The Best of Archy and Mehitabel (10 page)

the other evening

for a warm bath and a bite

to eat and a low browed

waiter plucked me out

and said to me

if you must eat i will

lead you to the

food i have especially prepared

for you and he took me

to the kitchen

and tried to make me

fill myself with

a poisonous concoction

known cynically as roach food

can you wonder

that my anger

against the whole human

race has blazed forth in

song when the revolution

comes i shall

do my best to save

you you have so many

points that are far

from being human

archy

ants go on their cheerful way

merrily from day to day

building cities out of sand

and they seem to understand

dwelling therein peacefully

disciplined and orderly

and the much lauded bee contrives

for to fill his thundering hives

with a ranked society

based on work and honesty

and a thousand neat examples

could i cite of insect lives

free from much that tears and tramples

human beings and their wives

even the coral in the ocean

throughout his dim and damp existence

scorns political commotion

and labors with a glad persistence

worthy of large commendations

to erect his naval stations

man the universal simp

follows lagging with a limp

treading on his neighbors toes

the way the little insect goes

in a million years or more

man may learn the simple lore

of how the bees are organized

and why the ants are civilized

may even hope for to approach

the culture of an average roach

if he is humble and not smug

may emulate the tumble bug

for we insects now inherit

all humanity has builded

all they raised with brawn and spirit

all the domes and spires they gilded

time the anthropophagous

swallows down all human works

through his broad esophagus

moslems christians hindus turks

pass to their sarcophagus

leaving nothing much on earth

which even beetles find of worth

i mention nineveh and tyre

i cite the tower of babel

troy which fell into the fire

and sodom with its rabble

where are all the towns of siddim

where the kings of crete

long long since the desert hid em

and the spiders bite their feet

following an old convention

dating back to jeremiah

i might even mention

babylon i might enquire

where o where is babylon

and the echo answers where

for its former ruling wizards

sleep in sand and silicon

with gravel in their gizzards

and sand burrs in their hair

and the centipedes are dancing

in the chambers of the palace

where the kings and queens entrancing

used to quaff the ruby chalice

and proceed to their romancing

i look forward to the day

when the human race is done

and we insects romp and play

freely underneath the sun

and no roach paste is scattered

about anywhere i got another jolt of it

last night and today i seem to have a case

of intestinal flu the trouble with you

human beings is you are just plain wicked

archy

boss i saw a picture

of myself in a paper

the other day

writing on a typewriter

with some of my feet

i wish it was as easy

as that what i have to do

is dive at each key

on the machine

and bump it with my head

and sometimes it telescopes

my occiput into my

vertebrae and i have a

permanent callus

on my forehead

i am in fact becoming

a low brow think of it

me with all my learning

to become a low brow

hoping that you

will remain the same

i am as ever your

faithful little bug

archy

by archy

the roach that scurries

skips and runs

may read far more than those

that fly

i know what family skeletons

within your closets

swing and dry

not that i ever

play the spy

but as in corners

dim i bide

i can t dodge knowledge

though i try

i see things from

the under side

the lordly ones the

haughty ones

with supercilious

heads held high

the up stage stiff

pretentious guns

miss much that meets

my humbler eye

not that i meddle

perk or pry

but i m too small

to feel great pride

and as the pompous world

goes by

i see things from

the under side

above me wheel

the stars and suns

but humans shut

me from the sky

you see their eyes as pure

as nuns

i see their wayward

feet and sly

i own and own it with

a sigh

my point of view

is somewhat wried

i am a pessimistic

guy

i see things from the

under side

l envoi

prince ere you pull a bluff

and lie

before you fake

and play the snide

consider whether

archy s nigh

i see things from

the under side

well boss from time

to time i just simply

get bored with having

to be a cockroach my

soul my real ego if

you get what i mean is

tired of being shut

up in an insects body the

best you can say for it is that it

is unusual and you could

say as much for mumps so

while feeling gloomy the

other night the thought came

to me why not

go on to the next stage as

soon as possible why not

commit suicide and

maybe be reincarnated in

some higher form of life why

not be the captain of my

soul the master of my fate and

the more i pondered over it the

more i was attracted to

the notion well boss you would

be surprised to find

out how hard it is for a

cockroach to commit suicide unless

you have been one

and tried it of course i

could let mehitabel the

cat damage me and die that

way but all my finer sensibilities

revolt at the idea i jumped out

the fourth story window and

a wind caught me and blew

me into the eighth story i

tried to hang myself with a

thread and i am so light i

just swung back and forth and

didnt even choke myself shooting

is out of the question and poison

is not within

my reach i might drown myself

in the ink well but if

you ever got a mouthful of it you

would know it was a

thing no refined person could go

on with boss i am going to

end it all before long and i

want to go easy have you

any suggestion yours

for transmigration

archy

the wood louse sits on a splinter

and sings to the rising sap

aint it awful how winter

lingers in springtimes lap

it is a good

thing not to be too

aristocratic

the oldest and

most pedigreed

families in this

country are the

occupants of various sarcophagi

in the museums

but it is dull associating

with mummies no

matter how royal their

blood used to be when

they had blood

it is like living in

philadelphia

honesty is a good

thing but

it is not profitable to

its possessor

unless it is

kept under control

if you are not

honest at all

everybody hates you

and if you are

absolutely honest

you get martyred.