The Cowboy's Baby Bond (18 page)

“Maybe you'd like us to stay so Willow can cook for you every day.” Sarah's words fell like a clap of thunder. The ensuing silence echoed off the cabin walls.

Willow found her senses first. “Honey, you know that's not possible. We're only here until our roof is fixed. Three days.”

Sarah jutted out her chin. “Lots can happen in three days.”

Willow could not look at Johnny. “I hope the roof will get fixed. That's all that's going to happen.”

“What about the waterfall?” Sarah persisted. “Isn't Johnny going to take us to see it?”

Adam squirmed to be put down. Willow welcomed the diversion. He made his way around the table to Johnny's knee. “Up.”

Willow pressed her fingers to her forehead, felt the crease of her furrowed brow and rubbed at it. What was happening? First Sarah, now Adam, wanting things from Johnny.

The sound of his laughter drew her gaze to him. She saw Adam patting Johnny's cheeks as he babbled something.

“Is he telling me I need to shave?”

“He's saying he wants to stay here,” Sarah offered, before Willow could reply.

Johnny's eyes met hers across the table, filled with something she could only think was longing. For what? His look plumbed the depths of her heart. And she knew in that moment that things might have been different between them if not for her secret.

She wished she'd never told him.

But it was a risk she'd had to take, for there could be nothing between them without truth.

“Well?” Celia demanded. “Isn't anyone going to answer Sarah?”

Sarah hadn't asked a question, but Willow understood what Celia meant. Was anyone going to tell them they could stay?

“Johnny, I'm sorry. She knows we aren't staying. I already explained it to her.” Willow hoped she kept her own regrets hidden.

“It's not fair.” Sarah bolted from the table and out the door.

Celia followed, sparing dark looks at Willow.

Willow lifted her hands in resignation.

“It's okay,” Johnny said. “She's just a child. It's time for me to say good-night.” He handed Adam to her, his fingers lingering on the baby's head as he smiled into her eyes. “Have a good sleep.” He spoke to the girls as he passed them. Willow couldn't make out his words.

She'd made a mistake coming here even for three days. All the girls saw was the possibility of a beautiful home and Johnny's presence—strong and steady, quiet and reassuring.

All she saw was what might have been if not for her mistakes.

Chapter Seventeen

A
ll the next day Sarah sat on the veranda and stared at him with dark, accusing looks. Johnny wished he could do something, say something to make her feel better, but it wasn't possible. Things could never be the same as they were when the five of them had traveled toward Granite Creek.

Celia was far more direct, but he wearied of her accusations that he and Willow were fighting and should make up. “Don't you like her?” she asked.

“Of course I like her.”

“Then why don't you tell her?”

“It's not that simple.” There was the problem of trust.

“You blame her for having Adam.”

He understood what Celia couldn't bring herself to say—that Adam's father was not Willow's husband. “No, of course not.”

“Then you blame her for marrying Bertie.”

He straightened from the board he was nailing to the fence. “Do you?”

She narrowed her eyes at him and avoided his question. “She told me she told you. After that you stopped liking her. I'm pretty sure you're mad at her.” Celia stalked away without allowing him a response. Not that he had one.

Willow didn't invite him to join them for meals again and he tried to believe he was happy with that. He'd had enough of dealing with her sisters throughout the day. Enough of bearing the regrets flooding his heart at what might have been. Regrets that refused to allow him to push them aside, into forgetfulness.

After dinner, Sarah left the veranda and walked to where he worked on the fences.

“Hi, Sarah.” The child had something on her mind, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was. He continued to work steadily as she watched.

After a bit, he decided she only wanted to keep him company. He kind of liked that.

Johnny smiled. It was nice to have a family around. He looked toward the house and saw Willow walk around to the garden. He would like his own family. Not necessarily joined by birth, but joined by love. He watched Sarah playing with a little pile of rocks. Such a sweet child. His heart pushed against his ribs.

Celia came out of the house carrying Adam. She was a little discontented right now but in time she would learn to trust people again. And Adam...well, Johnny had loved the boy since he'd touched his downy head the first time.

His gaze went beyond the house to the garden, where he imagined Willow bent over, looking for something edible in the tangle of weeds.

An idea began to form. He considered it from every angle, more and more convinced it was the right thing for him to do. “Sarah, would you like to see the waterfall?”

She leaped to her feet. “Oh, yes. Are you going to take us?”

“Let's see if Willow can spare the time.”

Sarah grabbed his hand and hung on as they crossed the yard. “I'm sorry for being so cross last night.”

“You're forgiven.”

She pressed herself to his side. “Everything is going to work out. I know 'cause I asked God to make it so.”

Johnny shared her sense of assurance. “You know you can trust God to do what is best.”

“I do know. But sometimes that means you have to trust people even when you don't understand.”

“You are a very smart little girl.”

They reached the house. “We're going to the waterfall,” Sarah called, and Celia, with Adam in her arms, followed them around the back, to where Willow poked through the weeds.

She straightened at their approach. “You look like you're on a mission.”

“Yup,” Sarah said. “We are. You ask her, Johnny.”

“Would you care to see the waterfall?” His heartbeat echoed in his ears as he awaited Willow's answer.

She looked at the overgrown garden. She glanced at each of her sisters. Slowly, she brought her gaze to his, searching for his reason.

Despite the insistent ticking of his heart, he kept his gaze steady, hopefully giving away nothing.

Finally she nodded. “I suppose this will be the only time the girls will get to see it.”

Sarah opened her mouth to protest, but Celia nudged her to silence.

Johnny dragged his gaze from Willow to the two girls. Did Celia have something planned? The thought scraped along his spine. Celia's ideas seemed to always land them in trouble. He'd have to keep a close eye on her. Hopefully, he could achieve his own goals without something going wrong.

He led them to a trail at the back of the house that climbed upward through the trees. Sarah wanted to run ahead, but he insisted she stay behind him.

He took Adam in one arm and reached for Willow's hand with the other to assist her up the rocky path. She stopped and looked at his outstretched palm, considering whether or not to accept his offer, and then did so.

Her hand in his was small. A feeling as fierce as anger, as soft as a morning breath grabbed Johnny's heart. He wanted to help her over every rough pathway she encountered.

“Hurry up,” Sarah said, reminding him of their destination.

They climbed upward. He paused just before they would break through the trees. “Listen.”

They held their breath to still their panting. The gentle roar of the waterfall rumbled over their silence.

Sarah's eyes grew wide.

Celia failed to hide her excitement, though as soon as she noticed Johnny watching her, she turned away.

He brought his attention to Willow and her eager expression. She smiled at him. He understood it was anticipation over what they were about to see, but he nevertheless took it and tucked it into his heart.

“We're almost there.” A few steps later they entered a grassy clearing. Twin streams of water gushed over the rocks and fell to a pool. The cascade was only about twelve feet high, nothing spectacular in the way of waterfalls, but he never saw the plummeting water without feeling awe.

He led them closer until they reached the edge of the stream. Spray from the falling water billowed toward them in the breeze.

Sarah closed her eyes and licked her upper lip. Celia actually laughed. Adam swiped at the moisture on his hand and gurgled. But Johnny was most interested in Willow's reaction. Her shoulders lowered. Her breathing slowed and she smiled.

“It's so amazing.” Her gaze came to him, open and accepting as if washed clean by the cool mist.

Adam squirmed to be put down.

“I'll take him.” Celia grasped one hand and Sarah the other, and they swung him across the grass.

“It's so peaceful here.” Willow's voice fell. “Tell me the drowning didn't happen here.”

“I can do that.” Johnny pointed to where the slope ended. “The water is deeper there. It's a perfect swimming hole but it can be dangerous.”

She stared at the spot a moment, then turned her back to it and lifted her face to the spray from the waterfall.

“Let's go closer.” He took her hand, pleased when she didn't object, and they stepped over the damp grass to the edge of the stream. The sound of rushing water filled the air. They stood side by side enjoying the moment.

“When the Hamiltons lived here, we often had picnics in this spot.” His voice deepened at the memory of those sweet, innocent days.

“I can understand why. It's peaceful and beautiful.”

“The whole place has had a sad and empty feeling until you came.” He meant all of them, of course.

“Your friend Thad will soon be here, won't he?”

“I expected him by now.” But it wouldn't be the same. Even though Willow and the children had been here only two days, Johnny would miss them. He'd miss the sounds of Sarah and Adam laughing and playing together. He'd miss Celia's constant challenge. He would especially miss being able to watch Willow, hear her voice, see her smile, even see the way her eyes regarded him with caution.

He went to where Celia and Sarah entertained little Adam, and crooked his finger to the older girl. “Will you take Sarah and Adam back to the yard and watch them?” he asked, when she'd moved closer.

“You're finally going to tell Willow that you like her?”

“I need a chance to talk to her alone.” What he had to say was for Willow's ears only.

“It's about time.” Celia went back to Sarah. Johnny couldn't hear what she said to her, but the younger girl's eyes widened and she looked at Johnny as if he had given her an early Christmas present.

He hoped he could live up to their expectations.

* * *

Willow closed her eyes and let the mist hit her skin, washing away the tension and turmoil she'd carried for so long. If only she could remain here, forever enjoying the peace and calm of the place.

But life was not like that. It was full of challenges and disappointments. She was learning to trust God through them. Last night she had found her Bible buried in the depths of her bag, and spent hours reading it. One passage after another had encouraged her.

She'd discovered a marked verse in the tiny book of Zephaniah. She couldn't remember the exact words, but they had sung in her heart.
The Lord is mighty. He will rejoice over thee with joy. He will joy over thee with singing.

The scriptures had healed a bleeding wound within her. God loved her. He rejoiced over her. He did not look at her with disfavor because of her sinful act.

She watched the girls go down the hill. She should join them, but instead chose to stay by the stream, longing to share her discovery with Johnny. Maybe it would enable him to see her as God did—a forgiven sinner.

He returned to her side. “I sent the girls back to the house because I wanted to talk to you.”

“I have things I want to say to you, as well. But you go first.”

They moved away from the waterfall to a sunny spot where it was drier and quieter. He faced her and held her hands in his.

She breathed in the earthy scent of him and the fresh, damp air of the waterfall. Her heart was calmed, her soul peaceful as she looked deep into his eyes, seeing a welcome she had missed these past few days. Was he seeing her for who she was and not what she'd done?

His voice was gentle when he spoke. “I realize how difficult it must have been for you when you realized you were going to have a baby.”

Her throat tightened. Tears pressed at the back of her eyes.

“From what I've heard of Mr. Reames, it must have been hard to go to him.”

Johnny understood and the dam in her heart broke. “He called me all sorts of ugly names. Said that's what everyone would say about me. Most people would not hesitate to say it to my face. He said my baby was a—” She couldn't say that ugly word about her sweet son. “That he'd be shunned his entire life.”

Johnny groaned. “What a mean-spirited man.” He opened his arms, and although she knew she was only borrowing more pain, she gladly went into them, leaning against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat steadied her. “I'm sorry you had to hear all those things.”

“I was old enough, had heard enough gossip to know it would happen.”

“And I proved Mr. Reames correct by my reaction.” Johnny's voice rumbled in his chest. “I didn't mean to.”

Her heartbeat matched the rhythm of his. Everything was going to be fine now that he understood. She'd tell him how she was slowly learning to understand that God still loved her, but it would be so much easier to believe with Johnny at her side.

Then he continued, “I was disappointed that you didn't trust me enough to tell the truth. But I understand. I forgive you for not trusting me.”

Her body stilled. He forgave her? She felt a crack in her heart. She held her breath to stop it from breaking entirely. Dredging up strength from some unknown source, she pushed away from his arms, took two steps back and clenched her hands together in front of her. “You forgive me for not trusting you? What about the fact
you
didn't trust
me
? You judged my reasons to be false. For all I know, you judged me for sleeping with Adam's father.”

“Willow—”

She backed away from his outstretched hand. “Yesterday I might have thought it was enough for you to offer to forgive me, but I've been changing, and today I know it's not. I need someone who will stand by me when my past is flung into my face, and especially when I make mistakes, for I'm quite sure I will make more of them. Though heaven forbid I should ever repeat
that
mistake. I need more than your forgiveness for not telling you from the start about Adam.” She breathed hard. “Not that I see any reason I should tell anyone until I am good and ready.” She saw so clearly now that unless he accepted her completely, she would never stop trying to prove herself to him.

“I'd never throw the truth about Adam in your face.”

“Maybe not, but if others learn the truth, they'll be happy to utter ugly words and judge both me and Adam.”

“No reason they should ever know.”

He missed the point entirely. It wasn't about what others thought. It wasn't about who might discover the truth. It mattered not if he judged her for her sin, or judged her for hiding the truth. She would no longer be controlled by what she'd done.

And she expected as much from any man in her life. She needed someone who accepted her as a forgiven sinner, a struggling Christian and a woman who made mistakes. Yet still loved her, wholly and unconditionally. Such a man would not have to think of forgiving her, because his love would not count her wrongs.

Willow hastened back down the trail and into the house, closing the door against her sisters' questions and Johnny's call.

She fled to the bedroom and shut that door, refusing to respond to Johnny's knock.

The outer door opened and closed quietly. Footsteps sounded across the kitchen floor, too light to be Johnny's. Without knocking, the girls entered the bedroom.

She remained facedown on the covers.

The mattress sank as first one and then the other sat beside her.

“Did he do something bad?” Sarah asked, her voice strained.