Authors: Amy Gutman
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As she watched Anna eat, Callie wished that she could turn 6
on the radio. Right before Anna had come downstairs, she’d 7
scanned the stations again. There’d been more reports about 8
Crain’s capture but no new details. Nothing yet about her own 9
past life. For that, at least, she was grateful.
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Still, Jamison was right; it was only a matter of time. She won-11
dered if it would have been better to tell the truth from the start.
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But even now she couldn’t imagine what she would have said to 13
Anna. It was hard enough growing up, without this kind of bur-14
den. She herself had had two loving parents, a devoted older sis-15
ter. And still she’d had a profound sense of being inadequate.
16
Knowing that your father was a serial killer — she couldn’t imag-17
ine that. She herself would have viewed such knowledge as con-18
firming her deepest fears. She’d wanted to spare Anna this, which 19
is why she’d never told her. Anna hadn’t chosen her father. She 20
deserved a normal childhood.
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Callie tried to imagine sitting down with Anna, setting out the 22
facts. She tried to think what Anna would say, but her mind 23
came up blank.
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“Sweetie,” she said. “I need to talk to you. About something 25
real important.”
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Anna looked up, fear in her eyes. “Is it . . . about the man who 27
took me?”
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“No, honey, no. It’s about something else.”
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She looked at Anna’s plate. “Are you finished?”
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“Uh-huh.”
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“Let’s go to the den.”
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The den was usually just a place to watch TV or play board 33
games. But the living room faced the front of the house. The den 34
felt more protected.
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The couch in the den was brown corduroy, worn and gently 36 R
sagging. Callie sat down first and pulled Anna toward her. Nor-3 0 4
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mally, Anna would have squirmed away. She was far too old for 1
this. Today, though, she seemed just as happy to nestle in Callie’s 2
arms.
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Callie angled Anna into a cushion so she could meet her eyes.
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“Okay. There are some things I have to tell you now. It’s okay if 5
you’re mad.”
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She kept looking into Anna’s eyes, the small, trusting face.
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She’d have done just about anything to avoid what she had to say.
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“You know a few weeks ago, how we were talking about your 9
dad?”
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“Uh-huh,” Anna said.
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“Well, the thing is,” — and here Callie held her tighter —
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“you have another father.”
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Anna looked at her, confused. “You mean, I have two fathers?”
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“Your daddy from back in Indiana, I met him after you were al-15
ready born.”
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Anna stared at Callie. “So he’s not my real daddy.” It wasn’t a 17
question. She’d grasped the facts, but her voice was strangely 18
blank.
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“He would have been. He wanted to be. He was going to adopt 20
you. But before that happened, we separated.”
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But Anna hardly seemed to be listening. She was staring at her 22
hands, twirling a finger round and round, over and over again.
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“So where is he?” she whispered.
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“He . . . he died,” Callie said. “He died a long time ago.”
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“You mean before I was born?”
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“No, after that.”
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Anna’s mouth had started to tremble. “How come you never 28
told me? Didn’t he want to see me?”
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“He was too sick,” Callie said. “He was sick in his mind. I 30
didn’t tell him when you were born. I didn’t want him to know.
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But Anna” — and here she gripped her daughter’s shoulder —
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“he really would have loved you. If I’d ever told him about you, 33
he’d have fought until they made me let him see you.”
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Anna’s eyes had drifted down again. “What happened to him?”
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she said.
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“He . . . he did some very bad things. He had to go to prison.
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After that — this was in Tennessee — they decided to put him 3
to death.”
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“Who decided?” Anna asked.
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“The jury. And the judge.”
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“In an electric chair?” Anna’s eyes were huge.
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“No.” Callie was rocking her now. “They gave him chemicals.
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It was just like he had to go to sleep. Like before an operation.”
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She didn’t believe that, not for a minute, but what could she 10
say to Anna? The horror of it rolled back in on her, what he’d 11
done, what they’d done to him. This was far worse than she’d 12
imagined, the telling of this thing.
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Anna looked up at Callie. “Did he kill someone?” she asked.
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Callie met her daughter’s eyes. “Yes,” she said. “He did.”
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“One person or more than one?”
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“More than one,” said Callie.
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“His name, it was Steven, wasn’t it? My real daddy’s name.”
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A moment of shock before Callie remembered the kidnapper’s 19
ramblings. That’s how Anna knew the name. She must have 20
made the connection.
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“Is your real name Laura, Mommy?” Anna’s voice was small.
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“My whole name is Laura Caroline Thayer. People used to call 23
me Laura.”
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“Oh,” Anna said.
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Callie waited for another question, but Anna sat quietly, as if a 26
part of her were trying to absorb what had just been said. In her 27
lap, she clasped a pillow, her arms wrapped tightly around it.
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“I don’t want to talk anymore right now.”
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“All right,” Callie said. As she stroked Anna’s hair, she wished 30
with all her heart that everything were different.
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h
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Melanie’s home was immaculate, sun streaming through the win-34
dows. Jamison could hardly believe that it was the same apart-35 S
ment. He sat in a large armchair, Melanie on the couch. Both of 36 R
the pieces were pristine white, either new or reupholstered.
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“I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done,” Melanie was say-1
ing. In the pale face, her eyes were the same bright blue he re-2
membered.
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Her bare feet were tucked beneath her, her toenails painted 4
pink. She was wearing gray drawstring pants and a light pink 5
long-sleeved shirt.
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Jamison shook his head. “I haven’t really done much.”
7
“But you have. You’ve been here through everything. I don’t 8
know how to thank you.”
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The warmth of the words was at odds with her voice, which 10
was little more than polite. From her face, he had no idea what 11
she was thinking. Since the attack, she seemed to have retreated 12
somewhere deep inside herself. Perhaps all her energies were con-13
sumed in the complex act of healing.
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He thought back to when they’d first spoken by phone, when 15
she called him out of the blue. At the time, he believed it was 16
something more than a simple professional call. When he sug-17
gested that they meet for dinner, he could tell that she was 18
pleased. But then everything had changed in that single terrible 19
night.
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Now that he was here, he felt strangely awkward. He’d come as 21
a friend, paying a visit, and yet he barely knew her. He glanced 22
toward her bookshelf at a small arrangement of framed photo-23
graphs. His eyes lit on one of a young black woman standing by 24
the Eiffel Tower.
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Melanie’s eyes followed his.
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“That’s my best friend, Vivian. She flew back from a vacation 27
in Greece after she heard what happened.”
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He noted the careful choice of words, the avoidance of specifics.
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He wanted to ask about her parents, if they’d come to see her yet.
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But, again, he didn’t know her well enough to broach such a sen-31
sitive subject. He settled for something more general.
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“I’m glad you weren’t alone through this.”
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“Not at all,” she said. “My fiancé, Paul, has been wonderful.
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He’s been here every day.”
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He saw it then, the square-cut diamond, glittering on her left R 36
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hand. It hadn’t been there in the hospital, he was sure of that.
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Though perhaps they’d removed her jewelry as a matter of policy.
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“So you’re getting married.” He managed a smile. “That’s won-4
derful. I didn’t know. Is this a recent development?”
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“Not exactly.” She fingered the diamond ring. How could he 6
not have seen it? “We . . . we’d been having some problems, but 7
we’ve managed to work things out. After what happened, I real-8
ized that it was time for me to grow up. Paul showed me that I 9
could count on him. There’s a lot to be said for that.”
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“Yes,” Jamison said quietly. “It’s an important quality.”
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Looking at her, damaged and frail, he had a sudden insight.
12
She’d been fighting some sort of private battle, and now she’d 13
given up. From something in her tone when she spoke of Paul, he 14
didn’t believe that she loved him. But love was always a high-15
stakes game, and Melanie was opting out. At this point, he al-16
most said something, then thought better of it. After all, who was 17
he to question her decision?
18
She gave him an opaque blue-eyed look, then smoothly 19
changed the subject. “How’s the investigation going? Are there 20
any new developments?”
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“Nothing concrete,” he said.
22
They were just marking time.
23
“I still don’t think that Lester Crain is the man who attacked 24
me. I’ve looked at a lot of pictures and I . . . I just don’t think 25
that’s him.”
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Jamison nodded. “I know,” he said. “They — the detectives —
27
they’re considering everything you told them.”
28
“I had a feeling that they wanted it to be Crain. I mean, it 29
wasn’t like they tried to pressure me. They just kept telling me to 30
take my time. They wanted me to be sure.”
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They talked for another hour or so, about nothing in particu-32
lar. So many subjects — everything important — seemed to be 33
off-limits. The wedding was planned for September, at Paul’s 34
mother’s house in Southampton. They planned a small, quiet af-35 S
fair, just close friends and family. She talked about going back to 36 R
work, maybe in a month or two. She still had headaches and 3 0 8
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spells of dizziness, but they were getting less frequent. Her firm 1
had been more supportive than she’d ever have imagined. The 2
partners had agreed to defer her consideration for partnership un-3
til next year.
4
When he got up to leave, she insisted on walking him to the 5
door. Even that slight effort seemed to take something out of her.
6
Before leaving, he surprised himself by briefly pulling her close.
7
“Take care of yourself,” he murmured, then softly closed the door.
8
9
h
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I used to be a nicer person.
11
The words flickered through Melanie’s mind as she leaned 12
against her door. She could still feel Mike Jamison’s embrace, his 13
hands against her shoulders. The way she’d acted, he had to 14
think that she’d barely noticed his kindness. But she was tired, so 15
very tired. She’d done the best she could.
16
Her life might not be the life she’d planned, but it was the life 17
she had. You tried to do everything right, but things still fell 18
apart. Investments failed. Husbands left. Terrible things oc-19
curred. You had to play the hand you were dealt. That’s what she 20
was doing.
21
There was no point in looking back, imagining what might 22
have been. Crossing the room, she picked up the phone and 23
punched in Paul’s number.
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Thursday, May 18
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