The Beginning of Us (145 page)

Unfortunately, only one thing could have kept them away.

My fear of losing Stosh was becoming a reality.

When my parents finally came around the corner, and my mother had tears in her eyes, I knew it couldn’t be good. I sat up and immediately started to cry harder. I felt all of my hope leaving my body. My heart was empty.

“No!” I shook my head while continuing to cry.

My parents looked at each other and then back to me. I didn’t take my eyes off of them as I waited to hear. I wished I was one of those people that could feel nothing. I wanted to be numb, instead of feeling overwhelmed with pain.

“Just say it. I need to hear you say it.”

Chapter 27

I need a Mulligan.

They came over to the bed and my mother grabbed my hand. “Sweetie, Stosh isn’t gone. He just may not be able to ever walk again. The bullet was lodged into his spine. He’s been in surgery for four hours and they are afraid he has spinal damage.”

I didn’t hear the part about Stosh being paralyzed. All I heard was that he was going to live. “He’s really okay?”

“Your father talked to the surgeon himself.” My mother looked over at him and gave him a nudge.”

“It’s true. I spoke to Malcolm Brodham on the phone. We were colleagues a while back. The bullet entered clean, but became lodged in Stoshua’s lower spine. They won’t know the extent of his paralysis until he wakes up and can begin physical therapy.”

“But, he’s alive?”

“Yes, sweetheart, he’s alive.”

I was so happy. Of course I was afraid of his recovery, but he was going to be able to hold his child. He would be there during the birth and to celebrate birthdays and holidays. “I need to go there. I have to see him.”

“Willow, you’re in the hospital. Stosh would want you safe,” my mother argued.

I shook my head. “Please! He’s all I’ve had for a while now. He needs me there.”

“You aren’t due to be released until the morning.”

I grabbed my IV and ripped it out of my arm. My mother seemed so shocked that she rushed over and tried to grab my arm. “Willow, what are you doing?”

I pulled away. “Take me to Stosh. You both have the pull to get me out of here. I’m fine. You said it yourself. Check me out under your care. You can stay with me the whole time. I just need you to take me Stosh. I’m not asking you. Now, you can either help me, or I will call a cab and get there myself.”

I hated threatening them, but nothing was going to stop me from seeing Stoshua. I had to be there with him. Nothing else mattered in my life at that very moment.

My parents didn’t fight me after I threatened to go alone. Within a half hour, we were in the parking lot, headed for their car. They insisted on keeping me in a wheelchair and I didn’t even care. As long as we were headed to the other hospital, I was okay with their insisting.
The anticipation of seeing him had me on edge. My parents tried to talk to me during our twenty-minute ride, but I could hardly answer them. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around Stosh and feel that rush of relief. The worst was over and we were going to be able to breath again.

No matter what he had to go through, we were going to do it together. From now on, we were going to be a team. Nothing could come between us.

So I thought.

We arrived at the hospital and my parents were adamant about me being wheeled in. I imagine running, but just knowing I would get there was fine with me. They had to stop and talk to a couple people, since it was after hours and our situation wasn’t ideal. Thank God, both of my parents knew their way around a hospital, and enough physicians to be able to get around the rules.

Stosh’s parents were both in his room. They were arguing with him and I didn’t understand why that would be happening.

I thought when he saw me; he’d be happy and reach his arms out for me to come into them.

Instead, he turned his head in the opposite direction, like he hadn’t even seen me at all. It hurt my feelings, especially considering what I’d done to get there. I looked back at my parents and told them to let me go in alone. Stosh’s parents both kissed my head as they walked out of the room to join my parents. He still hadn’t turned back around, even as I spoke to his mom and dad.

I wheeled the chair over to his bed and reached out for his hand. He pulled away. “Don’t, Will.”

“Don’t what? I came as fast as I could. I was so worried about you. I thought I lost you.”

He put his hands over his face. “We can’t be together.”

I froze. “What?”

“Look at me, Willow. I’m fucking crippled. I’m never going to walk again. Do you really think I’d be a good father? Hell, I probably can’t even have sex. You really want to have to take care of me, too?”

“I will. I’ll do whatever I have to.” It was the truth.

“You will for the first couple of months, maybe even years, but after a while you’ll get so tired of it. Then I’ll just be a burden.”

I shook my head and pushed him. “Don’t tell me what I want, or how things will be. You don’t know that. I’d never feel that way.”

“That’s what they all say. All I am is a charity case. Nothing is ever going to be okay.”

I got that he was in shock over his diagnosis, but it was no reason for him to shut me out. “Stosh, please. You don’t mean what you’re saying. I know you don’t feel that way. We’re having a baby. You’re going to be a father.”

His scrunched up his face. “What kind of father would I be? I can’t raise a kid. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to wipe my own ass. Just face it Willow. This dream of ours was over before it ever started. Ivy got what she wanted. She ruined my life.”

I started to cry harder. “I won’t let you do this, not after everything that has happened. I’m not going to give up on us, not ever.” I had to cover my face, not because I was ashamed, but because the pain of it all was too much to take. I hadn’t just gone through Hell to be pushed away.

“I’m really sorry, Willow. You know I wanted us to be together.”

I let my hands fall to my sides and looked at him. It was so confusing. “You’re sorry? You’re the one pushing me away. You’re the one saying we can’t be together. I don’t give a damn if you lost your arms and your legs. I’d still want you to be a father to our child. I can’t do this without you.”

He shook his head. “You can and you will. You were going to do it before we got together. I know you’re capable. If it’s money you want, then I’ll pay child support. Hopefully, in time, you’ll find someone that can take you places, that will want to adopt our baby and raise them as their own.” I could see that his last sentence had gotten to him. He started to choke up on his last words. “I need you to be happy, Willow. It’s all I want.”

I walked over to his bed. “I don’t believe what your saying. I don’t believe you’re going to just let me go off and live a life with someone else. I sure as Hell don’t believe you’re going to let someone else raise your child. You can act like a total dick to me. You can tell me to go away, so you can sit there and feel sorry for yourself. I’m not going anywhere, Stosh. I will wait for you. I’ll wait as long as I have to, and when you’re ready, you’ll have that life you always wanted.”

I could tell he was fighting his own tears. He was devastated and I couldn’t blame him for it. I would have reacted the same way if I thought I wasn’t going to ever be able to walk again. It was a terrible tragedy, but it wasn’t the end of his life. If anyone could get through it, we could.

He put his hands back over his face. “I can’t do this right now. Don’t you get it? If you hadn’t snuck off on your own, I wouldn’t be lying in this fucking bed! Now, just get out of here. You’ve done enough!”

I reached over and ran the back of my hand down his arm. “I love you. Nothing will ever change that.”

It was hard for me to walk out of those doors. All I’d wanted to do was rush in and be with him. I had no idea he’d be sending me away like I meant nothing to him. It not only hurt my feelings, but it made me wonder if a part of him would ever be able to get past having a disability.

My parents were standing with Stosh’s. I think they knew that things hadn’t gone the way I wanted them to, when I came out of the room in tears. I felt embarrassed because I’d had faith on our love. It didn’t make sense that Stosh could just push me away. Did he really think I was that kind of person?

Neither my mother nor father asked questions on the way home. They whispered things to each other, but said nothing about Stosh or Ivy. It wasn’t until we pulled up at their house when they both turned around to get my attention. “We can stay at a hotel if it would be easier for you.” I was surprised that they wanted to stay there. My mother didn’t look too sure when she was asking.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m too exhausted to worry about anything else.” That was a lie. The only thing I wanted to do was lock myself in my old room and cry myself to sleep. My heart was breaking and, this time, it wasn’t because someone had died. It was because he lived, but didn’t want to be with me, or our baby.

My sister had stolen my happiness, just like she’d planned. She may have ended up in jail, but in the end, she got exactly what she wanted.

Stosh didn’t want to be with me.

Thinking about it made me break down in the backseat of my parent’s car. My mother climbed out of the passenger seat and opened the back door for me. I grabbed her hand and let her pull me out of the car. She wasted no time, pulling me into her comforting arms. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

“Why doesn’t he want me? What did I do wrong?”

“He’s going through something traumatic. Until he can comes to grips with his situation, it’s better if you stay apart.”

“But, I don’t want to. I need him.” I heard my father getting out of the car and coming around to our side. Her rubbed my back while I cried in their driveway. “All of this was so that we could be together. He blames me for what happened.”

“What happened to him was directly due to your sister’s antics. Stosh will come around. I see this in all of my patients. They need someone to blame. It will pass.” My father tried to say something comforting, but it solved nothing.

“No, you don’t understand. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have gone there alone. I should have told him. Things could have turned out differently. This is all my fault.”

“Honey, this was a terrible accident.”

“He took that bullet to save my life and because of it, he’s lost his ability to walk.”

My mother grabbed me by the arm and led me to the front door. “Let’s get you inside and get you to bed. You need to rest. The baby needs you to rest.” I think she knew if she mentioned the baby I would snap out of my self-inflicted pity party.

When we got into the foyer, the sun was starting to rise. A bloody mess awaited us.

I covered my mouth with my hand and looked around. There was blood spatter on the walls and a puddle of dried blood on the hardwood floor. I dropped down to the floor and put my hand down where Stosh had fallen. With my eyes closed, I thought back to how it all happened. It was still so fresh in my mind.

This time, my parents picked me up and forced me to go upstairs. My mother pulled me up each step. “You need a nice shower and a good night’s sleep. I won’t take no for an answer. If I have to lay beside you, I will.”

She was so kind while getting the water to a good temperature. She helped get the soiled clothes off of me and got me standing in the shower. I wasn’t weak from being beat up; I was weak from having a broken heart.

My mother waited in the bathroom until I was finished. Then she proceeded to wrap a towel around me and walk me to my old bedroom. Once I was dressed and under the covers, she brought me up a cup of hot tea. “It’s decaf.”

I sipped at the honey tea and sat it down on my bedside table. “Thank you.”

“Sweetie, things are going to be okay. I know he loves you. His mother and I talked about tonight. He’s being stubborn, like every man does when something goes wrong. You just be patient with him. Let him get used to what’s happened to him. He’s not going to let you walk away. I promise!”

“I wish I could get a do-over of the last five years.”

She stroked her fingers through my hair. “We all want one of those.”

“What if he doesn’t want me anymore? How will I be able to raise a baby? I gave up my new apartment and my job to be with him. We were going to run away and raise our baby together.”

“You’re not alone, Willow. Your father and I will help take care of you and the baby. You can move in with us and find a job locally. Your dad and I have plenty of connections to get you started with something here. Please consider it.”

Since I had no other options and I couldn’t have a do-over, I knew it was my only option. “I’d like that.”

She leaned down and kissed me. “I would too. Get some sleep, baby. I’m right down the hall if you need me.”

“Mom?” She turned around and looked at me. “Are you okay? You’ve all been so worried about me. I never thought to ask you.”

“Your father and I will be fine. After learning everything that our other daughter had done, what she did to us was minimal. I’m just glad we’re all safe. Get some sleep.”

When she closed the door, I couldn’t help but cry a little more.

I found my yearbook in my bedside table where I’d left it. After flipping through a couple pages, I got to the seniors. Under each picture the students listed what they saw for their future. What Stosh wrote finally made sense.

Be successful.

Marry the girl of my dreams.

Start a family.

I traced over his words. That statement had been about me.

A love like that doesn’t just go away. I was going to wait for him, like he’d waited for me.

His life with my sister no longer mattered. I couldn’t let his past stand in the way of our future. Stosh was mine and I wasn’t letting him go without a fight.

Chapter 28

Starting a new life.