The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse (25 page)

THE ALIEN INVASION SURVIVAL HANDBOOK

Razumovsky reached to his bedside table and grabbed an empty bottle of vodka, which he hurled at the intruders, hitting one in the face. The terrified Razumovsky continued screaming and throwing anything he could get his hands on in the dark. The intruders beat a hasty retreat out of his bedroom and headed through the kitchen toward the back door with Razumovsky, now feeling more confident, in hot pursuit. Grabbing an iron, he swung it around his head like an Olympic hammer thrower and heaved it with all his might. The cord wrapped around one of the intruder's legs, like Spanish boleadoras, sending him sprawling onto the floor. Razumovsky, unable to stop in time, tripped on the prone figure, landing on top of him. Razumovsky's recollections of what happened next are somewhat hazy, but a brief tussle ensued, blows were exchanged, and then the intruders were gone. Razumovsky stood and screamed some abuse about the intruders' mother as they headed across the field on the other side of the road.

He turned his Walkman off and was about to close the door when a bright light caught his eye. There in the paddock, not more than 100 yards from his cottage, was a large, luminescent, disc-shaped craft that lifted silently into the night sky. It hovered momentarily over the field, sending sheep blahing in all directions, took off at a tremendous speed toward the east, and was gone.

Razumovsky made an official report at the local police office on the way to work the next day. A number of other people — including a truck driver, two shift workers, and a night patrolman — also reported seeing a fast-moving light early that morning.

The report was filed and forgotten, until it was discovered by researchers after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Razumovsky was contacted for the writing of this handbook and recounted the incident exactly as he had reported it twenty-five years ago.

The case of Rangi Tui, a thirty-four-year-old seasonal sheepshearer from the South Island of New Zealand, highlights, yet again, the diverse range of anti-electroparalysis techniques that have been successfully employed in resisting alien abduction.

Tui had spent Saturday night at the local tavern celebrating his team's win in a rugby match that afternoon. By 2 a.m., festivities had started to die down, and as he was expected at work early the next morning, he decided to head back to his lodgings for a few hours of sleep before an early 6 a.m. start. He offered Chris Hayman, a twenty-four-year-old co-worker, a lift back to the sheep station, some 20 miles out of town.

By the time Tui reached the gate of the property, Hayman had fallen asleep on the backseat. Tui started driving up the two-mile rough dirt track over rolling hills to the shearers' quarters.

As Tui proceeded up the track, he saw what he thought was the headlight of a motorcycle heading toward him. He initially thought it must have been the property owner “out possum shootin',” but as the light approached, he was surprised to see it rise up into the night sky. Confused, he stopped the car and tried, unsuccessfully, to wake the inebriated Hayman. Tui strained to keep his eyes on the light but lost sight of it as it rose directly over the car. It was difficult to judge its size, but it appeared to be at least as big as the car he was driving. He jumped out and looked up, but the light was nowhere to be seen. Scanning the sky and seeing nothing, he took a few moments to relieve himself and was about to get back into the car when he was suddenly surrounded by an intense beam of light. Thinking someone had turned a spotlight on him, he remonstrated, yelling, “Come on, you jokers, turn that fucking thing off!” Shielding his eyes from the light, he looked up and could make out the dark outline of a large object some 150 feet directly above him. He felt an intense burst of heat on his face and then blacked out, dropping to the ground.

THE ALIEN INVASION SURVIVAL HANDBOOK

As Tui regained consciousness, he became aware of movement around him. His eyes were closed, but he felt a bright light still shining in his face. He attempted to cover his face with his hands, but they didn't move. He tried to scream, but couldn't. He was paralyzed. Tui could only just open his eyes against the intense glare and make out the forms of several dark shapes leaning over him. He immediately thought that he must have been in an accident and was now in a hospital emergency room. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw that the figures standing over him looked like creatures from a science-fiction movie, with bulging heads, large eyes, and spindly limbs.

Tui was horrified by what he saw, but was powerless to react. The aliens continued about their business, much of which was just outside Tui's field of vision. He did notice one of the aliens handling what looked like a chrome-plated hand drill, and within moments, he felt an excruciating pain in his lower leg. The pain crept up his limb like tendrils of lava until he thought he was going to pass out again, when it eased off abruptly. Tui's sense of helplessness soon turned to rage as the pain surged through his leg a second time. The words of an ancient Māori battle song — the haka, which is often performed by New Zealanders prior to playing rugby matches — filled his mind.

As Tui focused on the aggressive intension of the chant, the pain seemed to abate. He repeated it over and over, and he slowly felt sensation returning to his fingertips, then his arms. He opened his eyes again and saw that the aliens had stopped what they were doing and were just staring expressionlessly at him. He could hear the words of the haka coming from his own mouth now. His paralysis was gone. The aliens seemed alarmed. He sprang to his feet, still a little unsteady, and noticed that he was naked. He looked down and saw a metallic hose protruding from his lower leg. He ripped it out and pounced on the alien wielding the drill, knocking the creature to the floor with a single blow to its face. He elbowed the alien behind him in the chest and could hear the sickening crack of bones as it dropped. Having been involved in more than a few pub brawls in his time, Tui knew he shouldn't hold anything back. He grabbed a third alien by the neck and leg and rammed it headfirst into the wall, then it dropped motionless on the deck.

The three other aliens left standing in the room did not come to their fallen comrades' aid, but hastily retreated through a doorway on the other side of the examination table. As they left the room, the door began to slide down. Tui vaulted over the examination bench and rolled under the door just as it was closing.