The Bridesmaid's Baby (11 page)

‘But that doesn’t make sense.’

Tears threatened, but she kept her expression carefully calm. ‘It makes sense to me.’

If only she could explain her decision without confessing that she had always been in love with him. But that meant talking about Josh and she felt too fragile this morning to go there.

Perhaps it was better to never talk about it. If they stopped the friendship plan now, they could leave the past in the past, where it belonged.

Somehow she kept her voice steady. ‘It was a great idea in theory, but I’m afraid it’s not going to work, Will. I might take months to fall pregnant.
Friends
don’t keep having sex month after month, or possibly several times a month, trying to becoming parents.’

‘But I thought you really wanted to have a baby.’

‘Well, yes, I did want a baby. But—’ Oh, help. What could she tell him? ‘Maybe sex is different for guys,’ she finished lamely.

‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that.’

Lucy’s heart stuttered as she watched a dark stain ride
up Will’s neck. Knotted veins stood out on the backs of his hands as he gripped the back of a kitchen chair.

Lucy knew she mustn’t cave in now. She should have recognised from the start that this convenient baby idea could never work. She should have known that her emotions would never survive the strain of making love to him when he’d only ever offered her friendship and a fly in, fly out version of fatherhood.

She should have heard the warning bells then. She’d been foolish to agree.

Even so, a huge part of her wanted to remain foolish. She longed to rush into Will’s arms again. She longed for him to kiss her, longed for a future where Will Carruthers figured in her life, no matter how remotely.

‘So,’ he said tightly, ‘you’re quite certain you want to ditch our arrangement?’

‘Yes, that’s what I want.’

His jaw clenched tightly and a muscle jerked just below his right cheekbone. For a moment he looked as if he wanted to say more, but then he frowned and shook his head.

‘Will, I do appreciate your—’

He silenced her with a raised hand. ‘Please, spare me your thanks. I know what this is all about. It’s OK.’ Already he was heading back down the hallway to her front door.

Puzzled by his sudden acceptance, but aching with regret, Lucy followed. On the doorstep, she said, ‘Gina’s invited me to the twins’ christening. I guess I’ll…see you there?’

‘Of course.’ He smiled wryly. ‘We’re the star godparents.’

It occurred to Lucy that this christening would be like the wedding—another gathering of their friends and families. Another ceremonial rite of passage. Another occasion when
she and Will would be in close proximity. But she wondered if either of them could look forward to it.

The heaviness inside her plunged deeper as she watched Will swing into the truck. It was only as the driver’s door slammed shut that she remembered she hadn’t asked him about his job interview.

She ran down the path, calling to him, ‘Will, how was the interview in Armidale?’

His face was stony. ‘I didn’t end up going.’

Shocked, she clung to her rickety front gate. ‘Why not?’

‘When I really thought about working there, shut up in a building all day, preparing lectures, marking papers, talking to academics, I knew I wasn’t cut out for it.’

Before she could respond, he gunned the truck’s motor and sent it rattling and roaring to life. Without smiling, he raised his hand in a grim salute. Dust rose as he took off.

Miserably, Lucy watched him go.

Soon he would probably disappear completely, off to another remote outpost. Now, too late, she realised that she’d been secretly hoping he’d get that job in Armidale and stay close.

At least Will had been honest with himself. He was right—unfortunately—Armidale wouldn’t have suited him. Alaska or Africa were more his style. Anywhere—as long as it was a long, long way from Willowbank.

The christening was perfect—sweet babies in white baptismal gowns, white candles, a kindly vicar, photos and happy onlookers.

But it was an ordeal for Will.

Lucy was a constant distraction in a floaty dress of the palest dove grey, and Gina and Tom’s obvious pride in
their beyond cute, well behaved babies was a poignant reminder of her recent disappointment.

Spring was at its best with clear blue skies and gentle sunshine, but Will felt like a man on a knife edge. He so regretted not being able to help Lucy to achieve her goal of motherhood.

He was deeply disappointed that she wasn’t prepared to have a second try. In fact, the depth of his disappointment surprised him. It was disturbing to know that she’d found the whole process too stressful.

Will reasoned that his relationship to Josh was the problem. He was too strong a reminder of the man she’d loved and lost. Why else had she looked so miserable when he’d tried to convince her to keep trying?

After the church service, the Carruthers family held a celebratory luncheon at Tambaroora. Long tables were covered in white cloths and set beneath pergolas heavy with fragrant wisteria. Everyone helped to carry the food from the kitchen—platters of seafood and roast meat, four different kinds of salads, mountains of crispy, homemade bread rolls.

Two white christening cakes were given pride of place and crystal flutes were filled with French champagne to wet the babies’ heads.

Will chatted with guests and helped with handing the drinks around and Lucy did the same but, apart from exchanging polite greetings, they managed to avoid conversing with each other.

It seemed necessary given the circumstances, as if they both feared that a conversation might give their strained relationship away.

Fortunately, no one else seemed to notice their tension.
Everyone was too taken with the babies, or too eager to hear about Mattie and Jake’s honeymoon travels in Italy.

Gina’s father-in-law, Fred Hutchins, broke off an animated conversation with Lucy to catch Will as he passed.

‘Great to see you again,’ Fred said, shaking Will’s hand. ‘We old-timers have been following your exploits in Alaska and Africa and Mongolia. It all sounds so exciting.’

‘It’s been interesting,’ Will agreed, without meeting Lucy’s gaze.

‘Good for you. Why not enjoy an adventurous life while you can? I should have headed off myself when I was younger, but it just didn’t happen. I’m pleased you didn’t get bogged down here, Will. I suppose, in some ways, we look on you as the one who got away.’ Fred chuckled. ‘When are you heading off again?’

‘Pretty soon.’

Fred clapped Will on the shoulder. ‘Good for you, son. Don’t hang around here. It’s too easy to grow roots in a place like this.’

Will caught Lucy’s eye and saw the sad set of her mouth and the thinness of her smile. He wondered, as the laughter and chatter floated about them, if he was the only one who noticed the shadowy wistfulness in her eyes whenever she glanced in the direction of the babies.

Unlike the other women, Lucy hadn’t begged for a chance to cuddle little Mia or Jasper and Will’s heart ached for her.

When it was time for dessert, silver platters piled with dainty lemon meringue tarts appeared.

‘Lucy, these are divine!’ Gina exclaimed with her mouth full.

For the first time that day, Lucy looked happy. ‘They turned out well, didn’t they?’

‘Did you make these?’ Will was unable to disguise his surprise, which he immediately regretted.

Lucy’s smile faltered. ‘Yes.’ She tilted her chin defensively. ‘As a matter of fact, I made them entirely from scratch—even the pastry.’

‘What’s got into you, Will?’ Gina challenged. ‘Are you trying to suggest that Lucy can’t cook?’

The eyes of almost every guest at the table suddenly fixed on Will and he felt the back of his neck grow uncomfortably hot. He smiled, tried to mumble an apology. ‘No, no, sorry. I…I…’

To his surprise, Lucy came to his rescue. ‘Back when Will and I were at uni, I used to be an atrocious cook.’

This was greeted by indulgent smiles and nods and comments along the lines that Lucy was an accomplished cook now. As general conversation resumed, Lucy’s eyes met Will’s down the length of the table. She sent him a smile, nothing more than a brief flash, but its sweet intimacy almost undid him.

Shortly afterwards, the babies woke from their naps and the christening cakes were cut and glasses were raised once again. Tom made a short but touching speech of thanks to Mattie for her wonderful gift of the surrogate pregnancy and, just as he finished, baby Mia let out a loud bellow of protest.

‘Oh, who’s a grizzly grump?’ Gina gave a theatrical groan. ‘She probably needs changing.’

To Will’s surprise, Lucy jumped to her feet and held out her arms. ‘Let me look after her,’ she said.

‘Oh, thanks, I won’t say no,’ Gina replied with a laugh.

Lucy was smiling as she scooped the baby from Gina’s lap.

Will watched her walk back across the smooth lawn to the
house and thought how beautiful she looked in her elegant dress with its floaty grey skirt, the colour of an early morning sky. Her pale blonde hair was shining in the sunlight, and the baby was a delicate pink and white bundle in her arms.

Without quite realising what he’d done or why, he found himself standing. ‘I’ll fetch more champagne,’ he offered, grasping for an excuse to follow her.

‘No need, Will,’ called his father, pointing to a tub filled with ice. ‘We still have plenty of champers here.’

‘I…er…remembered that I left a couple of bottles in the freezer,’ Will said. ‘I don’t want them to ice up. I’d better rescue them.’

As he entered the house he heard Lucy’s voice drifting down the hallway from the room that used to be Gina’s. Her voice rippled with laughter and she was talking in the lilting sing-song that adults always used with babies. For Will, the sound was as seriously seductive as a siren’s song and he couldn’t resist heading down the passage.

In the doorway he paused, unwilling to intrude. The baby was on the bed, little arms waving, legs pumping as she laughed and giggled and Lucy was leaning over her.

Will couldn’t see Lucy’s face, but he could hear her soft, playful chatter. It was such a touching and intimate exchange. A painful brick lodged in his throat.

Lucy was laughing. ‘Who’s the cutest little baby girl in the whole wide world?’

Mia responded with loud chuckles and coos.

‘Who’s the loveliest roly-poly girl? Who’s so chubby and sweet I could gobble her up?’

Will felt a twist in his heart as he watched Lucy kiss the waving pink toes, watched her gently and deftly apply lotion to the petal soft skin, then refasten a clean nappy.

Aware that he was spying, he stepped back, preparing to make a discreet departure, but just at that moment, a choked cry broke from Lucy and she seemed to fold in the middle like a sapling lashed by a storm.

She sank to her knees beside the bed.

‘Lucy.’

He didn’t want to startle her, but her name burst from him.

Her head jerked up and she turned and her face was white and wet with tears. She looked at Will with haunted eyes and then she looked at the baby and she tried to swipe at her tears, but her emotions were too raw. Her mouth crumpled and she sent Will a look of hopeless despair.

In a heartbeat he was in the room, dropping to his knees beside her. He pulled her into his arms and he held her as she trembled and clung to him, burying her face, warm and wet with tears, against his neck.

It was then that he knew.

He knew how deeply she longed for a child.

He knew how very much he wanted to help her.

Most of all, he knew that Lucy’s need was greater than her fear.

‘We can try again if you like,’ he whispered close to her ear. ‘Lucy, why don’t you try again?’

‘Yes,’ she sobbed against his shoulder. ‘I think I have to. Please, yes.’

His arms tightened around her.

In a few minutes Lucy was calmer. She stood and went to the bathroom to wash her face while Will held Mia.

It was quite something the way his little niece snuggled into him, with her head tucked against his chest and one chubby starfish hand clutching at the fabric of his shirt.

Will tried to imagine a son or daughter of his own. A tiny person like this. Mia smelled amazing. She smelled…pink.

Yes, if pale pink was a fragrance, he was sure it would smell like this baby. Warm and fuzzy and incredibly appealing.

The baby was wearing the gold bracelet he’d bought for her christening—a little chain with a heart shaped locket—and it almost disappeared into the roly-poly folds of her wrist. Her skin was so soft. Peach soft.

No, softer than a peach.

Wow. No wonder fathers wanted to protect their daughters.

‘Oh, gosh, Will, that baby really suits you,’ Lucy said, almost smiling as she came back into the room.

‘Not as well as she suits you.’

He handed the tiny bundle back to Lucy and she buried her nose in Mia’s hair. ‘I’d bottle this smell if I could.’

Turning, she checked her appearance in the mirror above the dressing table. ‘I just need a minute to compose myself. It’s a pity I don’t have my make-up with me.’

To Will, Lucy looked absolutely fine just as she was, but he offered to fetch her handbag.

‘No, it’s OK,’ she said. ‘You’d better go back to the party. Gina will be wondering why we’re taking so long.’

L
UCY’S
words were prophetic. Will had barely left before Gina appeared at the bedroom door.

‘Oh, there you are,’ she said. ‘I was wondering—’ She stopped and frowned. ‘Is everything OK, Lucy?’

‘Yes.’ Lucy dropped a swift kiss on the baby’s head. ‘Mia’s fine.’

But gosh, she couldn’t quite believe that she’d actually agreed to try again for a baby with Will.

‘But what about you?’ Gina asked. ‘You look upset.’

Lucy tried to shrug this aside.

‘You’ve been crying.’ Gina came closer, her dark eyes warm with concern.

It was too hard to pretend. Lucy tried to smile but her mouth twisted out of shape.

‘Lucy, you poor thing. What’s the matter?’

‘I’m just emerald green with jealousy, that’s all.’ She looked down at Mia, curled in her arms and this time she managed a rueful smile. ‘I would so love to have a little one like this for myself.’

‘Oh.’ Gina made a soft sound of sympathy. ‘I know how awful that longing can be. It just eats you up, doesn’t it?’

That was the great thing about Gina. She wasn’t just a good friend. She really understood. She’d been through years of painful endometriosis before her doctor had finally told her that she needed a hysterectomy. The news that she could never have children had broken her heart, but then Mattie had stepped in with her wonderful surrogacy offer.

Now, just as she had when they’d been school friends, Gina plopped down on her old bed and patted a space for Lucy, who obeyed without question. She was so totally in need of a girly heart-to-heart and where better than Gina’s bedroom, still painted the terrible lavender and hot pink she’d chosen when she was fourteen?

‘Are you thinking about tackling another round of IVF?’ Gina asked.

Lucy shook her head and hastily weighed up the pros and cons of confiding in Will’s sister. Quite quickly she decided it was necessary. Out of any of the women in her circle of friends, Gina would most understand her longing for a baby. And she also understood her history with Will.

‘I’m trying for a baby, but not with IVF,’ she said.

To Gina’s credit, she didn’t look too shocked, although she was understandably puzzled. ‘So how’s that work? You have a secret boyfriend?’

‘Not exactly.’ Lucy settled Mia’s sleepy head more comfortably into the crook of her arm. ‘Actually, Will’s offered to help me out.’

This time, Gina did look shocked.

Momentarily.

‘Will’s helping you to have a baby?’

‘Yes.’

‘Wow!’ Gina gasped. ‘That’s…that’s…far out. You and
Will.’ She gave an excited little squeal. ‘Gosh, Lucy, that’s wonderful.’

‘Unconventional is probably the word most people would use.’

Gina frowned. ‘Excuse me? I’m lost.’

‘Friends don’t usually plan to have a baby together.’

‘Friends?’

‘Yes. Will and I are still only friends. But he’s quite keen to be a dad and he knows how I feel, so he wants to help me to have a baby. It’s actually rather convenient.’

‘Right.’ Gina frowned as she digested this. Then she smiled. ‘But friends often fall in love.’

Lucy felt bad, knowing she was about to watch Gina’s happy smile disintegrate.

‘Not this time,’ she said. ‘There’s no chance.’

For a moment Gina seemed lost for words. She traced the pattern of pink and lavender patchwork squares on the bed quilt. ‘I guess it must be awkward,’ she mused, ‘because you were engaged to Josh.’

Unwilling to dwell on that subject, Lucy tried to steer Gina’s thoughts in a different direction. ‘The thing is, Will’s not a settling down kind of guy. You and I both know that. We’ve always known it.’

Gina pulled a face. ‘Will’s annoying like that, isn’t he? I really love my brother but, I have to admit, he’s always been a bit of an outsider in our family. Middle child syndrome, I guess.’

‘I wouldn’t know. I was an only child.’

‘In our family, it was always about Josh, as the eldest son. He was the heir apparent. And I was the spoiled baby girl. Poor old Will was caught in the middle, neither one thing nor the other.’

Gina lowered her voice importantly. ‘Even though I was the youngest, I could see how it was. Dad spoiled me rotten. Gosh, when I was little, he used to take me out on the tractor every night just to get me to sleep. I’d sit up there with my security blanket and my head in his lap, while he went round and round the paddock.’

‘Lucky you,’ Lucy said.

‘And then Josh was always trailing after Dad like a faithful sheepdog and the old man adored it. They were always together, working with the sheep, tinkering with machinery. They had a special bond and I’m sure Will felt left out. I think that’s why he drifted towards books and study, rather than helping out on the farm. And then he started taking off on his own to fossick for rocks.’

‘Which he’s still doing, more or less,’ Lucy suggested.

‘I guess.’ Gina let out a loud sigh. ‘It’s not fair on you, though.’ She pulled at a loose thread in the quilt. ‘Will might still feel as if he’s living in Josh’s shadow.’

Bright heat flared in Lucy’s face. ‘I hope he doesn’t,’ she said quietly.

‘What is it with my brothers? Why do they both have to mess up your life?’

‘Because I let them?’

Gina’s face softened and she reached out to touch her daughter’s hair as she slept in Lucy’s arms. ‘Well…for what it’s worth, I think this baby idea is fabulous. OK, maybe it’s a tad unconventional, but it’s still fabulous. I do wish you luck.’

‘Thanks.’ Lucy smiled. It was good to know she had someone on her side. ‘You won’t say anything to Will?’

‘Heavens, no.’ Gina threw a reassuring arm around
Lucy’s shoulders. ‘A little sister’s advice would be the kiss of death, and I really want this to work.’

After the last of the guests had left, Will helped with the dismantling of the trestle tables and the stacking away of the chairs in a storage room below the hayloft. As he worked, his thoughts were focused front, back and centre on Lucy.

It wasn’t possible to think about anything else. His heart had cracked in two today when he’d seen her weeping beside little Mia.

Mattie had achieved the impossible for Gina and Tom and no doubt that made Lucy’s situation all the more distressing. But what upset Will was the fact that she’d told him last week she wanted to call off their plan, when it was so obvious that she still wanted a baby.

There could only be one reason, of course. She wasn’t happy about having to sleep with him again. He’d created a problem for her.

For possibly the thousandth time Will thought about that night. He’d been a lost man the minute he’d touched Lucy McKenty. That was his problem. One caress of her skin, one brush of his lips against her soft, sweet mouth and he’d forgotten his plan to have simple, ‘friendly’ sex with a focus on procreation. Damn it. He’d been so carried away, he’d practically forgotten his own name.

Problem was, he’d put their kiss of ten years ago out of his mind. He’d gone into this without thinking about how Lucy might taste, or how she’d react. He certainly hadn’t expected such a passionate response from her.

Was that how she’d been with Josh?

Hell.

Will was shocked by the violent force of his feelings when he thought about Josh and Lucy together.

He tried to stop thinking about them but, with the last chair stacked, he strode to the end of the home paddock. He looked out across the valley to where the distant hills were blue smudges on the horizon and he drew a deep breath and caught the sharp tang of eucalyptus and the dusty scent of the earth.

He looked up at the wide faded blue of the sky, searching for answers to the turmoil inside him.

Some answers were easy. He knew exactly why Lucy loved this land, and he knew that he wanted his child to live here with her.

It felt right that Lucy should be the mother of his child.

It felt good.

But was he fooling himself? Was it madness to think he could replace his brother?

No, he decided. It was actually a greater madness to dwell on the Josh-Lucy scenario, to keep letting the past haunt him.

For more than twenty years he’d lived in Josh’s shadow, but it was time to get over that. His task now was to concentrate on the living. To do the right thing by Lucy.

Heaven knew she deserved to be treated well. She was a wonderful girl. Gutsy and clever. Sweet and fun.

She was his friend.

And she needed his help.

And he needed—

Hell, he wasn’t sure what he needed from Lucy. He had the feeling though, that he couldn’t stop wanting to help her.

But, if that was so, if they were going to keep trying until
Lucy was pregnant, he had to make this baby plan easier for her. Which meant he had to make sure that their next rendezvous was as friendly and functional as possible.

Will let out a sigh—which he smartly decided was a sigh of relief. He felt marginally better now that he had his thoughts straight.

All he had to remember was that he was Lucy’s friend, not her lover.

Friendship gave them clear boundaries and boundaries were good. Breaking the boundaries could completely mess up her life.

In line with that thinking, he should start making plans to get a job outside this district. That way Lucy would know he wasn’t going to crowd her once their goal of pregnancy was achieved. He’d heard of jobs in Papua New Guinea that he could apply for.

PNG wasn’t too far away, so he could come back to Willowbank from time to time to play whatever role in their baby’s life that Lucy wanted.

Good. Will was glad he had that sorted.

It always helped to have a plan.

Three days later he received a text message from Lucy:

Can you come over tonight? I have evening surgery, so can’t offer dinner. Is 9.30 too late? L x

He sent a hasty reply:

I’ll be there.

I’ll be there…

All day Will’s message drummed inside Lucy with a pulsing, electrifying beat.

She knew she was weak. She was supposed to be giving up on this baby idea and protecting her emotions, but she’d only spent five minutes with little Mia and her brave plans to abandon the project had toppled like bowling pins.

She shouldn’t have jumped at Will’s offer to try again for a baby, but heavens, if he hadn’t offered, she might have begged him.

Now, she couldn’t stop thinking about him arriving on her doorstep tonight, coming into her house, into her bed.

For the first time in her professional life she found it hard to concentrate on her work. She was excessively grateful that the tasks were routine, so she could more or less function on autopilot.

But, by the time the hands of the clock eventually crawled to nine-thirty in the evening, she was jangling with tension and expectation.

And she was falling apart with insecurity.

She wished she knew how Will really felt about this second night, but it was such a difficult question to broach. And she might not like his answer.

She told herself that she should be grateful he was willing to help, and she should be pleased that he hadn’t pressed her to talk about Josh. If she started down that track, she might reveal too much about her feelings for Will. She could complicate the delicate balance of their friendship. Spoil everything.

Perhaps Will was nervous too, because he arrived two minutes and thirty-five seconds early, but Lucy opened the door even before he knocked.

‘Evening, Lucy.’ His smile was shy, yet so charming, she was sure it was designed to make her heart do back-flips.

She ran her damp hands down the side seams of her jeans. ‘Come on in.’

Will came through the doorway but then he stopped abruptly. ‘I’ve brought you a little something,’ he said, holding out a slim box tied with curling purple ribbons.

‘Oh.’ Lucy gulped with surprise. ‘Thank you.’

‘I know rocks don’t really have special powers, but see what you think.’

Her hands were shaking and she fumbled as she tried to undo the ribbon, pulling the knot tighter, instead of undoing it.

‘Hey, I’ll get that.’

The brush of Will’s hands against hers sent rivers of heat up her arms. Her heart thumped as she watched the concentration in his face, the patience of his fingers as he deftly prised the knot free. Finally, he lifted the lid and showed her a neat little pendant on a pretty silver chain.

‘Will, it’s gorgeous. Is it an amethyst?’

‘Yes.’ He sent her another shy smile. ‘Apparently, amethysts have traditionally been linked to fertility.’

‘Oh, wow. That’s so thoughtful. Thank you. It’s beautiful. I love it.’

He smiled gorgeously. ‘Let me do up the clasp for you.’

Lucy decided it was quite possible to melt just from being touched. She was burning up as Will fastened the pendant. She turned to him.

‘It suits you,’ he said. ‘It brings out the deep blue in your eyes.’

To Lucy’s surprise he looked suddenly nervous. Bravely, she stepped forward and kissed him. On the mouth.

Gosh.
When had she become so brave?

Will returned her kiss carefully, almost chastely, and she felt a cold little swoop of disappointment.

She lifted her hands to his shoulders and felt him tense all over. ‘Will,’ she whispered, ‘what’s wrong?’