The Bridesmaid's Baby (7 page)

It was more than likely she would never be able to talk to Will about this.

Nevertheless, tonight’s conversation felt like an important step. It was almost as if she and Will had picked up their friendship where they’d left off. He’d told her about the funeral, something he hadn’t been able to share with his family.

It suddenly felt OK to say, ‘I’ve actually become quite desperate to have a baby.’

Will spun around from the window and his chest rose and fell. Above his open white shirt, the muscles in his throat rippled. His eyes smouldered in the cool white light. ‘You’d make a wonderful mother, Lucy.’

The compliment made her want to cry, but she gave him a shrugging smile. ‘It’s a terrible waste, isn’t it?’

She hadn’t expected to say more but, now that she’d started, it was surprisingly easy to keep going. ‘To be honest, I worry constantly about the state of my ovaries and whether I can expect them to go on delivering, month after month.’

‘The old biological clock?’

She nodded. ‘Early menopause runs in my family. That’s why I’m an only child.’

Will frowned. ‘But I have it on good authority that you’ve turned down at least three proposals of marriage.’

Heat flooded Lucy’s face. ‘I suppose Gina told you that?’

He nodded.

‘OK, so I’m fussy, but that’s because I’m not so desperate that I’d settle for just any guy as a husband. Willowbank isn’t exactly swarming with Mr Rights, you know. I’d rather be a single mother.’

Abruptly, Will came back to his chair and sank down
into it, long legs stretching in front of him. ‘Why would you want to be a single mother?’

‘Because it’s better than not being a mother at all.’

He looked surprised and thoughtful.

Lucy made herself comfortable with her legs curled and an elbow propped on the chair’s arm, her cheek resting on her hand. ‘I’ve been to a fertility clinic,’ she told Will. ‘And I’ve already tried one round of IVF.’

‘IVF?’ he repeated, sounding shocked.

‘Why not?’

‘Isn’t that a bit…extreme?’

‘It seemed logical to me. I’ve inseminated hundreds of animals and it worked beautifully for Mattie and Gina. But, unfortunately, it didn’t work for me.’

Will made a soft sound, a kind of strangled gasp.

‘I’m sorry. That’s probably too much information,’ she said.

But Will shook his head and, a moment later, a smile played around his lips. He tapped at the arm of his chair. ‘It’s a pity Mattie can’t have a baby for you.’

Lucy knew he was joking and forced a weak laugh. Uncurling her legs, she sat straight in her chair. ‘Don’t worry, that thought’s occurred to me but I imagine Mattie has other plans now she has a husband.’

‘I’m sure she has.’ With a thoughtful frown, Will scratched at his jaw. ‘But it’s a pity there isn’t someone who could help you out.’

‘Do you mean a good friend? Someone like you, Will?’

L
UCY
could not believe she’d just said that.

What had she been thinking?

How on earth could she have boldly suggested that Will could help her to have a baby—out of friendship?

What must he think of her?

The only sound in the room came from Seamus, the Irish setter, snoring softly at Will’s feet. Lucy stared at the sleeping dog while her heart beat crazily.

‘You know that was a joke, don’t you?’ she said in a small voice.

To her dismay, Will didn’t answer and she wished she could crawl away and hide with her tail between her legs, the way Seamus and Harry did when they were in big trouble.

If only she could press a rewind button and take those words back.

When the silence became unbearable she looked up and saw Will’s serious expression and her heart juddered. ‘Will, I didn’t mean it. It was my warped sense of humour. You know I’ve never been very good at making jokes. They always come out wrong. I’m sorry. Honestly, I feel so embarrassed.’

He looked shaken. ‘For a moment there, I thought you were serious.’

‘I wasn’t, Will. You can calm down.’

Suddenly a cloud covered the moon and the room was plunged in darkness. Lucy turned on the lamp beside her and the return of light seemed to clear the air.

Will rose abruptly and stood towering over her. ‘Perhaps I’d better get going before I say something outrageous, too.’

As Lucy stood she prayed that her legs were steady enough to support her. ‘Thanks for helping me with the python,’ she remembered to say as they crossed the lounge room.

Will smiled. ‘My pleasure. I hope he makes a good recovery, and thanks for the drink and the chat. It was like old times.’

No, Lucy thought. Blurting out her desire to have a baby was not remotely like old times.

They went through to the kitchen, where Will collected his jacket and tie, and then on to the front door. His hand touched Lucy’s shoulder and she jumped.

‘See you later, Goose.’ He dropped a light kiss on her cheek and then he was gone.

Will felt as if he’d stepped off a roller coaster as he started up the truck and drove away, watching the lights of Lucy’s house grow smaller and more distant in the rear-vision mirror.

What a crazy night! In a matter of hours, he’d gone from being best man at a wedding to standing in as a veterinary nurse to fielding a request for his services as a father for Lucy’s baby.

Not that Lucy had been serious, of course.

But bloody hell. The thought gripped Will and fright
ened him beyond belief. His heart had almost raced out of control when Lucy made that offhand suggestion tonight.

He was still shaken now, even though the subject had been laid to rest. Problem was, he couldn’t let it go.

He kept thinking about how badly she wanted a baby. If he hadn’t seen the emotional pain that Gina had been through, or if he hadn’t so recently attended Keith’s funeral, he might not have caught the genuine longing in Lucy’s voice. In her eyes.

He might not have understood, might have simply thought she was selfish, wanting it all, when she already had so much.

But now he got it, he really understood that the desire to have a child came from somewhere deep, so deep that it couldn’t be properly explained. And it shouldn’t be ignored.

But should he be involved? For Pete’s sake, he’d seen the haunted loneliness in Lucy’s eyes and he’d almost grabbed her suggestion and moulded it into a realistic option.

They’d been such good friends and he’d wanted to help her.

But father her baby?

That was even crazier than the way he’d felt when he’d danced with her tonight at the wedding. It was the kiss on the veranda revisited. He’d been caught out by unexpected emotions, by an inappropriate desire to get too close to Lucy.

Every time she’d stumbled against him, he’d wanted to keep her close. He’d wanted to inhale the clean, rosy scent of her skin, to touch his lips to her skin, right there, in front of the wedding guests.

Thank heavens he’d had the sense to stop dancing before things got out of hand.

But it didn’t really make sense that he was feeling this way about Lucy now. Why would he want to play second fiddle to the memory of his brother?

If he’d wanted Lucy as his girlfriend, he should have grabbed the chance when they were at university, before she got to know Josh. Problem was, he’d been too distracted by the sheer numbers of girls at Sydney Uni and he’d wanted to play the field.

And, truth be told, when he thought about those days, he had to admit that whenever he’d made a move in Lucy’s direction she’d adroitly held him at a distance. She’d insisted that she was his buddy, not his girlfriend.

And yet she’d fallen for Josh quite easily. Will knew that was exactly why he mustn’t think twice about her crazy suggestion.

Lucy had loved his brother. She’d been about to marry his brother and have his brother’s baby.

Did he honestly think he could make amends by stepping in as a substitute?

The question teased him as he steered the truck over a single lane wooden bridge that crossed Willow Creek. He felt the familiar sickening slug of guilt he always felt when he thought about Josh and remembered the row they had on that last fateful morning before he’d died.

That was what he should have talked about tonight. He should have confessed his role in Josh’s death.

Oh, God. The mere thought of telling Lucy the truth caused a sickening jolt in his chest. She would hate him.

He couldn’t take that risk.

The next day, Sunday, dragged for Lucy. She wasn’t on call so, apart from checking on her patients, including the
python, who was recovering nicely, she couldn’t distract herself with work.

She collected her car from the Careys’ and spent a happy half hour discussing the wedding with Mattie’s mum over a cup of tea. In the afternoon, she took her dogs for a lovely long walk along Willow Creek, but they weren’t good conversationalists, so she was left with far too much time to brood over the huge gaffe she’d made during last night’s conversation with Will.

She couldn’t believe she’d actually asked her schoolgirl crush to help her to have a baby. Talk about a Freudian slip!

What must Will think of her?

Why in heaven’s name had she blurted out such a suggestion when she’d once been engaged to Will’s brother?

The question brought her to a halt, standing at the edge of the creek, staring down into the clear running water. She remembered the happy times she’d spent here with Will, panning for gold or sapphires. How excited they’d been over the tiniest speck of gold or the smallest dull chips of dark glass that signified sapphires.

She’d never once let Will see how much she loved him. She’d been too scared to risk losing him by telling him how she felt.

She was so totally lost in thought that she was startled when her dogs began to bark suddenly.

‘Stop that, Harry,’ she called. ‘Seamus, what’s the matter?’

Then she heard the snap of twigs and the crunch of gravel underfoot. Someone was coming along the track.

‘Come here,’ Lucy ordered but, to her dismay, the dogs ignored her. Their tails kept wagging and they yapped expectantly as a tall figure came around the bend.

It was Will.

A flare of shock burst inside her, as if someone had lit a match. Will looked surprised too, but he seemed to recover more quickly. He smiled, while Lucy’s heart continued to thump fretfully.

‘Fancy seeing you here,’ he drawled.

‘I brought the dogs for a walk.’

He grinned and bent down to give the boys a quick scruff around the ears. ‘I needed to get out of the house.’

‘Already? But you’ve just arrived home.’

‘I know.’ His grey eyes sparkled as he looked up at her. ‘But I’ve had this crazy idea rattling around in my head and I needed to get away to think.’

‘Oh,’ Lucy said uncertainly.

The dogs, content with Will’s greeting, went back to hunting for the delectable smells in a nearby lantana bush. Watching them, Will said, ‘I’ve been thinking about your baby proposal.’

‘Will, it wasn’t a proposal. You know I didn’t mean it.’

With a distinct lack of haste, he said, ‘But is it such a bad idea?’

Lucy’s mouth fell open. Surely he wasn’t serious? ‘Of course it’s a bad idea. It’s crazy.’

He looked about him, letting his gaze take in the silent trees and sky, the smooth stepping stones crossing the creek. ‘You really want a baby,’ he said quietly. ‘You said so last night, and you’re worried you’re running out of time.’

Now it was Lucy who didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Her heart had risen to fill her throat. She’d never dreamed for a moment that Will would take her flippant comment even halfway seriously.

He stood, blocking her way on the narrow track,
watching her carefully. ‘I’m sure you’d prefer your baby’s father to be someone you know.’

She still couldn’t speak. Her hand lifted to the base of her throat as she tried to still the wild pulse that beat there.

Will pressed his point. ‘I imagine a friend must be a better option than an unknown donor in a sperm bank.’

‘But friends don’t normally have babies together.’

She couldn’t see his expression. He’d turned to pluck at a long grass stalk and it made a soft snapping sound.

‘People accept all kinds of convenient family arrangements these days,’ he said. ‘The locals in Willowbank have accepted the idea of Mattie’s surrogacy very well.’

‘Well, yes. That’s true.’

But, despite her silly dreams, Lucy couldn’t imagine having a baby with Will. He’d never fancied her. And, even if he did, he was Josh’s brother.

‘Look, Lucy, don’t get me wrong. I’m not pushing this, but I’m happy to talk it through.’

‘Why?’

A slow smile warmed his eyes. ‘We haven’t talked for years and we used to be really good at it.’

Lucy felt a blush spread upwards from her throat. Her mind was spinning, grasping desperately at the idea of Will as her baby’s father and then slipping away again, as if the thoughts were made of ice. ‘But what exactly are you saying? That you would be willing to…um…donate sperm for another round of IVF?’

Surprise flared in his face. He tossed the grass stalk into the water. ‘If that’s what you want.’

‘I…I don’t know.’

‘Of course, there’s always the natural alternative. If you’ve had trouble with IVF, that shouldn’t be ruled out.’

Lucy bit her lip to cover her gasp of dismay. She watched the grass float away, disappearing behind a rock. The dogs began to bark again. ‘They’re tired of this spot and they want to move on,’ she told Will.

‘Let’s walk, then,’ he suggested.

There was just enough room on the track for them to walk side by side, and it should have been relaxing to walk with Will beside the creek—like in the old days. But today an unsettling awareness zapped through Lucy. She was too conscious of Will’s tall, rangy body. So close. Touching close.

She couldn’t think straight. She was so tantalised by the idea of a baby, but how could she even talk about having a baby with Will when she’d never admitted that she’d always had a crush on him?

She didn’t want to frighten him away, not now when he’d made such an amazing suggestion.

Dragging in a deep breath, she said, ‘OK. Just say we did…um…give this some thought. How do you actually feel about becoming a father?’

She glanced at Will and saw his quick smile. ‘To be honest, fatherhood has been well down on my wish list. But I guess I’m seeing it in a new light lately. I’ve been hit by the feeling that I’ve been wasting my life.’

‘Because of the little boy at the funeral?’

‘Yes, that little guy really got to me. But there’ve been other things too—like Gina’s twins. They knocked me for six. They’re so damn cute.’

‘I know. I’m eaten up with envy every time I see them. But you haven’t answered me. Would you really want to be my baby’s father?’

Will stopped walking. ‘I can’t promise I’d be a terrific
help, Lucy. I don’t even know where I’m going to be working yet, so there’s not much chance I’d be a hands-on father. But, if you want to have a child, I’d certainly be ready to help.’

She was so surprised she found her thoughts racing ahead. ‘I don’t mind managing on my own. It’s what I’d planned anyway.’

Will smiled. ‘So what does that mean? Do you want to give this some serious thought?’

‘I…I don’t know.’ She was feeling so dazed. ‘I know I was the one who started this, but I never dreamed you’d take me up on it.’

Even as she said this, Lucy wished she’d sounded more positive. This was her dream, to have Will’s baby. OK, maybe the dream also involved Will falling madly and deeply in love with her, but surely half a dream was better than none?

‘But I guess there’s no harm in thinking about it,’ she said.

His eyes were very bright, watching her closely. ‘I wasn’t even expecting to see you today. There’s no pressure to make a decision now. We should sleep on it. If we decide to go ahead, we can fine-tune the details later.’

‘Fine-tune?’

‘IVF versus the alternative,’ he said without smiling.

The alternative.

This time Lucy’s skin began to burn from the inside out. She hadn’t even been able to dance with Will last night without getting upset. How on earth could she possibly make love with him without a gigantic emotional meltdown?

The very thought of becoming intimate with Will sent flames shooting over her skin. She began to tremble.

‘There’s no rush,’ he said. ‘I could be around here for a
while yet, and if I move to Armidale it’s only a couple of hours away.’

Lucy frowned at him. ‘Armidale?’

‘The job I mentioned. At the university.’

Oh.
She expelled air noisily.

‘Look, we both need time to think about this, Lucy.’ Will watched her dogs running impatiently back and forth, trying to urge her to get walking again. ‘And I should head back now.’

‘All right.’

‘I’m glad I ran into you,’ he said.

Lucy nodded.

‘So you’ll give this some thought?’