The lady’s name was Amber.
Lockie liked the word Amber. It was a name but it was also a colour. Amber was a kind of golden honey colour. He liked honey on his oats and honey on his toast. He would ask Mum to give him some honey tomorrow at breakfast.
Amber was coming to talk to him about what had happened and she would come and talk to him every week until he didn’t feel like talking anymore. ‘You can tell Amber anything you want,’ his mum had said.
Lockie hadn’t been sure about that but then Tina said, ‘You tell her everything, Lockie. You can tell the good stuff and the bad stuff. Amber is only going to listen to you. That’s her job.’
His mother had nodded, agreeing with Tina. He liked that Mum and Tina made dinner together. Tina was going to stay with them and he liked that too. She was going to go to school with him and Sammy. Well not exactly with him and Sammy. She was going to be at the TAFE but Mum would drop them all off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon.
He was a bit scared about going back to school. Maybe he could tell Amber about that?
His dad said he could talk to Amber if he wanted to but he didn’t have to talk if he didn’t want to.
His dad had come to lie next to him before lights-out time. He was so big his feet hung off the edge of the car bed. He was bigger than the uniform. A lot bigger.
If his dad had known about the uniform he would have found him. He looked and looked but no one could find him ’cos the uniform had hidden him away. If his dad had known he would have found him but Tina found him and that was okay.
Lockie’s eyes began to close. Sometimes in the night he had to open them in the middle of a dream to make sure he was home.
The uniform was in some of the dreams so he had to open his eyes quickly and see the racing cars on his wall and then he knew he was safe.
Tina had saved him and she had killed the uniform.
He had killed the uniform as well but only a little bit and even his dad said that some killing was okay.
Pete came to talk to Tina a lot and then a lady who was a lawyer came. Lockie didn’t know what a lawyer was but Tina liked her. He wasn’t allowed to listen to Tina and the lawyer talk but he had walked past the lounge room and the door had been open and he heard the lawyer say, ‘Self-defence—no question.’
He didn’t know what that meant but Tina smiled more now.
Tina smiled and Mum smiled but sometimes she cried as well and it was okay to cry. It didn’t mean you weren’t brave, it just meant that you were feeling a bit sad that day.
He felt his eyes close again and he squeezed Bob under the covers.
In the morning he would ask for honey on his toast.
He would have honey on his toast and play on the Xbox after he did some homework Mrs Watson had sent home from school and then he would eat morning tea and then there would be lunch.
There was lots of food in the house and his mum let him keep some muesli bars under his bed just in case he got hungry in the night.
In the morning he would talk to the lady but only if he wanted to. He would tell her about how Tina saved him and maybe he would tell about the uniform but maybe not.
And he would play with Sammy and read with Tina and have a really big breakfast.
In the morning he would . . .
Once a novel has been written it needs a team of people to get it published.
To that end I would like to thank my agent Gaby Naher for her tremendous support and guidance through this process.
I would also like to acknowledge the wonderful team at Allen & Unwin: Jane Palfreyman for understanding the work from the first page, Ali Lavau for her insightful structural edit and Vanessa Pellatt for her suggestions, for patiently answering all my questions and for her incredible attention to detail.
I want to thank my mother Hilary who asked when she could have the rest of the novel, corrected typos, gave constructive criticism and has been the head cheerleader on this journey.
My father Hylton who read a hundred pages in one night and talks me through the difficult days.
And, of course, David who has printed thousands of pages and who always believed this day would come.
And finally my three children—thanks for giving me time to work and making me laugh when I needed it.
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