The Art of Seduction (18 page)

he sent to Capote, hoping the author would include them in one of his
secretly in his steps. The
books. Capote did not respond. One day he came home to find Warhol
more closely she followed,
talking to his mother, with whom Capote lived. And Warhol began to tele-
the nearer was the fire
which scorched her: just as

phone almost daily. Finally Capote put an end to all this: "He seemed one
sulphur, smeared round the
of those hopeless people that you just know nothing's ever going to happen
tops of torches, is quickly

to. Just a hopeless, born loser," the writer later said.

kindled when aflame is

brought near it. How often

Ten years later, Andy Warhol, aspiring artist, had his first one-man
she wished to make
show at the Stable Gallery in Manhattan. On the walls were a series of
flattering overtures to him,
silkscreened paintings based on the Campbell's soup can and the Coca-Cola
to approach him with

bottle. At the opening and at the party afterward, Warhol stood to the side,
tender pleas!
•
The boy, by

chance, had wandered

staring blankly, talking little. What a contrast he was to the older generation
away from his faithful band
of artists, the abstract expressionists—mostly hard-drinking womanizers full
of comrades, and he called
of bluster and aggression, big talkers who had dominated the art scene for
out: "Is there anybody
here?" Echo answered:

the previous fifteen years. And what a change from the Warhol who had

"Here!" Narcissus stood

badgered Capote, and art dealers and patrons as well. The critics were both
still in astonishment,
72 • The Art of Seduction

looking round in every
baffled and intrigued by the coldness of Warhol's work; they could not fig
direction. . .
.
He looked
ure out how the artist felt about his subjects. What was his position? What
behind him, and when no
was he trying to say? When they asked, he would simply reply, "I just do it
one appeared, cried again:

"Why are you avoiding
because I like it," or, "I love soup." The critics went wild with their inter
me?" But all he heard
pretations: "An art like Warhol's is necessarily parasitic upon the myths of
were his own words echoed
its time," one wrote; another, "The decision not to decide is a paradox that
back. Still he persisted,

deceived by what he took to
is equal to an idea which expresses nothing but then gives it dimension."
be another's voice, and

The show was a huge success, establishing Warhol as a leading figure in a
said, "Come here, and let
new movement, pop art.

us meet!" Echo answered:

"Let us meet!" Never

In 1963, Warhol rented a large Manhattan loft space that he called the
again would she reply more
Factory, and that soon became the hub of a large entourage—hangers-on,
willingly to any sound. To
actors, aspiring artists. Here, particularly at night, Warhol would simply
make good her words she

came out of the wood and
wander about, or stand in a corner. People would gather around him, fight
made to throw her arms
for his attention, throw questions at him, and he would answer, in his non
round the neck she loved:
committal way. But no one could get close to him, physically or mentally;
but he fled from her, crying
he would not allow it. At the same time, if he walked by you without giv
as he did so, " A w a y with
these embraces! I would die
ing you his usual "Oh, hi," you were devastated. He hadn't noticed you;
before I would have you
perhaps you were on the way out.

touch me!" . . . Thus

Increasingly interested in filmmaking, Warhol cast his friends in his
scorned, she concealed

herself in the woods, hiding
movies. In effect he was offering them a kind of instant celebrity (their
her shamed face in the
"fifteen minutes of fame"—the phrase is Warhol's). Soon people were
shelter of the leaves, and

competing for roles. He groomed women in particular for stardom: Edie
ever since that day she

dwells in lonely caves. Yet
Sedgwick, Viva, Nico. Just being around him offered a kind of celebrity by
still her love remained

association. The Factory became
the
place to be seen, and stars like Judy
firmly rooted in her heart,
Garland and Tennessee Williams would go to parties there, rubbing elbows
and was increased by the
with Sedgwick, Viva, and the bohemian lower echelons whom Warhol had
pain of having been

rejected.
. . . •
Narcissus
befriended. People began sending limos to bring him to parties of their
had played with her
own; his presence alone was enough to turn a social evening into a scene—

affections, treating her as he
even though he would pass through in near silence, keeping to himself and
had previously treated other

spirits of the waters and
leaving early.

the woods, and his male

In 1967, Warhol was asked to lecture at various colleges. He hated to
admirers too. Then one of

talk, particularly about his own art; "The less something has to say," he felt,
those he had scorned raised

up his hands to heaven

"the more perfect it is." But the money was good and Warhol always found
and prayed: "May he
it hard to say no. His solution was simple: he asked an actor, Allen
himself fall in love with
Midgette, to impersonate him. Midgette was dark-haired, tan, part Chero
another, as we have done
kee Indian. He did not resemble Warhol in the least. But Warhol and
with him! May he too be

unable to gain his loved

friends covered his face with powder, sprayed his brown hair silver, gave
one!" Nemesis heard and
him dark glasses, and dressed him in Warhol's clothes. Since Midgette knew
granted his righteous
nothing about art, his answers to students' questions tended to be as short
prayer.
. . . •
Narcissus,

wearied with hunting in
and enigmatic as Warhol's own. The impersonation worked. Warhol may
the heat of the day, lay
have been an icon, but no one really knew him, and since he often wore
down here
[
by a clear
dark glasses, even his face was unfamiliar in any detail. The lecture audi
pool
]
: for he was attracted
by the beauty of the place,
ences were far enough away to be teased by the thought of his presence,
and by the spring. While
and no one got close enough to catch the deception. He remained elusive.
he sought to quench his

* * *

thirst, another thirst grew

The Coquette • 73

Early on in life, Andy Warhol was plagued by conflicting emotions: he des
in him, and as he drank,
perately wanted fame, but he was naturally passive and shy "I've always had
he was enchanted by the

beautiful reflection that he

a conflict," he later said, "because I'm shy and yet I like to take up a lot of
saw. He fell in love with
personal space. Mom always said, 'Don't be pushy, but let everyone know
an insubstantial hope,

you're around.' " At first Warhol tried to make himself more aggressive,
mistaking a mere shadow

for a real body. Spellbound

straining to please and court. It didn't work. After ten futile years he
by his own self, he

stopped trying and gave in to his own passivity—only to discover the power
remained there motionless,

that withdrawal commands.

with fixed gaze, like a

Warhol began this process in his artwork, which changed dramatically
statue carved from Parian
marble. . . . Unwittingly,

in the early 1960s. His new paintings of soup cans, green stamps, and other
he desired himself, and was

widely known images did not assault you with meaning; in fact their mean
himself the object of his
ing was totally elusive, which only heightened their fascination. They drew
own approval, at once

seeking and sought, himself

you in by their immediacy, their visual power, their coldness. Having trans
kindling the flame with
formed his art, Warhol also transformed himself: like his paintings, he be
which he burned. How
came pure surface. He trained himself to hold himself back, to stop talking.
often did he vainly kiss the

treacherous pool, how often

The world is full of people who try, people who impose themselves ag-
plunge his arms deep in the
gressively. They may gain temporary victories, but the longer they are
waters, as he tried to clasp

around, the more people want to confound them. They leave no space

the neck he saw! But he

could not lay hold upon

around themselves, and without space there can be no seduction. Cold Co
himself. He did not know
quettes create space by remaining elusive and making others pursue them.
what he was looking at,

Their coolness suggests a comfortable confidence that is exciting to be
but was fired by the sight,

around, even though it may not actually exist; their silence makes you want
and excited by the very

illusion that deceived his

to talk. Their self-containment, their appearance of having no need for
eyes. Poor foolish boy, why

other people, only makes us want to do things for them, hungry for the
vainly grasp at the fleeting

slightest sign of recognition and favor. Cold Coquettes may be maddening
image that eludes you?

The thing you are seeking

to deal with—never committing but never saying no, never allowing close
does not exist: only turn
ness—but more often than not we find ourselves coming back to them, ad
aside and you will lose
dicted to the coldness they project. Remember: seduction is a process of
what you love. What you
see is but the shadow cast

drawing people in, making them want to pursue and possess you. Seem dis
by your reflection; in itself
tant and people will go mad to win your favor. Humans, like nature, hate a
it is nothing. It comes with

vacuum, and emotional distance and silence make them strain to fill up the
you, and lasts while you

empty space with words and heat of their own. Like Warhol, stand back
are there; it will go when

you go, if go you can. . . .

and let them fight over you.

•
He laid down his weary

head on the green grass,

[
Narcissistic
]
women have the greatest fascination for

and death closed the eyes

which so admired their

men.
. . .
The charm of a child lies to a great extent in his
owner's beauty. Even then,

narcissism, his self-sufficiency and inaccessibility, just as

when he was received into

does the charm of certain animals which seem not to con-

the abode of the dead, he

cern themselves about us, such as cats. . . . It is as if we

kept looking at himself in

envied them their power of retaining a blissful state of

the waters of the Styx. His

sisters, the nymphs of the

mind
—
an unassailable libido-position which we ourselves
spring, mourned for him,

have since abandoned.

and cut off their hair in

tribute to their brother. The

—SIGMUND FREUD

wood nymphs mourned

him too, and Echo sang her

refrain to their lament.
•

The pyre, the tossing

74 • The Art of Seduction

torches, and the bier, were

Keys to the Character

now being prepared, but

his body was nowhere to be

found. Instead of his

corpse, they discovered a
According to the popular concept, Coquettes are consummate teases, experts at arousing desire through a provocative appearance or an al
flower with a circle of white
luring attitude. But the real essence of Coquettes is in fact their ability to
petals round a yellow

trap people emotionally, and to keep their victims in their clutches long af
centre.
ter that first titillation of desire. This is the skill that puts them in the ranks

— O V I D ,
M E T A M O R P H O S E S ,

of the most effective seducers. Their success may seem somewhat odd,

MARY M. INNES

since they are essentially cold and distant creatures; should you ever get to know one well, you will sense his or her inner core of detachment and selflove. It may seem logical that once you become aware of this quality you
Selfishness is one of the

will see through the Coquette's manipulations and lose interest, but more
qualities apt to inspire love.

often we see the opposite. After years of Josephine's coquettish games,

— N A T H A N I E L HAWTHORNE

Napoleon was well aware of how manipulative she was. Yet this conqueror of kingdoms, this skeptic and cynic, could not leave her.

To understand the peculiar power of the Coquette, you must first

The Socrates whom you

understand a critical property of love and desire: the more obviously you
see has a tendency to fall in

pursue a person, the more likely you are to chase them away. Too much at
love with good-looking
tention can be interesting for a while, but it soon grows cloying and finally
young men, and is always

in their society and in an
becomes claustrophobic and frightening. It signals weakness and neediness,
ecstasy about t h e m . . . b u t

an unseductive combination. How often we make this mistake, thinking
once you see beneath the

our persistent presence will reassure. But Coquettes have an inherent un
surface you will discover a
degree of self-control of

derstanding of this particular dynamic. Masters of selective withdrawal,
which you can hardly form

they hint at coldness, absenting themselves at times to keep their victim off
a notion, gentlemen. . . .

balance, surprised, intrigued. Their withdrawals make them mysterious,
He spends his whole life

pretending and playing

and we build them up in our imaginations. (Familiarity, on the other hand,
with people, and I doubt

undermines what we have built.) A bout of distance engages the emotions
whether anyone has ever
further; instead of making us angry, it makes us insecure. Perhaps they
seen the treasures which are

don't really like us, perhaps we have lost their interest. Once our vanity is at
revealed when he grows

serious and exposes what

stake, we succumb to the Coquette just to prove we are still desirable. Re
he keeps inside.
• member: the essence of the Coquette lies not in the tease and temptation

. . .
Believing that he was
but in the subsequent step back, the emotional withdrawal. That is the key
serious in his admiration of

my charms, I supposed that

to enslaving desire.

a wonderful piece of good

To adopt the power of the Coquette, you must understand one other

luck had befallen me; I

quality: narcissism. Sigmund Freud characterized the "narcissistic woman"
should now be able, in

return for my favours, to

(most often obsessed with her appearance) as the type with the greatest ef
find out all that Socrates
fect on men. As children, he explains, we pass through a narcissistic phase
knew; for you must know

that is immensely pleasurable. Happily self-contained and self-involved, we
that there was no limit to

the pride that I felt in my

have little psychic need of other people. Then, slowly, we are socialized and
good looks. With this end

taught to pay attention to others—but we secretly yearn for those blissful
in view I sent away my

early days. The narcissistic woman reminds a man of that period, and makes
attendant, whom hitherto I

him envious. Perhaps contact with her will restore that feeling of self
had always kept with me
in my encounters with

involvement.

Socrates, and left myself

A man is also challenged by the female Coquette's independence—he

alone with him. I must tell

wants to be the one to make her dependent, to burst her bubble. It is far
you the whole truth; attend

carefully, and do you,

more likely, though, that he will end up becoming her slave, giving her in-
The Coquette • 75

cessant attention to gain her love, and failing. For the narcissistic woman is
Socrates, pull me up if
not emotionally needy; she is self-sufficient. And this is surprisingly seduc-
anything I say is false. I
allowed myself to be alone

tive. Self-esteem is critical in seduction. (Your attitude toward yourself is
with him, I say,
read by the other person in subtle and unconscious ways.) Low self-esteem
gentlemen, and I naturally
repels, confidence and self-sufficiency attract. The less you seem to need
supposed that he would
other people, the more likely others will be drawn to you. Understand the
embark on conversation of
the type that a lover

importance of this in all relationships and you will find your neediness
usually addresses to his
easier to suppress. But do not confuse self-absorption with seductive narcis-
darling when they are
sism. Talking endlessly about yourself is eminently anti-seductive, revealing tête-à-tête,
and I was
glad. Nothing of the kind;

not self-sufficiency but insecurity.

he spent the day with me

The Coquette is traditionally thought of as female, and certainly the
in the sort of talk which is
strategy was for centuries one of the few weapons women had to engage
habitual with him, and
then left me and went

and enslave a man's desire. One ploy of the Coquette is the withdrawal of
away. Next I invited him
sexual favors, and we see women using this trick throughout history: the
to train with me in the
great seventeenth-century French courtesan Ninon de l'Enclos was desired
gymnasium, and I
accompanied him there,

by all the preeminent men of France, but only attained real power when
believing that I should
she made it clear that she would no longer sleep with a man as part of her
succeed with him now. He
duty. This drove her admirers to despair, which she knew how to make
took exercise and wrestled
worse by favoring a man temporarily, granting him access to her body for a
with me frequently, with
no one else present, but I

few months, then returning him to the pack of the unsatisfied. Queen
need hardly say that I was
Elizabeth I of England took coquettishness to the extreme, deliberately
no nearer my goal. Finding
arousing the desires of her courtiers but sleeping with none of them.
that this was no good

either, I resolved to make a

Long a tool of social power for women, coquettishness was slowly adapted
direct assault on him, and
by men, particularly the great seducers of the seventeenth and eighteenth
not to give up what I had
centuries who envied the power of such women. One seventeenth-century
once undertaken; I felt that
I must get to the bottom of

seducer, the Duc de Lauzun, was a master at exciting a woman, then sud-
the matter. So I invited
denly acting aloof. Women went wild over him. Today, coquetry is gender-
him to dine with me,
less. In a world that discourages direct confrontation, teasing, coldness, and
behaving just like a lover
who has designs upon his

selective aloofness are a form of indirect power that brilliantly disguises its
favourite. He was in no
own aggression.

hurry to accept this

The Coquette must first and foremost be able to excite the target of his
invitation, but at last he
agreed to come. The first

or her attention. The attraction can be sexual, the lure of celebrity, what-
time he came he rose to go
ever it takes. At the same time, the Coquette sends contrary signals that
away immediately after
stimulate contrary responses, plunging the victim into confusion. The
dinner, and on that occasion
eponymous heroine of Marivaux's eighteenth-century French novel
Mari-I was ashamed and let him
go. But I returned to the

anne
is the consummate Coquette. Going to church, she dresses tastefully,
attack, and this time I kept
but leaves her hair slightly uncombed. In the middle of the service she
him in conversation after
seems to notice this error and starts to fix it, revealing her bare arm as she
dinner far into the night,
and then, when he wanted

does so; such things were not to be seen in an eighteenth-century church,
to be going, I compelled
and all male eyes fix on her for that moment. The tension is much more
him to stay, on the plea
powerful than if she were outside, or were tartily dressed. Remember: ob-
that it was too late for him
to go.
•
So he betook

vious flirting will reveal your intentions too clearly. Better to be ambiguous
himself to rest, using as a
and even contradictory, frustrating at the same time that you stimulate.
bed the couch on which he

The great spiritual leader Jiddu Krishnamurti was an unconscious co-
had reclined at dinner, next
to mine, and there was

quette. Revered by theosophists as their "World Teacher," Krishnamurti was
nobody sleeping in the
also a dandy. He loved elegant clothing and was devilishly handsome. At the
76 • The Art of Seduction

room but ourselves. • . . . I
same time, he practiced celibacy, and had a horror of being touched. In
swear by all the gods in
1929 he shocked theosophists around the world by proclaiming that he was
heaven that for anything

that had happened between
not a god or even a guru, and did not want any followers. This only height
us when I got up after
ened his appeal: women fell in love with him in great numbers, and his ad
sleeping with Socrates, I
visers grew even more devoted. Physically and psychologically, Krishnamurti
might have been sleeping
was sending contrary signals. While preaching a generalized love and accep
with my father or elder
brother.
•
What do you
tance, in his personal life he pushed people away His attractiveness and his
suppose to have been my
obsession with his appearance might have gained him attention but by
state of mind after that?
themselves would not have made women fall in love with him; his lessons of
On the one hand I

realized that I had been
celibacy and spiritual virtue would have created disciples but not physical
slighted, but on the other I
love. The combination of these traits, however, both drew people in and
felt a reverence for Socrates'
frustrated them, a coquettish dynamic that created an emotional and physical
character, his self-control

and courage . . . The result
attachment to a man who shunned such things. His withdrawal from the
was that I could neither
world had the effect of only heightening the devotion of his followers.
bring myself to be angry

Coquetry depends on developing a pattern to keep the other person off
with him and tear myself
balance. The strategy is extremely effective. Experiencing a pleasure once,
away from his society, nor

find a way of subduing
we yearn to repeat it; so the Coquette gives us pleasure, then withdraws it.
him to my will. . . . I was
The alternation of heat and cold is the most common pattern, and has sev
utterly disconcerted, and
eral variations. The eighth-century Chinese Coquette Yang Kuei-Fei to
wandered about in a state
of enslavement to the man
tally enslaved the Emperor Ming Huang through a pattern of kindness and
the like of which has never
bitterness: having charmed him with kindness, she would suddenly get an
been known.
gry, blaming him harshly for the slightest mistake. Unable to live without

—ALCIBIADES, QUOTED IN

the pleasure she gave him, the emperor would turn the court upside down PLATO,
THE SYMPOSIUM

to please her when she was angry or upset. Her tears had a similar effect: what had he done, why was she so sad? He eventually ruined himself and his kingdom trying to keep her happy. Tears, anger, and the production of guilt are all the tools of the Coquette. A similar dynamic appears in a lover's quarrel: when a couple fights, then reconciles, the joys of reconciliation only make the attachment stronger. Sadness of any sort is also seductive, particularly if it seems deep-rooted, even spiritual, rather than needy or pathetic—it makes people come to you.

Coquettes are never jealous—that would undermine their image of

fundamental self-sufficiency. But they are masters at inciting jealousy: by paying attention to a third party, creating a triangle of desire, they signal to their victims that they may not be that interested. This triangulation is extremely seductive, in social contexts as well as erotic ones. Interested in narcissistic women, Freud was a narcissist himself, and his aloofness drove his disciples crazy. (They even had a name for it—his "god complex.") Behaving like a kind of messiah, too lofty for petty emotions, Freud always maintained a distance between himself and his students, hardly ever inviting them over for dinner, say, and keeping his private life shrouded in mystery. Yet he would occasionally choose an acolyte to confide in—Carl Jung, Otto Rank, Lou Andreas-Salomé. The result was that his disciples went berserk trying to win his favor, to be the one he chose. Their jealousy when he suddenly favored one of them only increased his power over