The Arabian Nights (New Deluxe Edition) (60 page)

When he heard my story, the caliph laughed and said, “You have done well, O Silent One and man of few words!” and he bade me take a gift and go away. But I said, “By God, O Commander of the Faithful, I will take nothing, unless I tell you what happened to my other brothers.”

 

1.
Dabiq is a city in Egypt known for its fine linen.

[The Tale of the Second Brother, Baqbaqa the Paraplegic]

MY SECOND BROTHER'S
name was Baqbaqa, and he was the paraplegic. One day, as he was going on some business, he was met by an old woman, who said, “Fellow, stop for a moment, so that I may propose something to you, and if my proposition pleases you, you may proceed with the help of the Almighty God.” My brother stopped, and she said, “What I have to say is that I shall take you to a pleasant place, providing that you don't ask too many questions,” adding “What do you say to a handsome house and a garden with running waters and fruits and clear wine and a face as lovely as the moon for you to embrace?” When my brother heard her words, he asked, “Is all of this in this world?” She replied, “Yes, it is all yours, if you behave sensibly and refrain from meddling and talking too much.” He replied, “Very well.” Then she walked, and he walked behind her, intent on following her instructions. Then she said, “The young lady to whom you are going likes to have her way and hates to be contradicted. If you follow her wishes, she will be yours.” My brother said, “I will never contradict her in anything.” Then he followed the old woman until she brought him to a mansion full of servants. When they saw him, they asked, “What are you doing here?” But the old lady replied, “Leave him alone; he is a workman, and we need him.”

Then she brought him into a spacious yard, in the middle of which stood the loveliest of gardens, and seated him on a fine couch. Soon he heard a great commotion, and in came a troop of young ladies surrounding a lady as lovely as the full moon. When my brother saw her, he rose and bowed before her, and she welcomed him and bade him be seated. When he sat down, she turned to him and said, “God has chosen you and sent you as a blessing to us.” My brother replied, “My lady, the blessing is all mine.” Then she called for food, and they brought fine dishes. But as they ate, the lady could not stop laughing, and whenever my brother looked at her, she looked away from her maids, as if she was laughing at them, all the while showing my brother affection and jesting with him until he concluded that she was in love with him and that she would grant him his wish. When they finished eating, the wine was set before them, and there came ten young ladies as lovely as the moon, carrying lutes, who began to sing plaintive songs, which delighted my brother. Then the lady drank the cup, and my brother rose . . .

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber told the guests that he said to the caliph:

My brother rose, but as he was drinking the cup in greeting, the lady gave him a slap on the neck. He drew back in anger, but as the old woman kept winking at him, he returned and the lady bade him sit. But she hit him again, and as if that was not enough, she ordered her maids to hit him too, all the while saying to the old woman, “I have never seen anything better than this,” and the old woman replying, “Yes, by God, my lady.” Then the lady ordered her maids to perfume my brother with incense and sprinkle rosewater on him; then she said to him, “May God reward you. You have entered my house and submitted to my condition, for whoever crosses me, I turn him away, but whoever is patient with me I grant him his wish.” My brother replied, “My lady, I am your slave.” Then she bade all her maids sing with loud voices, and they did as she bade.

Then she cried out to one of the maids, saying “Take my darling with you, take care of him, and bring him back to me soon.” My brother rose to go with the maid, not knowing what was intended for him, and as the old woman rose to go with them, he said to her, “Tell me what she wishes this maid to do to me.” The old woman replied, “Nothing but good. She wishes to dye your eyebrows and remove your mustaches.” My brother said, “The dyeing of the eyebrows will come off with washing, but the plucking out of my mustaches will be hard on me.” The old lady said, “Beware of crossing her, for her heart is set on you.” So my brother submitted while the maid dyed his eyebrows and plucked out his mustaches. Then she went back to her lady, who said, “There is one more thing; shave his chin, so that he may be beardless.” The maid returned to my brother and began to shave his beard, and the old woman said to him, “Be glad, for she would not have done this to you if she had not been passionately in love with you. Be patient, for you are about to have your wish.” My brother submitted and sat patiently, while the maid shaved his beard.

Then she brought him to her mistress, who, delighted at the sight, laughed until she fell on her back and said to him, “My lord, you have won my heart with your good nature.” Then she conjured him by her life to rise and dance, and he began to dance, while she and the maids grabbed everything around and threw it at him until he fell senseless from the pelting and hitting. When he came to himself, the old woman said to him, “You will have your wish.”

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

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The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber told the guests that he said to the caliph:

When my brother came to himself, the old woman said to him, “One more thing and you will have your wish; it is her habit, when she gets intoxicated, to let no one have her until he takes off his shirt and trousers and stands naked. Then she runs away, as if she is trying to escape, while he follows her from place to place until his penis hardens and becomes firmly erect. Then she stops and lets him have her,” adding “Rise and take off your clothes.” My brother took off all his clothes and stood stark naked. Then the lady herself took off her clothes, except for her trousers, and said to him, “If you want me, follow me until you catch me,” adding “Start running,” and she began to run from place to place, while, overwhelmed with desire, with his cock sticking straight up in the air, he ran after her like a madman. She entered a dark place and he followed her, stepping on a soft spot, which caved in under him, and before he knew it, he found himself in the middle of the leather market, where the traders were shouting their wares, buying and selling.

When they saw him in that condition, naked, without a beard, and with red eyebrows, they yelled and clapped their hands at him and beat him with hides on his naked body until he fell senseless. Then they set him on an ass and took him to the city gate. When the chief of the police arrived, he asked, “What is this?” They replied, “Lord, this fellow fell from the vizier's house, in this condition.” The prefect gave him a hundred lashes and banished him from Baghdad. I went after him, O Commander of the Faithful, brought him back secretly into the city and arranged for his upkeep, and I wouldn't have done it were it not for my generous nature.

But morning overtook Shahrazad, and she lapsed into silence. Then Dinarzad said to her sister, “What a strange and entertaining story!” Shahrazad replied, “What is this compared with what I shall tell you tomorrow night if the king spares me and lets me live!”

T
HE
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UNDRED AND
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INTH
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The following night Shahrazad said:

I heard, O happy King, that the tailor told the king of China that the barber told the guests that he said to the caliph:

[The Tale of the Third Brother, Faqfaq the Blind]

MY THIRD BROTHER,
O Commander of the Faithful, was blind. One day God led him to a great house, and he knocked at the door, hoping that the owner might respond and that he might then beg from him. When the owner asked, “Who is at the door?” my brother did not answer. Instead, he knocked again, and when the man asked for the second time, “Who is there?” he again did not answer. Then he heard the man repeat in a loud voice, “Who is there?” and when he still did not answer, he soon heard the man come to the door, open it, and say, “What do you want?” My brother replied, “Something, for the love of the Almighty God.” The man asked, “Are you blind?” and my brother replied, “Yes.” The man said, “Give me your hand.” My brother put out his hand, thinking that the man would give him something. But the man seized it and, drawing him into the house, carried him up, from stair to stair, until they reached the housetop, my brother thinking all the while that the man would give him some food.

Then they sat down, and the man asked my brother, “What do you want, blind man?” My brother replied, “Something, for the love of the Almighty God.” But the man said, “God help you.” My brother asked, “Fellow, why didn't you tell me this downstairs?” The man replied, “You mean man, why didn't you answer me from the beginning?” My brother asked, “What do you want to do with me now?” The man answered, “I have nothing to give you.” My brother said, “Then take me downstairs.” But the man replied, “The way is open before you.” My brother rose and began to descend the stairs until there remained only twenty steps between him and the door, when his foot slipped, and he rolled all the way down to the door and cut his head.

He went out, not knowing where he was, and met two of his comrades, who asked him, “How did you do today?” He replied, “Don't ask!” Then he told them what had happened to him, adding, “Brothers, I would like to take some of our joint money and spend some of it on myself.” It happened that the owner of the house had, without my brother's knowledge, followed him and heard what he said, and when my brother went to his house and sat down to wait for his comrades, the owner of the house, again without his knowledge, entered after him. When his comrades arrived, he said to them, “Shut the door and search the place to make sure that there is no intruder here.” The intruder, hearing this, rose, unperceived by the others, and clung to a rope that hung from the ceiling, so that when my brother's comrades searched the house, they found no one. Then they came back to my brother and asked him about his situation, and he told them that he needed his share of what they had collected. Each of them dug up what he had and placed it before my brother, who counted ten thousand dirhams, and after he took what he needed, they buried the rest in a comer of the room.