The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse (21 page)

7. PENAL SETTLEMENT:
There's no better way of disposing of those undesirable elements in our society than to send them off to another country or, for that matter, another planet. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes. It worked well for the British Empire in the eighteenth century, so why wouldn't it work with a motley crew of alien miscreants as well? All you need to find is a suitable planet in the unfashionable backwaters of the galaxy and clear out the locals to make way for the first shipment. It couldn't be simpler.

THE ALIEN INVASION SURVIVAL HANDBOOK

8. SPORT:
On Earth,
Homo sapiens
have the dubious honor of being the only species that kills other sentient beings for entertainment. Spanish bullfights, duck shooting, and big-game hunting all testify to a perverse primal blood lust that we have yet to shake from our genetic heritage. Hunters will go to no end of trouble and expense to pop a few rounds into some hapless deer or antelope, lop off its head, stick it up on the living room wall, then stand there gloating over the pitiful carcasses, espousing their virility and triumph over the lesser creatures. We may not be alone in this desire for wanton, mindless carnage, though. At this very moment, on a planet in a not-too-distant star system, some redneck alien may be stowing the trusty laser blasters in the trunk of its flying saucer and checking its star map for the quickest route to Earth.

Our planet may someday be one giant
Homo sapiens
theme park where intrepid intergalactic hunters don their silver spandex safari suits and prepare for a chest-thumping body count. We can only imagine the assortment of human body parts that may someday adorn an alien's living room walls as macabre trophies of his dominance over lesser life-forms.

9. DIVING INTO THE GENE POOL:
Scientists have long been aware of the important role that a wide ancestral gene pool plays in the hereditary health of a population. Having a large variety of mates to choose from provides the genetic diversity required by natural selection to reduce the number of mutations that weaken the long-term viability of a population. The concept of human-alien hybrid experimentation is not new to ufologists and may represent a last-ditch effort to introduce new vitality into an ailing alien population. When their experiments and breeding programs are complete, they may initiate an invasion to provide a home for their newly created legions of genetically modified half-breeds.

10. SEXUAL ADVENTURE:
Although it may seem a long way to come for cross-species liaisons, much talk has, over the years, been made of the sexual exploits of our intergalactic visitors. As we all know, primal sexual urges make creatures do crazy things. It is, by no means, impossible to imagine hormone-driven aliens cruising the planet on a Saturday night in their freshly waxed and polished flying saucers looking to sample some of the Earthly delights of our primate society. When it comes to the realm of sexual conquest, there are few boundaries. Aliens may gladly put our genetic difference aside in the pursuit of pleasures of the flesh.

We can expect a full-scale alien invasion to be unexpected, swift, and merciless. Aliens know their stuff. They have been conducting surveillance operations on Earth for a long time. They are fully aware of our military capabilities and strategies. They will have the upper hand. They know our weak spots and will exploit them without hesitation. We will most likely be caught totally off guard in such a way that all may seem hopeless. Although civilization as we know it today may collapse, it is from this chaos that the seed of human ingenuity will sprout and we shall arise from the ashes as victors.

Take these steps prior to an invasion so that you can worry less during an alien attack.

One of the most serious threats to a nation's ability to protect itself from alien invaders comes from the possible use of electromagnetic pulse weapons against our technological infrastructure. The devastating power of electromagnetic pulses was first observed during high-altitude nuclear weapons detonations during the Cold War era, and it has been a concern to military researchers for well over thirty years. Apart from the ability to instantly kill thousands of people, it was discovered that nuclear detonations also have the capacity to disrupt or destroy electronics systems. A single, high-intensity, broadband, short-duration burst of electromagnetic energy at an altitude of 300 miles could effectively bring the continental United States to its knees within moments, without any direct fatalities. These electromagnetic pulses, or EMPs, create power surges that have the ability to damage or destroy all unprotected electrical equipment, global communications networks, and even entire power grids.

Although the military has preparations well under way for an EMP attack, civilian targets are largely unprotected and susceptible to widespread failure. Recovery from such an attack would take years, if not decades, even under the most ideal conditions. Although engineering protection into new products and structures may only add a few percent to the overall cost, hardening and retrofitting unprotected systems could be both difficult and expensive. The most effective method is to encase sensitive equipment in an electrically conductive enclosure, such as a Faraday cage, which prevents the pulse from accessing it. However, this method is not foolproof, as any lines that run into the equipment — such as power cords, antennas, and modem cables — can act as an entry point for an EMP power surge. These external connections must also be coated in wire mesh or some other conductive material. Although commercially available surge protectors may offer some degree of protection under low-intensity strikes, they must be used as part of a complete protective system to be effective.

THE ALIEN INVASION SURVIVAL HANDBOOK

When the aliens come, you will likely be forced to abandon your home. Any treasured family heirlooms or valuables are best buried as a precaution against looters. Choose a container that is made of non-biodegradable plastic and has a lid that is completely watertight. Remember to take careful note of its position in relation to local landmarks, as it may be some time before you can return to retrieve it, and at that point your neighborhood may no longer be recognizable.

If you are stuck in a city during an alien attack, you may be forced to hide out in sewers or subway tunnels (see “Go to Ground” on page 171). Get on the Internet now or visit your local government offices to obtain the relevant local subterranean maps. Memorize them; you may not have a map on you when the attack begins. Check the location and condition of manhole covers and other entry points in your neighborhood; practice finding them in the dark. Are they easy to remove? Do you need a crowbar or other specialized tools? Make sure you know alternative exit points as well as “safe zones” within the system that can be used to escape high storm-water levels. Be prepared for human competition for these sanctuaries; your neighbors may prove to be more of a threat to your safety than the aliens in these coveted locations.