The Bow Wow Club (12 page)

– Chapter Forty-Two –

Harry was at the bar of the trendy Soho drinking hole chatting to a couple of suits, whom Ruby assumed were his work colleagues. The heart surge she felt at his uncanny resemblance to Gorgeous George nearly knocked her off her feet.

She took a deep breath, straightened down her classic above the knee black dress and approached him. He immediately said goodbye to the guys and went towards her and kissed her on both cheeks.

‘Hey Ruby, you look great. How you doing?’ It seemed weird he was so posh.

‘Needing a drink, that’s how I’m doing.’

‘Here.’ He put his hand in the small of her back and guided her over to the bar.

He didn’t smell like George; she wasn’t even sure if she liked how this impersonator smelled. Oh, how she had loved the smell of her pint-sized landscape gardener. Even when he was sweaty he didn’t smell bad. In fact, that was when she liked him best. Straight in from work, a bit muddy, a bit sweaty. She suddenly felt the emptiness in her stomach that only someone who has lost someone they truly loved feels. Like a big hole that can’t be filled. But no, she must be positive, Ruby told herself. Margaret had said that that gap could be filled with another love, so she had to give love a chance. Let love win.

‘Cheers.’ Harry chinked glasses and Ruby became aware that he was dressed in a very expensive well-cut suit.

‘Great tailor, by the way,’ she complimented him.

She could tell he was pleased she had noticed that his suit was bespoke.

‘Yeah, thanks. If you can afford it, why not, hey? The City bonuses do have their advantages.’ His brashness left a bad taste in the unmaterialistic Ruby’s mouth. She wished she could wave a magic wand and put him in George’s beloved West Ham shirt.

‘Back in the room, Ruby.’ Harry waved his hand in front of her face. ‘You were miles away. Are you OK?’

‘Fine, fine. You just look uncannily like someone I once knew, that’s all.’

‘Was he debonair and handsome too?’

‘He was actually. My…’ She paused. What on earth should she say? She couldn’t say ex-husband. Because he wasn’t. ‘He was my husband.’

‘A crazed divorcee, not sure if I’m ready for that.’ He threw his head back and laughed, revealing two unsightly fillings. George didn’t have any fillings.

‘He died.’

‘Oh no… Ruby, I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s fine. It’s just so weird how much you look like him, that’s all.’ She showed him a photo on her phone.

‘Whoa!’ Harry took a massive slurp of his beer. ‘Whoa,’ he repeated. ‘That’s mad. That is me!’

‘I know - it’s freaking me out.’

‘I can see why.’

‘But even weirder, Harry, I saw you walk by a café in Covent Garden and then bumped into you in Stepney Green, miles away. It must be fate or something.’

‘Maybe it is, Ruby.’ He lurched towards her and kissed the back of her neck. She wasn’t sure if she liked it and pulled away quickly, on the pretence of going to the toilet.

On her way back, she got them another drink.

Harry had started drinking an hour before her and seemed quite drunk already. He had managed to wangle a table and called her over to it loudly. Not even attempting to get up and help her, despite her juggling drinks and a handbag.

‘So, this husband of yours…’ he began.

‘George. His name was George,’ Ruby butted in, feeling uncomfortable that they were talking about him, despite her bringing it up.

‘Good old English name, a bit like Harry. We could be brothers.’

‘You could have passed as siblings, that’s for sure.’ Ruby felt as if she was going to cry. She had to get out of here - and now.

Thankfully, one of his work-mates was beckoning him back to the bar.

‘Well, Harry, it’s been so lovely to meet you,’ she said, standing up. ‘I’ve got a really early start tomorrow, so I’ll be off. Bye.’

He kissed her clumsily on the mouth. ‘Goodnight, kitten chops. We really must get to know each other better.’

***

Ruby felt relief as she double-locked her front door and kicked off her shoes. Bloody kitten chops! Who the hell did he think he was? She put the kettle on, flopped down on the sofa and scrolled through the messages on her phone.

She noticed the last text from Michael, sent when they had returned from the dreadful silent drive home from Devon.

If my only crime is loving you, then I’m sorry

She suddenly craved his big strong arms around her, telling her how beautiful she was and that everything would be all right. She then looked at the two-seater sofa opposite and remembered George lying there, one leg draped over the end in his cocksure fashion and felt confused.

‘Bloody hell!’ she shouted up to Patrick. ‘Why does life have to be so difficult?’

– Chapter Forty-Three –

‘Fuck, shit, bollocks.’ Ruby smiled from the back kitchen of the church hall as Jimmy made his entrance. Then,‘Tits.’

‘You dirty bastard.’ Cali swiped the air as he took in her ample cleavage.

‘AITCHOO!’ The intensity of Simon’s sneeze behind made her nearly drop the cup she was holding.

‘Simon! Put your hand up.’ He raised his left arm in the air and she whacked his bum with a tea-towel.

‘Put your Fanny down, more like.’

Cali was mute in disbelief.

‘Jim, man, what have you done to your hair?’ the Fireman piped up, grabbing three custard creams from the biscuit tin.

Peering out of the kitchen hatch, Ruby noticed that Nick looked slightly red-eyed. She then looked to the back of the room and remained open-mouthed for a good thirty seconds. For there, bold as brass, was Jimmy Chislehurst stroking Fanny the wonder dog, sporting a bright red Mohican. Not even a Mohican that was a few millimetres long. No - a huge plume of unruly hair.

‘Jimmy! I said short back and sides!’ No one even noticed his lack of heavy framed specs, smart clothes or cleanshaven appearance. Even his breath would probably now be fresh. No, all of the good work she had done was overshadowed by his clown-like hairstyle.

Ruby marched over to him. ‘How on earth are you going to be taken seriously in the workplace with that on your head?’

‘What do you mean? I thought I’d go the same colour as you. You do all right.’ He jerked violently in a full-body tic and she managed to catch the spilling coffee with the tea-towel she was still holding. ‘And it’s not far off from the Rev’s either, now is it?’

‘Right, come on, you lovely lot,’ Simon boomed, filling his vodka mug with Diet Coke. ‘Let’s sit down and Bow Wow now, shall we? We’ve wasted half an hour on Jimmy’s barnet already.’ He pulled his chair round to face his disciples and put his serious face on. ‘So, tonight I wondered if any of you wanted to tell us your story. I know it might be difficult, but sometimes hearing how other people cope in a challenging situation will resonate with your own struggles.’

Nick tentatively put his hand up. Ruby thought that tonight, the usually cheeky and chirpy twenty-nine year old looked like a little lost boy.

‘I’m afraid I’ve got a confession to make.’

‘Well, you’re in the right place, pal,’ the vicar inputted gently.

‘There is no Rebecca - the glamorous older woman I talked of. Nobody has lost an octogenarian husband. She was purely in my imagination.’

‘Go on,’ Simon urged.

‘I didn’t think I could come here if I was honest with you, but I saw the leaflet and I… I… just didn’t know where to turn.’ His eyes filled with tears.

Ruby, who was sitting next to him, reached for his hand. It seemed out of character for someone usually so lively, to be so sad. But that was life. She guessed that many people put a brave face on - felt they had to. If more of us opened up and admitted our feelings and were compassionate with each other, then the world would be a better place. Sod bravado. A man should feel he could cry too. Too many people didn’t - then drowned in sadness.

Nick cleared his throat. ‘But now I know that there are people here who are widows and widowers too, I feel ready to share my story.’

Ellie sniffed loudly. Ruby took a deep breath. Simon drained his vodka mug. Fanny farted loudly.

‘Cali, will you take that bloody dog of yours outside!’ Simon shouted. ‘She stinks.’

‘How many times do I have to tell you it’s not my Fanny that stinks!’

Jimmy laughed out loud.

Simon turned to Nick. ‘I’m so sorry, pal, please share with the group.’

The Fireman nodded. ‘I’ve been a fireman for eight years now. It had always been my dream, the same as my dad and granddad before me. All on the same watch, in fact. I met Milly four years ago. She worked at “base camp”, as we called it, taking emergency calls. She was so proud of what she did. I loved her so much…’ He paused to swallow and Ruby squeezed his hand again.

‘The wedding was amazing. The boys did a guard of honour and everything. Little Annabel came along ten months later and life was just complete really. Until last October, that was.’ His voice cracked.

‘I was on nights.’ Nick blew out his cheeks and looked up. ‘The panic in Milly’s voice shocked me, when she phoned to say that our Annabel was poorly. The emergency doctor on call had said it sounded like meningitis. We agreed she would drive straight to A&E and I would meet her there. I didn’t think anything of it when the fire engine shot past me on the motorway. In fact, the boys gave me a special whoop with the siren when they saw it was my car they were passing. And that’s when I saw it. Saw Milly’s car. Rammed against the central reservation. I was physically sick as I ran towards the wreckage.’

The Bow Wow Club gasped in unison.

‘An ambulance was already on the scene. My mate Andy tried to stop me but I had to go to my beautiful girls. I will never forget their faces. Annabel didn’t have a mark on her, she looked like a perfect angel. Milly was literally covered in blood. The lorry driver was in total shock. Said that the car had shot on to the junction at such a speed, he had no chance to avoid it. It was as if the woman driving hadn’t even looked.’

Everyone had tears rolling down their faces.

‘Bollocks, wanker, cock!’ Jimmy howled.

‘So there you have it. I’m here because I’m so, so sad and so, so lonely and don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this.’ Nick began to weep and then ran out of the church hall.

‘I’ll go.’ Ruby raced after him, calling: ‘Nick, Nick, wait.’

The Fireman stopped in his tracks.

‘Hey, slow down, come here.’ Ruby went to him and held him close while he sobbed. ‘Do you want to come back in?’

Nick shook his head. ‘No. I will come back next week, but I just can’t now.’

‘You live down by Putney Bridge, don’t you?’ And when he nodded, Ruby said: ‘Come on, I’ll walk with you.’

They walked silently arm-in-arm down to his flat and she hugged him again when they reached the entrance.

‘Would you come in for a coffee?’

‘Sure, I will.’

Ruby took in her surroundings as Nick went to the kitchen. The wedding photo had pride of place above the fireplace amongst many photos of baby Annabel. Ruby was in her second year of grieving and still couldn’t or wouldn’t take her own photographs down. Poor, poor Nick. He was in the awful all-consuming first few months of grief, and it made her realise how much better she was feeling, and actually how far she had come.

Nick put a coffee down on the side table next to the sofa. ‘You don’t take sugar, do you?’

‘No - sweet enough, me.’

‘You are certainly that.’ Nick came and sat next to her, then in an instant, his lips were suddenly pressing hard on hers and his right hand crept between her thighs.

Ruby pulled away, shocked. ‘Nick! What do you think you’re doing?’

‘Ruby, I am so sorry. I thought you fancied me?’

‘I sort of do. You’re a good-looking man, but… but you are so not ready for this, even if you think you are.’

‘It’s been so long since I had any female company - or sex for that matter.’

‘Oh, Nick. I understand completely where you are coming from. I didn’t feel the sexual urge thing to be honest, but I guess for men, that’s probably different. I did feel so alone. But you’re not. Your family sound great, and what a brave step coming to the Bow Wow. And now you have told us the truth, the people there will be a great support too. Simon comes across as useless at times, I know, but you couldn’t ask for a better person when you need help.’

‘And you, Ruby. What can you be?’ He sighed deeply. ‘You’re such a great girl, and if I was ever to have a relationship with someone else I’d like it to be with someone like you.’

‘Exactly, someone
like
me, but
not
me. It’s not the right time, Nick. Get yourself back on track and then you’ll be ready to let someone else in. It’s nearly two years for me now and I’m almost there.’

‘So, do you have a boyfriend, then?’

‘Well, not really. There is this guy who did adore me but I fucked up, because of the grief thing. And, now he’s gone off saying I need to sort my head out.’

‘And is it sorted out?’

‘Well, I am thinking about him more and more, which I guess is a good start.’

‘So, could you go back to him?’

‘I don’t know. He’s probably got bored of waiting by now and maybe I do need to have a fling or two first before I commit to another proper relationship.’

‘Really? You’re thirty-five now, aren’t you? I think if you’ve found a good ’un you should hang on to him. Why waste any more of your life searching for something that probably isn’t even out there anyway.’

‘Look at you, Mr Wise Man.’ Ruby smiled and vowed to contact Michael later that evening. ‘Come here.’ She pulled Nick towards her in a massive bear hug. ‘Sometimes a hug is enough, especially at this stage, and I am always on hand for those - you hear me? And chats, and tears, and rants. Just throw it in with an odd cup of hot tea and a custard cream, and you’ve got a friend for life here.’

Nick pulled away, held her at arm’s length and looked right at her.

‘You are so strong, Ruby - my inspiration, in fact, and it’s a deal. I’d be honoured to call you my friend.’ She reached for her coat and Nick helped her put it on. He walked her to the door and he pecked her on the cheek.

‘So just to check, are you sure a shag’s out of the question?’

Ruby pretended to swipe him with her hand. ‘Yes! Well not now, for sure.’

The Fireman clicked the door shut and tears began to roll down his face. But this time, they were tears of relief. Relief, that he had jumped yet another of the huge hurdles that the grizzly grief monster had thrown at him.