The Brenda Diaries (20 page)

September 22:

-Sluthammer says she always knew Boyfriend would come back, but she’s surprised it’s me he’s come back to. I kind of have to agree.

-Boss just asked if I can tell when I ovulate. Told him I have a rough idea and plan accordingly.

My grandma invited me over for a visit; of course she has ulterior motives.

September 23:

-Boss says I can pick where we have lunch today. Awesome, but I’m still not going to tell him when I ovulate.

-Boss and Wifey are moving which means they’re taking my job with them. They also asked if they can take one (or more) of my eggs along.

-Boss and Wifey say they understand why I'm being stingy with my eggs, but they didn't offer to let me crash at their place if I visit NYC.

-Boyfriend wants to see a movie tonight. Not in the mood, but I’m willing to fake it for the sake of our relationship.

-Turns out Boyfriend isn’t in the mood for a movie either, but he is in the mood. Not going to happen. There’s only so much I’ll fake.

September 24:

-Sluthammer wasn’t kidding the other night—she really is moving out. Like today. She and MoneyBags are setting up a love nest in the Valley.

-Handy introduced me to his new wife who is super kind. They were painting over graffiti by the carport. I think they'll be married forever.

-Spent the day helping Sluthammer pack up her stuff. Sorry to see her go mostly because it’s to the Valley with MoneyBags.

September 25:

-I finally have my apartment back to myself. Huh....Somehow walking around in just my underwear doesn’t seem that interesting anymore.

-Can a gal have too many pairs of stripy socks? Not when they’re on sale!

-Boyfriend broke up with me. He cried. I pretended to.

September 26:

-Yep. He still is broken up with me.

-Working not with but FOR BitchFace. Considering the suck that is my life, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone especially me.

-Temp agency substitute rep says it's this job or nothing. Doubt my landlord or the student loan jerks will understand me going with nothing.

-Handy and KindWife invited me for dinner. Had lots of a potato/butter/cream dish. We're getting married as I'm now carrying its food baby.

September 27:

-Another day of working under BitchFace’s bitchy thumb. Trying and failing to find the lesson in all of it. Universe--you win. Enjoy it.

-The condolence calls about the demise of my existence as girlfriend to Boyfriend are pouring in. I’m set for drinks into November.

-BitchFace was talking smack in the ladies' room. Would've given her a big dose of my "attitude problem” but my tights were around my knees.

-Know I shouldn’t, but can’t help snickering when Void greets either of his parents with “What’s up, Tits?”

September 28:

-I don’t feel like working. Something must really be wro ng with me, but might as well get dressed, show up and get paid.

-BitchFace asked if I have a problem with her. This was her second mistake. The first was wearing all of her Target Missoni to work today.

-Does watching Teen Mom to make me feel better about my own life make me a terrible person? Maybe a little bit, but I can live with that.

-Sluthammer is giving me a "I'm better off without him" pep talk and working hard not to ask why she had to hear about it from someone else.

September 29:

-BitchFace is steering clear of me. Smart bitch.

-Thief is temping here, too. He’s also avoiding me. Smart bitch.

-Got offered a job at this place. Even though it’s not working for BitchFace, I turned it down. Just felt like the right thing to do.

-Took Yappy dog out for a walk. Didn’t even mind that I had to carry him for half of it. He’s a good listener.

September 30:

-As of 5 minutes ago, my career as a temp extraordinaire is on hold. It’s time for something new....Will figure out that new thing today.

-Watching Law & Order: SVU reruns would convince even the Dali Lama that people suck and are capable of sucking in so many ways.

-Don’t bother me, cell phone, I’m typing.

-My something new is going to be big, good and it’s going to happen on Monday, the official day of all things new, big and good.