The Beginning of Us (147 page)

Stosh and I talked for a long time about me going to see my sister. We owed her nothing, and the last thing I wanted to do was hear her bullshit lies. As the days went by, I started to reconsider. There were things that I’d been dying to say to her. There were things she deserved to hear out of my mouth.

Stosh argued with me over it, saying things were better left unsaid. He said I’d just be stirring the pot and that he didn’t feel like giving her another second of our time.

Without his blessing, I found myself sitting outside the gates to the prison. It was visiting day and the last day to see her before the trial. I’d asked my parents to wait until my visit was over to come see her. This was between me and my sister.

The visitation room was a lot like they portray them on television. Large cafeteria type tables were in rows. The prisoner sits on one side while the visitor sits on the other. I showed my I.D. and waited for them to bring her out to see me.

It was weird when she came out from behind the door without makeup. I don’t remember ever seeing my sister like that. Even before bed she would apply some makeup. She used to say that it was just in case the house caught fire. She didn’t want a cute fireman seeing her without her face on.

None of that mattered anymore. She couldn’t primp around and pick up the new makeup when it came out at the stores. Her excitement was over. Now she’d be trading day old fish sticks for cigarettes. It almost made me want to smile.

The look on her face was unlike one I was used to. She seemed both shocked and amused that I had showed up. I folded my hands on the table as she walked up. My belly was well hidden and I was saving that surprise for the very end of our visit.

She sat down right in front of me. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I wasn’t going to.” I raised one eyebrow and waited for her to respond. I was ready for anything.

She played with her hands. “I thought a lot about what I wanted to say to you.”

“So spill. I don’t have all day. Stosh is taking me out to our favorite restaurant and I promised him I wouldn’t be late.” I loved rubbing it in that we were together. It was almost as good as leaning over the table and gouging both of her eyes out.

“It must be nice.”

“Oh, it is. Everything turned out perfectly. I’ve never been so happy.”

She placed her hands flat on the table. “How’s he doing without legs?”

“Screw you!” I stood up. “This was a mistake. You aren’t worth the time.”

She stared at me, but not my face. I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“What’s wrong, Ivy? Cat got your tongue?”

She put her hands over her mouth and shook her head. “I didn’t believe it. I thought you were lying.”

“We kept it from you the whole time, Ivy. How does it feel to be lied to? How does it feel to know that I have everything you’ve ever wanted?”

She shook her head and continued to sob. “Stop it!”

I sat back down and got close to her, so nobody else could hear me. “How does it feel to know you will never have my life? You will never feel what it’s like to have someone love you and you will never, ever, know what having your own child is like. You reap what you sow, sis.” I tapped on the table. “This is where you belong.”

I went to stand up and walk away, but she grabbed my hand. “Will, wait!”

I pulled away. “What do you want? Did you think I was going to come here and just forgive you? You’re insane! You took everything from me and then tried to end the lives of everyone that ever gave a damn about you. I hope you rot in Hell.”

“I’m sorry.”

I was so pissed off. “You’re not sorry, Ivy. You did it on purpose. Apologies are for something you didn’t mean to happen. You planned all of this. Are you happy with yourself? How does it make you feel to know that Stosh and I bought a house together? We wake up in our bed and make love whenever we want. You think just because he can’t walk that we can’t make love? My name is the only one he says when he sleeps. It’s our baby’s room that he’s helping decorate. I hope you like your little ten-by-ten cell. Was that in your plan too?”

She shook her head and hid her face from me. I had gotten to her in the worst way, without guilt.

“I loved you more than anyone for our whole lives. I would have done anything for you. It’s a shame you didn’t feel that way about me. We could have been a family. You could have been an aunt to my children. I really do hope you’re happy with yourself.”

I left my sister sitting at the table in tears. Whatever it was she thought she was going to say wasn’t ever going to be said. I’d made my peace with it all and it felt damn good.

Stosh was anxiously waiting for me when I returned home. I walked in the door with a smile on my face. Sure, I did feel bad for saying such mean things. I reacted the way I had, because everything was so pent up inside of me. I just needed to get it out, once and for all. He wheeled himself toward the front door. “How’d it go?”

I sat down on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I said some things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Imagine the worst possible things that you could ever say to Ivy, then multiply that by one hundred.” I wondered if I’d been too hard on my sister. Maybe that was just because I had a heart and she didn’t. I wanted to hate her, but somewhere inside of me, I still cared. I hated being mean.

“How did she take it?”

“She cried.”

He kissed me softly on the lips. “Don’t tell me you feel guilty now. That bitch deserves whatever is dealt to her.”

I traced his lips with my fingertip. “I know.”

He popped a wheelie with me on his lap. I screamed and held on tight. “Whoa! What are you doing?”

“I’ve been practicing. Maybe you can put me on YouTube.”

I smacked him on the chest for being silly. “Stop it!” I climbed off and walked over to our open concept kitchen. “Are you hungry, babe?”

“Are you offering to climb on the countertop and spread your legs?” He followed me and cornered me in front of the counter.

“Don’t you want to eat a meal?” I wasn’t going to be able to resist him much longer, so I held up a box of pasta. “We can order something? We could go out?”

He grabbed the package out of my hand and sat it behind me. “I’m craving one thing. You know what I want. Now, get up there and take off your pants.”

“Stoshua Wheeler, what’s gotten into you?” While I stood there arguing, he started removing my pants. I walked out of them. He grabbed me and pulled me close to him. His kisses started at my belly button and started trailing down one of my hips. I backed away. “How about we get in the tub? You know I like riding you in there. You can wash me and do whatever you want.”

“Really?” He stopped reaching for me. “Anything?”

I nodded and bit down on my lip. “Anything.”

He smiled, but didn’t think very long about it. “I’ll race you there.”

Our one story rancher was laid out so he could get around easily. I tried to keep up with him, but his chair kept me from passing. It was a fun game we’d play and seeing him smile made me realize how happy we were. Stosh no longer worried about us breaking up. We were planning our future, a future full of children and hopes and dreams.

When we made it to the bathroom, I helped him undress. We took our time removing each article of clothing in between ravenous kisses. I watched him lift his body up and seat himself in the large soaking tub. I ran the water and started to take off the rest of my clothes.

He licked his lips in anticipation. “Hurry up, babe. I’ve been waiting all day to kiss those sweet lips.”

It gave me chills whenever he talked like that. Since his accident, Stosh had made it a point to satisfy me more than he’d ever done before. It was like it was necessary for him to feel like he was still capable of giving me pleasure. I didn’t need sex for that, but I didn’t argue when he put in the extra initiative, besides he could still become erect with little stimulation. His doctor said that the spinal injury had nothing to do with the nerve stimulation that came from his brain. It was all beyond my reasonable thinking, but my parents said it made sense. After we internet searched, we found that quite a few men were able to have normal sex, and some had even fathered children, even without being able to feel anything during intercourse.

I thought about what he’d just stated. I couldn’t wait, “I know you aren’t talking about the lips on my face.”

“You’re right.” He looked down at my naked sex. “You know what I want.”

I rubbed myself down there. “This?”

He smiled and shook his head. “It’s not nice to tease someone that can’t run after you.”

“Don’t worry, babe. I won’t run.” I took a step closer to the tub. “Why would I run from something I love so much?”

“Two more steps and my tongue will having you screaming my name.”

I climbed into the tub and straddled him. “Show me what you got!”

His upper arm strength increased by the minute and picking me up seemed like it took no effort on his part. My wet body lifted up out of the water. As the brisk air in the room hit my wet body, I felt his tongue flicking my tiny bud. I arched my body as he got into a rhythm. I felt him sucking my entire pussy into his mouth. He moaned and sucked harder. I ran my hands through his hair and cried out in pleasure. He pulled away and moved his fingers over my wet lips. Then, while looking right at me, he flicked my clit again with his tongue. This time he did it using pressure. While his hands reached up and squeezed my nipples, his tongue slapped and punished my tiny bud. I cried out again, this time losing control of my body. Stosh held me still and slowly lowered me down into the water. I found his lips and kissed him, teasing him with my tongue.

Chapter 30

Hey hey hey, Goodbye!

Stosh froze in place and held me still. “Don’t move!”

I was immediately alarmed. “Why? What’s wrong?” Since he was able to get an erection, but not feel anything, I was starting to worry. The first time it happened, we were both in shock. Sex was still the same for me, but he couldn’t feel a thing. Just to keep him from feeling bad, we always did other things.

“I can feel pins and needles in my toes.”

I was so happy that I backed away. He gave me a look of disappointment, then focused back on his feet.

“Can you really feel something?” I reached down and tickled the underneath.

He smiled. “I can feel you touching me. It’s faint, but I can feel the pressure of your touch.”

“Babe, do you know what this means?”

“Yeah, but we better call the doctor in the morning, just to be sure.”

All of the doctors had told him that if he were to regain feeling, it could take months, but after a year the hope for that happening would dwindle. I was so excited for him. In college, I’d had a friend that was reaching in her backseat. She hit a corner and flipped her car. After being in the hospital for nine months due to a broken back, she was left with no feeling from the waist down. It took her four months to start feeling something, and six more months before she could start therapy to walk again.

Even if Stosh would be able to walk one day, the road to that victory was going to be long and hard for him.

For over an hour, we laid in bed and I continued to tickle his feet. He was so amused by it. I called my dad and told him about what Stosh was experiencing. He thought it was a good sign.

The next morning we went to the doctors. He poked Stosh a zillion times from his feet to his thighs. When we left, we had hope that one day he would be able to walk again, after a lot of physical therapy.

Both of our parents came over to celebrate the good news. Stosh’s parents did all of the cooking, while we talked about the baby and plans for the nursery. After much thought, we decided to keep the sex a secret.

Okay, it was Stosh’s request and I just wanted to make him happy.

Truth be told, I didn’t care what I had, as long as he or she was healthy. I’d been through so much stress, and yet, we were still perfectly healthy. Maybe God was rewarding us for getting through the biggest test of our lives. Whatever the case, we were so thankful.

My sister’s trial started on a Tuesday. I told myself I wasn’t going to attend, but we were subpoenaed and all had to be there. She looked even worse than when I had visited her. My mother took it harder than my father. She burst into tears when they brought her into the room. It didn’t help that she was handcuffed.

After two days, my sister was sentenced to eight years in jail. We knew that meant that she would probably get out in only four. I was glad she was going to be put away, but afraid for what was going to happen when she got out.

The judge ordered her to have another mental heath evaluation. She was ordered to spend the first six months in a facility, instead of a normal jail.

I didn’t care where she was locked up, as long as she couldn’t get out.

Stosh and I had discussed our future plans for when my sister did get out of prison. Our child would be four and we knew that protecting them was our main concern. My parents agreed with our concern. They bought a cabin about three hours from our small town. They pulled out cash to make the purchase and had the deed put in a fake name. Sure, it was illegal, but they wanted us to be safe. It was also a shame that such extreme measures had to be taken, but we all knew what my sister was capable of. If Ivy could retaliate, she was going to.

We weren’t sure how long we’d have to live in the cabin, so we spent our weekends fixing it up. I think after the first weekend we fell in love with the place. It was in the woods, on a mountain. The cabin had three bedrooms that were upstairs and the rest of the house was an open floor plan. I imagine that it was built for hunters. When we were done making modifications, it was a cozy home for a little family.

Of course, we turned the little study area into a downstairs bedroom, just in case Stosh couldn’t make it up the steps every night. I was willing to sacrifice anything, as long as we were together.

My parents never stopped showering me and Stosh with gifts. I begged them many times to stop trying so hard, even when I knew it wasn’t going to change anything.