The Art of Seduction (57 page)

Finally, words are important in seduction, and have a great deal of power to confuse, distract, and boost the vanity of the target. But what is most seductive in the long run is what you do not say, what you communicate indirectly. Words come easily, and people distrust them. Anyone can say the right words; and once they are said, nothing is binding, and they may even be forgotten altogether. The gesture, the thoughtful gift, the little details seem much more real and substantial. They are also much more charming than lofty words about love, precisely because they speak for themselves and let the seduced read into them more than is there. Never tell someone what you are feeling; let them guess it in your looks and gestures. That is the more convincing language.
276 • The Art of Seduction

Symbol:
The Banquet. A

feast has been prepared in your honor. Everything has

been elaborately coordinated
—
the flowers, the decorations, the selec-
tion of guests, the dancers, the music, the five-course meal, the end-
lessly flowing wine. The Banquet loosens your tongue,

and also your inhibitions.

Reversal

There is no reversal. Details are essential to any successful seduction, and cannot be ignored.

Poeticize Your Presence

Important things happen when your targets

are alone: the slightest feeling of relief that

you are not there, and it is all over. Fa-

miliarity and overexposure will cause

this reaction. Remain elusive, then,

so that when you are away, they

will yearn to see you again, and

will associate you only with

pleasant thoughts. Occupy their

minds by alternating an excit-

ing presence with a cool dis-

tance, exuberant moments

followed by calculated absences.

Associate yourself with poetic

images and objects, so that when

they think of you, they begin to see

you through an idealized halo. The

more you figure in their minds, the

more they will envelop you in seductive

fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle

inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.

Poetic Presence/Absence

In 1943, the Argentine military overthrew the government. A popular forty-eight-year old colonel, Juan Perón, was named secretary of labor and social affairs. Perón was a widow who had a fondness for young girls; at the time of his appointment he was involved with a teenager whom he introduced to one and all as his daughter. One evening in January of 1944, Perón was seated among the other

military leaders in a Buenos Aires stadium, attending an artists' festival. It
He who does not know
how to encircle a girl so

was late and there were some empty seats around him; out of nowhere two
that she loses sight of
beautiful young actresses asked his permission to sit down. Were they jok-
everything he does not
ing? He would be delighted. He recognized one of the actresses—it was
want her to see, he who
Eva Duarte, a star of radio soap operas whose photograph was often on the
does not know how to
poetize himself into a girl

covers of the tabloids. The other actress was younger and prettier, but
so that it is from her that
Perón could not take his eyes off Eva, who was talking to another colonel.
everything proceeds as he
She was really not his type at all. She was twenty-four, far too old for his
wants it
—
he is and
remains a bungler. . . .

taste; she was dressed rather garishly; and there was something a little icy in
To poetize oneself into a
her manner. But she looked at him occasionally, and her glance excited
girl is an art.
him. He looked away for a moment, and the next thing he knew she had —SØREN KIERKEGAARD, changed seats and was sitting next to him. They started to talk. She hung
THE SEDUCER'S DIARY,
TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V.

on his every word. Yes, everything he said was precisely how she felt—the HONG; AND EDNA H. HONG; poor, the workers, they were the future of Argentina. She had known poverty herself. There were almost tears in her eyes when she said, at the end of the conversation, "Thank you for existing."

What else? If she's out,

In the next few days, Eva managed to get rid of Perón's "daughter" and
reclining in her litter, \

establish herself in his apartment. Everywhere he turned, there she was,
Make your approach
discreet, \ And
—
just to fox

fixing him meals, caring for him when he was ill, advising him on politics.
the sharp ears of those
Why did he let her stay? Usually he would have a fling with a superficial
around you
— \
Cleverly
young girl, then get rid of her when she seemed to be sticking around too
riddle each phrase \ With
much. But there was nothing superficial about Eva. As time went by he
ambiguous subtleties. If
she's taking a leisurely \

found himself getting addicted to the feeling she gave him. She was in-
Stroll down the colonnade,
tensely loyal, mirroring his every idea, puffing him up endlessly. He felt
then you stroll there too
—

more masculine in her presence, that was it, and more powerful—she be-\
Vary your pace to hers,
march ahead, drop behind

lieved he would make the country's ideal leader, and her belief affected
her, \ Dawdling and brisk
him. She was like the women in the tango ballads he loved so much—the
by turns. Be bold, \ Dodge
suffering women of the streets who became saintly mother figures and
in round the columns
between you, brush your

looked after their men. Perón saw her every day, but he never felt he fully
person \ Lingeringly past
knew her; one day her comments were a little obscene, the next she was
hers. You must never fail \

279

280
•
The Art of Seduction

To attend the theater when
the perfect lady. He had one worry: she was angling to get married, and he
she does, gaze at her
could never marry her—she was an actress with a dubious past. The other
beauty
— \
From the
colonels were already scandalized by his involvement with her. Neverthe
shoulders up she's time \

Most delectably spent, a
less, the affair went on.

feast for adoring glances, \

In 1945, Perón was dismissed from his post and jailed. The colonels
For the eloquence of
feared his growing popularity and distrusted the power of his mistress, who
eyebrows, the speaking

sign. \ Applaud when some
seemed to have total influence over him. It was the first time in almost two
male dancer struts on as
years that he was truly alone, and truly separated from Eva. Suddenly he felt
the heroine, \ Cheer for
new emotions sweeping over him: he pinned her photographs all over the
each lover's role. \ When
wall. Outside, massive strikes were being organized to protest his imprison
she leaves, leave too
—b
ut
sit there as long as she
ment, but all he could think about was Eva. She was a saint, a woman of
does: \ Waste time at your
destiny, a heroine. He wrote to her, "It is only being apart from loved ones
mistress's whim. . . . \ Get

that we can measure our affection. From the day I left you . . . I have not
her accustomed to you; \

Habit's the key, spare no
been able to calm my sad heart. . . . My immense solitude is full of your
pains till that's achieved. \
memory." Now he promised to marry her.
Let her always see you

The strikes grew in intensity. After eight days, Perón was released from
around, always hear you

talking, \ Show her your
prison; he promptly married Eva. A few months later he was elected presi
face night and day. \ When
dent. As first lady, Eva attended state functions in her somewhat gaudy
you're confident you'll be
dresses and jewelry; she was seen as a former actress with a large wardrobe.
missed, when your absence

\ Seems sure to cause her
Then, in 1947, she left for a tour of Europe, and Argentines followed her
regret, \ Then give her
every move—the ecstatic crowds that greeted her in Spain, her audience
some respite: a field

with the pope—and in her absence their opinion of her changed. How

improves when fallow, \
well she represented the Argentine spirit, its noble simplicity, its flair for
Parched soil soaks up the

rain. \ Demophoön's
drama. When she returned a few weeks later, they overwhelmed her with
presence gave Phyllis no
attention.

more than mild excitement;

Eva too had changed during her trip to Europe: now her dyed blond

\ It was his sailing caused

arson in her heart. \
hair was pulled into a severe chignon, and she wore tailored suits. It was a
Penelope was racked by
serious look, befitting a woman who was to become the savior of the poor.
crafty Ulysses's absence, \
Soon her image could be seen everywhere—her initials on the walls, the
Protesilaus, abroad, made

Laodameia burn. \ Short
sheets, the towels of the hospitals for the poor; her profile on the jerseys of
partings do best, though:
a soccer team from the poorest part of Argentina, whose club she spon
time wears out affections, \
sored; her giant smiling face covering the sides of buildings. Since finding
The absent love fades, a

out anything personal about her had become impossible, all kinds of elabo
new one takes its place. \

With Menelaus away,

rate fantasies began to spring up about her. And when cancer cut her life
Helen's disinclination for
short, in 1952, at the age of thirty-three (the age of Christ when he died),
sleeping \ Alone led her
the country went into mourning. Millions filed past her embalmed body.
into her guest's \ Warm bed

at night. Were you crazy,

She was no longer a radio actress, a wife, a first lady, but Evita, a saint.
Menelaus?

— O V I D ,
T H E A R T O F L O V E ,

Interpretation.
Eva Duarte was an illegitimate child who had grown up in poverty, escaped to Buenos Aires to become an actress, and been forced to do many tawdry things to survive and get ahead in the theater world. Her
Concerning the Birth of
dream was to escape all of the constraints on her future, for she was in
Love
•
Here is what
tensely ambitious. Perón was the perfect victim. He imagined himself a
happens in the soul:
• great leader, but the reality was that he was fast becoming a lecherous old
1. Admiration.
•
2. You

think, "Mow delightful it
man who was too weak to raise himself up. Eva injected poetry into his
Poeticize Your Presence
•
281

life. Her language was florid and theatrical; she surrounded him with atten-
would be to kiss her, to
tion, indeed to the point of suffocation, but a woman's dutiful service to a
be kissed by her," and so
on. . . .
•
3. Hope. You

great man was a classic image, and was celebrated in innumerable tango bal-
observe her perfections, and
lads. Yet she managed to remain elusive, mysterious, like a movie star you
it is at this moment that a
see all the time on the screen but never really know. And when Perón was
woman really ought to
surrender, for the utmost

finally alone, in prison, these poetic images and associations burst forth in
physical pleasure. Even the
his mind. He idealized her madly; as far as he was concerned, she was
no most reserved women blush
longer an actress with a tawdry past. She seduced an entire nation the same
to the whites of their eyes
way. The secret was her dramatic poetic presence, combined with a touch
at this moment of hope.
The passion is so strong,

of elusive distance; over time, you would see whatever you wanted to in
and the pleasure so sharp,
her. To this day people fantasize about what Eva was really like.

that they betray themselves

Familiarity destroys seduction. This rarely happens early on; there is so
unmistakably.
•
4. Love is
born. To love is to enjoy

much to learn about a new person. But a midpoint may arrive when the
seeing, touching, and
target has begun to idealize and fantasize about you, only to discover that
sensing with all the senses,
you are not what he or she thought. It is not a question of being seen too
as closely as possible, a
lovable object which loves

often, of being too available, as some imagine. In fact, if your targets see
in return.
•
5. The first
you too rarely, you give them nothing to feed on, and their attention may
crystallization begins. If
be caught by someone else; you have to occupy their mind. It is more a
you are sure that a woman
loves you, it is a pleasure

matter of being too consistent, too obvious, too human and real. Your tar-
to endow her with a
gets cannot idealize you if they know too much about you, if they start to
thousand perfections and to
see you as all too human. Not only must you maintain a degree of distance,
count your blessings with
but there must be something fantastical and bewitching about you, sparking
infinite satisfaction. In the
end you overrate wildly,

all kinds of delightful possibilities in their mind. The possibility Eva held
and regard her as
out was the possibility that she was what in Argentine culture was consid-
something fallen from
ered the ideal woman—devoted, motherly, saintly—but there are any num-
Heaven, unknown as yet,
but certain to be yours.
•

ber of poetic ideals you can try to embody. Chivalry, adventure, romance,
Leave a lover with his
and so on, are just as potent, and if you have a whiff of them about you,
thoughts for twenty four
you can breathe enough poetry into the air to fill people's minds with fan-
hours, and this is what will
happen:
•
At the salt

tasies and dreams. At all costs, you must embody something, even if it is
mines of Salzburg, they
roguery and evil. Anything to avoid the taint of familiarity and commonness.
throw a leafless wintry
bough into one of the

What I need is a woman who is something, anything; ei-

abandoned workings. Two

or three months later they

ther very beautiful or very kind or in the last resort very

haul it out covered with a

wicked; very witty or very stupid, but something.

shining deposit of crystals.

The smallest twig, no

—ALFRED DE MUSSET

bigger than a torn-tit's claw,

is studded with a galaxy of

scintillating diamonds. The

Keys to Seduction

original branch is no longer

recognizable.
•
What I

have called crystallization

We all have a self-image that is more flattering than the truth: we
is a mental process which
think of ourselves as more generous, selfless, honest, kindly, intelli-
draws from everything that
happens new proofs of the

gent, or good-looking than in fact we are. It is extremely difficult for us to
perfection of the loved
be honest with ourselves about our own limitations; we have a desperate
one. . . .
•
A man in love
need to idealize ourselves. As the writer Angela Carter remarks, we would
sees every perfection in the
rather align ourselves with angels than with the higher primates from
object of his love, but his
attention is liable to

which we are actually descended.

282
•
The Art of Seduction

wander after a time because

This need to idealize extends to our romantic entanglements, because
one gets tired of anything
when we fall in love, or under the spell of another person, we see a reflec
uniform, even perfect
tion of ourselves. The choice we make in deciding to become involved
happiness.
•
This is what

happens next to fix the
with another person reveals something important and intimate about us: we
attention:
•
6. Doubt
resist seeing ourselves as having fallen for someone who is cheap or tacky or
creeps in. . . . He is met
tasteless, because it reflects badly on who we are. Furthermore, we are often
with indifference, coldness,
likely to fall for someone who resembles us in some way. Should that per
or even anger if he appears
too confident. . . . The
son be deficient, or worst of all ordinary, then there is something deficient
lover begins to be less sure
and ordinary about us. No, at all costs the loved one must be overvalued
of the good fortune he was
and idealized, at least for the sake of our own self-esteem. Besides, in a
anticipating and subjects

his grounds for hope to a
world that is harsh and full of disappointment, it is a great pleasure to be
critical examination.
•
He
able to fantasize about a person you are involved with.
tries to recoup by indulging

This makes the seducer's task easy: people are dying to be given the
in other pleasures but finds

them inane. He is seized

chance to fantasize about
you.
Do not spoil this golden opportunity by
by the dread of a frightful
overexposing yourself, or becoming so familiar and banal that the target
calamity and now
sees you exactly as you are. You do not have to be an angel, or a paragon of
concentrates fully. Thus
virtue—that would be quite boring. You can be dangerous, naughty, even
begins:
• 7.
The second

crystallization, which
somewhat vulgar, depending on the tastes of your victim. But never be or
deposits diamond layers of
dinary or limited. In poetry (as opposed to reality), anything is possible.
proof that "she loves me."

Soon after we fall under a person's spell, we form an image in our

•
Every few minutes

throughout the night which
minds of who they are and what pleasures they might offer. Thinking of
follows the birth of doubt,
them when we are alone, we tend to make this image more and more ide
the lover has a moment of
alized. The novelist Stendhal, in his book
On Love,
calls this phenomenon
dreadful misgiving, and

then reassures himself "she
"crystallization," telling the story of how, in Salzburg, Austria, they used to
loves me"; and
throw a leafless branch into the abandoned depths of a salt mine in the
crystallization begins to
middle of winter. When the branch was pulled out months later, it would
reveal new charms. Then

once again the haggard eye
be covered with spectacular crystals. That is what happens to a loved one in
of doubt pierces him and he
our minds.

stops transfixed. He forgets

According to Stendhal, though, there are two crystallizations. The first
to draw breath and mutters,
happens when we first meet the person. The second and more important

" B u t does she love me?"

Torn between doubt and

one happens later, when a bit of doubt creeps in—you desire the other per
delight, the poor lover
son, but they elude you, you are not sure they are yours. This bit of doubt
convinces himself that she
is critical—it makes your imagination work double, deepens the poeticizing
could give him such

pleasure as he could find
process. In the seventeenth century, the great rake the Duc de Lauzun
nowhere else on earth.
pulled off one of the most spectacular seductions in history—that of the

— S T E N D H A L ,
L O V E
,

Grande Mademoiselle, the cousin of King Louis XIV, and the wealthiest