The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (12 page)

‘She's not so tough after all, eh? Bring the handcuffs and cuff her.'

My head is spinning and I can hardly see in front of me but I can hear clearly. I hope I did not really hear what I thought. I hope I'm going crazy.

I close my eyes in the hope of stopping the spinning in my head but it gets worse and I can see a tunnel with an elephant blocking the light. I don't know what happened next.

*

I wake up to the splash of the coldest water on my bare body. I open my eyes and look around but my vision is covered in black dots. I try to concentrate ahead of me till I am able to see beyond the black dots. As my vision starts to get a little clearer I am surprised by another splash of freezing water and this time I choke on some. I try to cough it out but some water goes down the wrong pipe and I start saying my final prayers. I thought this was the end of my torture but I was able to cough all the water out painfully. My arms are tied up from the ceiling. I can't reach the ground. I am hanging on a wall naked and crying. I never thought this could ever happen. I haven't ever had time to look at my own body and now these three men see more than I have ever seen in my lifetime. I can clearly see the smirks on their faces as I choke and cry from pain. As soon as I lift my head up and look the master in the eye the A/C is blasted on full and I feel my skin shrivel up trying to find warmth. My whole body tries to reject this brutality and I try to imagine the warmth of my bed in order to block out what is happening. I don't know how long I have been out of it or how long I have been here. It feels like forever. I have always been around my family, always looking out for them, now I'm estranged from the only people I have ever known my whole life.

‘Are you enjoying this?' one of the men whispers. He walks closer and in his hand is a long fishing rod. I have always wanted to go fishing and be able to figure out how to use a fishing rod. I just never thought this might be the only way I can. He twists the top, clutches the fish hook and licks it.

‘You're going to like this one Rose, yes, that's your new name.'

I close my eyes from the fear. I don't know what he can possibly do to me with the fishing rod but make me scream from pain. Please God save me.

He comes closer and licks my belly button. I am on display. I start to repeat my prayers in my mind hoping I won't feel any pain. Only I do. I have never screamed this loud. I have never even thought my voice box could reach this high. He hooks the fish hook into my belly button and I look down to a river of blood pouring down to my knees. I scream and shout for the help of God with all my strength.

‘Shut up! No one is going to save you!'

I continue to shout for God's help and I can feel the hook push and pierce its way through my flesh.

‘Shut up!' The master gets up and stands on a chair to slap me to silence.

I shout out God's name louder. I know he will save me. Curse these animals! As the hatred in me rises and my faith in God takes over my heart I stop screaming for a split second, sure that I couldn't feel any pain. But the other man hits me and all the pain comes flooding back. I have never known there was such pain.

‘Stop!'

The master puts his hand up and both men freeze in their place.

‘Prepare my bed!'

The master places his hand on my thigh. It seems like my tears are going to be my only companion. Forgive me God. I can't fight back any more. I hang limp looking up and blocking out all that I can. I thought I had mastered the art of blocking out the present but I look down and see that I am alone in the room. I start crying loudly thinking that it's over. I look around and remember that I am still hanging and can feel the muscles in my arms stretching. I have a feeling that this is just the beginning. I'm sorry I left you alone Adam, I'll be back soon I promise. I know you're a big boy and can cope alone, I trust in you.

I see a shadow and then one of the followers walks in with a dog bowl. He puts it down and unties me without a word. He pulls me up from the ground as I slam down. He drags me into a tiny room and slides the dog bowl in and locks me in. I see a curled up lump in the corner. I stare but it doesn't move. I move back into a corner quickly. The other person is naked too and I can see their ribcage on their back. I don't know if it's a man or a woman. I look down at the bowl and see a small piece of bread with mould all over it and a bit of water. I thank God for the food. My stomach starts rumbling loudly. I try to push in my stomach for the noise to go away. I don't want to wake the other person up. I can feel the cold coming in from the cracks on the wall. It's freezing. I soak the hard bread in the water and eat. My tears add some flavour to the water. I curl into a corner and slowly bite on the last bit of bread and try not to cry loudly. I miss my family. I'm sorry Adam, I'm sorry I was horrible to you. I just wanted you to learn to be independent. I guess I used the wrong method. I'm sorry Habibi. I don't know what time it is but I hope you're eating and sleeping well. I love you. I close my eyes and pray for Isa and hope he is with mama.

It feels like I just closed my eyes for five minutes when a huge bucket of cold water is poured on me. I gasp for air through the never-ending flow of liquid. I feel one of the men's nails dig into my shoulder pulling me up. I haven't opened my eyes enough to see who it is but nothing matters at this point. I can't imagine what is going to happen today. In the main room, the master is lying down on a few cushions and smoking his shisha like all this is normal. He points a finger at me and gestures at me to walk to him. I don't move. I can't move. I am pushed roughly to him and fall to my knees in front of him. I try to stumble up but he holds my arm down.

‘Where do you think you're going?'

He blows his smoke in my face. ‘Sit here beautiful,' he says. I look him in the eye and hope he can feel the disgust and hatred I have towards him. I sit down afraid of yet another vicious handling by his men.

‘That's a good girl,' he says as he tilts his head up at the two men gesturing for them to leave. I have no fondness towards their abuse but I pray they don't leave me alone with him. They walk out and lock the door behind them with a key. My heart sinks to my feet. I can't move from how heavy my heart feels.

He hands the shisha to me and asks me to smoke it. I reluctantly take it in my hand and smoke it. He laughs as I choke my lungs out. He tells me to continue smoking as he gets up. I don't know what is going to happen. His face speaks of past monstrosities. I wouldn't put it past this guy to kill me. I can't afford to think of death, I need to concentrate on surviving and escaping. I wonder how long the person with me in the cell has been there for. Have they given up hope? I still haven't seen their face.

He comes back with a rope tied around his arm. I gulp the smoke as soon as he comes in and choke again. My eyes water but I can still see the smirk on his face.

‘Please let me go!' I didn't expect myself to beg him or even say a word to him but my mouth uttered those words. As soon as I said them I could see his face glow. I need to keep my mouth shut. He yanks the shisha pipe from my hand and hands me the rope.

‘Show me what you can do with it.'

I don't know what he means by that but I take the rope and extend it on the ground hoping that he'll let me go.

‘You idiot!' He crawls to me and ties the rope around my hands and feet and ties them both together. I lie down on my belly, my arms and legs tied back. I am trying to hold my pain and tears in. I can't afford to show him another moment of weakness. He unbuckles his belt and I close my eyes and pray to God to help me. Please God help me. I have no one but you.

‘Don't touch me you bastard!'

He laughs and pulls his trousers down. Forgive me God, forgive me Baba, forgive me Adam, I couldn't fight back. My crying gets heavier but that doesn't stop a cheap bastard like him.

Midway through his torture he calls in his men to come and have a go, and they all laugh. They won't get away with this. God delays but never forgets.

*

I remember closing my eyes really tight to a dizzying extent then feeling the weight of blacking out and thanking God the pain would stop. I look down and find cuts on my body I didn't notice before. I'm glad I didn't feel anything, I don't want to know what happened. I am back in the cell. I turn and stare at the other person still curled up. I am starting to doubt their existence. Am I imagining someone or are they dead? I move towards them slowly trying not to trigger pain in my body. As I get closer I can smell a strange smell, almost like urine but stronger and more concentrated. I poke their shoulder hoping to get a response. They lift their head up and turn around. I jump back and put my hand on my mouth before a scream comes out. I have never seen so many scars on someone's face. I notice it's a woman because of her chest but nothing on her face tells me of her gender. Her eyebrows have been shaved off and her upper lip is split. I ask God for forgiveness for being scared. I wonder how much worse she must have suffered. She smiles slightly and puts my heart at ease. I tell her my name and she whispers her name back. I don't know if I hear right but I continue the conversation.

‘How long have you been here for?'

‘Too long.'

I can't believe this. She has been locked in here for so long and nobody has found out about these bastards.

‘Have you tried to escape?'

‘Twice, that's why I look like this.'

I cringe and sit beside her. We don't say anything but I'm glad I have someone with me. I think about Adam and Baba and hope they're doing okay. Baba has been losing himself lately and he needed me by him too. I need to go back to look after my family. I can't sit here for months on end. I don't know how long I've been here but I'm hoping it hasn't been that long and that they're out there still looking for me.

I wake up in desperate need of a pee and run to the door and bang and shout. No one is coming or responding. It sounds like a dead place. I would have thought they would be guarding the cell. Maybe escaping isn't that hard after all. I don't know why the other woman kept on getting caught. I can't hold myself anymore and feel the warmth spread down my legs. It's the warmest I have felt for a while. The smell rises and I feel the embarrassment of what I have done sink in. It's disgusting but I have no choice. I wish I had some clothes to put on. I have been bare for too long. I look back at where I fell asleep by the woman and notice she went back to her former position. I think she sleeps all day. I look around the cell and try to find some way to escape. I can see a ray of light squeezing through a brick in the wall in front of me. I walk and try to see if I can reach it. I can't. I am sure the brick is loose and I can pull it out. Maybe we can get some help. I put my ear against the wall and strain my hearing for a hint of life.

I hear the door open and jump up. It's not my door though. I can hear more than three men. I can faintly hear a woman but I can't really tell. As they get closer I hear the whimpers of a woman trying to fight them. I think they covered her mouth because a few minutes later she starts to swear at them and make a scene. I guess this is a regular thing for them to do. I wonder if they have other cells with other women or if she's going to end up with us. We can all try to escape.

I wonder what's going on. Do they have the same routine with every woman?

I shake the other woman to wake up quickly. She mumbles and weakly shoves my hand away.

‘Shh, wake up.'

‘What?'

‘How long did they torture you for before they left you?'

‘I can't remember, leave me alone.'

‘Try to remember, please!'

‘I don't know how long it lasted, but when they got another woman they left me.'

For a moment I feel a happiness I didn't know it was possible in my current position. Will they really let me be? I can plan an escape quicker.

‘How did you try escaping?'

‘Keep me out of this, I've had my fair share and paid the price!'

‘Just tell me, did you notice that loose brick up there?' I point and search her face for a reaction. Not even her eyes widen to the idea, she just shakes her head and curls up to go back to sleep.

I have a good feeling about this escape. I need to get out of here soon and go back home.

Just when I thought my time was over the door opens and I am pulled out by my hair. I scream and fight but nothing changes. I am thrown in front of the master watching TV as I look around for signs of the girl. Nothing.

‘Bring it!'

I look back at what the master gestured at and see a shaver. I shiver and fall to the ground in fear.

‘Please just leave me alone.'

He laughs and plugs the shaver in. I don't know what is going to happen but I am not ready to face any more pain. I jump up and try to run past the two guys standing behind me. I didn't know they were so close to me. I try to bite one of them and scream for help but instead I am pushed to the ground.

The master grabs my hair and starts to shave me. I wriggle and try to shout but the taste of blood in my mouth stops me. I can't stand the taste or smell.

‘That's a good girl,' the master says and slaps my bare head. I can hear the impact of the slap but I don't feel anything. I now have no warmth in my body. My only warmth at night is now gone.

‘From now on this is your house, you're going to live in that cell and I'm going to watch you starve and die! I am going to get rid of all of you slowly and painfully!'

Please God save me. My tears hot and powerful come flooding down and I let myself go and crumple to the floor. Please God take me back to my family.

I am grabbed by my leg and for the first time I look around me and notice pictures of beaten up men on the wall and drawings linking them together. There are scribbles on the wall that I can't read because they're too small. I notice the face of one of the men who used to work at the butcher's there. There's a normal picture of him next to the one I first noticed with his eyes closed and a slit on his throat. He has bruises all over his face. That's where he went. When I went to buy meat I asked for him because he used to always serve me and they said he was travelling. Everything is starting to make sense now in this country. No one ever travels; we are all stuck here but eventually ‘travelling' because of the war. If only there was an escape. I wonder sometimes, if the leaders thought the way us normal people did, would all this be happening? Or do minds change the moment they lead?