Authors: Nicola May
– Chapter Seventy-Three –
Dear Ruby
I am bizarrely sitting in Margaret’s front room writing this. She is snoring, Bert is snoring and my reacquired dog Barney is snoring too.
I, however, am thinking. Thinking about you. I don’t want to make this a massive essay, because in short my feelings haven’t changed from the day I met you.
You were so sad and distraught at losing your precious wedding ring, but I knew from that moment, looking at your beautiful pale face and into your moist green eyes that I wanted to sweep you off of your feet and protect you forever.
I love you, Ruby Stevens. I cannot get you out of my head. I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried. I think sometimes I wish I had never met you, as never before has someone affected me like you have. Every waking moment it is you on my mind. Silly things I think about daily. Like the way you bite your thumbnails when you’re anxious or throw your head back and laugh in that infectious way. The little squeaking noise you make as you are about to come. There is nothing about you that I don’t like. Well, apart from the stupid piece of you that doesn’t realise how much I do care about you.
And that guy, the one I saw you kissing at your door. Of course I know now it wasn’t your precious George. How could I have thought that of you? I was just hurt and angry and lashed out. How dare I? And for that I will be forever sorry.
I don’t blame you for seeing other people. After all, it was me who told you to go away and think about what you wanted, and now I regret that. We met too soon, perhaps. But then again, maybe if I had kept on your case, then I would have smothered you with enough love to win you over. I don’t know.
I felt sick for days after we rowed at The Bow Wow Club. Another thing that I am immensely proud of you for doing. I could see how much respect everyone has for you there. But again, it was such a bloody shock seeing you, when you hadn’t told me you were volunteering.
It had taken a lot for me to go along and say my piece and I was just so embarrassed to see you. I didn’t want you to see me as a weak man, Ruby. I am strong and will always be strong for you.
The day I saw you at the door I came to apologise for the row at the Bow Wow, got you flowers and everything: I would have said all these things then.
I am even writing a novel and you are the heroine. It’s good too – well, it could be nothing less with you as the star, now could it?
I’ve thankfully got rid of my demons about Emily jilting me too, by writing about it. Weirdly, she rang me. Not to apologise or anything civilised like that. No, she was moving into a flat that didn’t take pets so poor old Barney didn’t fit with her life any more and had to go. I have to say I was delighted to get my boy back. It had crippled me to lose him more than my fiancée and best mate, to be honest. He has also kept me sane in my loneliness without you.
I know you are away, I’m guessing with Fi. She will make you laugh and help you to enjoy the precious time off that you so need and deserve. Hopefully a change of scene will help you to think about us too.
I know that you care about me, Ruby, even if you never said it. You don’t make love to someone like we did without feelings being involved. I could sense the love between us. Felt like I was drawing it from your pores. It was immense, in fact.
Oh, I’m harping on now, sorry. It would be so much easier for me to be saying all these things to you face-to-face, but your phone has been off and is still off. That’s why I’m here actually. Was coming to see you again, with more roses (I think I should buy shares in that flower stall at East Putney tube!). I got your text saying that you missed me and wanted to see me, then you disappeared off the face of the earth.
And the main reason I was coming to see you was to tell you again that I purely and simply love you.
I hope when you get this you have had the best time away and have a big smile on that beautiful face of yours.
Call me a romantic old fool but if it’s meant to be between us then love will win, I just know it.
In fact, Ruby, just bloody call me, will you!
Michael X
– Chapter Seventy-Four –
‘Ruby? Ruby? Are you still awake?’ Nick whispered as he pushed open the door to the twin room she was sleeping in at the cottage.
‘Well, I am now.’ She turned on her bedside light and sat up in the single bed pulling the duvet up to cover her modesty. She put her hand to her head. ‘Shit, I feel groggy. Must have got a premature hangover.’
‘Well, we did put some back, didn’t we? But it was our last night in this beautiful place, so we were allowed. Anyway, budge up, you.’
‘Nick! It’s three o’clock in the morning and there’s barely room for me in here, let alone a muscly fireman.’
‘I heard a noise.’
Ruby giggled. ‘Don’t be such a wuss. This old place creaks and groans all the time. It’s not haunted, if that’s what you think. I’ve stayed here on my own countless times and have never felt anything spooky.’
Ruby shuffled over and tapped the mattress next to her. ‘I can’t promise I won’t keep my hands to myself.’
‘What’s a broken promise between friends, eh?’ Nick took off his T-shirt, revealing a tight pair of Calvin Kleins and slipped in beside her.
Ruby suddenly became conscious of her sleep breath and sticky-up hair. ‘Erm, quite a lot actually.’
‘Yeah, that was a silly thing to say. Look, let’s snuggle up. I can always get in the other bed when you’ve warmed me up.’
Compared to Michael, it felt funny being in the crook of Nick’s arm as he didn’t have an ounce of fat on his honed physique. She put her hand under the covers to straighten down her T-shirt and swept his pants by mistake. The Fireman was rock hard.
‘Ooh sorry, a firm hose, how mouthwateringly delicious.’
‘Ruby.’ Nick propped himself up on one elbow. ‘Stop joking.’
‘What do you mean?’ He pulled her towards him and kissed her really gently.
‘Nick, I…’ She pushed her warm mouth back onto his and felt her way around his toned back. As much as it felt so gorgeous and safe being here right now with him, she was still not sure.
‘I want you to be the first,’ Nick whispered in her ear.
She looked straight into his tearful eyes and nodded, completely getting it now.
She thought back to how tender Michael was with her when they had first slept together in the Soho Hotel all those months ago now. How important he knew it was for her to feel safe and loved.
Nick had so pre-empted this moment, had even brought condoms with him.
***
So - The Fireman and Miss Designer Pants made pure, simple love in a single bed in a beautiful cottage in the magical Lake District. No fireworks, no fuss. Just a mutual respect and understanding for the depth of losing someone you love with all your heart.
– Chapter Seventy-Five –
Bert woke himself up with a big snore and half-opened one eye. He reached for his glasses and looked at his watch. ‘Good. I haven’t missed it.’ He spoke aloud and turned to the racing page of the paper that was still folded neatly on his lap. He smiled at the sleeping Margaret and the nearly empty bottle of sherry beside her. Two glasses on the tray? He’d completely slept through a guest. Wouldn’t be the first time he’d done that, that was for sure. It couldn’t have been our Ruby, he thought. Because, whoever it was had left some sort of designer spectacle case behind.
He shuffled to the kitchen, burping as he went in search of a piece of paper. Still half-asleep, noticing one of Margaret’s familiar Basildon Bond blue envelopes propped up against the metal tea pot, he began to write down his runners for the evening meeting at Windsor on the back of it.
– Chapter Seventy-Six –
James appeared in the beautiful front room of
Daffodils
rubbing his eyes. He spotted Fi in her dressing-gown lying on the velvet chaise. The French doors were open on to the magnificent garden that Nick and Ruby had worked so hard at tidying up the day before. The soothing noise of the stream running nearby and the birds singing made for a perfect morning greeting. The pregnant Fi already had her hand in a plate of gherkins.
‘You’re up early, darling.’
‘I know. Sorry if I woke you. The sun came streaming through the curtains at six a.m. and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Then I heard the door slam at eight. The two of them must have gone walking like they said they were going to, now the weather is so beautiful. Bloody early though.’
‘I went out like a light after all that wine, but I’m sure I stirred around three and heard them shagging last night.’
‘Nah, I don’t think Ruby feels that way for him or she’d have done it on the first night. You know what she’s like with the younger ones.’
‘Look at you, Miss Prissy Pants over there. You had me for the first time right on that chaise longue, to be exact, in broad bloody daylight. Anyone could have walked in.’
‘I fancied the arse off ya, that’s why.’
‘And do you still?’ James said matter-of-factly.
‘Don’t be an eejit, of course I do. Now go and get me a cup of that Bovril.’
‘Yuk.’
‘I know. Why can’t I crave something decent? The ice-cream’s all right but bloody gherkins and a beef drink!’
Fi lay her head back and rubbed her tummy. James was back quickly with a steaming mug of Bovril which he placed on a side table next to his fiancée. He kissed her on the forehead.
‘You look even more beautiful now you’re pregnant, you know.’
‘Blimey, it’s me who’s kissed the Blarney Stone, not you.’
‘I mean it, you silly mare. I love you, Fiona Donahue.’
‘Well, I guess that’s a good bloody job as you’re going to be hopefully spending the rest of your life with me, oh and baby Kane here.’
‘We could have another, why stop at one? Now that we know we can do it so easily. Maybe even pick sperm from the same father so they are genuine siblings.’
Fi felt slightly sick and it was nothing to do with the pregnancy. She closed her eyes so as not to lie with them.
James pulled a pouffe over and sat facing her. He took both her hands in his.
‘I know you slept with someone else, Fi.’
Fi gulped. ‘No… I…’
He put his hand up to stop her carrying on. Then he lifted her left hand and kissed the top of it. ‘I know you so well - but it’s fine. It’s actually fine. I pushed you to it. I pushed you away on purpose, not thinking for one minute you’d hang in there and let yourself be treated so badly. You are usually such a strong woman.’
Tears flowed down Fi’s cheeks. ‘But our love was stronger.’
James gulped back his own tears as the Irish one continued. ‘And as for fancying you? I adore you. I have loved you since the minute we nigh on broke the springs on this thing. You are my world, James. And I’m so bloody sorry.’
‘Does the father know it’s his?’
She knew she had to tell one last lie. It would be too complicated otherwise. James was clever, but she just hoped that even he, with his first-class degree in Law, hadn’t managed to work this one out. The law of averages would say that a very tall black, orange-haired, camp vicar of the parish would be the last suspect on his list.
‘God, no! It was one-night stand. You know what I’m like with sex. I just needed it and it was on a plate. I should have been born a man!’
‘For that, I’m glad you weren’t.’
‘And I was cross with you, because you did hurt me and I didn’t understand why you were being so cruel when I had done nothing wrong. I just wish you had talked to me. I could have shared your pain.’
‘I know, I behaved appallingly. At the time I felt convinced that I was no good for you, that I should set you free. That’s how much I love you, Fi. Set you free so you didn’t have to stay with someone who couldn’t do what he was put on this earth to do.’
‘Now that’s bollocks because it doesn’t make you a lesser person if you can’t have children. In fact, I think it makes you a stronger one. If you can deal with that being thrown at you, you can deal with anything. I love you no less for it. Come here.’
She pulled him forward and cradled his head in her heavy bosom.
‘Yes, I did wrong but we were going to have a baby that wasn’t ours anyway. And on a positive note I didn’t have to go through the anguish of whether the IVF would work. The father will never know, but he was a good man, I could tell, and our baby will be amazing.’
‘What if he sees you with the baby and puts two and two together?’
‘That won’t happen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
‘One, he’s not from London and we did use a condom. He just didn’t know that it split. And before you ask, I went to Tony’s clinic and I got checked out for anything nasty.’
When James stood up and walked away from her, Fi began to panic. Shit, he knew it was Simon’s baby. He knew she had just lied again! This would be the last straw for him, however much he loved her.
‘Oh, James. I know I’ve been a complete whore, but let’s move on from this. We know we can make it work.’
Fi bit her lip. Mentioning the clinic had obviously wobbled him too, despite everything he had just said. Why couldn’t she just keep her mouth shut sometimes. He was a bloke, he wouldn’t probably have even thought to be worried about that.
Knowing he was a thinker, she saw little point in running after him. Instead, she had just started to doze off, when his familiar voice stirred her.
‘Of course we can make it work you stupid cow.’ She opened her eyes, smiled and then burst out laughing.
For there, standing in the doorway, was the usually quiet and reserved Mr James Kane with a beautiful diamond engagement ring hanging by a pink ribbon from his very erect penis. He put on a thick Irish accent.
‘Now get this
on
your fat fecking finger and get those filthy knickers
off
.’