The Best Kind of Trouble (11 page)

His kiss had a hard frantic edge to it and I responded, ripping my shirt off over my head and then tugging on his until our naked chests were pressed against each other.

Nathan laid me back against the mattress and kissed a line down the side of my throat and in between my breast.  His fingers glided over my skin until they found my pajama covered hips.  He pulled the baggy fabric from my body. My panties soon followed.

He started to unbutton his jeans, but I pulled him to me, desperate for his lips to be on mine again.  He was going too slow.  I needed him.
Now.
 

“Now,” I growled, giving voice to my thoughts.  “I need you inside me.  Right. Now.”

The urgency in my voice couldn’t have been any clearer if he’d been hit with a truck. Nathan pulled his jeans down to his knees.  He lifted me up onto his lap and in the next instant he pushed inside my wet heat.

It was fast and furious, a blinding explosion of carnal lust and wicked desire.  Want and need collided.  I poured out my pain and he obliterated it.  I fell apart in his arms, his name a soft prayer on my lips.  I collapsed against his chest, sweaty and breathless.

I tried to pull away, but I couldn’t.  My arms and legs were heavy, my eyelids like lead.  I pushed my face into his neck and held on tight.  After a few moments he pulled away.  I clung to him as fresh panic welled in my chest.

“No.  Don’t go,” I pleaded.  I knew that we were still broken.  This didn’t fix anything.  I knew he was still scared.  That we weren’t together. But I needed this closeness.  This connection with him, to remind me I was still alive.  “Stay.”

He pulled all the way away and I let him go, my arms fell limply by my sides.  I fell back against my pillows and rolled onto my side as tears filled my eyes. A thick chain of disappointment wrapped around my heart.

I heard Nate get up and shuffle across the floor.  The door closed and few minutes later reopened.  My mattress dipped down and his arms came around me, pulling me against his naked chest.

My breath stuttered and wetness coated my lashes.

“Shhh,” he murmured, kissing my neck.  “I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere.”

I woke up at two in the morning to the sound of rain beating against the window.  I twisted my neck and looked over my shoulder at Nathan.  He was asleep, all his frown lines completely smoothed out. No dimples either. I flipped around and his arm flexed against my bare waist.

I knew last night was a mistake.  I was trying to bury my pain, trying to feel something other than the crushing grief by having sex with him. 

And somehow, I knew what I was about to do now was wrong too.

 But I couldn’t stop myself.  My body was vibrating with want.  With
need.
Longing for him welled up inside me, twisted my insides and strangled my heart.

For one moment, before I started anything I just stared at him, so peaceful in his sleep, and traced my finger over the strong lines of his face.  Nathan was undeniably sexy.  All hard lines and sharp angles.  Muscle and testosterone.

And I wondered why we didn’t work out.  Why I couldn’t get over him.  Why sometimes—like right at that moment—it felt like I never would.  That there would never be anyone else.  But that there would never be an ‘us’ either.

Maybe he has a secret.

This tickle of déjà vu fluttered at the back of my mind. I’d briefly thought that maybe he was hiding something before. That something didn’t add up.

All his chasing after me and then leaving me so quick after we had sex.  And then the excuses.  The night he was screwing that blonde chick in the bathroom flashed through my mind. 

And then the locker room and the night when he showed up here spouting a bunch of pretty words and kissing me breathless. 

And now, here he was, comforting me, taking care of me. 

I didn’t get it. Nothing made any sense with him.  He kept pushing me away and then kept pulling me back in.
When I woke up in the morning would he be gone again?

My insides suddenly constricted.

In some fucked up way, I couldn’t let him leave without being with him again.  It was like, I never got to tell my dad goodbye and now, I couldn’t not express how I felt to Nathan.  Just in case he never came back.

Even if I couldn’t completely open my heart to him again.  Because he’d hurt me.  Rejected me.  And because I was suddenly clear that there was something he was hiding from me. There was a secret there, but I was too broken and messed up right now to dig for it.

Instead, I pressed my lips to his jaw and kissed a trail down the hard muscles of his chest and abs. Just before I reached his hard perfection, he shifted and groaned.

I smiled as I licked the length of him once before wrapping my lips around him. His eyes flew open and he tangled his fingers through the long messy strands of my blonde hair.

“Christ, Ash,” he groaned again.  His voice was deep and sexy with sleep and desire. An intoxicating mixture.  He helped to guide my movements and then threw his head back as I scraped my teeth along his sensitive flesh.  “Oh god, baby.”

As quickly as I had started, he pulled me off and flipped me on my back, towering over me and pressing me hard into the mattress.  He slammed his lips against mine, lifted my leg against his hip and pushed inside me, quick and easy.

“Oh god, baby,” he groaned.  “So good.”

He kissed my neck and slowed his pace, until I was clawing and scratching at his back, bucking my hips and begging him for more. 

“Please,” I begged, half-crazed with desire. 

His warm breath caused goose bumps to dot my flesh. He kissed his way up my neck, resting his lips at my ear. In a voice full of gravel he rasped, “Tell me no one else has touched you since me, Ash.”

“What?”  I couldn’t think straight.  I grabbed his hips and pushed mine up to meet his. I was so close, my vision started to blur and my heart felt like it would gallop right out of my chest at any moment.

Nathan grabbed my wrists and held them above my head with one hand.  The other he snuck between our bodies, touching me as he continued to rock against me, hard but slow.  He pulled back enough for me to see his eyes, the tight expression on his face, and the sheen of sweat covering his brow.

“Tell me no one else has touched you, Ash,” he repeated, punctuating his words with the rocking of his hips against mine.  “Say it.”

“Only you,” I whispered, desperate for release.

He slammed his lips to mine and pushed inside me, hard and fast.  Raw, carnal, and desperate, we came together in a dizzying rush, a haze of want and lust so thick between us, it erupted in a powerful explosion, blurring my vision. A euphoria so perfect, so beautiful, it obscured every ugly thought and feeling I’d had before.

Nathan collapsed on top of me. When his breathing slowed, he rolled to the side, taking me with him. 

I clung to him, my face pressed into the crook of his neck, arms draped across his chest, my nails digging into the thick muscles of his biceps. 

Nathan wrapped one arm around my back holding me firmly against him, with the other he threaded his fingers through my hair, over and over again, until my eyes drooped closed.

We didn’t speak. And when I woke up in the morning, he was gone.

~000~

The next morning, I was sitting out on the balcony smoking, when Katie walked out and sat down next to me, giving me a disapproving look.

“Is that your breakfast?” 

I rolled my eyes and shrugged.  I knew I’d been smoking too much lately, but at least I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs. Or spending all day crying under the covers.

“Nate was here again last night, huh?”

I sighed, heavily.  I didn’t really want to talk about it, but if I didn’t give her something, she’d never leave me alone about it.  “Yeah, but I don’t understand why.”

Katie gave me a confused look.  “What do you mean? He obviously still cares about you.”

“Katie,” I huffed.  “I slept with him, and then he just up and leaves this morning before I wake up.  Didn’t even say goodbye.”

Her eyes widened.

“I don’t get him,” I told her, as I let it all come pouring out.  “I think he’s got a secret.  I don’t know what.  And I don’t think I even want to find out.”

“What kind of secret?” Katie asked.  Her brows were pinched together and I could tell she was trying to decide if I was going crazy or not.

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  And I don’t want to know.”

Okay, so that was a lie.  But in all honesty, not knowing was better.  I needed to keep my distance from Nathan Williams.

~000~

Thursday was Halloween.

Katie came in and plopped down on the couch next to me, where I was fingering the strings on my guitar and working out a new song.

“Hey,” she said.  “What are you doing tonight? Wanna go to a party?”

“Okay, sure,” I said. 

“I’m not sure…I mean, Nate might be there.  It’s at the frat house,” she said, eyeing me warily.

I shrugged. And then I looked up and grinned.  “Good. Maybe I’ll wear the shortest skirt I own and talk to every freakin’ guy in that place just to piss him off.”

Katie shook her head.  “Be careful, girl.”

I smirked at her. “Why? He’s already broken my heart.”

Her eyebrows drew together and she looked at me worriedly. “You are in a mood tonight.”

I snorted. “No, I’m just feel like I need to teach that man a lesson.”

Katie laughed. “I think you might be trouble, Ash.”

I grinned, then I continued to strum my guitar for a few more minutes before Katie spoke again.

“Hey, you know Mike’s? That bar on Fifth? It has open mic on Tuesdays.  You should go!”

I frowned and shook my head.

“Why not?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I’m not that good, and my lyrics are really personal, I’ve never really shared them before.”

“Ash, you’re good. I promise. You should try,” she paused.  “Just think about it.  It could be fun.”

“Maybe,” I agreed.

~000~

An hour into the party, I finally spotted Nathan. 

I was leaning against the wall, and it was obvious my outfit was having the desired effect if the blonde guy leaning over me and leering at me was any indication. 

I had picked out the shortest black mini-skirt I could find, along with black knee high boots and a tight low cut black shirt.  I completed my “costume” with cat ears and Katie drew a few whiskers on my face, along with thick black liner along my eyes.

From the corner of my eye I watched him.

Nathan was leaning against a wall, a red Solo cup in one hand poised at his full pouty lips and a cute brunette pawing at him. He was dressed in dark wash denim, a dark blue shirt with the Captain America symbol stretched across his impressive chest. 

I rolled my eyes as the girl batted her lashes at him and giggled.  When she looked away, he rolled his eyes too.  That shouldn’t have felt so good, but it did.  That small little roll of his blue eyes made me feel light and giddy.

And then his gaze caught mine.

I sucked in a sharp breath and froze as his eyes traveled down my body and then back up.  He narrowed his eyes and the muscle in his jaw jumped when another cute blonde guy came up and started flirting with me.

I smiled big and leaned forward, placing my hand on the blonde guy’s chest and laughing at something he said.  From the corner of my eye I watched as Nathan stalked across the room towards me.

Blondie—I didn’t even catch his name, Chance? Lance?—offered to get me a drink and disappeared into the crowd just as Nathan stopped in front of me.

A few tense seconds ticked by as we stood there and stared at each other.  Then all the anger and tension drained from his face and his expression crumpled. His skin crinkled around his eyes and he looked down at his feet, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

“What are you doing, Ash?” he whispered.

“What am
I
doing?” I asked incredulously, pointing a finger at my chest.  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

His head shot up in surprise at my language.  “Ash, I’m so sorry, alright?  I keep trying to push you away.  I mean, this,” he motioned between us, “was not in my plan.  You’re better off without me. Trust me.”