The Best Kind of Trouble (17 page)

Caleb paid the driver and then took my hand again as we walked up the driveway, skipping the front door altogether. 

Raucous laughter rang out from the backyard.  Caleb looked over his shoulder and grinned at me.

When we walked through a small gate into the large backyard with a huge redwood deck, my eyes widened. There was definitely more than just his stepmom and dad and two little brothers.  At least fifteen or twenty people milled about, laughing, talking, and eating.

“Caleb!” an older man with a very round belly and an even bigger smile bellowed when we entered. 

I realized this must be his father. They had the same smile and same dark eyes. Caleb let go of my hand and the man engulfed him in a bear hug.

“Okay, okay, old man,” Caleb chuckled, pulling away from his dad’s embrace. 

Unbidden, a lump formed in my throat. Pressure, hard and unrelenting, squeezed my chest. My throat was burning and my eyes stung with unshed tears.

Seeing his embrace with his dad made something deep inside me crack open.

I drew in a deep breath and then released it slowly.
You can cry later
, I told myself.

This had become my mantra.  My calming little phase to say when the grief over losing my father became too much.  I’d let myself cry later. Alone.

“You must be Ashley,” Caleb dad said, snapping me from my brooding.  “I’m Connor,” he introduced himself and when stuck my hand out to shake, he pulled me in and hugged me just like he had Caleb.

Panic clawed at my gut and I felt flushed and sweaty trying to keep it all together. I swallowed against the now giant lump in my throat and blinked back the tears as fast as I could.

I looked at Caleb from the corner of my eye, just as his dad began to release me.  There was fine crease between his brows, and a slight frown on his ample lips.

“Okay, okay,” Caleb said, his voice light and joking.  Totally at odds with the concern in his dark eyes.  “Hands off my girl, old man.”

Connor roared with laughter.  Caleb pulled me away, an arm slung over my shoulders. He bent his lips close to my ear and whispered, “Was that jealous enough for you?”

I giggled, the effervescence of my laughter, warmed my chest and pushed away the sadness.  That same gooey softness that captured me when he’d held my hand in the car enveloped me again as I registered his words.

His girl.

I was then introduced to every person there.  His stepmom, Tammy, his two younger brothers, Chris and Craig. A myriad of friends and aunts and uncles and cousins, most of whom gave me warm hugs and smiles like they’d known me forever.

It felt good. I missed my family.

And then we ate, until I was so stuffed full of chicken and pasta and various casseroles I thought I would burst at the seams. 

Caleb was vibrant and alive, even more so than when he was on stage. And more openly affectionate than he’d ever been before.  His hand almost never left mine.  It was strange and wonderful.

And dangerous
, my mind whispered.
Trouble.

After all the guest had left and we’d said goodnight to his parents, we sat out on the steps of the deck together.  The midnight sky was smattered with bright yellow stars. 

“Did you have a good time,” he asked me quietly after several minutes of silence had passed.

I leaned back on my elbows and lifted my head towards the sky.  “Yes, thank you for bringing me.”

Caleb leaned back on his ink covered elbows next to me.

“Hey,” he whispered and I turned my head towards him.

In the low light he looked all smudgy, like a charcoal drawing.  The strong straight lines of his jaw and nose, the generous curves of his lips, the strength in his brow and the bottomless pit of his eyes were all that I could see.

He was handsome.  He was terrifying.

A perfect dream I knew would end.

The tiny pulse of beating wings flapped against the inside of my chest as he leaned over and kissed me with soft silky lips.  Unhurriedly, he pulled back and then kissed me again. Tender. Measured. Deliberate. Brushing his lips over mine again and again, firm pressure with slow steady movements.

I didn’t breath.  I didn’t want to break the spell, the magic that was happening between us.

Something was so different about this kiss than every other we had shared. Tears pricked my eyes, and I wasn’t sure why, except there was something bittersweet about the moment, something in his expressive eyes. Tender and agonizing and affected.

“Ready to go back?” he asked, pulling away, whatever moment had been building between us instantly stopped.  I frowned in confusion, but swallowed the questions on my tongue. I nodded slowly.

By the time we got back to the bus, Caleb felt further away than ever.  I wasn’t sure what had happened.  But the magic and allusion of the night had been shattered.  I felt cold in the wake of its absence.

Still smoking, Caleb stayed outside while I climbed onto the bus. I crawled into my bunk after a brief shower. Hugging my pillow, my mind replayed the day and eventually I gave into the tears from earlier. 

This wasn’t about Caleb or even Nathan.  These tears, this pain, this moment was what they had only managed to distract me from.  To lessen for brief moments.

Minutes or hours later, Caleb slid into bed next to me, and wrapped his muscled arms around me. I turned in his arms and buried my face in his bare chest. I ugly cried until my voice was hoarse and my sobs dissolved into hiccups. 

The whole time, Caleb held me close, stroking my hair and pressing his cheek against my head. I didn’t understand his mood swings. But it was clear in that moment Caleb Mathews was broken just like me. 

I pressed my lips together and snuggled into his warmth.

It was these tender moments, between the sex and the music that had me falling for him. Or maybe just the idea of him.  It made me wish for more. 

I wished for promises I knew he wouldn’t make.

And I wasn’t sure I could keep.

“Where are you now?” Katie asked. 

With my phone wedged between my shoulder and my ear, I struggled to wiggle into my tight jeans as I talked to her.  “Portland.  Today’s the last day of a three day festival. We’ll be in LA tomorrow.”

“Wow, Ash,” she responded.  “I can’t believe just a few months ago I was begging you to sing at Mike’s.”

“I know, right?  This whole thing is crazy.  I even hear people in the crowd singing my songs now!”

“When will you be home?”

“In a couple of days. But only for a couple of weeks.  Then I’ll be back in LA to record my album.”

That statement sounded crazy to my ears. I shook my head in disbelief.

“So,” she said, and I could hear both the hesitation and curiosity in her voice.  “Have you talked to Nathan at all?”

I tensed.  “No, why?”

“No reason,” she said quickly.  Too quickly.  My suspicion instantly rose. “I was just curious.  How’s Mr. Hot and Sexy Guitar Player?”

Caleb.  I wasn’t sure what was going on between us.  He was sweet and tender one moment but mysterious and so unconcerned about anything the next, I wasn’t sure where his head was.  But he’d said in the beginning no promises.  Those two words were on repeat in my mind every time I felt my heart opening up.

And memories of Nathan didn’t help.  He’d been sweet and tender.  He’d also been reluctant. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head.  There was something altogether different about this thing with Caleb than my relationship with Nathan.  I wasn’t sure I could even pinpoint that difference.

I groaned.

Katie chuckled. “That good, huh?

“I don’t know. It’s just…I don’t get him or us.  I don’t know what we are or how to act,” I confided.

“Why don’t you just ask him, Ash?  Talk. To. Him.”

I sighed.  “I’m scared.”

Katie sighed.  I was grateful I didn’t have to explain why I was scared.  I didn’t even know how to properly articulate it. Especially without bringing Nathan up.  And I did not want to do that.

~000~

In LA, Caleb cornered me backstage right before we were supposed to go on.  He pulled me out of sight and back me up against the wall, caging me between his arms.

“Are you avoiding me?” he asked, looking intensely into my eyes.  The swirling dark depths of his were like melted chocolate.  My stomach fluttered.

“Maybe,” I said sheepishly.

Caleb quirked an eyebrow at me.  

I didn’t answer his silent question. Instead I stared at him, chewing my lower lip and searching my mind for the right words to say.  I kept coming up blank.

“Well,” he said finally. “Maybe we should talk after the show tonight?”

I didn’t move or respond.  Caleb leaned in and took my lips in a scorching kiss.  His lips moved over mine with fervor. Firm and unyielding, passionate and deep, his mouth claimed mine. I moaned and he growled, eliciting tingles up and down my spine. 

I moved to wrap my arms around him, but he grabbed my wrist and held them against the wall next to my head.

He kissed me harder, sliding his tongue against mine and then pulling back to gently tug my bottom lip between his teeth.

He shuffled forward, pressing the length of his body against mine.  Letting go of my wrists, he reached down to grab my ass and lifted me up. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist as he ground his hardness against me through the thin blue cotton of my dress.

I dug my nails into his shoulder and threw back my head as Caleb kissed a hot wet trail down my throat.

He let go of my ass with one hand, letting the wall support my weight, and started slowly skimming his fingers up my thigh, under the hem of my dress.

“God,” he said roughly against my pulse. “You make me so—”

“ASHLEY!”

I heard my manager screaming.  She came into view and Caleb dropped me to my feet.  I stepped away, avoiding his eyes and the disapproving eyes of Johanna Pitt as I tried to straighten my dress and finger combed my hair.

“You have to be on stage,” Johanna hissed.  She shot Caleb a death glare.  “And you do too. Right. Now.”

I peaked up at Caleb and he winked at me, a smirk tugged at the corner of his full lips and those deep dark eyes twinkled with wicked promises.

Caleb patted my butt as he passed me and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Tonight, okay? We’ll talk.”

“Is that what we were doing?” I shouted to his retreating form.  He turned around and continued walking away backwards, grinning like the big bad wolf he was.

“Nah, Parker,” he said.  “That was just a whisper.”

~000~

On stage, I was on fire.  I sang my heart out and the audience ate up the chemistry between me and Caleb.

We might as well have been having sex on stage or confessing our undying love. Every time I walked over to him and he harmonized with me, the crowd went crazy.

After the show, I looked everywhere for Caleb.  Finally, I circled back to the dressing room, but stopped short when I heard distressed voices.

“She’s going to freak out, dude,” I heard Mark say. I frowned.
Was he talking about me?

A heavy sigh. And then Caleb’s deep voice, “Fuck. This is not good.  What do I do?”

“You have to tell her. Before she finds out from someone else.”

Caleb groaned and I could imagine him rubbing his calloused palm over his shaved head.  “Dude, it’s probably going to be all over the fucking place by tomorrow.”

My heart sped up.
Not again. Please tell me Caleb wasn’t hiding some girlfriend or ex-wife or baby momma or a love child. Oh god.

My stomach churned and I bolted.  Before I could even make sense of my whirlwind of thoughts, I was grabbing my stuff from the bus and hailing a taxi for the airport.  I wasn’t supposed to fly out until tomorrow night, but I had to get out of there.

Right. Now.

It’s was three in the morning in the airport, which was unsurprisingly empty.  Or at least that’s what I had thought.  As I waited for my plane, I began to notice people staring at me and whispering to each other.  I only got snippets of the conversations.  But I distinctly heard my name and there was no doubt they were all talking about me.

I didn’t know what was happening.  Until, I was sitting in a hard plastic chair, trying to be as invisible as possible, my eyes glued on the television mounted to the far wall.

There, for all the world to see, was a picture of me.

With
Caleb.

My world stopped and my cheeks turned bright fire engine red. 
This cannot be happening.

I quickly pulled my hoodie up over my head and slipped on a pair of sunglasses.  Even still, I couldn’t stop my gaze from lingering on the strong hard lines of Caleb’s naked torso.  Or the passion evident in our embrace.  The wild, reckless feeling I had that night came rushing back to me causing a rash of goose bumps to dot my flesh.  And a heavy hard lump of humiliation and embarrassment, as I realized the whole world was witness to our private moment, settled in my gut.

Including Nathan.
Oh god.

A sudden intense sickness rolled my stomach. I didn’t even know why.
He was the asshole. So what if he saw me with someone else. Doesn’t he deserve a smidge of pain for the heartbreak he’d caused me?

But even as those thoughts flashed through my head, I knew I didn’t believe them. A very real and tangible part of me still belonged to him. Maybe always would.

And this.
God
. Having to see me—

I flashed back.

Nathan buried deep inside a girl with long legs. His fingers tangled in her short hair.  Bile rose in my throat at the memory of his blue eyes filled with a horror I was only beginning to understand

~000~

I was beyond grateful when I finally made it home.  And even more relieved to find no paparazzi camped outside my apartment.  They must have thought I was still in L.A.  I’d left just in time.

Katie was sitting on the couch sipping from a coffee mug when I walked in.  Her eyes popped wide open.  I wasn’t sure how I looked.  But I could only guess it wasn’t cute.  I was a hot mess, inside and out.

I fell into the couch and leaned my head against the soft cushions, comforted by the familiar smells and sounds and feel of home.

“Ash,” Katie spoke softly, slowly, like I was an injured kitten.  “What happened? Are you okay?”

Instead of answering, I flipped on the TV.  I didn’t open my eyes, but I heard my name and Caleb’s and knew the picture was flashing on the screen by the sharp intake of Katie’s breath.

“Oh my god,” Katie said. 

I opened one eye and she turned to look at me.  “I’m not sure whether to be proud or upset.”

I couldn’t help it.  I burst out laughing, smacking her with a nearby pillow.  “It’s not funny Katie!”

Still chuckling, she held up her hands to block another attack with a pillow.  “Okay, okay. Ow! It’s not funny, it’s just…I didn’t know you had it in you!”

“What are you talking about?”

She shrugged. “You’ve always been so…afraid and timid. Even with Nathan.”

I furrowed my brows as I thought about what she was saying.  “And now?”

“And now, you seem more confident.  More sure of yourself. More…you.”

“I don’t know what’s caused the change,” I said.  But inside I knew. It was the music.  And Caleb. Maybe even Nathan’s betrayal, and my grief over losing my dad and my heartbreak had made me stronger. Less Afraid.

Katie smirked.  “I think you do know,” she said slyly.

I smiled back. Katie had a way of making me feel lighter. I shrugged, “Maybe I just know what it’s like to lose, so why be afraid?”

Katie gave me a sad smile. Pity and worry swam in her green eyes.