The Beginning of Us (67 page)

And know that you’re always

You’re on my mind

And that I think…

I say, I think about you all the time

Please Love me and trust me, I’ll be home

Because You, you are the reason…you keep me goin’

Well, How can I convince you of my faithfulness

When it feels, feels like it’s always, some kind of test

Please Love me, love me and trust me, I’ll be home

Because you, you are the reason…I say you, you are the reason

You keep me goin’

He’s not singing, but he’s listening with me and watching my reaction to every single lyric. I’m amazed…my precious man wrote this song. I think he wrote it for me. It ends. “You really keep me goin’, baby!” he says, standing up, sliding Sierra around to his back and walking over to me where I’m still standing in the middle of the room. He takes me in his arms and dances and serenades me along with the lyrics. It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced. There are no romantic television shows, or books, that could come close to being as precious as this. My little girl is clinging to Garrett’s back. I’m in his arms, and we dance and twirl all around our family picnic blanket over and over again.

He’s perfect. We’re perfect. I will forever be grateful for the life that Jed started with me, the child he gave me, his advanced planning to make sure we were cared for, and for the countless other things he did. He was my best friend and I loved him dearly, but he was never the love of my life. I know that now. I think I always knew. But I had no idea what it would feel like to love and be loved this completely.

We sit on the blanket and eat the massive amounts of food I’m positive Elizabeth provided. “Did you two sneaky creatures stop at Mimi’s house for take-out?” I ask.

Sierra chimes in, “It’s the best, Mama. Mimi says we all need home cooked meals and she likes making our favorites. Pops said to tell you ‘Thank you’!”

I know exactly what Pop’s is thanking me for. He says ’thank you’ to me every time he gets even a minute with Sierra, and he’s so happy about the new baby. I look to Garrett thinking that maybe he planned this special night to tell Sierra our news. “Garrett, do you have some news you’d like to share?” I ask.

“Yes, actually, I do. I’ll be right back.”  He runs off to the office and rushes back with two small packages.

Sierra is sitting in my lap, humming along to the song still playing on repeat. Garrett sits down on the floor in front of us with his packages. “Sierra, this is for you,” he says, giving her a box. She opens it right away and slides a beautiful Tiffany & Co. charm bracelet out. It has a great little collection of charms already. He starts explain them.

“Now, princess, this bracelet is special because this bracelet is our story,” he says to a captivated almost five year old. He points to the first charm. “This crown is because no matter how old you are, you’ll always be my little princess. Remember that.” I’m watching this unfold and desperately trying to hold the tears back. I had no idea he was going to do this.

“And this star…is for your first time on stage with me. It was so much fun singing with you. This bear is to remember the day that I met you.”

She pipes in, “Because you gave me the pink teddy bear.”

“Yes, exactly! And this monkey was from our fun day at the Nashville Zoo. And this fish is for all the swims we take. I really like swimming with you. And this horseshoe is to remind you of our house in Nashville, with the horses, and the suitcase is to remind you that when I am away, I’m thinking of you.” She climbs out of my lap and into Garrett’s, so he can tell her about the last few charms.

“These last three are really super special. This heart that says ‘I love you’ on it opens up. Let me show you.” And he stops to open the locket. Inside is a picture. Not a picture I was ever expecting Garrett to give to her. “Inside is a picture of your Daddy. He was really a very special and lucky guy. He loved you so much and I don’t ever want us to forget about him. I won’t ever be able to thank him enough for all the love he gave to help make you,” Garrett says, looking at my tear streaked face with his own glassy eyes. But we’re all smiling and happy.

“Garrett, are you my daddy, too?” she asks with a curious face.

“Yes, baby girl. For as long as you’ll have me. I’ll be your Daddy and I’ll do my best to be a good one,” he says, as Sierra jumps up and squeezes his neck.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“Now this next one is a bit tricky. See I need your help with this one. This one has a ring on it. Now guys like me get lucky sometimes and get to fall in love with really special girls, like your Mama. I love her so much and I want her to be my wife,” he’s speaking to Sierra, but looking at me. “So this charm is for what’s in this next box, the box for Mama. I need your help asking her if she’ll please, pretty please, with cherries on top, marry me. Marry me and make us a family,” he says, pointing to us both. Then, he opens the box and it’s the most perfect ring. In fact, I’ve never seen a more beautiful ring. It’s gold with a solitaire in the center, and the bands are intertwining ropes holding the solitaire in place.

“Sweetheart, I told you a while ago that we were all tied up in heartstrings and I meant it. This ring symbolizes it. That center stone, it’s my heart and all those ropes are wrapped right around your little finger,” he says, sliding it onto my ring finger. “I love you, Alexis, and all these heartstrings are holding us together. Please make me the happiest and luckiest guy on the planet. Marry us?” I’m a puddle of tears and Sierra is jumping up and down. She’s smiling so big and she’s cheering me on with excited little giggles.

“Mommy, say yes. Please, say yes!” She’s still cheering.

I look to Sierra and then Garrett. “Yes, I want to marry us, too. Yes, Garrett. I will marry you,” I’m saying through smiles and tears and excited cheers from Sierra.

We’re all hugging and holding each other through our excitement.

Garrett

Chapter 39

I think I knew she’d say yes eventually, but I never imagined that she’d say yes quite that fast. Sierra did perfectly, as I expected. She wasn’t in on it, but I knew pretty well what her reaction would be. I couldn’t imagine proposing to Alexis without Sierra. Sierra is a part of who Lex and I are together. She needed to be here. It had all been perfect. I bought the ring, believe it or not, two weeks ago, expecting to give it to her at the end of the tour. But damn, if my wishing on all those stars didn’t work out perfectly. I love these girls.

“Daddy, what about this charm?” Sierra asks. She and Alexis are both sitting in my lap now.

Alexis giggles…and I say, “Well, Sierra, that one is the best of all. Remember the day in the hospital with Courtney, Drew, and baby Gabe?” I ask and she nods her head. “That day we talked about how babies were made. Remember?”

She nods. “Yes, babies come from love,” she recites.

“Yes they do…a lot of love. And we…Mama, you, me, all our family and friends had so much extra love to give that we, without even knowing it, made a baby inside your Mama’s tummy.” She looks to my stomach and rubs her fingers across my mid-section. “The baby is still growing and it’ll be a little while before we can meet him or her, but you, my princess, will be the best big sister in the whole world,” he says and Sierra cries her very first, in her whole life, happy tears.

“I love us soooo much!” she says, squeezing us all together.

“Yes, baby girl. I love us soo much, too!”

No one will ever understand what Jed must have been feeling the day that his plane went down. He had heaven here on Earth with these two special girls. I’m not sure why things work out the way they do sometimes. But I’m forever grateful to him for what he gave when he was here walking among us. He has given me the most precious gifts, and I’m committed to never letting his memory die in our home.

I want to be married as soon as possible. I hope Lex is on board for that. And I know exactly where we’re going for the honeymoon. M.I.C.K.E.Y.  M.O.U.S.E. … I want to go to Disney World with these girls. I don’t care if I have to buy out the park for the day. There’s no other place that I’d rather take them.

Garrett

Epilogue - Seven months, Three weeks later

“Mrs. McKenna, you’re ten centimeters dilated and ready to push,” the nurse says.

“Do you really not think I’m ready to spit this little monster out? I know I’m ready. I’ve been telling you that! Move your asses, already. Get this thing out of me!” She’s yelling at the doctor and nurses. My precious girl has been a trooper, but she’s over it now. She wants to be all done with this pregnancy, labor, doctors, and hospitals, all of it. She wants to go home. She’s told me this at least three dozen times in the last two hours.

“You’re almost done,” I whisper in her ear. “Want me to sing to you, sweetheart?”

She looks at me over her shoulder. “Yes,” she says simply, in her most quiet voice. She’s been so sweet to me today. People warned me that she might say things she didn’t mean, but she hasn’t. She’s said how much she loves me, that I’m her hero, that snuggling with me makes all the pain go away. She’s been perfect.

Now with that being said, all bets are off for the poor nurses and doctors she’s been outright nasty to, but you know what, they’ve all just taken it with a little laugh and been very helpful. I really have to commend them for their superior bedside manner. 

She wanted me to play the guitar and sing to her in the delivery room, but I can’t play the guitar and hold her at the same time, and I’m not letting go of her now. So I whisper the lyrics of the song I wrote for her into her ear. I’m singing it over and over, looking at her, watching her breathing exercises and her powerful pushes as she delivers our baby.

I hear the doctor say “one more time, Alexis” and then our baby comes into the world with loud cry. “It’s a boy!” the doctor announces, and I kiss Alexis as they place my precious son on my wife’s stomach.

“A boy,” she says to me with a tear streaked face.

“A boy,” I say, looking at my beautiful baby, counting his fingers and toes to make sure they’re all there. “Thank you so much. You’re amazing, Alexis. Look what you made for us, baby.”

“Mr. McKenna, would you like to cut the cord?” the doctor asks me.

“Yes.” He instructs me where to cut and I perform my first duty as the father of my son. I look at my wife and son and feel a slight pang knowing my little girl needs to be here.

The hospital wouldn’t allow Sierra to be in here until after the delivery, when Alexis is settled into her room. I’ve already told the doctors, nurses, and anyone else willing to listen that this shit needs to happen quickly, so my little foursome can celebrate together. I’m so excited to go and get her. I need her to see this. They take my son off my wife’s stomach, saying they’re going to clean him up. They measure him, six pounds, and seven ounces, twenty-one inches long. Perfect. They stamp his little foot with ink, as he wails, but it’s a glorious sound. He has nice strong lungs to serenade his Mama, just like his big sister and me.

“Mr. & Mrs. McKenna, we need to take baby boy McKenna for his bath and shots now,” the nurse says, looking at my wife.

She looks like she’s about to jump off the bed. “ABSOLUTELY NOT! Our baby goes nowhere without his daddy, or me, in tow.”

The nurse is more than annoyed. “Mrs. McKenna, we cannot bathe him here and the pediatrician needs to look him over.”

“Listen, lady,” says my perfect, feisty little wife, “if you even think about taking my son anywhere without his father, or me, directly beside you, you are going to have some VERY BIG problems!” She looks to me and as sweetly as she’s spoken to me all day, “Garrett, will you please escort our son, and THAT WOMAN, wherever it is that she needs to take him…and baby, please don’t let our son out of your eyesight,” she instructs.

The nurse is dumbfounded. My wife isn’t a fan of doctors, or nurses, poking and prodding. She’s not happy about being here, and on top of that they wouldn’t let Sierra in the delivery room. This is her way of handling the frustration. They’ll just have to take what she gives, because she’s my little superstar today! I shrug my shoulders at the nurse and say, “Lead the way,” after kissing my wife. We make a quick stop in the waiting room to tell the entire clan of family and friends waiting the good news. They’re all crying and thrilled to meet Baby Boy McKenna. Sierra is crying more happy tears than I knew a five and a half year old had.

“Mama will be waiting for you soon. I’m going to help your new baby brother,” I tell her giving her a big hug, as she waves to the little cart her baby is in.

Alexis

I can’t believe the whirlwind of this year. If you told me a year ago that I’d be married to an amazing man and delivering his baby, I would have thought you were on drugs, but clearly it is I who underestimated the power of heartstrings and wishes. 

I’m finally to our room and it’s empty. I’m waiting on my family to arrive and reminiscing about how far we’ve come.

Life is never perfect. We all have things that are challenging, that we need to work through and learn to accept.

My life has never been a walk in the park. I have a mother and father that are both addicts and have never been a meaningful part of my life. At least never in a positive uplifting way. I’ve chosen not to allow them into my life in any capacity. That’s okay, though. I survived and learned some very valuable lessons from them. I learned to be the parent they weren’t. I learned what I didn’t want to be, and I think I have executed that as planned. I choose to accept those lessons and not feel badly about what I missed.