The Broken Hearts Book Club (21 page)

He scrambled to his feet and stood in front of me, holding my wrists in his strong, warm hands.

‘Don’t say that, please Lucy don’t say that.’ I could feel Jake’s hands tremble as he held onto me. ‘I’ll work something out, but I can’t lose you OK? I can’t!’

‘Jake, you’ve got the chance to have a ready-made family with Rachel and Maya. Be honest, you wouldn’t be happy here knowing she’s so far away and you can’t pop over to see her whenever you like. You have to go. Y-you never know, Rachel might not like the job and want to come back!’

‘It’s her dream apparently.’ He laughed emptily. ‘When I first met her, she wanted to be a policewoman, so that’s a load of crap. No matter what I do, I’m going to be unhappy. I’ll either be here thinking about Maya or in Spain thinking about you. I can’t win, can I?’

What I had to do became instantly obvious. It would hurt but it was for the best.

I sighed. ‘Maybe we should just say goodbye now, eh? We both know it’s coming.’

Saying it hurt just as much as thinking it did.

‘I can’t say goodbye to you Lucy.’ Jake’s eyes sparkled with tears. ‘Bloody Rachel and her stupid job! Why does this have to be happening?’

I wiped away some more tears with an unsteady hand. This was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. Jake going to Spain with Maya was the right thing to do and I knew that. He had the chance to be happy with his family and I didn’t want to ruin that. I’d already wrecked one family’s lives – the Cunninghams – and I wasn’t about to do the same to Jake. I cared about him far too much to do that.

‘This is killing me,’ he said. ‘Do we really have to do this?’

‘Unless Rachel magically turns round and says she’s not going, then yeah. I… I think this has to be over. Maybe we’ll find our way back to each other one day.’

The words tumbled out of my mouth and punched the night air before I knew what was happening.

‘Lucy, everything will be OK, just –’

‘Don’t, OK? Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. We can’t do this Jake! What do I have to say to get you to understand that? Do I have to tell you I don’t love you, that I wish I’d never met you? What?’

‘You don’t mean that.’

‘You know something, at the moment I think I do! It’s been nothing but complications from the start with us. I wish I’d never bloody clapped eyes on you! We need a clean break and you need to go and be with your daughter. Forget about me and just go, OK? Please.’

‘Lucy…’

I shook my head and he stopped talking. There was nothing left to say anyway. All that was left to do was for one of us to slink off silently into the night, contemplating what we’d just lost.

On this occasion, that person was me.

Chapter Nineteen

The day of The Purple Partridge’s cocktail party came. I’d never felt less in a party mood, but Elle insisted that I go.

‘The Lucy Harper I know would never let something as trivial as her ex-boyfriend’s imminent move to Spain keep her down. Where’s your spirit?’

‘Right now, at the bottom of this tub of Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.’

She was currently stood over me while I sulked on the couch in my pyjamas, watching Disney movies and trying to perfect my impression of Sebastian from
The Little Mermaid.

‘He’s not
imminently
moving
; I don’t even know if he’s definitely going yet,’ I corrected her. ‘Anyway, it’s best if he goes: if he doesn’t, he’ll hardly see Maya and he’d hate not being a part of her life. I ruined Maggie and Vicky’s lives way back when, I don’t want to ruin Jake’s too. He and Rachel can get back together and ride off into the sunset on a donkey, wearing sombreros.’

‘Sombreros are Mexican, you nugget! Right that’s it, I’ve had enough. I’m taking action now.’

Elle switched off
The Little Mermaid
, pulled my duvet off of me and hauled me off the couch.

‘Before yesterday, you were a confident, caring and brilliant person who wanted to help a group of people get back on their feet. Don’t let one bad day ruin that. Get ready, go to that party and knock his bloody socks off! If you told him you wanted him to stay, he would.’

I made a pathetic groaning noise that sounded like something quietly dying. ‘I want to stay here and wallow in self-pity and eat ice cream. What’s so wrong with that?’

Elle didn’t bother answering that. Instead, she marched me upstairs and told me not to be such a chicken shit.

This was why I loved her so much.

The Purple Partridge was surprisingly crowded when we arrived. Inside was packed with people wanting to see what all the fuss was about and they were even spilling onto the front street.

Elle and I picked our way inside and nabbed a free table while we had the chance.

‘See, don’t you feel better now that you’re here?’

I looked down at the navy blue lacy dress that my best friend had practically forced me into. It clung to my skin and felt tight around my arms.

‘Not really,’ I answered. ‘How long do we have to stay for?’

‘Long enough for you and Jake to sort things out. I’m off to the bar.’

Elle’s Amazonian figure cut a quick path through the crowd and she disappeared into the three-deep line for the bar. I looked around the place and was impressed with how it had turned out. The budget had been limited, but Jake had used it to its full advantage. The decorations were tasteful, the buffet was good and he’d even booked a band to play live. The pounding music coming from the stage did little to improve my mood though, as I already had a screaming headache and an urge to go home.

‘Hi, Laura is it?’

I looked up and saw the one thing that could plummet my mood further: Rachel standing over me.

I gritted my teeth. Just looking at her made me angry. If it hadn’t been for her and her grand ideas, everything would be fine. ‘It’s Lucy. Are you here for the party?’

She threw me a simper, which reminded me a lot of Nicole’s when I’d first met her. ‘Sorry, I’ve got a brain like a sieve! Yeah, thought I’d come and see what Jakey’s managed to pull off! He’s done very well I see.’

I wanted to tell her that I’d helped, but had a feeling it would cause an argument. ‘Yeah
Jakey’s
done really well, hasn’t he?’

‘Listen, I wanted to talk to you for a second. Is that OK?’

‘Be my guest.’ I gestured to an empty chair beside me and she sat down.

‘You probably know that I’m moving to Spain soon right?’

I nodded and resisted the urge to sing a very sarcastic version of
Viva España.
I wished Elle would hurry up; alcohol was definitely needed right now.

‘And that I’ve asked Jake to come with me.’

‘Yeah, he told me last night. I didn’t want to come between him and his daughter so I’ve done the decent thing and taken a step back.’ I became very aware my face was contorted into a scowl, so forced it into a weak smile. ‘Better get stocked up on that sun cream!’

Rachel’s angelic smile slipped and she had the decency to look embarrassed.

‘Oh. He really
did
tell you everything. Look, for me it’s always been Jake – and, deep down, I think he feels the same way. We have Maya together, so we’ll always have a connection. Plus, until you came on the scene, I was round here every weekend. We were practically back together. I made the mistake of letting him go once and I’m not going to do it again. I’m not saying what you two had wasn’t real, but we have the chance to be a family again. He might be resisting it now, but he’ll come around. He always does. Deep down, he knows it’s the right thing to do.’

I looked around for any available holes in the ground that could swallow me up. Nope, none. Bollocks.

‘Well far be it for me to stand in the way of family.’ My voice bristled with sarcasm. ‘He’s all yours if you want him.’

‘I do,’ she replied, ‘I really do. ‘I’m glad you’re taking this so well, by the way. Not many women would give up their blokes so easily.’

She got up and walked off, leaving me to think about everything she’d just said. She was right; I’d rolled over and given him up, thinking I was helping him. I’d practically wrapped him up and stuck a bow on him.

Elle came back with the drinks. I downed mine in two gulps.

‘Whoa, easy tiger! What’s up with you?’

I told her all about my lovely chat with Rachel and her eyes took on a murderous rage.

‘That bitch! I’ll kill her!’

‘Leave it, Elle. She’s right, I gave him up. I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t come between him and his daughter! It’s what I always do though; if it looks like someone’s going to hurt me or if I get scared, I back off and piss off. That’s if I even let someone get close enough to hurt or scare me. Most of the time, I shut them out before it gets to that stage. The Vicky thing screwed me right up.’

Instead of slipping into her usual, comfortable role of confidante and best friend, Elle sat in stony silence.

Until, that is, she unleashed hell.

‘Do you think you were the only one affected by the Vicky thing? I was there when it happened too; I saw the whole thing just like you did! Since that night, I haven’t trusted a single person because I don’t think I’m worth getting close to. Better to shut them out, right? Except it isn’t. Since I met George, I’ve realised what a twat I was, trying to keep the world out for all those years. You’re being a major twat right now too.’

‘Hold on a minute –’

‘No, I’m not finished yet. You’ve punished yourself far too long for what happened to Vicky and look what it’s cost you: you left a place you love for eight years, never let anyone in and now you’ve lost the best bloke ever to come into your life. Do you think Vicky would want this? Would she be happy seeing you like this, empty and lonely because you can’t bear to go after what you want? Of course she wouldn’t! Go and find Jake and talk to him. You deserve to be happy Lucy, we both do.’

I stared at her as my brain digested what she’d just said. Then, in one swift movement, I hugged her and got up to go and look for Jake. The pub was still tightly packed with avid cocktail fans, so I had to push and shove to get anywhere. As I did, I collided spectacularly with someone and upset the tray of drinks they’d been carrying. A horrible sticky mix of vodka, gin and beer landed right on top of me.

‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I-I’ll replace your drinks and help you get cleaned up. I wasn’t looking where I was going!’

The man I’d banged into extended a hand and helped me to my feet. I made more apologies and reaffirmed my offer of drinks on the house. He took it quite well and said he’d go off to the toilets to clean himself up, rather than put me to any trouble.

Despite the fact I was covered in cocktails and smelled like a brewery, I continued my search for Jake. Nicole was the only one behind the bar and when I asked her, she said she hadn’t seen him.

I knew that probably wasn’t true, so I ignored her. My head bobbed up and down as I weaved through the crowd. I had to find him before it was too late.

Just then, the music was abruptly cut off and the
tap, tap, tap
of a microphone being tested echoed around the room.

Next thing, Rachel’s voice came booming out across The Purple Partridge. ‘Hi everyone, thanks so much for coming. We’re really glad you could make it and we appreciate the support for this wonderful pub.’

I rolled my eyes and made my way to the front. Rachel looked like she was addressing a crowd at the O2 Arena, while Jake stood by her looking like he was about to face a firing squad.

‘We hope you’re all having an amazing time, but we have an announcement to make. In just a couple of weeks’ time we, along with our beautiful daughter Maya, will be setting off for a new life in Spain! We’ve recently discovered what we mean to each other and we’re going to make a fresh start in the Spanish sun.’

All at once, a barrage of questions erupted about Maya: who was she, why hadn’t he told them about her, where was she because she hadn’t been seen round the village. Despite his best attempts to hide it, I could see the hurt on his face. His little girl was the subject of Luna Bay gossip: his worst nightmare.

His eyes met mine and I could see how unhappy he was. But it was too late. I’d let him go and now he was going to be a family with Rachel and Maya. It might not be what he wanted, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make to keep his little girl in his life.

Or at least that’s what I believed until he pulled Rachel in for a passionate kiss, attracting a chorus of oohs and ahhs from the crowd. I felt sick to my stomach; one minute he was telling me he’d fallen for me and the next he was making a public show out of being back with her.

Well that was it; things officially couldn’t get any worse. Tonight had been one gigantic bag of crap.

Chapter Twenty

Jake tried to call me the next day. And text me. He even came by the house. Luckily, my attack dog Elle Nicholls kept him at bay.

‘She’s out and I don’t know when she’ll be back,’ was the first one. The second was some garbled story about going to Leeds in search of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I wasn’t bothered about how ludicrous her stories were. As long as they kept him away from me.

‘OK, well could you tell her I need to speak to her? It’s pretty urgent,’ I’d heard him say, throwing himself on Elle’s mercy.

‘I’ll tell her you came round, OK? That’s all I can do.’

From my very imaginative hiding place of the kitchen, I’d listened and hated hearing him sound so desperate. Yet I did nothing. I heard his pleas for help to Elle, but didn’t act on them. I didn’t run out into the street, agree to hear him out and let him tell me how kissing Rachel had been one huge brain fart and that it was me he loved, not her.

Only it seemed that wasn’t true. Despite telling me he didn’t want to be with Rachel, his actions at the cocktail party certainly hadn’t reflected that. Nicole had said that before I’d turned up in Luna Bay, Rachel had been round almost every weekend while they tried to sort things out. Now it looked as though they finally had.

As the song went, it must have been love but it’s over now.

Since things with Jake and the Broken Hearts Book Club were ruined, I needed a new distraction. That meant holing myself up in Rose Cottage with Elle and George and working on it from sun up until sundown. My mental list of things that needed done to the place got smaller and smaller by the day. Pretty soon, the kitchen was done, complete with gorgeous cream units, new white goods and some vintage bunting for decoration. It was a shabby chic heaven. Mum and Dad had chipped in for half of the white goods and I’d paid the rest, promising to pay them back their half when I got a job.