The Call of the Desert (14 page)

Gently he turned her to face him again, and pulled the open bra down her arms and off. She felt self-conscious for a moment, aware of her bigger breasts and her rounded belly. But under Kaden’s hot gaze all trepidation fled. He cupped her breasts, eyes dark and molten as he moved his thumbs over the taut peaks. They were more sensitive now, and Julia groaned softly. Her hands were shaking with need as she reached out to take off Kaden’s jacket and shirt. The buttons were elaborate and proved too much for her clumsy ministrations.

Kaden took her hands away and she watched, dry-mouthed, as bit by bit his glorious torso was revealed. Stepping close, she pressed a kiss to one flat nipple, tugging gently with her teeth and then smoothing it with her tongue. Kaden’s hand speared her hair, holding her head. Julia exulted in his rough breathing, in the way his chest filled to suck in more air.

Her hands had found his belt and buckle. Urgently she opened them and pushed his trousers and briefs down to the floor, freeing his impressive erection. Drawing back for a moment, she looked down, feeling dizzy with desire. She reached out a hand and touched him, stroking
the hard length, feeling the decadent slide of silky skin over steel.

“Julia …”

Kaden sounded hoarse. Julia acted on pure instinct and bent her knees until she knelt before him on the floor. Still holding him, she took the tip of him into her mouth, tongue swirling around him. Fresh heat flooded through her at doing something so wanton, and she only dimly heard Kaden say harshly, “Stop …
God
, Julia, if you keep doing that I won’t—”

She felt Kaden gently pull her head away. She looked up, and the feral, almost fierce expression on his face reminded her of a wild and beautiful animal. He pulled her to her feet. “You don’t know what you do to me. I won’t last … and I want you too much. I need to be inside you.
Now
.”

Within what felt like seconds they were on Kaden’s bed, with not a stitch of clothing between them. Kaden’s hands smoothed down over Julia’s curves, her belly. She reached for him. “Kaden, I need you.”

His hand dipped between her legs, feeling for himself that she was ready, and if Julia hadn’t been so turned on she would have been embarrassed by the triumphant glitter in Kaden’s eyes.

He settled his lean hips between her legs, one hand on her thigh, pushing it wider, careful not to rest his weight on her belly. Julia arched her back, nipples scraping against his chest.

And then, just when she was about to plead and beg, she felt him slide into her, inch by delicious inch, filling her and stretching her. Eyes wide, she looked at him as he started to thrust, taking them higher and higher.

Time was transcended. All that existed was this blissful
union. And Julia was borne aloft on a wave of ecstasy so overpowering that it seemed to go on for ever, her whole body pulsing and clenching for long seconds even after Kaden’s seed had spilled deep inside her. After a timeless moment he extricated himself and pulled her tight into his chest, arms wrapped around her. Julia wondered for one lucid moment before she fell asleep if this was a dream.

Kaden lay awake beside Julia. His heartbeat was still erratic, and a light sweat sheened his skin. Julia was curled into his chest, bottom tucked close into the cradle of his thighs. Already he was growing hard at the feel of her lush behind. Once again he was struck with the immutable truth that no other woman had this effect on him after making love. He felt all at once invincible, and yet more vulnerable than he’d ever felt.

One hand was on Julia’s belly, his fingers spread across the firm swell. He put the feelings welling up inside him down to knowing that she was pregnant—with
his
babies, his seed. Undoubtedly that was what had imbued their lovemaking with a heightened intensity.

But as Kaden finally let sleep claim him his overriding feeling wasn’t one of peace at being able to put the experience into a box. It was the same disconcerting one he’d had in B’harani, when he’d seen Julia wearing that necklace. He felt as if he was sliding down that slippery slope again, with nothing to hold onto, and there was a great black yawning abyss at the bottom, waiting to suck him down.

A few hours later, as dawn broke outside, Kaden woke sweating and clammy, his heart racing. He’d just had a vivid dream of nightmare proportions. He’d been surrounded by a crowd of faceless people and held back by
hundreds of hands as he was forced to watch Julia make love to another man. He’d wanted to rip that man limb from limb. He felt nauseous even now, as it came back in lurid detail.

He looked to where Julia lay sleeping on her side on the other side of the bed and felt all at once like holding her close and running fast in the opposite direction.

Two weeks after that cataclysmic wedding night Julia was wondering if it had been a dream. It
felt
like a dream, because they hadn’t made love since then. Kaden had been cool the following morning at breakfast, while Julia had felt as if she’d survived an earthquake.

He’d informed her, while barely meeting her eyes, “Unfortunately local elections are coming up this week, which means that we’ll have to postpone a honeymoon.”

Julia’s insides had curdled in the face of this remote man. How could she have been seduced so easily into thinking she’d seen something of the young man she’d fallen in love with?

“That’s fine with me,” she’d answered stiffly. “I hadn’t expected anything else.”

And then he’d said, “I’ve arranged for you to have lessons in Burquati history and royal protocol. You’ll be well prepared for any public engagements. I should be able to accompany you until you get your bearings. The lessons will give you a broad overview of everything you need to know, and some tuition in our language.”

Now Kaden shifted on the other side of the dinner table, and Julia glanced up guiltily to see him assessing her. His eyes dropped to her hand.

“Why aren’t you wearing your engagement ring?”

Julia looked at the plain gold wedding band on her finger and flushed. “I was afraid I might lose it.”

She saw his sceptical look, and then felt a surge of adrenalin. The fact that he’d clearly been avoiding coming to bed until she was asleep for the past two weeks, while she lay there aching for him to touch her, was inciting hot anger.

She lifted her chin. “The truth is that I don’t like the idea of wearing a ring that was given to your first wife.”

“Why would you feel that?”

She frowned. “You said that it was your mother’s ring, which was to be given to the woman you married … I just assumed—”

He cut her off. “I gave Amira a different ring—one that she kept when we were divorced …” His mouth tightened, “I believe it fetched a nice price at auction in London a few months ago. Clearly her generous divorce settlement is fast running out.”

Julia was disconcerted, her anger fading. “Why didn’t you give your mother’s ring to her?”

Kaden looked at Julia, and those big grey eyes threatened him on so many levels. He shrugged nonchalantly, very aware that this was exposing him. He hadn’t given the ring to Amira because it hadn’t felt right. And yet with Julia there’d been no hesitation.

“It didn’t suit her colouring. It meant nothing significant.”

Julia was stung. Well, she’d got her answer. He’d given it to
her
because it suited her colouring. The fact that she hungered so desperately for him mocked her, when she knew more certainly than ever that the only reason she was here at all was because of the heirs she
carried. He couldn’t even bring himself to make love to her again.

Wanting to disguise how hurt and vulnerable that made her feel, she said, “How do I know that once I have these babies you won’t try to extricate yourself from
me
? You cast your first wife out just because she couldn’t give you an heir. Obviously you weren’t committed enough to pursue other options. Perhaps it’s just the heirs you care about? Maybe a wife is superfluous to your needs?”

Kaden’s mouth tightened with anger. “For your information, I did all I could to make my marriage work. Amira was the one who insisted on a divorce, because she knew she could never give me an heir. She wouldn’t even discuss options. And I’m still paying for ongoing treatment to get her over her phobia.”

Julia felt deflated when she thought of the fact that if his wife had been more amenable they might still be married. Cheeks flaming, she said, “I’m sorry. I had no right to assume I knew what had happened. It must have been … very painful.”

Kaden emitted a curt laugh. “I wasn’t in love with her, Julia. It was an arranged marriage.” His voice sounded surprisingly bitter. “She had the right lineage.”

Julia glanced at him, pushing down the lancing pain at this evidence of his cynicism. “And now you’ve got the heirs, but a wife with all the wrong lineage.”

He just looked at her with those black eyes, and for the first time Julia felt something rising up within her—something she couldn’t keep suppressing.

She fiddled with her napkin and avoided Kaden’s eye. “Speaking of lineage, there’s something you should probably know.” She rushed on before she could lose
her nerve. “I’m adopted, Kaden. I was adopted at birth. I know who my birth mother is, but she doesn’t want to know me. For all I know she could even be dead by now.”

Julia was breathing fast, aghast that she’d just blurted out the stain on her soul like that.

Kaden said carefully, “Why did you never tell me this before?”

Julia shrugged minutely, still avoiding his eye. “I don’t talk about it—ever.”

“Why not? It’s not a bad thing. Plenty of people are adopted. I would have considered adoption myself if Amira had been open to the idea.”

Shock at Kaden’s easy acceptance made her look up. His eyes were dark, assessing. Not cold and judgemental. Julia felt as if she was being drawn into those eyes. His reaction was loosening something that had always felt tight inside her.

“From the day my parents told me I was adopted, when I turned thirteen, I always felt …
less
.” She grimaced. “My parents went out of their way to assure me they loved me, but to know that someone else had had you first … and let you go because they didn’t want you …” Even now Julia shivered.

“What about your father? You say your birth mother didn’t want to know you?”

“The records from the agency showed that my parents hadn’t been married. I found out that my father had emigrated to Australia almost immediately after my birth. He was too far away to trace, so I focused on my mother. I was too impatient to write, so not long before I came here to work on the dig I tracked down her phone number and called her …”

Julia smiled tremulously. “She knew exactly who I was. It was as if she’d been waiting for my call.” Her smile faded. “But then she just said, ‘
Don’t call here again. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I gave you up once and it’s done
’.”

The pain in Julia’s heart was acute. She only realised she was crying silent tears when Kaden took her hand across the table, enveloping her in warmth.

“It sounds to me as if giving you up was an incredibly traumatic experience for her. Perhaps it’s something she simply couldn’t deal with.”

Julia brushed away the tears and attempted a smile. “I know … I saw a counsellor attached to the adoption agency before I contacted her, so I was warned about the reaction I might get. But somehow I’d hoped for the kind of thing you see in the movies—the great reunion. Stupid …”

Kaden was shaking his head, his hand tightening on hers. “Not stupid at all. It’s very human. I’m sorry, Julia … really sorry you went through that. I can’t imagine what it’s like to grow up not knowing where you’ve come from.”

Feeling very exposed and brittle at Kaden’s sensitivity, Julia pulled her hand back from his and put it on her belly, saying lightly, “At least these little ones won’t ever have to face that.”

Kaden was grim. “No, they won’t.”

The evidence of Kaden’s grimness made Julia’s emotions see-saw all over the place. She desperately wanted him to hold her … to make love to her and help her forget her pain which was far too close to the surface. But he hadn’t touched her in two weeks, and wasn’t likely to any time soon.

In a bid to escape before he could see the extent of how this affected her, she stood up. “I’m quite tired this evening … If you’ll excuse me …?”

Kaden stood too. “Don’t forget about the visit to the new hospital wing tomorrow.”

“Oh …”

Julia
had
forgotten about her first public function tomorrow. She was due to cut the ribbon on a new wing of the national hospital. Immediately her concerns about going out in public rose up.

Kaden said, “I’ll be with you tomorrow. All you’ll have to do is smile and wave. They won’t expect any more. They’ll just want to see you.”

Julia turned to walk away from the table, but Kaden caught her wrist. She looked back. She could feel her pulse throbbing against his hand and flushed.

She took her wrist from his grip. After everything she’d just shared, the deep vulnerability she felt was acute enough to be a physical ache within her. She forced a smile. “I’ll be fine. I’m looking forward to it.”

She left the room, feeling Kaden’s black eyes boring into her back.

Kaden waved away the staff that came in to clear the plates from the private and intimate dining room not far from their suite of rooms. He needed to be alone, to digest everything Julia had just told him. Suddenly restless, he stood up, his long robes falling around him. He paced back and forth, as if that might dampen the ever-present burn of desire, made worse now after feeling Julia’s hectic pulse. It was all jumbled up in his head: his need to lose himself in her body; his equal need to keep his distance; the almost overwhelming need to protect
her from ever being hurt again as she so evidently had been by her birth mother.

Julia had looked so vulnerable just now, and he hated the thought of exposing her to the crowds tomorrow. But he couldn’t avoid it. He felt inordinately protective, but told himself it was a natural response because she was pregnant, and not because of what she’d revealed about her birth.