The Arabian Nights (New Deluxe Edition) (57 page)

Be careful and restrain your hasty wish;

Be merciful to all, and they will mercy show.

The hand of God is above every hand,

And every tyrant shall another know.

My lord, I don't think that you know my worth, for you are unaware of my knowledge, wisdom, and high merit.” I replied, “Stop meddling, for you have pestered me enough.” He said, “My lord, it seems to me that you are in a hurry.” I replied, “Yes, yes, yes!” He said, “Don't be in a hurry, for haste is of the devil and leads to regret. I am worried about you, and I would like you to let me know what it is you intend to do, for I fear that it might prove harmful to you. There are still three hours left to the end of prayer,” adding, “However, I don't wish to be in doubt about this but I must know for certain the exact time, for speech, when it is conjectural, is flawed, especially in one like me, whose merit is plain and known among men; and it does not befit me to base my statements on conjecture, as do the common sort of astrologers.” Then he threw down the razor, went out . . .

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

The barber threw down the razor, went out with the astrolabe, and came back, counting on his fingers, and said, “According to the learned and wise mathematicians and astrologers, there are exactly three hours left to the end of prayer, neither more nor less.” I said to him, “For God's sake, fellow, hold your tongue, for you have tormented me enough.” So this cursed fellow took the razor, shaved a few hairs, and said, “By God, I don't know the cause of your haste, and I am concerned about it. You would do better to tell me, for your father and grandfather—may God have mercy on them—did nothing without consulting me.”

When I realized that I was not going to get rid of him, I said to myself, “Noon is approaching, and I wish to go to the young lady before the people return from the mosque. If I am delayed much longer, I will not be able to get to her.” Then I said to him, “Be quick and stop jabbering, for I have to go to a party at the house of one of my friends.” When he heard me speak of a party, he said, “This day of yours is a blessed one for me; you have reminded me that yesterday I invited a group of friends, and I have forgotten to provide something for them to eat till now. What a disgrace in their eyes!” I replied, “Don't worry about it. I have told you that I am going to a party today. All the food and drink in my house shall be yours, if you hurry and shave my head.” He said, “God bless you, but tell me what you are giving me, so that I may know and inform my guests.” I replied, “I have five different dishes, ten fried chickens, and a roasted lamb.” He said, “Bring them out, so that I may see them.” I bade one of my servants buy all that and bring it back quickly. The servant did as I bade him, and when the barber saw the food, he said, “My lord, the food is here, but there is no wine.” I said to him, “I have two flagons of wine.” He said, “Have them brought out.” I said to the servant, “Bring them,” and when he did, the barber said, “O what an excellent fellow, what a generous soul, and what a noble pedigree! We have the food and wine, but there remain [the perfume and the incense].”

I brought him a box containing five dinars' worth of aloewood, ambergris, and musk, and as time was running out, I said to him, “For God's sake, take the whole box and finish shaving my head.” But he replied, “By God, I will not take it until I see the contents, one by one.” I bade the servant open the box, and the barber threw down the astrolabe, sat down, and began to turn over the contents, before accepting them. Meanwhile, I waited, with most of my head still unshaven, until I choked with exasperation. Then taking the razor, he came up to me and shaved a little hair, reciting the following verses:

The growing boy follows his father's suit,

Just as the tree grows firmly from its root.

Then he added, “By God, my lord, I don't know whether to thank you or thank your father, for my party owes itself entirely to your generosity. May God preserve it and preserve you. None of my friends is worthy of it; yet they are all decent men, such as Zentut the bathkeeper and Sali' the corndealer and Sallut the beanseller and Akrasha the grocer and Sa'id the cameldriver and Suwaid the porter and Hamid the garbageman and Abu-Makarish the bath-attendant and Qusaim the watchman and Karim the groom. There is not one among them who is disagreeable, contentious, meddlesome or troublesome. Each has his own dance, which he dances, and his verses, which he sings. But their best quality is that they are like your servant and slave; they neither meddle nor talk too much. The bathkeeper sings enchantingly to the little drum and dances and says, ‘I am going out, mother, to fill my jar.' As for the corndealer . . .”

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night, Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

The barber said, “The corndealer sings better than the nightingale and dances and says, ‘O wailing mistress, you have not done badly,' which makes the men laugh until their hearts burst from laughter. As for the garbageman, he dances to the tambourine and charms even the birds, as he sings, ‘News from my neighbor is locked in a chest.' He is a clever, deft, spirited, quick-witted, and refined fellow, of whose virtues I like to say:

O my life for a handsome garbageman,

Whose boughlike gait has set my heart on fire!

Fate blessed me with him one night, and I said,

Feeling the ebb and flow of my desire,

‘You have inflamed my heart,' and he replied,

‘No wonder that a scavenger can light the pyre!'

Indeed, every one of these men is accomplished in knowing how to divert the mind with mirth and fun. Perhaps my lord would like to join us today and postpone going to his friends, as he had intended, for you still show traces of illness and you may meet there some meddlesome and very talkative people or may encounter a busybody who will give you a headache, while you are still weak from illness.”

I said to him, “You have not failed in giving me your good advice,” and, in spite of my anger, I laughed, adding, “Perhaps some other time, the Almighty God willing. Finish my business and go in God's peace and enjoy yourself with your friends and companions, for they are waiting for you.” He said, “My lord, I only wish to introduce you to the company of these nice fellows, among whom there is not one meddlesome or garrulous man, for since I reached manhood, I have never been able to tolerate the company of a man who meddles ill what concerns him not or who is not, like myself, a man of few words. If you were once to spend some time with them, you would forsake all your friends.” I said, “May God grant you joy with them. I must visit you and enjoy their company one of these days.” He said, “I wish it were today, but if you are determined not to come with me but to go to your friends today, then let me take to my guests what you have kindly given me for them and leave them to eat and drink without me, while I return to you and go with you to your friends, for there is no formality between me and my friends to prevent me from leaving them and returning to you.” I replied, “There is no power and no strength, save in God, the Almighty, the Magnificent. Go to your friends and enjoy yourself with them, and let me go to mine and be with them this day, for they are waiting for me.” The barber said, “My lord, God forbid that I leave you and let you go alone.” I said, “The party I am going to is private, and you will not be able to get in.” He said, “My lord, I believe that you are going to meet a woman and that if you were really going to a party, you would take me with you, for it is the like of me that brings color to places of entertainment, parties, celebrations, and festivals. And if you are planning to be alone with some woman, I am the fittest . . .”

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad said, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you if I stay alive!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the young man said to the guests:

The barber said, “I am the fittest of all men to help you in your plan and to see that no one sees you entering the place and puts you in jeopardy, for in Baghdad one cannot do anything of the kind, especially on a day like this and in a city whose chief of the police is very powerful, severe, and sharp-tempered.” I said to him, “Damn you, wretched old man! Aren't you ashamed to speak to me like this?” He replied, “You silly man, you ask me whether I am not ashamed, yet you hide from me your plan, which I know for certain, while all I wanted was to help you today.” Fearful lest my family and neighbors should hear the barber's talk and I be exposed, I remained silent, while he finished shaving my head. By then it was almost noon, and the first and second exhortations to prayer were over and the hour of prayer had come. I said to him, “Take the food and drink to your friends, while I wait for your return and take you with me.” I kept trying to cajole and outsmart the cursed fellow, hoping that he would leave me, but he replied, “I think that you are trying to trick me and go alone and cast yourself in some peril from which there is no escape. For God's sake, for God's sake, don't leave until I come back and go with you, so that I may watch for you and see that you don't fall into a trap.” I replied, “Very well, but don't be late.” Then he took all that I had given him of food, drink, roast lamb, and perfume and went out. But the cursed fellow sent everything to his house with a porter and hid himself in an alley.

As for me, I rose at once, for the announcers of prayer had already chanted the salutations, dressed myself, and went out in a hurry until I came to the house where I had seen the young lady—I did not realize that the cursed barber had followed me. I found the door open, and when I went in, I found the old woman on her feet, waiting for me. I went upstairs to the young lady's room, but hardly had I gone in, when the master of the house returned from the mosque and, entering the house, closed the door behind him. I looked out from the window and saw this cursed barber sitting by the door and said to myself, “How did that devil find me out?” At that moment, as God had decreed my undoing, it happened that a maid had committed some offense for which the master of the house beat her. So she screamed, and when a male slave came to rescue her, the judge beat him also, and the slave too began to scream. The cursed barber concluded that it was I whom the judge was beating and began to tear his clothes, throw dust on his head, and cry out for help. The people began to gather around him, while he kept crying out, “My master is being murdered in the judge's house.” Then he ran, shrieking, toward my house, followed by the crowd, and told my family and servants. Before I knew it, they arrived, with torn clothes and disheveled hair, crying out, “Alas for our master!” with the barber at their head, in a sorry state, tearing his clothes and screaming.