriend.”

I furrowed my brow. “What boyfriend?”

She gave me an exasperated look. “Jax. He was outside this morning and brought us breakfast. He sat there all night.”

No. Way. “He did not.”

She nodded her head. “He did.”

I couldn’t believe he’d really sat outside like some sort of security guard. What? Was he afraid I was going to try to walk back to Ice and get my car? “What the hell? Why?”

“Because he’s in love with you. Why else?”

I rolled my eyes. No. He wasn’t. He had a wife and child. “That’s ridiculous. He does not love me. He doesn’t even like me.”

She looked up at me from under her brow. “Listen, I love you, but if you really think that, you’re a complete idiot.”

I scowled at her. “Are you forgetting about the woman and kid at the pizza parlor?”

She shook her head, grabbing a piece of dried fruit from a bag on the table and popping it in her mouth. “You’re making assumptions. You have no clue who they were.”

“I’ve asked him about it twice now, and twice he’s refused to explain. I’m pretty sure that means it’s someone he doesn’t want me to know.”

Brynn frowned. “I don’t think he’s the type to have a kid and leave them high and dry. He seems overly cautious and responsible…like he’s constantly looking out for people—including us. He wouldn’t bareback it. I bet he has a Costco sized box of condoms.”

I took another sip of the delicious coffee. Not too bitter, or sweet—perfect. “You know, the other day when he hurt my feelings, you offered to twist his balls off. Now you’re defending him,” I pointed out.

“Because he made you feel bad. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, it just means he made a mistake.”

“So now you suddenly think you know him?”

“Better than I did when we met him in August.”

I shook my head, lips tight. “No, you don’t. That’s the trick. He keeps everyone at arms-length and doesn’t let anyone get close. No one knows Jackson West. Not me, you, or anyone else.”

She paused and took a drink of her detox lemon water. She set the glass down slowly and said nothing for a while, like she was using the time to collect her thoughts. She rested her arms on the table, folded over each other, and looked at me. “I’ve watched you with him on a couple of occasions, Syd. I’ve seen how you’ve changed because of him, and I think he’s been changing, too. Do you really think he’d be so protective of you if he didn’t have feelings for you? He cares about you, and the things that are important to you—me included. Honestly, of everyone who has ever been in his life, I think you were getting the closest to knowing him.”

I stared at her, dumbfounded. “That’s ridiculous. I told you what happened on the fall drive, and then at Red’s garage. He doesn’t want
anyone
to know him. He won’t open up enough.”

“He wanted to get to know you. He was seeing if you’d be vulnerable first. I think he’d started to open up with you—“

I gave a derisive snort.

“—or at least, he was trying. When you’ve been one way for most of your life, it’s difficult to immediately change—especially when it’s something that’s ingrained in your psyche, and has become such a big part of who you are as a person. You should understand that more than anyone. You’re trying to change and become—“ she paused, searching for the word, “more spontaneous. It hasn’t been easy for you, and it probably won’t be easy in the near future. You have to understand how hard this is for him, Syd. You’re asking for a lot more than some personal information. You’re asking for the key to who he is. I get the feeling it’s not a key he gives many people—if anyone.”
I stared at her for a long time. Something was up…and I thought I might know what it was. “Is this you playing psychotherapist, or is this something he told you while he was hanging out on our front porch delivering coffee and apologies this morning?”

She smiled. “A little of both.”

I quirked a brow. “Which parts did he actually say?”

“That he’s careful about who he lets in, and you caught him off-guard. He knows he has to make changes if he wants you in his life—in whatever capacity that ends up being. But it’s going to take some time, and you’ll have to be understanding when he keeps things close to his chest.”

I blew out a breath and took a long sip of my coffee, thinking. “It’s not that easy, Brynn. He’s impossible to relate to because he refuses to give me anything to connect with. Relationships require both people to open up. I get that he’s trying to change, but it’s really frustrating to spend time with him when everything is so one-sided.”

“I know. And he knows, too. He’s working on it. The question is whether you’ll give him the time to figure it out. I hope you do.”

I took another sip of my coffee, the smooth chocolate and java gliding over my happy taste buds. It was nice of Jax to think about me, and take the time to bring me a drink. “I’ll think about it.” I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and be the person he chose to talk to, but I wasn’t sure how long I could wait. I hadn’t been successful at getting him to let me in yet, so it seemed futile, and felt like a waste of time. But I did like being with him, and felt like there was a strong connection between us. Only time would tell whether anything would eventually develop from it. It felt wrong not to at least give it a chance, though, and see what would happen.

Brynn watched me puzzling it out and then smiled widely. “Admit it,” she said, grabbing another piece of dried fruit. “You like him.”

I smiled. “No, I won’t admit it.”

“That’s all right,” she said, breaking a piece of the fruit in half and taking a bite. “You don’t have to, I already know.”

I sighed, conceding. I wrinkled my nose, unhappy with what I was about to admit. “Like doesn’t cover it. My ovaries tremble in his presence.”

She laughed out loud. “Then you should hang out with him more often.”

“I like him, Brynn. Maybe too much.” I played with the coffee sleeve, dropping it down to the table and pushing it back up for several minutes before coming to a decision. “Here’s the deal. I’ll hang out with him when I have time, and see what happens,” I shrugged and looked down at my coffee, “but he’s just another friend.”

She shook her head, laughing softly to herself. “Did you see the way you looked down at your coffee when you said that? You couldn’t meet my eyes because even you don’t believe he’s just a friend—and
friendship
is definitely not what you want.”

I really hated having a best friend majoring in psych. Her body language class alone was going to kill me. I couldn’t hide anything—not that I could keep anything from her anyway, but before the class, I could at least disguise my emotions better. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the chair. “It’s hard. I feel something for him, but I don’t have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, either. Are my feelings real, or is it my hormones? I don’t know. It’s not black and white, and I can’t find the answers written down for me somewhere. He’s not a book I need to study to get a grade. If he was, I’d probably be a lot better at this.”

She smirked. “I bet he’d enjoy the studying part. You both would.”

I glanced up at her. “It doesn’t matter if I’d like it or not. If I let myself get involved with someone, it will screw with my head. Even Jax as my friend has screwed me up six ways to Sunday. Relationships are hard, regardless. They’re even harder when the man you’re interested in refuses to tell you his history. I need to focus on school. It’s a lot easier to do that if I’m just his friend.”

She leaned back and put her feet on the chair next to us before taking a deep breath and looking at me. “I’m going to say something that might not make you happy, but it’s because I love you, so don’t throw your coffee at me.” I was officially intrigued. She continued, “It’s easier, but while you’re busy planning for your future, you’re missing out on the present. You’re going to look back at this time in your life, and wish you’d experienced more than straight A’s.”

That sounded a lot like what Jax had said, only less harsh—or maybe it seemed less harsh because it was coming from someone I knew loved me and had my best interests in mind. I knew Brynn was probably right, but I didn’t know how to change. I was the type of person who decided to do something, and threw everything I had into it. I wasn’t sure I was ready to throw that into Jax when I didn’t know if I could trust him to give it back. Commitment and communication weren’t his strong suits.

Brynn watched my thoughts play out and shook her head. “You want him, and it’s obvious he wants you.”

“Does he? Or does he just want the challenge? I’m afraid once he gets what he wants, he’ll be done with me. If it happens, then I’ve lost a relationship, a good friend, and my grades will probably be shot to hell. It’s a high risk to take.”