The Art of Seduction (19 page)

them. People's natural insecurities are heightened in group settings; by
The Coquette
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77

maintaining aloofness, Coquettes start a competition to win their favor. If the ability to use third parties to make targets jealous is a critical seductive skill, Sigmund Freud was a grand Coquette.

All of the tactics of the Coquette have been adapted by political leaders to make the public fall in love. While exciting the masses, these leaders remain inwardly detached, which keeps them in control. The political scientist Roberto Michels has even referred to such politicians as Cold Coquettes. Napoleon played the Coquette with the French: after the grand successes of the Italian campaign had made him a beloved hero, he left France to conquer Egypt, knowing that in his absence the government would fall apart, the people would hunger for his return, and their love would serve as the base for an expansion of his power. After exciting the masses with a rousing speech, Mao Zedong would disappear from sight for days on end, making himself an object of cultish worship. And no one was more of a Coquette than Yugoslav leader Josef Tito, who alternated between distance from and emotional identification with his people. All of these political leaders were confirmed narcissists. In times of trouble, when people feel insecure, the effect of such political coquetry is even more powerful. It is important to realize that coquetry is extremely effective on a group, stimulating jealousy, love, and intense devotion. If you play such a role with a group, remember to keep an emotional and physical distance. This will allow you to cry and laugh on command, project self-sufficiency, and with such detachment you will be able play people's emotions like a piano.

Symbol:
The

Shadow. It cannot be grasped. Chase

your shadow and it will flee; turn your back on

it and it will follow you. It is also a person's dark side,

the thing that makes them mysterious. After they have given

us pleasure, the shadow of their withdrawal makes us yearn

for their return, much as clouds make us yearn for the sun.

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The Art of Seduction

Dangers

Coquettes face an obvious danger: they play with volatile emotions. Every time the pendulum swings, love shifts to hate. So they must orchestrate everything carefully. Their absences cannot be too long, their bouts of anger must be quickly followed by smiles. Coquettes can keep their victims emotionally entrapped for a long time, but over months or years the dynamic can begin to prove tiresome. Jiang Qing, later known as Madame Mao, used coquettish skills to capture the heart of Mao Tse-tung, but after ten years the quarreling, the tears and the coolness became intensely irritating, and once irritation proved stronger than love, Mao was able to detach. Josephine, a more brilliant Coquette, was able to adapt, by spending a whole year without playing coy or withdrawing from Napoleon. Timing is everything. On the other hand, though, the Coquette stirs up powerful emotions, and breakups often prove temporary. The Coquette is addictive: after the failure of the social plan Mao called the Great Leap Forward, Madame Mao was able to reestablish her power over her devastated husband.

The Cold Coquette can stimulate a particularly deep hatred. Valerie Solanas was a young woman who fell under Andy Warhol's spell. She had written a play that amused him, and she was given the impression he might turn it into a film. She imagined becoming a celebrity. She also got involved in the feminist movement, and when, in June 1968, it dawned on her that Warhol was toying with her, she directed her growing rage at men on him and shot him three times, nearly killing him. Cold Coquettes may stimulate feelings that are not so much erotic as intellectual, less passion and more fascination. The hatred they can stir up is all the more insidious and dangerous, for it may not be counterbalanced by a deep love. They must realize the limits of the game, and the disturbing effects they can have on less stable people.

Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators,
masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their
method is simple: they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their
target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods.
In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers
do not argue or fight, complain, or pester
—w
hat could be more se-
ductive? By drawing you in with their indulgence they make

you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn to

cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's

primary weaknesses: vanity and

self-esteem.

The Art of Charm

Sexuality is extremely disruptive. The insecurities and emotions it stirs up can often cut short a relationship that would otherwise be deeper and longer lasting. The Charmer's solution is to fulfill the aspects of sexuality that are so alluring and addictive—the focused attention, the boosted self-esteem, the pleasurable wooing, the understanding (real or illusory)—but subtract the sex itself. It's not that the Charmer represses
Birds are taken with pipes
or discourages sexuality; lurking beneath the surface of any attempt at
that imitate their own
charm is a sexual tease, a possibility. Charm cannot exist without a hint of
voices, and men with those
sayings that are most

sexual tension. It cannot be maintained, however, unless sex is kept at bay
agreeable to their own
or in the background.

opinions.

The word "charm" comes from the Latin
carmen, a
song, but also an in—SAMUEL BUTLER

cantation tied to the casting of a magical spell. The Charmer implicitly grasps this history, casting a spell by giving people something that holds their attention, that fascinates them. And the secret to capturing people's Go
with the bough, you'll
attention, while lowering their powers of reason, is to strike at the things
bend it; \ Use brute force,
they have the least control over: their ego, their vanity, and their self-
it'll snap. \ Go with the
esteem. As Benjamin Disraeli said, "Talk to a man about himself and
current: that's how to swim
he will listen for hours." The strategy can never be obvious; subtlety is the
across rivers
— \
Fighting
upstream's no good. \ Go

Charmer's great skill. If the target is to be kept from seeing through
easy with lions or tigers if
the Charmer's efforts, and from growing suspicious, maybe even tiring of the
you aim to tame them; \

attention, a light touch is essential. The Charmer is like a beam of light that
The bull gets inured to the
plough by slow degrees. . . . \

doesn't play directly on a target but throws a pleasantly diffused glow over it.
So, yield if she shows
Charm can be applied to a group as well as to an individual: a leader
resistance: \ That way
can charm the public. The dynamic is similar. The following are the laws of
you'll win in the end. fust
be sure to play \ The part

charm, culled from the stories of the most successful charmers in history.
she allots you. Censure the

things she censures, \

Endorse her endorsements,

echo her every word, \ Pro

Make your target the center of attention.
Charmers fade into the back-
or con, and laugh whenever
ground; their targets become the subject of their interest. To be a Charmer
she laughs; remember, \ If
you have to learn to listen and observe. Let your targets talk, revealing
she weeps, to weep too:
themselves in the process. As you find out more about them—their
take your cue \ From her
every expression. Suppose

strengths, and more important their weaknesses—you can individualize
she's playing a board game,
your attention, appealing to their specific desires and needs, tailoring your
\ Then throw the dice
flatteries to their insecurities. By adapting to their spirit and empathizing
carelessly, move \ Your
pieces all wrong. . . . \

with their woes, you can make them feel bigger and better, validating their
Don't jib at a slavish task
sense of self-worth. Make them the star of the show and they will become
like holding \ Her mirror:
81

82
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The Art of Seduction

slavish or not, such

addicted to you and grow dependent on you. On a mass level, make ges
attentions please.
. . . tures of self-sacrifice (no matter how fake) to show the public that you

—OVID,
THE ART OF LOVE,

share their pain and are working in their interest, self-interest being the

public form of egotism.

Disraeli was asked to

Be a source of pleasure.
No one wants to hear about your problems and
dinner, and came in green

troubles. Listen to your targets' complaints, but more important, distract
velvet trousers, with a

canary waistcoat, buckle
them from their problems by giving them pleasure. (Do this often enough
shoes, and lace cuffs. His

and they will fall under your spell.) Being lighthearted and fun is always
appearance at first proved

more charming than being serious and critical. An energetic presence is
disquieting, but on leaving

the table the guests

likewise more charming than lethargy, which hints at boredom, an enor
remarked to each other that
mous social taboo; and elegance and style will usually win out over vul
the wittiest talker at the
garity, since most people like to associate themselves with whatever they
luncheon-party was the

man in the yellow
think elevated and cultured. In politics, provide illusion and myth rather
waistcoat. Benjamin had

than reality. Instead of asking people to sacrifice for the greater good, talk
made great advances in

of grand moral issues. An appeal that makes people feel good will translate
social conversation since the
into votes and power.

days of Murray's dinners.

Faithful to his method, he

noted the stages: "Do not

talk too much at present;

Bring antagonism into harmony.
The court is a cauldron of resentment
do not try to talk. But

whenever you speak, speak

and envy, where the sourness of a single brooding Cassius can quickly turn
with self-possession. Speak

into a conspiracy. The Charmer knows how to smooth out conflict. Never
in a subdued tone, and

stir up antagonisms that will prove immune to your charm; in the face of
always look at the person

whom you are addressing.

those who are aggressive, retreat, let them have their little victories. Yield
Before one can engage in
ing and indulgence will charm the fight out of any potential enemies.
general conversation with

Never criticize people overtly—that will make them insecure, and resistant
any effect, there is a certain

to change. Plant ideas, insinuate suggestions. Charmed by your diplomatic
acquaintance with trifling

but amusing subjects which

skills, people will not notice your growing power.

must be first attained. You

will soon pick up sufficient

by listening and observing.

Never argue. In society

Lull your victims into ease and comfort.
Charm is like the hypnotist's
nothing must be discussed;

trick with the swinging watch: the more relaxed the target, the easier it is
give only results. If any

to bend him or her to your will. The key to making your victims feel com
person differ from you, bow
and turn the conversation.

fortable is to mirror them, adapt to their moods. People are narcissists—

In society never think;

they are drawn to those most similar to themselves. Seem to share their
always be on the watch, or
values and tastes, to understand their spirit, and they will fall under your
you will miss many

spell. This works particularly well if you are an outsider: showing that you
opportunities and say

many disagreeable things.

share the values of your adopted group or country (you have learned their
Talk to women, talk to
language, you prefer their customs, etc.) is immensely charming, since for
women as much as you

you this preference is a choice, not a question of birth. Never pester or be
can. This is the best

school. This is the way to

overly persistent—these uncharming qualities will disrupt the relaxation
gain fluency, because you

you need to cast your spell.

need not care what you say,

and had better not be

sensible. They, too, will

rally you on many points,

The Charmer • 83

Show calm and self-possession in the face of adversity.
Adversity and
and as they are women you
setbacks actually provide the perfect setting for charm. Showing a calm, un-
will not be offended.
Nothing is of so much

ruffled exterior in the face of unpleasantness puts people at ease. You seem
importance and of so
patient, as if waiting for destiny to deal you a better card—or as if you were
much use to a young man
confident you could charm the Fates themselves. Never show anger, ill
entering life as to be well
temper, or vengefulness, all disruptive emotions that will make people de-
criticised by women."
fensive. In the politics of large groups, welcome adversity as a chance to —ANDRÉ MAUROIS,
DISRAELI,