The Art of Seduction (76 page)

Mix Pleasure with Pain

The

greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice.

At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows
monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead
of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them
in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested.
Make them feel guilty and insecure. Even instigate a breakup, subjecting them to an
emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver
—
now a rapprochement,
an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the
knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To
heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement

of fear.

The Emotional Roller Coaster

One hot summer afternoon in 1894, Don Mateo Díaz, a thirty-eightyear-old resident of Seville, decided to visit a local tobacco factory Because of his connections Don Mateo was allowed to tour the place, but his interest was not in the business side. Don Mateo liked young girls, and hundreds of them worked in the factory. Just as he had expected, that day many of them were in a state of near undress because of the heat—it was quite a spectacle. He enjoyed the sights for a while, but the noise and the
The more one pleases
generally, the less one

temperature soon got to him. As he was heading for the door, though, a
pleases profoundly.
worker of no more than sixteen called out to him:
"Caballero,
if you will —STENDHAL,
LOVE
, give me a penny I will sing you a little song."

The girl's name was Conchita Pérez, and she looked young and inno-SUZANNE SALE

cent, in fact beautiful, with a sparkle in her eye that suggested a taste for adventure. The perfect prey. He listened to her song (which seemed vaguely suggestive), tossed her a coin that was equal to a month's salary, tipped his
You should mix in the odd
hat, then left. It was never good to come on too strong too early. As he
rebuff \ With your cheerful
fun. Shut him out of the

walked along the street, he plotted how he would lure her into an affair.
house, let him wait there \

Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm and he turned to see her walking along-
Cursing that locked front
side him. It was too hot to work—would he be a gentleman and escort her
door, let him plead \ And
threaten all he's a mind to.

home? Of course. Do you have a lover? he asked her. No, she said, "I am
Sweetness cloys the palate,
mozita"
—pure, a virgin.

\ Bitter juice is a freshener.

Conchita lived with her mother in a rundown part of town. Don Ma-
Often a small skiff \ Is
sunk by favoring winds: it's

teo exchanged pleasantries, slipped the mother some money (he knew from
their husbands' access to
experience how important it was to keep the mother happy), then left. He
them, \ At will, that
considered waiting a few days, but he was impatient, and returned the fol-
deprives so many wives of
love. \ Let her put in a

lowing morning. The mother was out. He and Conchita resumed their
door, with a hard-faced
playful banter from the day before, and to his surprise she suddenly sat in
porter to tell him \ "Keep
his lap, put her arms around him, and kissed him. His strategy flying out
out," and he'll soon be
the window, he took hold of her and returned the kiss. She immediately
touched with desire \

Through frustration. Put

jumped up, her eyes flashing with anger: you are trifling with me, she said,
down your blunt foils, fight
using me for a quick thrill. Don Mateo denied having any such intentions,
with sharpened weapons \

and apologized for going too far. When he left, he felt confused: she had
(I don't doubt that my own
shafts \ Will be turned

started it all; why should he feel guilty? And yet he did. Young girls can be
against me). When a
so unpredictable; it is best to break them in slowly

new-captured lover \ Is

Over the next few days Don Mateo was the perfect gentleman. He
stumbling into the toils,
then let him believe \ He

visited every day, showered mother and daughter with gifts, made no
alone has rights to your
advances—at least not at first. The damned girl had become so familiar
bed
—
but later, make him
371

372
•
The Art of Seduction

conscious \ Of rivals, of

with him that she would dress in front of him, or greet him in her night
shared delights. Neglect \
gown. These glimpses of her body drove him crazy, and he would some
These devices
—
his ardor
times try to steal a kiss or caress, only to have her push him away and scold
will wane. A racehorse runs

most strongly \ When the
him. Weeks went by; clearly he had shown that his was not a passing fancy.
field's ahead, to be paced \
Tired of the endless courtship, he took Conchita's mother aside one day
And passed. So the dying

and proposed that he set the girl up in a house of her own. He would treat
embers of passion can be

fanned to \ Fresh flame by

her like a queen; she would have everything she wanted. (So, of course,
some outrage
—
I can only
would her mother.) Surely his proposal would satisfy the two women—but
love, \ Myself, I confess it,

the next day, a note came from Conchita, expressing not gratitude but re
when wronged. But don't
let the cause of \ Pain be

crimination: he was trying to buy her love. "You shall never see me again,"
too obvious: let a lover
she concluded. He hurried to the house only to discover that the women
suspect \ More than he
had moved out that very morning, without leaving word where they were
knows. Invent a slave who

going.

watches your every \

Movement, make clear

Don Mateo felt terrible. Yes, he had acted like a boor. Next time he
what a jealous martinet \
would wait months, or years if need be, before being so bold. Soon, how
That man of yours is
—

ever, another thought assailed him: he would never see Conchita again.
such things will excite him.

Pleasure \ Too safely

Only then did he realize how much he loved her.

enjoyed lacks zest. You

The winter passed, the worst of Mateo's life. One spring day he was
want to be free \ As Thaïs?
walking down the street when he heard someone calling his name. He
Act scared. Though the

door's quite safe, let him in
looked up: Conchita was standing in an open window, beaming with ex
by \ The window. Look
citement. She bent down toward him and he kissed her hand, beside him
nervous. Have a smart \
self with joy. Why had she disappeared so suddenly? It was all going too
Maid rush in, scream

quickly, she said. She had been afraid—of his intentions, and of her own

"We're caught!" while you

bundle the quaking \ Youth
feelings. But seeing him again, she was certain that she loved him. Yes, she
out of sight. But be sure \
was ready to be his mistress. She would prove it, she would come to him.
To offset his fright with
Being apart had changed them both, he thought.
some moments of carefree

pleasure
— \
Or he'll think

A few nights later, as promised, she appeared at his house. They kissed
a night with you isn't

and began to undress. He wanted to savor every minute, to take it slowly,
worth the risk.

but he felt like a caged bull finally set free. He followed her into bed, his

— O V I D .
THE ART OF LOVE
,

hands all over her. He started to take off her underwear but it was laced up

in some complicated way. Eventually he had to sit up and take a look: she was wearing some elaborate canvas contraption, of a kind he had never seen. No matter how hard he tugged and pulled, it would not come off.

"Certainly," I said, "I

He felt like hitting Conchita, he was so distraught, but instead he started to
have often told you that

pain holds a peculiar
cry. She explained: she wanted to do everything with him, yet to remain a
attraction for me, and that

mozita.
This was her protection. Exasperated, he sent her home.
nothing kindles my passion

Over the next few weeks, Don Mateo began to reassess his opinion of
quite so much as tyranny

cruelty and above all

Conchita. He saw her flirting with other men, and dancing a suggestive fla
unfaithfulness in a
menco in a bar: she was not a
mozita,
he decided, she was playing him for
beautiful woman."

money. And yet he could not leave her. Another man would take his

— L E O P O L D VON SACHERplace—an unbearable thought. She would invite him to spend the night in M A S O C H ,
VENUS IN FURS,

want or you will never see me again. Suddenly Conchita started to cry. He
Oderint, dum metuant
had never seen her cry, and it moved him. She too was tired of all this, she [
Let them hate me so long
as they fear me
]
, as if only

said, her voice trembling; if it was not too late, she was ready to accept the
fear and hate belong
proposal she had once turned down. Set her up in a house, and he would
together, whereas fear and
see what a devoted mistress she would be.

love have nothing to do

with each other, as if it

Don Mateo wasted no time. He bought her a villa, gave her plenty of
were not fear that makes
money to decorate it. After eight days the house was ready. She would re-
love interesting. With what
ceive him there at midnight. What joys awaited him.

kind of love do we embrace

nature? Is there not a

Don Mateo showed up at the appointed hour. The barred door to the
secretive anxiety and horror
courtyard was closed. He rang the bell. She came to the other side of the
in it, because its beautiful
door. "Kiss my hands," she said through the bars. "Now kiss the hem of my
harmony works its way out
skirt, and the tip of my foot in its slipper." He did as she requested. "That is
of lawlessness and wild
confusion, its security out

good," she said. "Now you may go." His shocked expression just made her
of perfidy? But precisely
laugh. She ridiculed him, then made a confession: she was repulsed by him.
this anxiety captivates the
Now that she had a villa in her name, she was free of him at last. She called
most. So also with love, if
it is to he interesting.

out, and a young man appeared from the shadows of the courtyard. As Don
Behind it ought to brood
Mateo watched, too stunned to move, they began to make love on the
the deep, anxious night
floor, right before his eyes.

from which springs the

flower of love.

The next morning Conchita appeared at Don Mateo's house, supposedly to see if he had committed suicide. To her surprise, he hadn't—in fact —SØREN KIERKEGAARD,
THE SEDUCER'S DIARY,

he slapped her so hard she fell to the ground. "Conchita," he said, "you TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. have made me suffer beyond all human strength. You have invented moral HONG AND EDNA H. HONG

tortures to try them on the only man who loved you passionately. I now declare that I am going to possess you by force." Conchita screamed she would never be his, but he hit her again and again. Finally, moved by her
The lovely marble creature
tears, he stopped. Now she looked up at him lovingly. Forget the past, she
coughed and rearranged the
said, forget all that I have done. Now that he hit her, now that she could see
sable around her shoulders.
his pain, she felt certain he truly loved her. She was still a
mozita
—the affair •
"Thank you for the
lesson in classics," I replied,

with the young man the night before had been only for show, ending as

"but I cannot deny that in

soon as he had left—and she still belonged to him. "You are not going to
your peaceful and sunny
take me by force. I await you in my arms." Finally she was sincere. To his
world just as in our misty
climate man and woman

supreme delight, he discovered that she was indeed still a virgin.

are natural enemies. Love

may unite them briefly to

form one mind, one heart,

one will, but all too soon

Interpretation.
Don Mateo and Conchita Perez are characters in the 1896
they are torn asunder. And
novella
Woman and Puppet,
by Pierre Louÿs. Based on a true story—the
this you know better than

"Miss Charpillon" episode in Casanova's
Memoirs
—the novella has served as
I: either one of them must
bend the other to his will,

the basis for two films: Josef von Sternberg's
Devil Is a Woman,
with Mar-
or else he must let himself
lene Dietrich, and Luis Buñuel's
That Obscure Object of Desire.
In Louÿs's
be trampled underfoot. "
•

story, Conchita takes a proud and aggressive older man and in the space of a

"Under the woman's foot,

few months turns him into an abject slave. Her method is simple: she stimu-
of course," said Lady
Venus impertinently. "And

lates as many emotions as possible, including heavy doses of pain. She ex-
that you know better than
cites his lust, then makes him feel base for taking advantage of her. She gets
I."
•
"Of course, that is
him to play the protector, then makes him feel guilty for trying to buy her.
why I have no illusions."
•

"In other words you are

Her sudden disappearance anguishes him—he has lost her—so that when
now my slave without
she reappears (never by accident) he feels intense joy; which, however, she
illusions, and I shall
374 • The Art of Seduction

trample you mercilessly. "
• quickly turns back into tears. Jealousy and humiliation then precede the fi
"Madam!"
•
"You do not
nal moment when she gives him her virginity. (Even after this, according to
know me yet. I admit that
the story, she finds ways to continue to torment him.) Each low she
I am cruel
—
since the word

gives you so much
inspires—guilt, despair, jealousy, emptiness—creates the space for a more
delight
—
but am I not
intense high. He becomes an addict, hooked on the alternation of charge
entitled to be so? It is man
and withdrawal.

who desires, woman who is

Your seduction should never follow a simple course upward toward

desired; this is woman's

only advantage, but it is a
pleasure and harmony. The climax will come too soon, and the pleasure
decisive one. By making
will be weak. What makes us intensely appreciate something is previous
man so vulnerable to
suffering. A brush with death makes us fall in love with life; a long journey
passion, nature has placed

him at woman's mercy, and
makes a return home that much more pleasurable. Your task is to create
she who has not the sense
moments of sadness, despair, and anguish, to create the tension that allows
to treat him like a humble
for a great release. Do not worry about making people angry; anger is a
subject, a slave, a

plaything, and finally to
sure sign that you have your hooks in them. Nor should you be afraid that
betray him with a laugh
— if you make yourself difficult people will flee—we only abandon those
well, she is a woman of
who bore us. The ride on which you take your victims can be tortuous but
little wisdom."
•
"My
never dull. At all costs, keep your targets emotional and on edge. Create
dear, your principles . . ."

I protested.
•
"Are
enough highs and lows and you will wear away the last vestiges of their
founded on the experience
willpower.

of a thousand years," she

replied mischievously,

running her white fingers

through the dark fur. "The

Harshness and Kindness

more submissive woman is,

the more readily man

recovers his self-possession

and becomes domineering;
In 1972, Henry Kissinger, then President Richard Nixon's assistant for national security affairs, received a request for an interview from the fa
but the more cruel and
mous Italian journalist Oriana Fallaci. Kissinger rarely gave interviews; he
faithless she is, the more

she ill-treats him, the
had no control over the final product, and he was a man who needed to be
more wantonly she toys
in control. But he had read Fallaci's interview with a North Vietnamese
with him and the harsher
general, and it had been instructive. She was extremely well informed on
she is, the more she
the Vietnam War; perhaps he could gather some information of his own,
quickens his desire and

secures his love and
pick her brain. He decided to ask for a preinterview, a preliminary meeting.
admiration. It has always
He would grill her on different subjects; if she passed the test, he would
been so, from the time of
grant her an interview proper. They met, and he was impressed; she was
Helen and Delilah all the

way to Catherine the
extremely intelligent—and tough. It would be an enjoyable challenge to
Great and Lola Montez. "

outwit her and prove that he was tougher. He agreed to a short interview a

— L E O P O L D VON SACHERfew days later.

M A S O C H ,
V E N U S I N F U R S ,

To Kissinger's annoyance, Fallaci began the interview by asking him