And God, did he want Carter. The weeks away from him were turning torturous; too many times he wanted to text him, but remembering what Carter had said from the beginning—that this was purely a sexual relationship—Reed held back and contented himself with his hand and increasingly vibrant sexual fantasies. Only once these past weeks did Reed allow his curiosity free rein, and he did a reverse look-up of Carter’s telephone number, which proved to be a bust. As suspected, the phone was registered to his office and therefore provided Reed no personal information. All it did was make him more anxious, thinking up reasons why Carter could only meet him for one weekend a month.
It all came back, Reed decided, to that conversation he’d overheard the last time they were together. In their time apart, Reed had built up an entire make-believe world for Carter, one that most likely included a wife and child. Reed imagined Carter living a closeted life and using this one weekend away to live out his true need to be who he really was.
As quickly as he built up that fantasy, Reed shot it down and dismissed his crazy thoughts. All it proved was he spent too much time watching made-for-television movies. Carter was simply a busy man who didn’t want or have time for a relationship. Maybe the person he spoke to was his mother. Reed imagined Carter had a nice family with loving parents.
It didn’t stop him from wishing, however, that they could have a little bit of time together like a couple instead of spending their entire weekend holed up in bed. God knows he wasn’t complaining about the sex. When they were together it was all he could do to keep his hands off Carter, but it would be nice to go out to dinner and walk the streets of the city. Pretend what they had was real when it was anything but.
By the time their allotted weekend arrived, Reed had worked up a plan that in his head seemed plausible, but now that he was close to bringing it to fruition, had him worrying about Carter’s reaction. Would he be okay with it or dismiss it outright? What if he got angry and told him to go home for the weekend? Even worse, Carter could end their arrangement altogether. The thoughts tumbled through his mind, making Reed dizzy and ill with anxiety.
But first he had to do his shift at the bar, where hopefully he could forgo thinking about Carter, if only for a few hours. Unlikely to happen, but Reed forced himself to sit down, relax, and do some deep breathing, ultimately centering himself and gaining some control.
The weather refused to cooperate and outside sleet pelted down from a stark night sky while the blustery raw wind howled. At his last glance through the front windows Reed watched as people’s umbrellas buffeted about, blown inside out, and he was grateful to be inside, warm and dry. The few desultory customers who had showed up nursed their drinks as if deciding whether to stick it out or give up and head home, hoping for a better tomorrow.
“Go on, get out of here already.” Vernon gave him a nudge. “I know you got plans; I saw your bag. You’ve been pretty useless here all night, anyway.”
“I haven’t done anything.” Reed poured a few glasses of beer and gave them to the guy waiting at the bar. “Here you go. That’ll be eleven dollars.”
Vernon snorted. “That’s the point. You ain’t done nothing. All you do is bounce up and down, talk under your breath, and keep checking the clock. It’s like standing next to someone who’s gotta go to the bathroom but can’t.”
With a guilty smile, Reed handed the customer his change, then turned to talk to Vernon directly. “Am I really that antsy?” At Vernon’s pointed look, Reed felt his face burn and dropped his gaze to the floor, mumbling, “I guess you’re right.”
“It’s that guy again, am I right? The one you left with last month? He’s your boyfriend, ain’t he?”
From the first, Vernon’s acceptance of his sexuality surprised Reed; he’d expected to have to hide being gay, figuring Vernon, being older, would automatically be conservative and disapproving. But Vernon’s daughter had come out several years ago as a lesbian, and she was his whole life; Clara could do no wrong. If Clara was a lesbian, Vernon told him, he had no problem with Reed being gay.
“Not really.” How the hell could he explain it to Vernon without sounding like a slut or an idiot that he couldn’t stop thinking about a man he met once a month to have ridiculously hot sex with?
“Oh, you’re hooking up?”
Reed gaped at Vernon, who looked extremely proud of himself.
“Ha. Bet you didn’t think I know what that means.”
“Well, yeah.” Plus, it sounded really funny coming out of Vernon’s mouth to begin with.
“I get MTV. I watch
Teen Mom
.” At Reed’s disbelieving stare, Vernon shrugged. “Sometimes I can’t sleep and there ain’t nothing else on late at night.”
“This is too weird.” Reed began to stack glasses underneath the bar.
“So what’s going on with you two? You don’t hardly see him; is that why you’re so jittery?”
“Damn.” Reed swore under his breath. Even Vernon noticed. He couldn’t get mad at him for the things he unwittingly said. Reed had more confidence in revealing his sexuality than his psychological issues and hadn’t told Vernon he suffered from anxiety, only ADHD. His mental state carried a stigma for him, not who he liked to sleep with.
His palms broke out in a sweat, and the familiar tightness crept through him, signaling his anxiety was on the rise. It was always hard to say when it might hit, but today Reed knew why. He’d woken up late and rushed out of the house without taking his medicine, and already he could see the difference in his lack of concentration and inability to start and finish one task. More than once tonight Vernon had to ask him to finish running the monthly numbers, but something inevitably distracted him, causing him to lose focus on the task at hand. Reed knew he was a mess: he couldn’t keep from running his hands through his hair or twisting his fingers together. Something,
anything
to cure himself of the rampant restlessness he’d been cursed with. He’d gone home during a lull and only taken his meds about an hour ago—they were just beginning to take effect.
At times like this Reed hated his weakness and wished he could rip the anxiety from his body. Wistfully, he’d watch the other students in class sitting so calm and focused, listening to the professor speak, taking notes he knew would be neatly precise, while under his skin an electrical current buzzed and he had to force himself to pay attention.
If he wasn’t twisting the bracelet he’d worn more than half his life—solely for the purpose of giving himself an outlet for his nervous energy—he doodled; anything to expend the constant energy revving through him. Mason would get annoyed at his actions and dubbed the bracelet his security blanket. He’d make a point to tell Reed he wished his oral fixation could channel all the excess energy into giving him more blowjobs. That more sex would cure him of all that anxiety. As usual, Mason turned the focus of everything, including Reed’s illness, on himself. When Reed pointed it out to him, Mason laughed, but Reed failed to find the humor in any of it.
The more he thought about it, Reed realized it was better for him and Carter to spend so little time together. Anything more and his secret might be discovered. A man like Carter would have no use for someone as mixed up in the head as Reed.
“No, I’m fine with the way things are; we’re both busy and not interested in a relationship, so this works.”
“Huh. Well, the way he looked at you that night, I’d say he’s got it bad.” Reed jumped as Vernon elbowed him in the side. “And you’re pretty hot for him too. So go on, get outta here. And at least make him take you out for a nice dinner before he jumps your bones.” Vernon turned away, cackling to himself.
Without another word Reed went to the office, put on his coat, picked up his duffel bag, and headed out into the rain-swept night. If ever there was a time to splurge on a cab, tonight was it, and after he hailed one and sank into the back seat, he texted Carter to let him know he was on his way.
Good. I’m waiting for you.
Maybe tonight he could talk Carter into going out and having a drink somewhere. All the meds he took precluded him from drinking too much, but if he could get Carter to relax his guard and open up, maybe he could find out a bit more about this mysterious man who’d gripped his heartstrings.
Once he entered the suite, Carter would want and have him on the bed within minutes; Reed had no doubt Carter wasn’t with any other men during their separation. He was insatiable at first; it was part of what drew Reed to him. No one had ever made him feel as desired, as
desirable
as Carter did, but tonight he hoped for something different. Something more intimate.
The cab rolled up in front of the hotel, and after paying his fare and slamming the door shut behind him, he hoisted his bag over his shoulder and hurried through the front doors. The route through the hotel lobby to the elevators had become rote by now, and the closer he got to seeing Carter, the higher anticipation sizzled through his bloodstream. He breathed deeply to calm his rapidly beating heart. His dick might be half-hard already, but Reed was determined to talk before fucking.
Before he finished his first knock, Carter had opened the door and holy fuck, Reed couldn’t help but stare. Carter had let his beard grow in a bit from the stubble he usually wore by the end of the day. He looked seriously hotter than the surface of the sun, and without thinking, Reed reached out and skimmed his fingers against Carter’s cheek and jaw, wondering how all that roughness would feel against his bare thighs, his balls, and brushing along his hard dick.
“You like it? I’ve been working nonstop on a campaign and barely had a chance to shower and eat.” Carter opened the door all the way, and Reed walked inside the suite. “I’ll shave.”
“No.” Reed dropped his bag and took Carter’s face between the palms of his hands. “Not yet.”
They embraced, and the now familiar wave of pleasure rolled through him as Carter’s lips softened, his mouth opening to deepen their kiss. Hazily, Reed heard the door slam shut behind him, and he reluctantly pulled away from Carter, taking a step back to prevent himself from falling back into his touch.
“Why’d you stop?”
Breathless, Carter touched his swollen lips, his silvery eyes gleaming bright with a passion Reed was fast becoming addicted to.
“I was thinking—”
“First mistake.” Carter pulled him close and tried to kiss him again, his beard providing delicious friction against Reed’s neck. It would’ve been easy enough to sink down to the floor and give Carter, give them
both
what they wanted, but Reed gathered what little wits he still possessed and pushed away.
“Why do we have to rush all the time? We have the whole weekend.”
“I’m not rushing. I plan on fucking you nice and slow.” Carter bent to pick his bag up and started walking to the bedroom.
“Come on, Carter, stop it. I’d like to go out and have a drink or walk around the city for a while.” About to take another step, Carter froze in place before turning around to face Reed. At his steely glare Reed almost faltered and gave in. But deep down there was so much he wanted to learn about Carter, things he’d never find out if all they did was screw themselves silly every time they saw each other.
“I don’t want to spend another weekend locked in the room.” Reed held his breath at the darkness rising in Carter’s face.
“I thought we had an agreement.”
“We do. I’m here to spend the next two days with you. Only you.” Reed advanced on Carter, who hadn’t moved since he started speaking, and put a hand on his arm. Carter’s eyes, glittering with desire only minutes before, now looked like flat chips of dark slate in his stony expression. “But what’s preventing us from taking a break? You have responsibilities, I get it. I’m not asking you to bring me home with you.”
At those words Carter shook off his hand and took a step back.
“You’re making this more complicated than it needs to be or we agreed upon. What’s wrong with the way things are?”
Words failed him for a moment, but for once Reed didn’t allow the panic to take over. He focused and took the time he needed to arrange his thoughts into a coherent answer.
“Nothing’s wrong. I never said there was. But I think it could be better. We’re not in a relationship; I get it, and I’m not trying to force you into some little box and parade you around to people I know as some prize I’ve won. On the other hand, I’m trying for a little normalcy. What’s the harm in going to a bar or a club? You did it before we met.”
They studied each other in silence, and after a moment or two the harsh lines on Carter’s face softened. Reed could almost guess the moment when Carter changed his mind.
“I guess you’re right. It might be fun.” He glanced down at his bare chest and thin sweats. “I suppose this means I have to get dressed.”
Thrilled with his victory, Reed cupped the nape of Carter’s neck and drew him in for a swift kiss that became long, sensual, and left them breathless. From the hard thrust of Carter’s cock, Reed supposed they could indulge a bit before going out.
“Not yet. I think you deserve a reward for being so willing to make me happy.” He tugged at the strings of Carter’s sweats, and they fell, puddling on the floor around his ankles. His erect cock sprang free, and Reed could smell the heady concoction of Carter’s desire that only fueled his already simmering lust. “Time to make you happy as well.”
He sank to his knees, engulfed Carter’s cock in his mouth, and proceeded to make them both very, very happy.
* * *
“This place looks
good; don’t you think?”
It was an hour and a half later, and after they’d both showered and changed, Reed had his walk through the city with Carter. To his delight, Carter even took his hand as they window-shopped past the closed stores along the street. The rain had stopped, and the street gleamed wet; while the taxis churned up brackish water at every corner, even that couldn’t foul Reed’s mood. They meandered up toward Eighth Avenue and stopped in front of Bounce, a club where both karaoke and dancing were featured attractions.