The Beginning of Connie and Isaac: Blue Butterfly Series (The Blue Butterfly Book 3) (16 page)

“Shadow is paying penance for...”

“For?”

“She was given an assignment to terminate a married man after he’d been cheating on his wife. Shadow cut his dick off and brought it back in a box.”

My eyes widened and I stared at him, my lips twitching in humour. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

The others chuckled to themselves, all with their faces down to hide their amusement from me, but on catching my own laugh they looked up. Bullet smiled at me. “Good to have you back, Commander.”

Nodding, I returned her smile. “I’ve missed you all too.” Then turning to Devlin, I asked under my breath so the others couldn’t hear, “How’s Shadow doing?”

He looked at the floor then nodded. “She’s become our top assassin.”

“I didn’t ask that.”

“Yeah,” he whispered as he grabbed my arm and pulled me to one side. “She seems to have become Frederik’s personal prey. He hates her, Isaac. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone. Everything she does is never good enough, even though she is the cold, hard bitch that he wanted her to become. It’s not enough for him. Nothing is ever enough where Shadow is concerned.”

My heart threatened to stampede out of my chest and I clenched my jaw in attempt to slow it down. I knew she took the punishment for my affections towards her. Frederik had seen it and he’d brought his wrath on Shadow because of my inappropriate behaviour. To my father, he was more important than anyone, so watching me with Shadow, I knew he had become concerned that she would one day take over my affection for him. He had killed my own mother because I looked up to her more than I did him.

“Yet he hasn’t executed her?”

Devlin scoffed and shook his head sadly. “That would be too easy on Shadow. She craves for death, Isaac, more than any other Phantom I’ve been charged with. She has a hunger for the end, yet she won’t do it herself because Frederik told her he would take her sister if she ever walked away, even in death. Plus she’s the hardest executioner he’s ever seen. She can do a four day job in an hour. She’s too valuable and too handy to knock about. He won’t ever set her free, Isaac.”

Something in my soul cried out in pain with Devlin’s truths. The fact that Shadow wanted to die hurt me more than it should. I couldn’t understand what the hell it was about that girl that got to me, but I was also accepting of the fact that she lived in me, in my soul, and even though I had done everything I could to drive her out, she was tethered to me so tightly it would be too painful to ever let her go. Truth be told, I didn’t want to. I wanted her with an overwhelming need. I wanted to sink so far inside her that I gave her soul no chance to run from me. I wanted to capture her heart and only allow it to beat beside mine, and I needed her to look at me like there was no one else on the planet capable of making her feel good, capable of loving her. And I did. I loved her. But I could never tell her. Never. She could never see my weakness. That was something, even in love, I would not sanction. My vulnerability would sign her death warrant.

“Where is she?” I asked as I closed my eyes and attempted to push aside the incessant thud in my head.

“In the yard,” Devlin said. “Joel is passing her sentence.”

Nodding, I turned and walked away before he heard the growl rumble in my chest.

The rain beat heavy on the windows as I made my way to the courtyard, the gloom of the dark sky matching my mood. Many soldiers and sentinels dipped their heads respectfully as they passed me, the veterans whispering to the new recruits I hadn’t met yet when they didn’t respect my presence. It was all bullshit and I hated every damn second of it.

Thunder cracked in the sky as I stepped out into the large square, but it couldn’t be heard above the rage of my anger when Shadow came into view.

A pain tore through my chest as fury sucked me under. “What the fuck is this?”

All seven soldiers standing around the yard under umbrellas turned to me as soon as they heard my thunderous roar. Their eyes widened before they lowered them to the ground. “You!” I barked at one of them. “Get her down!”

His large round eyes flicked from me to Shadow and then back to me.

“Now!”

“Yes, Commander.”

He ran across the grass to where she hung naked from the cross, however she wasn’t just tied to it, she was fucking nailed to it. She was unconscious, the torrent of rain beating down upon her bleeding body. The rage inside me was bursting to get out, my teeth grinding together so hard I was worried they would crack under the force.

Wincing when the soldier took a damn claw hammer to her hands and yanked out the nails, I attempted to act calm and walked over to where Shadow lay in a heap under the cross. I removed my shirt and covered her body with it then scooped her up, pulling her into my chest, and swiftly walked back to my quarters, my senses going haywire with the feel of her next to me once again.

She murmured but didn’t wake. However, when she snuggled deeper into me, I buried my face in her wet hair and placed a tender kiss to her forehead. Hating that once again I was at her mercy, I couldn’t help but inhale her sweet scent. Even with the varnish of rain on her pale skin she still smelled the same as she had two years ago and my soul consumed everything my senses granted.

Yet when a word filtered into my head, I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head in annoyance.

Mine.

PAIN AND THE
delicious aroma of coffee woke me, my senses chaotic at the clash of agony and the promising nectar. My eyes felt heavy but I dragged them open when a sound brought me further into the realms of awareness.

For the longest moment I couldn’t move – or breathe. Isaac had his back to me as he stood on the veranda with the double doors open wide, his head tipping back occasionally as he sipped from a steaming mug. Apart from some gym shorts, he was naked, the defined muscles and scars on his back moving every time he lifted and lowered his cup. His thick thighs seemed to ripple as the cold winter air tormented his skin, goosebumps erupting in a bid to fight off the cold. His jet black hair was messy, the top long and jutting out in clumps of wild rebelliousness.

My belly ached, my soul both weeping and singing with the sight of him. I hated that he did this to me, despised myself for allowing him this much emotion after what he had done. Yet I couldn’t deny what my heart craved.

I slowly lifted my hands. They were both bandaged, pain crippling me, but I pushed it back and slid out from under the sheet that covered me.

Sensing my movement, Isaac turned. Our eyes clashed and we both froze under the other’s gaze. My mouth dried and my heart danced as once again his beautiful green eyes held me in their spell. Isaac rarely allowed his emotions to be seen, but for the briefest moment, regret and affection stared back at me.

Steam billowed from me in furious pants, the heat of my breath clashing with the icy air in the room. “Hello, Isaac.”

He blinked, and everything he had just revealed to me disappeared in an instant. He crossed the room, his long strides both graceful and paced precisely until he came to stand before me.

I flinched when he lifted his hand and gently placed his palm on my cheek. I tried to resist him, I tried so hard, but the feel of his skin on mine was too much to deny and I closed my eyes and leaned into his gentle touch. My body roared to life under his devout attention, my soul energetic as it surged electricity through my tired body.

“What the fuck has he done to you?” he whispered, the pain in his voice too heavy to shoulder. I couldn’t soothe his ache, nor did I want to.

“He took what you left behind.”

Surprise covered his soft features as my words hit him, his gulp loud to my ears. “I never left you behind, Shadow. Not for one single second.”

Anger distorted his gentleness when I pulled away from his touch but my own resentment was too furious to push aside. I couldn’t allow him in. I never allowed anyone in. Affection was a route to heartache and I knew that if my heart were to endure any more sorrow then my sanity would be lost forever.

I couldn’t give him any words of comfort so instead I nodded and turned away, needing to distance myself from him before I caved to his touch again. It hurt so much that I longed to feel his caress but I was too hardened now to give him what he needed. I simultaneously detested what he had taken from me and craved what he could give me.

“Don’t walk away from me, Shadow.”

I shook my head without turning back to him. “I need to pay for my sins, Commander. Master will be furious that I haven’t completed my punishment.”

“What the fuck?” He growled as he snatched my wrist and twirled me back around to face him. “Since when have you called me Commander? And looking at you, you’ve paid for your sins with your damn fucking soul.”

“That may be so, but it doesn’t alter the fact that Master will make me pay again. I appreciate your intervention but unfortunately you have made my sentence invalid, and as such I will have to pay for that.”

“Appreciate my intervention?” he barked incredulously. My formality confused him, I could tell, but what we’d shared two years ago was in the past, long gone, and I needed to keep it that way. “You don’t need to worry about the consequences of
my
actions. Why are you being like this? Why aren’t you being honest with me and yourself? I know you felt it too, Shadow. Don’t refuse it.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, unable to control my emotions when he looked at me with so much despair that my heart clenched.

“I’m not your enemy, Shadow.”

A bitter laugh spilled from me and tears filled my eyes. Blinking them back quickly, I stared at him. “You were always the enemy, Isaac. You should have killed me when you were sent to because this…” I flung my arm out, gesturing to the situation, not the room. “This is a torture worse than death. It’s purgatory.
It’s hell.
I’m a corpse being forced to keep fucking living and I can’t…” A sob tore from me and I tried to swallow it back but it was too powerful and I knew if I kept it in it would kill me. “I can’t breathe.
I don’t want to fucking breathe!
”

Without warning, Isaac grabbed hold of me and pulled me to his chest when I broke before him. I’d expected his anger at my weakness but instead he whispered shushes in my ear as he carried me over to the bed and laid me down, his arms holding me tight as I let go. Why Isaac had the capability to make me so vulnerable, I had no idea, but shamefully, I clung to him in a bid to ease the misery that ravaged me.

“Let it go, my love. Let it go.”

And I did. I used him as the torrent burst from me in waves of grief. I grieved for Woods, I grieved for Mae, I grieved for myself, but most of all I grieved for Isaac because he was as cheated by life as I was. I’d had the privilege of a good and happy childhood, whereas Isaac didn’t have any happy memories to rely on. In a way, my losses were felt tenfold because I had something to compare to, but I was grateful for the things my mind held onto to give me solace in the lonely nights.

His hands framed my face just before his mouth met mine. My tears soaked our kiss, the saltiness of them bursting on our tongues when they met and twisted together. He moaned into my mouth when I ran my fingers through his thick soft hair, the pain in my palms unfelt when my fingers slid against the silky strands. His lips were soft and yielding and his kiss was firm and passionate, our need intensifying when he dropped his hand from my face and ran it delicately down my neck, my skin burning in the trail of his tenderness. His fingers gently brushed over my tingling skin, his touch gliding down until he cupped my breast over the material of the t-shirt he’d dressed me in.