The Art of Seduction (79 page)

affection if he does not
tendency to bring the seduction to a rapid end, and you will have missed an
behave as she wishes, that
opportunity to ratchet up the tension, to make the affair more heated. After
she can be angry or cross. I
all, you don't want a passive little victim to toy with; you want the seduced
believe that this experience

arouses feelings of anxiety
to engage their will in all its force, to become active participants in the se
in the infant. The
duction. You want them to pursue you, hopelessly ensnaring themselves in
possibility of losing his
your web in the process. The only way to accomplish this is to take a step
mother's love certainly
back and make them anxious.

strikes the child with a

force which can no more be

You have strategically retreated before (see chapter 12), but this is dif-
Give Them Space to Fall
—
The Pursuer Is Pursued • 389

ferent. The target is falling for you now, and your retreat will lead to pan-
coped with than an
icky thoughts: you are losing interest, it is somehow my fault, perhaps it is
earthquake.
. . . •
The
something I have done. Rather than think you are rejecting them on your
child who experiences his
mother's dissatisfaction and

own, your targets will want to make this interpretation, since if the cause of
apparent withdrawal of
the problem is something they have done, they have the power to win you
affection reacts to this
back by changing their behavior. If you are simply rejecting them, on the
menace at first with fear. He
tries to regain what seems

other hand, they have no control. People always want to preserve hope.
lost by expressing hostility
Now they will come to you, turn aggressive, thinking that will do the trick.
and aggressiveness. . . .
They will raise the erotic temperature. Understand: a person's willpower is
The change of its character

comes about only after

directly linked to their libido, their erotic desire. When your victims are
failure; when the child
passively waiting for you, their erotic level is low. When they turn pursuer,
realizes that the effort is a
getting involved in the process, brimming with tension and anxiety, the
failure. And now
something very strange

temperature is raised. So raise it as high as you can.

takes place, something

When you withdraw, make it subtle; you are instilling unease. Your
which is foreign to our
coldness or distance should dawn on your targets when they are alone, in
conscious thinking but
the form of a poisonous doubt creeping into their mind. Their paranoia
which is very near to the
infantile way. Instead of

will become self-generating. Your subtle step back will make them want to
grasping the object directly
possess you, so they will willingly advance into your arms without being
and taking possession of it
pushed. This is different from the strategy in chapter 20, in which you are
in an aggressive way, the
child identifies with the

inflicting deep wounds, creating a pattern of pain and pleasure. There the
object as it was before. The
goal is to make your victims weak and dependent, here it is to make them
child does the same that
active and aggressive. Which strategy you prefer to use (the two cannot be
the mother did to him in
that happy time which has

combined) depends on what you want and the proclivities of your victim.
passed. The process is very

In Søren Kierkegaard's
The Seducer's Diary,
Johannes aims to seduce the
illuminating because it
young and beautiful Cordelia. He begins by being rather intellectual with
shapes the pattern of love
in general. The little boy

her, and slowly intriguing her. Then he sends her letters that are romantic
thus demonstrates in his
and seductive. Now her fascination blossoms into love. Although in person
own behavior what he
he remains a little distant, she senses in him great depths and is certain that
wants his mother to do to
he loves her. Then one day, while they're talking, Cordelia has a strange
him, how she should
behave to him. He

sensation: something about him is different. He seems more interested in
announces this wish by
ideas than in her. Over the next few days, this doubt gets stronger—the let-
displaying his tenderness
ters are a little less romantic, something is missing. Feeling anxious, she
and affection toward his
mother who gave these

slowly turns aggressive, becomes the pursuer instead of the pursued. The
before to him. It is an
seduction is now much more exciting, at least for Johannes.

attempt to overcome the

Johannes's step back is subtle; he merely gives Cordelia the impression
despair and sense of loss in
taking over the role of the

that his interest is a little less romantic than the day before. He returns to
mother. The boy tries to
being the intellectual. This stirs the worrisome thought that her natural
demonstrate what he
charms and beauty no longer have as much effect on him. She must try
wishes by doing it himself:
look, I would like you to

harder, provoke him sexually, prove to herself that she has some power over
act thus toward me, to be
him. She is now brimming with erotic desire, brought to that point by Jo-
thus tender and loving to
hannes's subtle withdrawal of affection.

me. Of course this attitude

is not the result of

Each gender has its own seductive lures, which come naturally to them.
consideration or reasoned
When you seem interested in someone but do not respond sexually, it is
planning but an emotional
disturbing, and presents a challenge: they will find a way to seduce you. To
process by identification, a
produce this effect, first reveal an interest in your targets, through letters or
natural exchange of roles
with the unconscious aim

subtle insinuation. But when you are in their presence, assume a kind of
390
•
The Art of Seduction

of seducing the mother into
sexless neutrality. Be friendly, even warm, but no more. You are pushing
fulfilling his wish. He
them into arming themselves with the seductive charms that are natural to
demonstrates by his own

their sex—exactly what you want.

actions how he wants to be

loved. It is a primitive

In the latter stages of the seduction, let your targets feel that you are be
presentation through
coming interested in another person—this is another form of taking a step
reversal, an example of
back. When Napoleon Bonaparte first met the young widow Josephine de
how to do the thing which

he wishes done by her. In
Beauharnais in 1795, he was excited by her exotic beauty and the looks she
this presentation lives the
gave him. He began to attend her weekly soirees and, to his delight, she
memory of the attentions,

would ignore the other men and remain at his side, listening to him so at
tendernesses, and
endearments once received

tentively. He found himself falling in love with Josephine, and had every
from the mother or
reason to believe she felt the same.

loving persons.

Then, at one soiree, she was friendly and attentive, as usual—except

— T H E O D O R R E I K ,

that she was equally friendly to another man there, a former aristocrat, like
OF LOVE AND LUST

Josephine, the kind of man that Napoleon could never compete with when it came to manners and wit. Doubts and jealousies began to stir within. As a military man, he knew the value of going on the offensive, and after a few weeks of a swift and aggressive campaign he had her all to himself, eventually marrying her. Of course Josephine, a clever seductress, had set it all up. She did not say she was interested in another man, but his mere presence at her house, a look here and there, subtle gestures, made it seem that way. There is no more powerful way to hint that you are losing your desire. Make your interest in another too obvious, though, and it could backfire. This is not the situation in which you want to seem cruel; doubt and anxiety are the effects you are after. Make your possible interest in another barely perceptible to the naked eye.

Once someone has fallen for you, any physical absence will create unease. You are literally creating space. The Russian seductress Lou AndreasSalomé had an intense presence; when a man was with her, he felt her eyes boring into him, and often became entranced with her coquettish ways and spirit. But then, almost invariably, something would come up—she would have to leave town for a while, or would be too busy to see him. It was during her absences that men fell hopelessly in love with her, and vowed to be more aggressive next time they were with her. Your absences at this latter point of the seduction should seem at least somewhat justified. You are insinuating not a blatant brush-off but a slight doubt: perhaps you could have found some reason to stay, perhaps you are losing interest, perhaps there is someone else. In your absence, their appreciation of you will grow. They will forget your faults, forgive your sins. The moment you return, they will chase after you as you desire. It will be as if you had come back from the dead.

According to the psychologist Theodor Reik, we learn to love only

through rejection. As infants, we are showered with love by our mother—

we know nothing else. But when we get a little older, we begin to sense that her love is not unconditional. If we do not behave, if we do not please her, she can withdraw it. The idea that she will withdraw her affection fills us with anxiety, and, at first, with anger—we will show her, we will throw
Give Them Space to Fall
—
The Pursuer Is Pursued
•
391

a tantrum. But that never works, and we slowly realize that the only way to keep her from rejecting us again is to imitate her—to be as loving, kind, and affectionate as she is. This will bond her to us in the deepest way. The pattern is ingrained in us for the rest of our lives: by experiencing a rejection or a coldness, we learn to court and pursue, to love. Re-create this primal pattern in your seduction. First, shower your targets with affection. They will not be sure where this is coming from, but it is a delightful feeling, and they will never want to lose it. When it does go away, in your strategic step back, they will have moments of anxiety and anger, perhaps throwing a tantrum, and then the same childlike reaction: the only way to win you back, to have you for sure, will be to reverse the pattern, to imitate you, to be the affectionate, giving one. It is the terror of rejection that turns the tables.

This pattern will often repeat itself naturally in an affair or relationship. One person goes cold, the other pursues, then goes cold in turn, making the first person the pursuer, and on and on. As a seducer, do not leave this to chance. Make it happen. You are teaching the other person to become a seducer, just as the mother in her own way taught the child to return her love by turning her back. For your own sake learn to relish this reversal of roles. Do not merely play at being the pursued, but enjoy it, give in to it. The pleasure of being pursued by your victim can often surpass the thrill of the hunt.

Symbol:
The

Pomegranate. Carefully cultivated and

tended, the pomegranate begins to ripen. Do not

gather it too early or force it off the stem
—
it will be hard and
bitter. Let the fruit grow heavy and full of juice, then stand back
—

it will fall on its own. That is when its pulp is most delicious.
392
•
The Art of Seduction

Reversal

There are moments when creating space and absence will blow up in

your face. An absence at a critical moment in the seduction can make the target lose interest in you. It also leaves too much to chance—while you are away, they could find another person, who will distract their thoughts from you. Cleopatra easily seduced Mark Antony, but after their first encounters, he returned to Rome. Cleopatra was mysterious and alluring, but if she let too much time pass, he would forget her charms. So she let go of her usual coquetry and came after him when he was on one of his military campaigns. She knew that once he saw her, he would fall under her spell again and pursue her.

Use absence only when you are sure of the target's affection, and never let it go on too long. It is most effective later in the seduction. Also, never create too much space—don't write too rarely, don't act too cold, don't show too much interest in someone else. That is the strategy of mixing pleasure with pain, detailed in chapter 20, and will create a dependent victim, or will even make him or her give up completely. Some people, too, are inveterately passive: they are waiting for you to make the bold move, and if you don't, they will think you are weak. The pleasure to be had from such a victim is less than the pleasure you will get from someone more active. But if you are involved with such a type, do what you need to if you are to have your way, then end the affair and move on.