The Beginning of Us (176 page)

He reaches out to cup my cheek when he sees what I can only imagine is shock in my eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he croons.

His words and soft endearment make my belly clench in a good way – a deliciously good way. He moves his hand from my cheek to brush back a piece of hair that has fallen in my eyes.

“Um, did we…” I move my hand back and forth between the two of us, “…you know? Did we…um…do it?”

Well, that was articulate
.

He chuckles a soft laugh at my question and continues stroking my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“No, Maddy. We most definitely did not ‘do it.’ Believe me,
when
we ‘do it,’ you’ll remember.” He pauses for a beat and looks like he’s searching for the right words before he continues. “So, what do you remember from last night?” he asks.

He sits up and leans back against his headboard. I join him and pull the covers up as I do. I chance a peek under them. Thank God! I’m still clothed.

Not that being naked with Reid isn’t on the top of my current bucket list.

I swallow past the choking feeling in my throat. Wait a second! He said
when
. He
wants
to sleep with me? He hates me, though? My brain can’t handle much this morning. Maybe I just heard him wrong.

“Did you just say
when
we sleep together?” I can’t hide my shocked tone.

“Yes, I did,” he replies bluntly.

Okay – not really sure what to do with that. I’ll just have to file it away for later, but it’s definitely nice to know.

He repeats his earlier question. “So, Maddy, what do you remember?”

“Um, well, I remember being at the pool hall with everyone. And then I remember Mike and I hanging out at the bar for a little bit. After that things get a little fuzzy.”

His brow furrows as if he’s trying to figure something out. He looks worried, but he’s not saying anything.

“What, Reid? What happened? What aren’t you telling me?” His silence is scaring me a little.

“You got most of that right. You were with Mike, and you had a few drinks at the bar, but from what I saw, it was just soda.” He leaves that last part hanging in the air between us – loaded and heavy.

Realization dawns – I didn’t drink last night. This is not a hangover.

Reid catches the look of overwhelming panic in my eyes, and he immediately reaches to comfort me.

“Don’t worry, Maddy. Nothing happened. I was walking back into Shooters when Mike was trying to leave with you. You guys walked past me, and I saw that something was off. Your eyes weren’t clear. They were all glassy, and you just didn’t seem with it. I had been watching you all night, so I knew you weren’t drunk. That’s when I realized that he must have slipped you something. I knocked him on his ass and then brought you here. I know you probably didn’t want to wake up next to me, but I didn’t want you to be alone and scared when you woke up.”

As reality starts to settle in, I realize that Melanie doesn’t know where the hell I am. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. “Oh, God, Mel! I need to call Mel. She must be worried sick. I never stay out without telling her.” I fumble a bit in a half-assed attempt to get out of the bed. My head is still foggy, and I immediately feel dizzy when I try to move.

“Shh. Don’t freak out. It’s okay. I texted her last night and let her know that you were here. Don’t worry. It’s all taken care of.” His voice is calming and soothing, as are his fingers, which are still delicately tracing lines over my eyes, cheeks, and lips.

I lean back against the headboard and take a few more calming breaths.

“You were watching me?” My question catches him off guard.

He doesn’t answer right away. I can tell he’s searching for the right words. He stops stroking my face and runs his hands through his own hair. I can see him internally battling over what to say. He’s really struggling here, and if I wasn’t on the edge of my seat for his answer, I might actually find this pretty funny.

He finally decides to speak.

“Um… Yeah. I guess you could say that. It’s just that…well…I didn’t trust that guy. I’d never seen him there, and he was staring at you while you were leaning over the pool table like a wolf eyeing up a lamb. I wanted to make sure that you were okay, that’s all.”

I can’t manage more than an “oh” in response. The silence stretches. Unsaid words are hanging heavy between us. I can’t take it any longer, so I say, “Thank you.”

“For what, Maddy?” His eyes are wide and clear now, all traces of sleepiness gone.

“For saving me from him. For bringing me here and knowing that I would be scared if I woke up alone, for texting Mel, for not taking advantage of me. I know you don’t really like me and all, so I just wanted to say thank you for helping me despite that.”

He visibly flinches at my words. He looks offended and pissed – he looks more like the Reid with whom I’m familiar.

“That’s what you think? You think I hate you?”

I pull back from the harsh tone of his cold words. “Well, I know I’m not your favorite person, that’s for certain. I’d like to think you don’t
hate
me, Reid, but I don’t think you like me very much.”

He inches toward me, closing the distance I just created.

“I definitely do not hate you.” His hand returns to my cheek, and his eyes meet mine. He gazes intently and I’m mesmerized, completely glued to the honesty shining through their blue depths.

“Then what is it, Reid? What is going on here?” I throw my hands up in frustration. “I’m exhausted from all of this. You antagonize me and all but treat me like shit, and then you run in like some kind of knight in shining armor to rescue me from some big bad wolf. I…I…don’t know what to do or how to feel. I can’t keep running away from you. Avoiding you is draining me.” I inhale a shaking breath before admitting this next part. “Since the moment I met you, I’ve wanted to be here in your arms, but you’ve done nothing but push me away. So tell me how I was supposed to think that you felt anything other than hatred for me.”

“So you think I’m a knight in shining armor huh?” His lips quirk up into a gorgeous little smile, and I roll my eyes. I slap him playfully on the chest – his broad, muscular, perfect chest that I just seem to now be noticing is not covered in a shirt.

God, I hope he’s not naked under here.

Yes, I do.

No, I don’t.

Yes, I do.

Silence again permeates the room, but he’s the one to break it this time.

“I’ve been an ass, Maddy.” His confession gets a small chuckle from me.

“That’s an understatement, Reid.”

“Okay, fine! I’ve been a huge ass. Like, off-the-charts ass. I’m pretty sure Sir Mix-a-lot wrote a song about me.” His words are playful and mocking, but he knows that there is truth in them.

“That sounds more like it. You can proceed now,” I quip, and stick my tongue out at him, hoping to keep the mood light. I want him to keep opening up. I’m dying to know what he feels. 

He reaches out with his other hand so that he’s cupping both of my cheeks. He lines my face up with his and stares even deeper, if that’s even possible, into my green eyes.

“I’m so sorry I’ve acted that way, Maddy. I know it sounds cliché and dumb, but I never meant to hurt you. I…well, you…I mean…. Oh, God I can’t even speak right now. What I mean to say is…um…well…” His incoherent ramblings trail off as I lean my face in closer to his.

I stare patiently up into his crystal-blue eyes and whisper, “What, Reid? What do you want to say?”

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, his gaze never wavering from mine.

“You’ve completely knocked me off my game. I’ve never met anyone like you, and it scares the shit out of me. It’s like you don’t see me.” My brow furrows in confusion and I move to interrupt, but he continues before I get the chance. “You don’t see me -- you see straight through me. You see beyond the outside, and it’s like you see the me that no one else sees. I saw it in your eyes that first night I met you, and it knocked me on my ass. I was a goner, and since then I guess I’ve just been trying to push you away.”

Wow, now that’s a confession.

He shushes me and continues.

“You’re a smart-ass, and I love that you keep me on my toes. You are most definitely not like the other girls, and I love that, but it also scares me like nothing else. I haven’t let anyone in for years and, well, with you I feel like I want to give it a chance.”

Did he just say love?

Twice?

It’s all so much to take in. My brain is still in a fog, and all of this new information is not processing very quickly. Reid must see me trying to make sense of it all, and even under his scrutinizing stare, I can’t form any words.

“It’s a lot, Maddy -- I know. And I know I have no right to ask you to share how you’re feeling, but can you give me something? I’m dying here.”

“I’ve never let anyone in, either.” My words are barely a whisper, but I continue, “I’ve kept so many walls up my whole life. The only one who has ever gotten through is Mel, and that’s mostly because I’ve known her since middle school. I keep people at such a distance that I even broke up with the only boyfriend I’ve ever had before I came here because I didn’t want us to get close.”

His response is a laugh. He asks me to open up and then laughs.

Fucker.

“Seriously! You’re going to laugh at me, Reid? Well, thanks for this heart-to-heart, but I think I’m done.” I cross my arms over my chest and huff at him. He’s such an ass.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that you said you’ve only had one boyfriend, and I find that fucking hilarious. Seriously – just one. You mean to tell me that your dad didn’t have to beat the boys away with a stick?”

Suddenly, I’m frozen. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to feel. With everything that’s been going on with Reid, with everything that happened last night, with this morning’s revelations, the mention of my father, as unintentional as it is, it’s all just too much to take in.

A tear rolls down my cheek as I think about my dad never having the chance to grill prospective boyfriends. Another tear follows as I think about how he’ll never be waiting up for me to come home from a date, how he’ll never be asked for my hand in marriage, how he’ll never walk me down the aisle.

Reid pulls me into his arms when he sees my tears. We slink down from the headboard, and he leans on his side. I lie on mine, and we’re facing each other still entangled in one another’s arms.

“What, Maddy? Please tell me what I said. I hate that I’ve already made you cry once. I hate seeing you like this. I’m so sorry if I upset you.” His eyes are sincere and genuine. He’s offering me everything I’ve ever wanted -- a chance to let someone in and share my pain, to lighten my heaviness. I take a deep, cleansing breath and decide to take him up on his offer.

His hands are lightly combing through my hair and tickling my scalp. It’s so comforting and soothing that I almost forget to speak. His lips touch down lightly upon my head, and he prompts me to say something.

“Please, Maddy. I want to be here for you. I know that I’ve been a dick, but I’m really sorry for that and I want to make it up to you, if you’ll let me. Please.”

He brushes my hair behind my ear and looks pleadingly into my eyes.

I try to come up with the right words, but there aren’t any, so I go for bluntness.

“My parents are dead. Both of them. They died when I was ten, so he never had the chance to chase the boys away. Not that I’ve ever had a real date anyway.”

I hate telling people this part of me. It’s always met with a pathetic “I’m so sorry for your loss” – what does that even mean? I hate the stares of sympathy and the inadequate words. For the most part, I’ve learned to stifle the urge to yell and scream when someone acts that way toward me, but there have been a few times I couldn’t. So naturally Reid’s reaction cuts me to the quick.

“Makes sense, then,” he says.

I stare at him blankly. “What makes sense, Reid?”

“The walls you’ve put up. Losing someone you love is fucking hard. Losing the two people you love the most and who love you more than life itself must fucking hurt so much that you’ve got no choice but to keep everyone away.” He puts his fingers under my chin and angles my face up to meet his eyes. “Just so you know, your dad would probably have bought stock in Nike with the amount of chasing away he would have done.”

I smile as I think about what my dad would have been like. I never really let my mind go to how things would have been if they were still alive. There’s no point in it. They’re dead, but being here in Reid’s arms makes me feel safe and secure, so I let my mind explore the possibility for a minute.

Reid’s voice interrupts my dreamlike state. “Tell me about them.”

I’m taken back – no, wait, that’s an understatement. I’m shocked and rendered speechless for a minute.

“No one’s ever asked me that. It’s always some pathetic attempt at an apology. But by not asking about them, it’s like saying they never existed. I guess after a while it was easier for me to feel that way, too. It’s been so long since I’ve even let myself think about them. It’s just too painful. But lately I’ve been letting some of the memories come back, and they’re nice in a way.” I smile up at him. My emotions are a little more in check, so I continue,